Life is about trusting our feelings and taking chances, losing and finding happiness, appreciating the memories and learning from the past.

JESSICA’S POV

Everything was going smoothly. I was already enjoying the day with him accompanying me, although I can’t find any reason behind that positive feeling. I’m not even that close to him, nor is he also to me.

As what I have previously said, everything was going great a few moments ago....

Moments before I saw the image of the guy who made me suffer, made my heart shatter into pieces.

Why does he have to appear now?

Now that I’m slowly learning to forget him?
Now that I already realized that he’s just someone who was meant walked into my life to teach me a lesson?
Now that I’m finally feeling happiness after a long time of forcing myself to be numb?

Of all the things I could possibly see in the television, why his face?

The moment I saw the face I used to love, now I loathe, my body stiffened, and memories came rushing back to me again of the day he said those cliché line to end our almost-three-year relationship.

~FLASHBACK~

“My princess, it’s not you. Its’---”

“Wait. Let me guess. You’re gonna say the ever-so-cliché line in dramas, It’s not you, it’s me bulls**t? For heaven’s sake, Jae. Just tell me the effin’ truth!”, I then laughed bitterly as I was holding the tears that was threatening to escape my eyes.

“I... I don’t love you anymore.”, he said as he was avoiding my gaze.

“MWOH?!”, I shouted in disbelief. For a moment, I felt deaf. I don’t know if I turned deaf or my mind just turned blank because it didn’t want to register what he said.

He just kept quiet, maybe waiting for the next word to leave my mouth. I just smiled bitterly after my brain processed his statement. My view became blurry. The tears I were holding moments ago can’t be held back anymore, but I still managed to not let them stream down my face. Then, I looked at him straight in his eyes and said,

“You.. you don’t.. Tell me, Jae. D-Did you ever love m-me?”, my voice stuttering, but I still was able to speak up.

“It’s not that.. I just..”

“Enough with those explanations. Answer me directly! D-Did you ever... love me?”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Damn it, Jae! Are you that dumb that you couldn’t answer a simple question like this?”

“No. I... I didn’t love you. I didn’t have feelings for you even from the beginning.”, he said as he lowered his head, facing the floor.

I burst out laughing. Take note of the extreme amount of sarcasm on that one.

“Leave.”, I said coldly and with full authority.

“My princess, I’m--”

“Stop calling me that! I’m not your princess anymore! Or have I ever been? Stop this nonsense and just leave!”

“But--”

“I said leave!”

And with one last look, he turned his back on me and left.

~END OF FLASHBACK~

The tears I forced to hold back for a long time for the sake of my friends started to threaten to come out again. A few moments after my heart felt the awful pain again, my friends came rushing in, surrounding me, so I wiped my tears that were in my eyes before they could see it.

The expression painted on their faces makes me even more torn. The moment I felt this pain again, I knew that I will be back to being the burdensome friend of theirs, but no. NOT AGAIN.
 
Guess what. This guy, having the loathsome face, is now very popular. Months after our breakup, I heard that he was casted as a member of a popular reality TV show where they gather the most beautiful and handsome students from the top schools in the country. Later on, as soon as the show ended, he appeared as a model for a commercial.

And another guess what!  He’s endorsing SPAO, one of my favourite clothing brand, and he has tons of dating rumors together with tons of other female models. This guy, I might say, is a certified @$$hole!

But I already promised myself that I won’t get back on being the sober Jessica I was for the past six months. I couldn’t risk being a burden to the people around me who cares for me. I wouldn’t dare.

So I faked a smile and wiped my tears.

One thing about me, I’m not just a singer, a dancer and a model, I’m also a good actress. And I’m really hoping this would do the trick.

“Girls. Girls, I’m alright now. Don’t worry.”, still with the same smile.

“Are you sure?”, they asked.

“Yes. I certainly am. Trust me guys. Oh! Look at the time. It’s already late. Let’s go home!”, I said as I tried to change the topic.

“Oh, yeah. You’re right Jess. Come on girls. It’s time to leave.”, said Taeyeon.

‘Yes! They definitely bought it!’, I thought to myself.

“Jessie, I didn’t bring my car with me. Can you drop me off our house?”

“Oh sure Fany. Kaja!”

Wait.

“OMG. Fany, I forgot. I didn’t bring my car with me. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry. We can drop you off if you want. Siwon here is more than willing to drop you off, Fany.”, Leeteuk said as he pushed Siwon to Tiffany’s direction.

“And Donghae, since you already took care of Jessie for almost the whole day, might as well do your duty up to the end! How’s that sound?”, he added.

“I don’t mind.”, he said as he smiled at me.

With that said, he really did drop me off our house. And the other girls, the other guys were the ones who brought them home. Taeyeon, of course with Leeteuk. Tiffany with Siwon. Hyoyeon with Eunhyuk. Sooyoung was the only one who brought her car with her. And well, the sisters stayed there, they said that they would rather stay there than stay at their mansion with no one to talk to.

The car ride wasn’t like what I expected. I thought that we would already be comfortable with one another, but we ended up not having any conversation. To think that we spent almost the whole day together, just the two of us. ( - _ - )

Although there was silence, but have you ever heard of comfortable silence? It’s like one of those soothing silence.

And finally! He spoke!

“You know, I have tons of questions to ask you right now, but I know that it’s kind of uncomfortable since we’re not that close yet and it would make you feel uneasy if I asked. So I’d much rather prefer keeping quiet right now, so I hope you don’t misunderstand.”, he said with a very kind smile.

That was actually... sweet of him.

I kind of felt my heart.. flutter. I was speechless, I didn’t know how to react or what to do after that. So I just decided to just act like I was sleeping. But I couldn’t help but smile. Have you seen a sleeping person who seems so have dreamt of something good? Well, maybe that’s how I looked like.

The funny thing was, I really fell asleep. I was woken up by a touch on my face. I opened my eyes a little, just enough for me to see and for the other person to not know I’m awake.

He clipped to my ear some strands of my hair that was scattered near my forehead. I didn’t move. Although I had the choice to react to his actions, my body just decided to sit back and let him continue. I can feel that there is no erted intention behind these actions that’s why I feel secured at the moment.

With his soft touches on my face, I felt weird feelings again in my stomach and especially my heart.

As a reflex to this weird feeling, I acted as if something ticklish was on my face, waving my hand in front of my face. And I also moved my body to the opposite direction.

When I turned, I heard him give out a soft chuckle. I don’t know the reason behind that, if it’s because he’s making fun of me ‘cause he thinks I’m a hyped up person when I sleep or he thinks I’m cute.

Screw the second choice. Maybe he’s just making fun of me.

Seconds later, I heard a knock from the car’s window. Not the one on my side, but the one on the other side. I was still acting like I was asleep. And as soon as the window opened and heard the voice, I knew who was the one who knocked.

“May I ask why my sister is in your car right now?”, said the person’s voice in an angry-but-trying-to-be-calm-and-obviously-it’s-not-working tone.

“Ah. Good evening.. sir?”, Donghae said in a hesitant voice.

Help me! I can’t hold my laughter much longer. He sounds really cute~ I want to squish his face until it bleeds. Okay. I’m being brutal again.

“Good evening, too. Mind answering my question?”

“I.. am. I.. We were from her friends’ house and since she didn’t bring her car with her, I offered to drive her home. It’s already dark and it’s dangerous for a girl her age to be wandering on the streets alone. And yeah. I drove her home, but I saw that she was already asleep, but I didn’t want to wake her up, good thing you came out sir. But the main point is I didn’t do anything wrong to her.”

Wow. That was a long answer, though my brother only asked a one-sentenced question. And the last part is so daebak~ Hahaha.

And I’m singing my way out of this laughter, of course only in my mind..

Conceal don’t feel, don’t let them know~

“Oh. Thank you then.”

Then I felt my body being carried up in the air, and felt his face close to mine, and he whispered..

“I know you’re not asleep.”, I can feel him smirking as he carried me out of the car.

“You can go now. Thank you again.”, I heard him say as soon as the car door slammed close.

And with that, the engine started and the car left.

“You want me to just drop you in the middle of the street or you’ll stop the act now and wake up?”, Kangta oppa said.

This guy is really.. Aiish! ( > . < )

So I stood with both my feet on the ground, and faced him with the “poutiest” pout I could ever give.

“Would you like to tell me what happened or would you want me to blackmail it out of you?”, he said with his devilish smirk. The kind of smirk that makes those blind girls fall head over heels for him. I really don’t know what they like about that smirk. For me, that smirk is just pure darkness and evil.

“Whatever. Mom and Dad knows every bad thing I did for the past few months now, so blackmailing me is not really a threat for me.”

“Well that might be true, but I’ll make up things.” If his smirk is made up of pure evil, then this grin is made up of 100% grin from hell.

“As if they would believe you. What could you possibly tell them that could top all those bad things I’ve done?”

“You’re getting good at this. Okay. I give up. I won’t ask anymore. You’re always like that anyway. You never once told me about what’s going on with you. It’s as if I’m not your brother. Aren’t brothers and sisters be open to one another? At least that’s what I heard from other siblings. I envy those siblings so much. I wish my sister could have the same relationship with me as them.”

Uhuh~ He’s using reverse psychology with me again. And he’s even playing with my conscience.

*beep beep*

“A-annyeong oppa. Good evening.”, said by my angelic saviour in a stuttering voice.

“Ah. Annyeong, Tiffany.”

“Is this a wrong time to steal your sister from you, oppa? Mind if I kidnap her for a while?”, she said in a cutesy voice. And! Don’t make me mention about her sparkling eyes that are glued to my brother.

Aiigoo~ My best friend is one of my brother’s victims. She had fallen for that smirk or as she call it “ever-so-charming-smile-that-I-can’t-help-but-fall for smile”. I really don’t get what she likes about him. Aiiiiiiiiigooooooooo~ ( - _ - )

“Hahaha. Well, not really. How could I refuse this beautiful angel in front of me? Just bring the victim back not later than midnight.”, that just brought shiver down my spine. Eww~ It was disgusting! Was he trying to flirt with her? I mean, he could have just simply said “yes”. But his speech was still manageable, what’s creeping me out was his...

Wink. Kill me now please. Slay me if you can!

So yeah, since he let me off the hook for the moment, I went with Tiffany, and by the looks of this, I know where our conversation will lead to.

When we were already inside the car, we had this awkward silence. It was awkward and at the same time.. deafening. Only the sound of the engine eating up the gasoline can be heard.
“I know you’re not okay.”, she started.
I just smiled. I knew she knew the moment she asked to ride home with me. I also know that the other girls knew the same fact.
“Hahaha. I can never get away with a lie, can I? Not even a little lie. You always catch me when I do, you know that?”
“I know. You can let it all out now. I won’t judge.”
“Let what out? Fany-ah. I’m hurt, that’s a fact, but I’m not going to return to being the always-drunk-always-in-trouble that I have been for the last six months. This, I promise you.”, I said smiling to my best-est best friend.
“You swear? Promise?”
“Promise!”
“Okay then. I believe you. No more crying alright?”
“Arrasso. Hahaha. And guess what. I’m not trying to act happy right now. It’s coming to me in a.. normal way now. And I don’t why either.”
“Maybe that’s what they call moving on? Hahaha.”
We laughed a bit, then silence again. But this silence is the exact opposite of the previous one. This one is silent, but in a comfortable  way. The type that despite the absence of verbal interaction, you can still smile.
All the silence made me remember something. I forgot about the guy who made this day happy for me. But before I could ask, she beat me to it.
 “Hmmm. So tell me! What happened?”, she said, having a mischievous smile on her face.
“What do you ‘what happened’? Oh wait. Shouldn’t I be the one asking the questions here? Where did you go and what did you do that it took you so long to come back?”
She just laughed at me during the whole time I was squeezing the answers out of here.
Unfortunately, we were already back right in front of our house since we just did a little road trip around the neighbourhood, so I didn’t get any answer from her.  She bid goodbye and goodnight, but before I entered our house’s door, she poked out her tongue to me to tease me. Then she jacked up her car’s window as she was laughing like a crazy person. As if she’s not one already. Psh.
When I was all by myself in my room, scenes were playing inside my mind. Two different scenes with two different people that made me feel happiness.
There was like this screen that was divided into two.
The right side was playing a scene where I was sitting under a tree with Jaejoong under a tree, watching my very first sunset. When the sun was already out of sight, I looked at him, only to know that he was also looking at me the whole time. The look, which before I thought, was filled with love.
The scene on the left side was the cute, yet unforgettable moments of this day. The moment when we almost kissed, but he fell from the bed. I laughed remembering how adorable he looked. And another scene where he was looking at me in the eyes with care.
But I snapped back out of my thoughts and told myself, “I should really stop assuming. Assuming leads me to pain. Hahaha. Haven’t you learned already, Jessie?”
It slipped out of my mind that I didn’t lock my rooms door, so the devil entered. Then again, I scolded myself, “Pabo, Jessica!”
“Have you just gone crazy or are you thinking of something? I mean someone.”, and there goes his devilish smirk again.