Huang Zitao. He's tall, annoying, nice and handsome. At first I couldn't stand him, but now I can at least tolerate him. He's sweet for making me a cake. He's a jerk for all the teasing. He's caring for trying to cheer me up the other day. He's handsome and has nice hair.I don't know how to feel about him. Ever since he moved in my mind has been filled with him. I can't forget the hug, his warmth. Seeing him smile makes my heart skip a beat. Why? I mean he isn't a bad guy but I just don't to be involved with him. 

My whole life I've been alone. I mean sure I do have an older brother but it's not like we've ever bonded or anything. Like I've said before and will continue to say, I've never had a single friend. So I don't know what it feels like to have one. I don't know how to interact with other people. I don't know what it feels like to have feelings for someone either. This is all something completely new to me. For the first time someone actually likes me. Another living, breathing, person actually has conversations with me. He doesn't mind my family. He doesn't care for any of that. It looks like he actually wants to be my friend.

On the other hand, I'm afraid. What if he's just acting like he wants to be my friend just so he can get something out of it. I mean what if someone is paying him to be nice to me. That doesn't right. I'm just over thinking things like usual. That's just a habit of mine.

"Hey." Tao came up to me as I supposedly watched T.V

"..." I didn't say anything. It's like my lips were glued shut. My cheeks felt warm. I knew it. I was blushing and all he did was greet me. He must think I'm a weirdo.

"What're you doing?" He sat directly across from me on the other couch. He picked up a magazine from the coffee table and just flipped through it.

I still said nothing and just stared and him.

"Are you okay?" He briefly glanced up from the magazine.

His eyes looking directly into my own. He has very beautiful eyes. It's like I could get lost in them. I sound like such a girl.

"Dude, what's up? Say something, you're making it awkward."  He looked through the magazine again. On the cover of the magazine there was a picture of a half woman on it. I guess he's one of those guys.

"Are you ignoring me?" He closed the magazine shut and threw it on the table. This time he was staring me down.I could feel his eyes looking through me. 

I couldn't speak to him. The words just wouldn't come out of my mouth and I don't know why. I don't know what was happening to me. I just knew my face was red. I didn't know how to react anymore. It was as if my whole body froze.

Tao got up from the couch. He stood for a while looking past me into the kitchen.  I just sat there, looking at him. He looked back at me and got on his knees, in front of me. 

He sat there looking at me for the longest time. It felt like he was staring at me for hours when really it was just a couple of seconds. 

"Kris." He finally broke the silence. He reached out and grabbed my hand. "What's wrong?" 

As if things weren't bad enough.

His hand was warm. 

I shook my head as a response.

"Then why are you not talking to me? Are you perhaps in love with  me?" He winked. 

WHAT!? That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Me? In love with him? With another guy? With Tao? He must be insane.

I released his hand. 

"What makes you think that?" I all of a sudden felt calm. Like everything was normal again. 

"Because you  always blush when I talk to you. Or maybe because you think about me all the time. How do I know? I can just tell by your facial expressions and you're adorable reactions." 

"Quit flattering yourself." There was no way in hell was I in love with him. "You aren't my type or a girl." 

He just laughed. "I knew I could get you talk." He smirked and sat next to me. "You're so easy to read kiddo." He ruffled my hair. 

"Just so you know I would make a great boyfriend." He leaned over and kissed my cheek, then got up and left. 

What is his problem? How can he just go on and kiss me like that. He missed my lips. Imagine his soft lips against mine. That would be nice......wAIT WHOA WHOA WHOA!! NO NO NO BACKUP. His lips against MINE?  No way. No way in hell. I do not want him to kiss me, not on my cheeks, not on my lips, nowhere on my body. I must be losing it. I must have gone completely insane. 

I took my disgusted body upstairs and to my room. I immediately washed my face, where he kissed me. Tao must be crazy. Just when I thought I had sound someone he goes on and pulls this crap on me.  

For the rest of of the day I just stayed in my room and read. I finished reading a book that I could relate to completely. It's called At Last. It about this girl who was an outcast her whole life but then meets a boy who changed that. I could relate for the most part expect for the part about falling in love with the boy. How does love change someone so drastically? How can one boy change a girl's life so much? This girl, Monica, was always alone and never bothered with anyone. She hated everyone and just people in general but then one day a new transfer student arrived and made her fall in love with him. Long story short they ended up together and lived happily ever after. So cheesy yet so beautiful. 

That's what I love most about books. You get to know someone, fall in love with them and go on an adventure with them. You get to know their story and live every moment with them. And when their story ends it feels like your life is over. Like what do I do next? You move on to the next story, to the next adventure in life. I just enjoy reading. 

I feel better now. My mind is clear and I am not thinking about him, I don't want to think about him  because I know what's going to happen next. I don't think I'm prepared for what's coming next.