I miss Sunggyu a lot. Sometimes, I wonder why he left, but all I could remember is him telling me had had to leave. But even though I miss him with all my heart, there's this part of me that hates him too. I hate him for leaving me; I hate him for putting me through so much pain. That’s why I ripped up all those pictures of him. But there’s nothing I wouldn’t give to see one glimpse of him or even hear his voice for a second.

I sat in my room, listening to music. I tried to get the thought of yesterday out of my head, the girl holding Myungsoo’s hand. I jumped up from my bed and put on my slippers. I opened my door and started downstairs but then I heard a voice from the room Sungjong was sleeping in. I stopped to listen but there was silence. I stepped on the first stair when I heard his voice.

“Hyung, I can’t go back now.”

I continued down the stairs as quietly as I could but then I heard him say something else. “Sunggyu-hyung, please. She needs me right now.” But for me, “Sunggyu” was all I heard. That was all I needed to hear.

I was on edge the whole morning. I don’t know why, but every time Sungjong’s phone rang, I had an instinct to check who it was. Sungjong, being my cousin, noticed my behavior.

“Yah, why are you always looking at my phone?” he asked. He put his chopsticks down and put a hand over the phone screen. I shook my head and went back to eating my ramyun. Sungjong slowly pulled his hand away and picked up his chopsticks, his eyes trained on me the whole time. “Is it because you want one? I’ll get you one as an early birthday present or something,” he said. I glanced up at him and saw him watching me while chewing.

“I have my iPod. That’s all I need.”

He shrugged. “Fine by me. Live with your iPod.” He went back to eating but