JESSICA's POV
 

How I longed for this comfort, for this happiness, for this love. I let my bitterness eat me for the past months that it makes me miss the feeling of being looked after.
 

Have you ever felt that feeling when you just know you belong with someone? Like, just with one look and touch, you feel like your world is now revolving in a different axis? Right now, that's what I feel.
 

The rest of the gang decided to go on separate ways after dismissal. However, me and Hae decided to hangout a bit more. Strolling along the school's hallways and field, it would be expected that people would look at us. Having a handsome guy walk beside me, I have no doubt that heads would turn on our direction.
 

"You should've told be you're uncomfortable with people looking at you.", I said as I held his hand when we were already in a secluded area.
 

I felt that he was really tensed and stiff while we were walking, and I feel really bad because I know he's forcing himself to act normal for me.
 

He held my other hand in return and trapped both my hands I’m between his. He looked at me and smiled. "It's alright. I should get used to this. I have to endure this if I really want to date you. And also, it's not your fault if you're very gorgeous."
 

I can feel my face heat up with those words. Instead of looking down, like I usually do when I feel embarrassed, I looked at him straight in the eye and smiled. In a split second, I felt his lips touch mine. I can feel him smiling also as we kissed each other. I couldn't help myself but giggle when his hands were circled around my waist. 
 

"Okay. Kaja. Let me treat you to dinner. "
 

This is not the first date I have had, but I feel like it is. The exact same ecstatic feeling I had when I had my first date with someone. The heart-pounding, jaw-breaking and ear-deafening sensation is eating me up. I feel like a child going to an amusement park, despite the numerous times I’ve been brought, I would still feel giddy when we enter the park.
 

I couldn’t erase the smile off my face, but I’m not trying really hard to get rid of it. Actually, I want to keep this smile just to brag to the people we walk pass by that I’m really happy right now. I stole a glance of him and he was also smiling like crazy.
 

I just.. I couldn’t explain how happy I am right now. It’s to the point that I feel like my heart is about to explode with happiness.
 

It was only when I felt a drop of water fall on my hands that I realized I was already crying. Hae felt that I stopped for a bit, and when he looked at me, he was shocked to see tears streaming down my face. He looked shocked and scared. I smiled at him and explained that those tears were not products of sadness, but results of extreme joy.
 

He smiled at me with relief painted on his face, then gave me the look that made me feel that I’m really special. That type of look that says, You’re my only one, and I’m only yours. That type of look that makes me you like you’re the only girl he can see in the sea of people. That type of look that never fails to make my heart melt.

 

Ever since we decided to date, he said that I should leave my car at home because he would fetch and take me home like a true gentleman should do. I was against the idea at first, since I didn’t want him to spend gas money on me, but he said that he doesn’t really mind because by doing so, it would mean that he could spend more time with me “which is more precious”, as I quote him. With those sweet words, I didn’t have a chance to say no anymore. I was captured by his words, but I don’t regret it because he’s right. I really am enjoying the extra time I have with him.
 

In his car while we’re on our way to the famous restaurant he’s about to take me to, we never let go of each other’s hand unless he’s about to change the gear, but after that, back to holding hands. We never wanted to let go of each other’s to the point that when we were already parked, we felt like we don’t want to get out, since it would mean that we should let go. We just looked at each other and laughed. Hae suggested that we should count to three and let go simultaneously, and so, we did. Have I ever told you that chivalry in not yet dead? Well, this guy is the proof that it is still alive. He ran really fast to my side and opened the door for me, with a smile that captivates my heart every time it shows itself to me.
 

Entering the restaurant, you can tell that he’s a regular here, and I couldn’t help thinking that maybe he was often here before with his ex-girl friend. Although I’m not quite sure if he had one, he never really opened up to me about his past. Come to think of it, when we’re together, the topic is always about me, and whenever I try to talk about him, he finds a good way to divert the topic back to me. And it is only now that I noticed! I feel really disappointed with myself right now. I feel like I’m narcissistic.
 

He lead me to the seat at the farthest side of the room, saying that this is the most secluded part and I don’t have to ask why because I should know that he wants to have some privacy with me. Is he going to give me a chance to ask questions about him? Is this the moment? His diversion tactics shouldn’t carry me away. I should focus. 
 

After having chosen the food, we handed the menu back to the waiter and smiled at him. When the waiter left, he looked at me again and reached for my hand. I’m really trying to focus right now, but my thoughts are just getting lost. I should take this time to think of a way to start the conversation with him. I shouldn’t start it so abruptly like going, “Hey! Would you like to tell me all about your past?”. That would be a stupid move. A pretty brainless move. I should just let him start the conversation and find the perfect time to insert my questions. Yes, yes that’s right.
 

“What are you thinking about? You seem preoccupied.”, he said as he looked at me curiously.
 

I smiled at him and waved my hand in front of his telling him that it’s nothing. “It’s just that after looking at the menu, I feel really hungry. Just reading their names make my mouth water.”
 

He squeezed my hand for a little bit and chuckled. How adorable this guy is. Ugh! This is why I couldn’t concentrate.
 

“Okay. Spill it. I know that it’s not about food. You’re curious about something. If it involves me, please do ask me. I couldn’t take not hearing your voice because you keep talking to yourself in your brain. Come on, I would answer it if I can.”
 

Am I really that transparent? How can he read my mind? Anyway, since I’m already caught, might as well ask him. Hmm, where should I start?
 

“Okay, okay. You caught me, Mr. Mind Reader. Well… I’m just curious..”
 

“I know you are. Go on. Curious about what?”
 

“Well, you seem to be familiar with the people around here and the people are also familiar with you, by any chance, is it because you’ve come here often in the past with…”, I couldn’t take continuing my question so I just left it hanging like that.
 

He laughed for a bit first, but then answered. “If I came here often in the past with a girl? Hmmm. No. The reason why I’m familiar with them and they are also to me is because this restaurant is owned by my parents. They made me come here before in the past to check up on the business, since I would be handling it in the future. Do you have another question that’s bothering you?”, he ended with a smile.
 

I really shouldn’t over think things. I always end up humiliating myself. Aiigoo. Pabo. But I still have another thing I’m curious about. He only cleared the thing regarding the restaurant, but not having a girl in the past.
 

“Actually, I still do.”, I feel wary asking him about it thought.
 

“Whatever it is, just ask me. Okay?”, he said with a reassuring smile.
 

“Okay. Here it goes.”, I stop for a moment. “I feel really uncomfortable asking this. Aiigoo. My heart is beating really fast. Okay, okay. Did you.. did you have a girl friend before me?”, I felt my whole face redden with embarrassment, so I bowed my head just so he couldn’t see it.
 

I raised my head and saw that he had a stunned expression on his face. That couldn’t possibly be. I mean, it’s not impossible that he had one, but I never thought he actually had one. Now I sound so stupid. Just the thought that there was someone before me gave me chills. He loved someone before me. I sound so selfish, I know. How can I make a big deal out of this when I also had someone before him, but he never made a big fuss about it? I should be open-minded. Jessica, you were not raised by your parents to have a narrow mind, think rationally and accept the fact. It’s all in the past now, you’re the special person for him now.
 

He looked at me in the eye, unsure if he should tell me or not. I can see the indecisiveness in his demeanor. I did my best to give him the most reassuring smile I could offer on that moment, and hold his hand firmly, telling him indirectly that I’m ready with whatever he would say next.
 

He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and looked at me again. He’s trying to confirm if he should really be talking about it. I’m not even sure if I’m ready to hear it, but no! I wanted this, I put myself in this situation and should carry on with it. I nodded and smiled at him.
 

“Aiigoo. You caught me off guard there. But since you already asked, I should just probably tell you. I’m going to tell you eventually anyway. Jess, I’m going to be honest with you, okay? Please don’t think badly with what I’m going to say.”, he took a deep breath and continued. “Before you, yes I loved a girl. He loving me back was a ridiculous thought for me when I first admired here. Who would ever expect that the beautiful girl most boys our age would spare her time looking at a nobody like me? How can a girl with angel-like beauty notice a ghost like me? I’m invisible to everyone, why can she see me? When she first interacted with me, I convinced myself that it was because she was just nice like that. But time and time passed that our interactions became frequent and I started to fall for her even more. I hid my feelings from her, I would just hurt myself and ruin our friendship, or whatever our relationship was, if I confessed. We got closer, started to hangout. However, we were never together in public, not even in school. I feared that if ever people knew she was hanging out with me, people would treat her like me, like an invisible garbage that people can only see when they want something to kick.

A day came when she told me she had feelings for me. I thought it was impossible, but she said that it was true and I should believe it. Well, we were together for seven months without people knowing that we were really together since we spend most of our dates out of the sight of the people. But, she ended up with me saying that she no longer have feelings for me and we should end it.”, he looked at me, unsure and afraid with what my reaction would be.
 

It took quite some time for all that information to get digested by my brain. Recap-- so yes, he had an ex who he loved dearly. And yes, they already broke up because the girl didn't have feelings for him anymore. My thoughts made me unable to speak, so he added.
 

"But believe me, I've already moved on now. She doesn't matter to me anymore. You're the one I want to spend my time with now. You're the important person for me now. Please don't doubt that."
 

I tried my best to look like I’m accepting everything that he had said, smiling and nodding like I’m one of the most understanding person to walk this earth, when I’m really torn and shocked inside.
 

The date continued smoothly, like there was no heavy confession that was revealed—or so Hae thoughts. I guess my skills in acting is really of use right now. I made it look like I wasn’t affected at all. Actually, I c ant get it out of my head, but I just pretend to be fine the whole time we were together.
 

When he drove me home, he looks like he’s really clueless that I’m still bothered. In fact, he looks relieved that he already told me the truth, it’s like he let go of one of the burdens he’s carrying.
 

I asked him if he would like to go inside and stay a bit, but he refused saying he has to go home already and he doesn’t want to get me in trouble with my brother.
 

“What trouble?” I asked, confused with what he meant.
 

“Well, I’m still afraid of facing your brother again. I want to improve myself more before I meet him again, so that I can show him that I’m worthy of you and that he should accept me.” There you go. Those simple words just made their way into my heart and kicked out all the doubts I have. Those simple words just help me move on.
 

I smiled to him, grateful for the sweet words and honesty. I came to appreciate then that I should not look at his confession badly, but think of it as him being confident enough to tell me about his past relationship and present feelings for me. The happiness just got into me and I hugged him. Giggling, I said “thank you” and ran very fast as I entered the house.

 

I’m extremely happy with what’s happening…

 

But why do feel like I missed out on one important detail?