Love. What is the meaning of love? Have I ever loved someone? 

Yesterday's conversation with Tao really got me thinking about love for some reason.  I know I always say that I've never had a friend but friendship and romance are two completely different things. Now that I think about I don't think I've ever been in love with anyone or so much as had a crush on anyone. But why hadn't I? Everyone has crushes at school right? I was probably too busy hating myself that I didn't have time for love. I really wish I'd had a girlfriend though. I rather have a lover than friends. I want to be with someone that I could feel completely comfortable with. Someone with whom I'd want to spend every minute with. I want the warmth of another person in my life. I want to find love.

I do a lot of thinking and not enough of doing. I am set on finding myself a lover. 

I made my way to the kitchen. The chef was making some pasta and chicken. Looks like lunch is going to be great today. I opened the fridge and grabbed some juice. I was drinking my juice like any other person when all of a sudden I felt someone wrap their arms around my stomach. 

"Good morning sunshine." Tao mumbled as he buried his head in my shoulder. 

"M-m-m-morning." I nearly dropped my glass. I will nor do I want to get used to him. 

"Going somewhere?' He released me and grabbed some bread from the counter.

"As a matter of fact I am." 

"Ohh? Where are you headed?"

"Out." I can't tell him that I'm going out to find myself a lover. He'd just make fun of me. 

"Fine don't tell me. I don't even care." He took  his bread and left the kitchen somewhat angry. Well he looked angry.

Why is he even angry? It's not like I'm going to do something bad. Gosh he getting upset over nothing. Whatever.

I went back to my room and grabbed my stuff. I went back downstairs. Tao was watching TV as I left the house. 

Where does one even go to pick up girls? The mall? I don't like going to the mall:  too crowded. I'll just go to the bookstore. I walked to the bookstore and notice that a lot of couples walk together. They look all cute together holding hands, hugging and kissing.....for just a second he popped in my head. I wonder if Tao's ever been in love? I actually don't really know much about him. 

I entered the bookstore and just headed to the magazine section. I picked up some random magazine and looked around for anyone. I only see people who are older than me. There are a couple of little kids too. I don't see anyone whose around my age. 

I just flipped through the magazine and heard a girl approach me. 

"Hello." She said as she stood next to me. She picked up the same magazine I was holding and went through it. She's pretty cute. 

"Hi." I responded. I actually said hi and normally too. This is going great already.

She closed the magazine and left to purchase it. Well looks like that she wasn't the one. 

I spent four more hours at the bookstore looking like an idiot. Turns out it isn't as easy as I thought it would be.  I headed home  after a long  day of disappointment. 

I threw myself on the couch and turned the TV on. Today was just a waste. What was I even thinking? I seriously spent a whole day looking for a girlfriend when I don't even know how. It was useless. I'm not cut out for love. I give up. I spent nineteen years without a friend. I'm pretty sure I can wait longer for my significant other.

I watched TV for like about fifteen minutes when Tao joined me.

"So did you have fun?"

"Huh?"

"Didn't you go out earlier?"

"Oh yeah. I had a blast." I lied. I actually hated it. 

"Well good for you." He brushed me off. Is he still angry? 

"I guess." I continued to watch TV as Tao played on his phone. After several minutes of silence he got up and left. 

What is he so angry about? I didn't do anything to him. I don't even know why this is even bothering me....I can't take this anymore.

I got up from the couch and went to Tao's room. "Tao." I knocked on his door. He came out of his room.  

"What may I help you with?" He still sounds angry. 

"Is something the matter?"

"Why do you ask?"

" It's just that you have been acting cold towards me. You also sound and look very angry. Did I do something to make you mad?" 

"Yeah you did." 

I knew it, but what was it?

"Could you possibly tell what I have done to you?"

Tao stared at me for awhile. This time I didn't feel as awkward as I did before. 

"I think you should at least know what you did." He gave me the look again. 

"I don't know that's exactly why I'm asking you." Now I'm getting angry. "You know what, just forget it. I don't even care." I turned around and headed to my room. Tao grabbed my wrist and walked in front of me. 

"What?"

"I'm angry because.."

He placed his hand on my cheek. He came up close to me and whispered something in my ear. He then brought my face closer to his. Before I knew it our lips were touching. Tao's eyes were closed as he pressed his lips against mine. At the moment he kissed me, I didn't know what to feel. I didn't know if it was a good or bad thing. But the thing was that I didn't care what the outcome was. I never wanted this kiss to end. I felt that as long as I had Tao with me, I'd be fine. I think I found that person I was looking for. The reason he was angry was ridiculous. What he whispered in my ear was,

"You made me fall in love with you."

Is this what love is?

A/N: I apologise for any mistakes. It's 12am and I am half asleep but I wanted to update -.- 

Thank you for all the lovely comments & 87 subbers!!!~ Oh and should I make Kris bottom? hehe I haven't decided yet.