No matter how many times I fall, I like it

I will keep throwing jabs at you

I don’t know when but some day, you will faint because of me too

Every book has a last page.

Ever since he was a little kid Jonghyun liked words. He wasn't the type of kid to be seen inside libraries or sitting inside reading a book but he knew that his life would be filled with words. There was a time he wanted to be a teacher, there was another when he wanted to be a writer and then music entered his life. At first it was just a hobby, but eventually he realized he was good at it and more importantly he felt good doing it. Words was a part of music and soon after he joined SM Entertainment. He knew that he wanted to compose and write songs, joining words and their meanings with music. He also wanted to try and write if there was a chance for it and that's what he started doing in his free time, using the emotions he felt on stage and in his daily life and the stories of the ones around him that were generous enough to share with him.

Jonghyun also started reading a whole lot more, majorly in the nights his insomnia was worse. Some books were like a friend and turning the last page was a painful goodbye to the characters he got to know and love for the few days that book was read.

Some people in your life are like that, characters from a book you are living, people you will have to leave behind when you turn the last page and close the book. You can always reread that story again and remember it but you can never live it again.

Unfortunately his story with Rin was ending, unfortunately it was time for Jonghyun to close that book.

Jonghyun drove Rin home in silence barely looking at her, the music of the radio killing the dead silence until he parked a few meters near the door of her building and turned the engine and radio off.

It was time to have a conversation and apparently it wasn't going to be in her apartment or he would have moved already.

“It’s over isn't it?” She asked gathering all her courage to look at him, and the pain she felt duplicated when he turned to her, his eyes a lot more sparking than they should be.

“I truly love you Rin but what happened just now and the way you're behaving lately…It’s just isn’t working out. I’m a famous person, I will always be surrounded by women and I have many friends that are female and I can't simply stop meeting people just because you don't trust me or any man.”

She didn't say anything knowing that he was right. What she did, the way she was behaving was unbearable to anyone, famous or not.

“I truly regret what I did.”

“I know.” He rubbed his chin “I know you Rin, you are not like this but you are scared and hurt and I thought you had healed after what happened to you with your ex but you didn't and until you do, I'm not sure we can keep doing this.” He swallowed hard and his voice failed him so Jonghyun looked away in pain “It’s killing me but I think we should give it time. Maybe until you come back from London. Maybe we should wait and not contact each other and see what happens.”

“And after…”

“Maybe after we can find a way to make it work out.”

Rin sobbed loudly hiding her face with her hands, crying noisily, and Jonghyun tried to not look at her, silent tears falling down his cheek.

A break up always hurts deeply. He knew it since he has gone through a very nasty one in the past but this time it felt as if his heart was being ripped off out of his chest.

Rin didn't beg him to reconsider and he was thankful for that. Both knew that they needed to give a time to that relationship, to try and find some sense of what happened lately.

“I'm not doing this to hook up with Jess or another woman, you know that right?!”

She nodded her head and he opened the car’s glove compartment and took a paper tissue from inside it giving it to to Rin that cleaned her eyes with it.

“I’m not going to ask you to be faithful to me while you are in London and I won't promise you I will wait. However I'm not going to say that we have no future together. I think only time will tell.” He placed his hand on her head and pulled her hands away from her eyes making Rin look at him. “I believe that sometimes you need a break to settle out your feelings and that some things are infinite and never end even if there is a break. I truly believe our love might be like that.”

“Do you truly think you will forgive me someday?” She asked with humid eyes and Jonghyun caressed her wet cheek and joined his forehead with hers.

“Wounds might take some time to heal but they always do, don't they?” He frowned slightly “Well if they don't you die.”

She chuckled and he took off his and her seatbelt and pulled her to his arms. Rin closed her eyes and rested her head against his shoulder trying to remember that moment forever. Maybe she would never hug him like that ever again. It hurt so damn much.

“I know what you are thinking because I'm thinking the same.” Jonghyun said hugging her tightly. “Even if things don't go as we want them to be I promise you, I'll always be your friend, we will see each other in the future, I'll always be here for you.”

She gathered all her strength and pushed away from his chest. Rin raised her eyes to Jonghyun and caressed his cheek. His eyes looked beautiful even though sad and his nose was red because of crying.

“You're the best thing that ever happened to me.” And to think she was so afraid at first, so scared of starting that with him, scared of making love with him or end up hurt “I don't regret anything...well only these last weeks.”

He smiled softly and kissed her lips, a long simple kiss. “I don't either. I loved you with no regrets.”

“Then…” She pulled away from him knowing that she had to do it. She was the one who broke that relationship so she had to be the one starting taking measures, starting her healing process and eventually make it all better. “I’m going to make this work. You will see Kim Jonghyun. A new moon will come back.”

His lips moved slightly up and he brushed his wet cheek. “Take care Rin.”

She kissed his cheek and opened the door of the car leaving quickly in the direction of her building’s door.

Jonghyun watched her disappear inside it, her image becoming blurry because of his tears. Now that he was alone he couldn't held it in anymore. He knew she was crying as much as he was and yet that was what they had to do.

He placed his arms on the wheel and cried against it.

There was a time that being together made them be a better person but now that wasn't the truth and therefore it was time to end that book before it had a bad ending.

Some months later

Rin pulled her bag inside her apartment and placed it beside the bed. Then she walked to the window where she kissed Jonghyun for the first time and opened it, letting the fresh breeze enter her apartment.

Winter passed while she was away. She took a deep breath and looked out her window at the life outside of it.

Ever since she left Seoul she didn't talk with Jonghyun anymore and yet she knew exactly what he was doing. She heard the news about his comeback, she followed his promotions in music shows on the screen of her laptop, while she was in London, and now that she was back to Korea she could watch it on tv. Jonghyun was back to being her idol but he was way more than that. He was the man she was going to win back no matter what.

Rin grabbed a hair band from the table and grabbed her hair in a ponytail before she sat over her bed pulling her bag closer to it. She had a lot of things to unpack and tidy up but she had two weeks before she started working again. In those two weeks she already had an idea of what she was going to do.

First and foremost she needed to tell him that she was back but she didn't want to be too aggressively. She wanted to show him that she changed, that she regretted the way she treated him, that those months away from him without knowing if he was with another woman made her go through hell and yet realize that she was a fool all along. Jonghyun was right. No relationship can survive without trust. Her relationship with her ex was the proof of it. Love is like a leap of faith. You can't love fully if you don't trust but if you trust you risk ending up hurt. It's gambling. But you can only win if you play and she was willing to bet everything on Jonghyun. Maybe he had someone else now, maybe he didn't forgive her yet but she would still try.

Rin wasn't different, she didn't change at all during those months. The only thing that changed was the fact that she gave her best to reflect over what she was losing behaving like she was behaving. You can't possibly erase your jealousy or your suspicious nature but you can learn to try and control it and try to see things in a different way. Yes she missed Jonghyun and she had no idea what he was doing in his free time, but at the same time that she was wondering about it she was sure he was also wondering about her and she was sure he would be proud to see how she truly seemed resolved on making their relationship work. There was a time when he said he would protect her and their relationship but now she also wanted to be that person. If they could do it together it would be perfect.

Rin’s phone vibrated and she grabbed it.

Lillie sent her a message. Her father woke up from the coma, she was coming back to South Korea also.

Rin smiled with the good news and quickly answered.

Guess both would go after their princes just like they did in the beginning when both dared to dream having a relationship with their idols.

You are always beside me,

You are inside of my tender heart,

Even more shining and beautifully,

It fills the night sky,

You’re my star

Yeah U R, Oh U R

U R, Oh U R

Jonghyun hummed during the last accords of Taeyeon’s song U R that was being played and then he was on air again. Like it was supposed to, it was time to read some messages from the listeners.

“Several listeners are praising Taeyeon sunbaenim’s voice.” He chuckled “Actually this is one of my favorite songs.”

Then he read one message “One listener says he can relate to the lyrics perfectly. That every time he comes back from work after a rough day his wife smiles at him and he can smile back forgetting about all his troubles of the day. Waaaaa. That’s love.” He paused “Isn't it like that with any person we love or care about deeply? Not only a lover but also our parents and siblings and kids. I don't have kids but I probably would also be able to smile if I arrived home and had my kids waiting for me!”

He his lips scrolling down for more messages to read and then stopped. There was one message there that caught his attention. He hesitated wondering if he should read it out loud but he did it anyway. There was a reason it was there. It was meant to be read.

“Moon girl wrote…” Jonghyun’s eyes moved on the screen while he read “Even though I am not together with my star I still spread out my hand when I watch him in a video or a picture and try to reach his smile. He is still my light, the one making this moon shine.”

Jonghyun couldn't move his eyes away from that message, reading the meaning behind it, so he quickly introduced the next song and took off his headphones.

His phone vibrated over the table and he pulled it closer to him.

I'm back. Moongirl missed you.

Rin didn't need to send him that message. He already knew it after that comeback of Moon Girl and she was probably listening to it.

After a rainy London, I'm happy that Seoul is so sunny. I don't care what they say about the SHINee curse, but as long as we are closeby everything is bright to me.

He grabbed his headphones again and placed them on.

He had no idea what to answer to Rin. It wasn't as if he didn't know that she would come back, or that she would try to message him after she came back. However he never thought about what he would truly say to her when it happened. Maybe because he had no idea what she would say to him. He pictured Rin asking him if he had someone else, or acting shy or asking him to meet him. All those beautiful and tender words left him a little speechless. It was cheesy and so unlike her and yet it made his heart race and before he gave it a deep thought Jonghyun quickly answered to her before it was time for him to speak again.

Jackfrost missed you too.

“Oppa, can you make a heart beside my name?” a fan asked hopefully and Jonghyun slide the black marker on the page of the album drawing an imperfect heart that in his fans eyes was the most cutest thing. He politely gave the album back to her and offered her a tired and yet genuine smile.

It was his second fansign of the day after a music show recording in the morning and he still had Blue Night that night. He was exhausted and yet he was trying his best to smile at his fans and show them how much he loved Shawols. It was hard sometimes but they truly deserved it.

A fan placed a flower crown on his head and he signed her album after answering some quick questions she made him.

Jonghyun turned around on his chair to drink a bit of water and when he turned back he froze. Rin was in front of him wearing a simple white blouse and jeans, her black hair falling on her back. It was like a copy of the Rin he met for the first time after SHINee’s concert, the confused Rin that couldn't believe her eyes when she realized that the Jonghyun she fell in love with was in fact Jonghyun the idol.

“Hello, I'm your biggest fan!”

His lips parted into a smile and Rin opened her booklet and placed it over the table in front of him “This is my favorite picture. You are truly genuinely smiling on it.”

He his lips and looked at it briefly because he barely could tear his eyes away from her. Of course she knew he was genuinely smiling on it. She knew him in a deeper way, not as an idol but as a man.

“I also brought you a gift.” She placed a small box over the album and Jonghyun opened it. Inside was a jenga game and he looked at her confused.

“You once said during Blue Night that love was like a jenga game.” He truly did make that connection when Lillie and Jinki broke up. He never thought that it would work for him and Rin also. He never knew she heard it. As if she read his mind Rin smiled beautifully and pointed out “I didn't miss any broadcast of Blue Night, any schedule, anything. I told you I'm your biggest fan.”

“How can you be so sure?” he asked pulling the album to him to sign it because it would be weird if Rin stayed for long, even though he wished to grab her hand and never let her go anymore.

“I want to rebuild that tower.” He raised his eyes to her finishing his sign “I want to give it a try and keep rebuilding it. I want to keep playing.”

“It's a game…” He almost said her name and he blinked his eyes nervous trying to remember where he was and that they were being watched “What's your name by the way?”

“Rin, you can write for Rin noona.”

He swallowed hard remembering how many times he annoyed her, calling her noona and as if she knew what he was thinking Rin giggled.

“But you know Rin noona,” He finished writing her name under his signature “A game cannot continue forever. There will be times we lose.”

“It's ok, we can always restart the game over and over again. Isn’t it fun to play it?”

Isn't it the happiness you receive from it the most important even if there will be some sad moments?

Jonghyun didn't say anything and instead wrote under Rin’s name something. She knew it was his answer and she tried to peek at it but he closed the album quickly and gave it back to her.

“Thank you for coming.”

She received the album knowing that his words meant so much more than what it seemed, and walked away from the table, far away, enough for her to open the album.

It was funny because she remembered how Lillie once told her that Jinki confessed to her for the first time that he loved her like that. He wrote it on his album under his signature when she went to a SHINee fansign. And the funny thing was that unlike Lillie that was oblivious to Jinki’s intentions and found out his confession without expecting anything, Rin was the opposite and was waiting to find that same thing inside her album. She pressed it against her chest and looked at Jonghyun admiring the way he smiled at the fans, at other women, the love and gratitude in his eyes.

How silly she was before that she was jealous of that. Jealous of the caring nature of her boyfriend, of his rightfulness and good heart. She wondered how Jess was now. That was another thing she needed to resolve. All fans deserved his love.

Rin took a deep breath and opened her album searching for the picture she loved, the one he signed over it.

Coming to that fansign was the only way she found to approach him like the old Rin, to make a restart and she was hoping that his answer to her offer was a yes.

She found it!

Under her name, written with a black marker was the words she read several times just to be sure she wasn't mistaken.

Yes. Let's play it over and over again.

Rin’s eyes became humid and she stared at the words speechless with no reaction like Lillie once did looking at Jinki’s ones. Both wondered if they deserved such a blessing in their lives, both were feeling too much to put down in words or actions.

What Jonghyun wrote for Rin wasn't an I love you like Jinki wrote for Lillie but it was the same with other words. Actually it was so much more than an I love you.

It was hope. It was a sign that she had a second chance.

Rin raised her crying eyes to Jonghyun and for a brief moment before another fan walked in front of him her gaze crossed his.

And another jenga game started.

Rin waited outside the gates of the High school where her ex boyfriend taught mathematics.

Her mother was surprised when she asked her to find out where he worked - their mothers were friends after all - but she didn't make any questions.

It was about time that Rin closed that door of her past and there was something she truly wanted to ask him. It probably wouldn't change anything or her future plans but she needed to know.

She saw him wave goodbye to a coworker and then he noticed her presence. There was a brief slowing down but he walked to her.

“Rin, I haven’t seen you in such a long time.” He moved his eyes on her body and what was a gesture that would make her uncomfortable in the past, but now it didn't matter to her anymore “You look well. Want to go for a cup of coffee?”

The last thing she wanted was to stay with him for longer than five minutes so she declined the offer “You ride the bus closeby right? Can I accompany you to the bus stop?”

He frowned surprised but agreed so she walked beside him watching him carefully. They used to do that when they studied in the same college, when she thought she was so in love with him that she would die if he left her. How silly she was. Now she could see it. Yes she loved him but the world didn't end when he betrayed her. She got over it and better things came along, a love even bigger than the one she felt for him.

She was better now and somehow that realization made her hate him less.

“Are you still together with her?”

Rin didn't say her best friend’s name - the one he cheated her with - but he didn't seem lost with her question, he knew about whom she was talking about.

“We married last year. We are expecting our first baby.” Rin looked at the ground in front of her and he quickly added “I'm sorry RIn. What we did to you was awful. I know you don't believe me but we are truly sorry towards you. We don't regret it though. We love each other. It happened, we couldn't avoid it…”

“I know.” She knew now. She also fell for Jonghyun in a way she didn't expect to ever happen to her in her lifetime. The more she tried to keep away from him, the more she tried to deny it the more she fell in love with him. “I don't hate you anymore.” It was true. She healed. “However you should have told me before…”

“I know.”

The bus stop was a few meters away and she had to be quick since her time with him was ending and she didn't expect to talk with him ever again even if they crossed paths. Her story with him was over. It was a book she didn't dare to open ever again, a story that you don't want to reread.

“I must know,” She stopped near the stop and he stopped beside her. “Was it something I did that pushed you to her? Something I lacked?”

He shook his head “No Rin. It just happened. I liked you, we were friends. I was never crazily in love with you but I genuinely enjoyed being with you. However I fell in love and I was scared to lose you and she was scared to lose her friend so we…we stalled we…”

“You were cowards.”

“We were.”

“Completely bastards.”

“I was.” He touched his chest “She wasn't. She wanted to tell you. I swear she did.”

“Yet she didn't.”

He didn't answer to that and Rin took a deep breath. ”Then there is nothing wrong with me?”

“Nothing.”

“That’s a relief.” She laughed “Anyway. It's your bus arriving.”

He nodded and both watched the bus stop and open the doors for the passenger’s to enter.

“I hope you can be happy Rin. I truly do.”

“I wish I could sincerely wish you the same back. However congratulations for the baby, I hope all the best for it.”

He nodded and then climbed on the bus.

“Goodbye.” She muttered before the doors closed and Rin watched the bus part.

That book was definitely closed.

It has been a while since Rin had dinner at her parent’s house. Before it wasn't something that she looked forward to because her mother would assault her with questions about her love life demanding her to marry. However things changed and during dinner they talked about everything but her love life. Rin’s sister left to meet her boyfriend and her father went to sleep so Rin was left with her mother watching a drama on the couch, hugging a pillow against her. She knew her mother was dying to ask her about Jonghyun but she did not pretending to be focused on the drama instead.

“You still have some days off before you go back to work right?”

Now that Rin did that internship she would have a stable job with a usual working hours schedule. Even though she could work from home when she wanted she still needed to work during the day. She couldn't no longer be a vampire like she was before.

“Yes.”

“What are you going to do now?” Her mother's question made Rin drift her eyes from the scene of the tv and it was clear in her expression that she wasn't talking about work.

“Hum. I’m placing my jenga pieces carefully to make a very steady tower so it won't fall easily.”

Rin chuckled because her mother’s confused expression was priceless.

“I’m placing back all the pieces that I so carefully took away. I'm going to make Jonghyun proud of me like I am proud of him. I’ll be the Rin he fell in love with.”

“I have no idea what you're talking about but I hope it works out.”

Rin stretched her arms on top of her head and then laid down over the couch her head on her mother's lap like she often did when she was little.

“You know, he is the son in law I want.”

Rin chuckled. One year ago if someone told her that her mother would say that about Jonghyun, Rin would have called that person insane.

Things changed so much in the past years ever since she met Jonghyun. She fell in love even though she was scared of it. She met one of her idols, she started a complicated relationship that took her out from her comfort zone and challenged her everyday. She was no longer the scared Rin hiding in her room. She had plans now and she wasn't stuck in the past anymore. She even made new friends and traveled. She was back to the person she was before her relationship with her ex ended.

“I also don't want anyone else. I’m bringing Jonghyun to have dinner with us one of these days. And we will get married...well in a few years.”

“You seem very confident.” Her mother caressed her hair and Rin smiled hugging the pillow against her.

Confidence was something that she lacked for years and the truth was that she was still scared that things wouldn't work out. But one thing she was sure. She was going to do her best to correct her mistakes.

“If an ancient japanese lake curse did not end our relationship then nothing will.”

Jess sat by the window with her cup of coffee and opened her laptop. Her morning always started like that with her having her breakfast in the cafe shop in front of the radio station and working. Her job didn't leave her much time to rest or a have a social life but she was getting used to the competitiveness in South Korea. If you wanted to be one of the best then free time was a luxury.

She truly wanted her career in South Korea to work, therefore she was spending all her free time working towards her goal, which was to impress her crush at work, Producer Kang. Jess was sure that she was straight and would never look at her in a romantic way but she didn't care, she still wanted to impress her and get a praise out of her. That was her goal for now, only then would she be able to move on.

Jess rubbed her neck moving her fingers under the strands of hair that escaped her messy bun on top of her head, her eyes on the laptop. She was doing some research for Jonghyun and trying to brainstorm some ideas for Blue Night when she noticed two girls from the broadcast station that were at the table in front of her. They were whispering something to each other and once they noticed Jess’ eyes on them they quickly looked away.

Jess frowned slightly and then pulled the laptop to her front in such a way that they couldn't see her face and more important she couldn't see them talk.

She was used to it by now. The rumours of her uality spread like fire and even though no one confirmed it and she was advised inside the company not to do it, the rumours made her uncomfortable. It wasn't as if anyone changed their attitude towards her after what happened with Rin - well suddenly men didn't flirt with her as much as before which wasn’t bad - but still Jess had to get used to the side looks, to the whispering and curious gazes.

It wasn't the best of situations but it was something livable and Jess didn't hate Rin for revealing her secret. It wasn't supposed to be a secret anyway, she didn't do anything wrong, besides Jonghyun felt extremely guilty after what happened and for weeks he looked at her like a puppy apologizing all the time. That's not the kind of thing you want to see your idol and a friend you admire do, so that was the worst part of all that happened. Fortunately time passed, people started to forget and soon her uality wasn't the most talked about subject inside the corridors of the station.

Jonghyun’s sadness took a long time to go away though and Jess showered him with attention, offering him snacks she knew he liked, meeting with him to play games so he wouldn't think much about his break up with Rin and even giving him anime dvds for him to watch. They talked about her a lot also and that was why Jess knew that as soon Rin would be back Jonghyun would get back together with her.

The mysterious message he read during Blue Night one day was the sign that she was back. There was a different light in his eyes, a different intonation in his voice when he read it and once the show ended he stayed in his chair aligning the papers for more than a minute his mind elsewhere.

Jess was happy with her return and the thing she wanted above everything else was for Rin to be the person Jonghyun often talked about. It was hours of hearing him talk about a pure Rin that loved her friends and family deeply, a Rin that wasn't selfish, a Rin that fell in love with SHINee and Jonghyun but had a hard time opening up because she was scared to end up hurt.

The Rin Jess met wasn't like that, or did not seem at least, so Jess hoped she was wrong and the Rin Jonghyun knew was the one that came back from England.

“Want a cookie?” Jess raised her head from behind the laptop and stared at the woman that sat in front of her without her noticing.

“Rin?”

Jonghyun’s Rin smiled apologetically at Jess and then raised the small box in her hands showing several baked cookies with shapes of bones and hearts to her.

“I'm sorry I sat without asking. I had no idea how to approach you after what I've done so I baked these for you. I once baked them for Jonghyun and SHINee and they said they were good so...I did them with all my heart.”

Jess didn't know what to say but she grabbed the box from Rin’s hand a little suspiciously. Was that a peace offering? Did she truly want to apologize?

“It’s all my fault right?” Rin asked turning her head slightly in the way of Jess’ coworkers on the table in front of them.

“Not exactly. They would’ve found out eventually.”

“It's still my fault since they didn't found out when you wanted them to.”

“True.” Jess picked up one cookie with the shape of a bone and bit it.

“Onew really liked those.”

Jess almost choked on the cookie and covered . She forgot that that woman in front of her knew SHINee, not only Jonghyun.

“Is he truly the snowflake he looks on tv?”

Rin smiled gently and for a brief instant Jess could see a bit of what Jonghyun saw on her “Yes but he is very manly also. He is a great person, a great friend and boyfriend and…” Rin covered and Jess blinked her eyes wondering why she did stop talking and seemed so flustered.

“I mean...He must be a good boyfriend.”

“So he is dating.”

“ I didn't say that!” Rin corrected quickly and Jess laughed.

“It's ok, I'm not going to tell anyone don't worry. Besides its known that he was dating. There is even a rumour about that other idol.”

“No he isn't dating her. He is dating my friend, she is so much more cooler than that idol.” Rin placed her hands on her cheeks in panic “Oh I talked too much again.”

Jess laughed out loud and grabbed her mug with coffee “Don't worry.” She pulled an imaginary zipper over her lips “I would never reveal something so intimate about a person without their consent.”

Rin’s shoulders sank and she moved her hands nervously in front of her over the table. “Like I did.” She took a deep breath “I'm sorry. What I did was something awful and even though you probably don't believe me, I regret it. I will always regret it. Not only I did something awful to you but I also hurt Jonghyun, I ashamed him.”

“Oh no.” Jess closed her laptop and placed her arms over it “Jonghyun is still very proud of you. Even though he might say he isn't don't trust him. He still sees in you the woman he…”

“Fell in love with. I know! That's the one I am now.” Rin pursed her lips “I'll work hard to make him trust me again.” Rin pushed the box in Jess’ direction and she picked another cookie.

“They are very tasty.”

“Thank you. I hope we can be friends.” Jess munched on her cookie without saying anything and Rin insisted “We have so many things in common after all. We are both Shawols, we both like Jonghyun very much and want him to be happy.”

“I told you that I'm not interested in him romantically.”

“I know, but you are his friend and I didn't lie when I said you want him to be happy, did I?”

“You want to be my friend to please him?” Jess frowned and Rin shook her head negatively,

“Jonghyun doesn't even know I am here with you. I want to be your friend because as I said we are not that different. We both care about Jonghyun the idol and Jonghyun the man, we both see him as a special friend and we are Shawols. Two Shawols that got lucky and met Kim Jonghyun. Besides I have a life time of apologies that I owe you. It's easier if I have your phone number instead of searching for you everyday.”

Jess chewed the inside of her cheek thinking “You truly don't need to apologize everyday.”

“I'll do it once a week.”

Jess chuckled and then grabbed an heart shaped cookie “Once a month?”

“Deal.” Rin looked at Jess with puppy eyes, her expression reminding her of Jonghyun when he asked Jess to do an errand for him. Its funny how you truly pick up the person’s habits you love and mannerisms. “So, what do you think? Friends?”

That Rin was way more interesting than the Rin she knew and Jess felt her heart waver. “Ok then, let's try it.”

Rin grinned victoriously and tucked her hair behind her hears happily watching Jess eat her cookies.

“Hum...then as new friends we should share a bit about us.”

“Of course what do you want to know?”

Jess moved her fingers on the table thinking. “For starters why don't you tell me how you end up dating such an amazing man?”

Rin smiled shyly before she spoke “That's a very interesting story. It all started because of a chat.”

“Really? You met in a chat?”

“It’s insane right?”

“You could write a book about it.”

Rin chuckled and started her story, the one she wrote with Jonghyun.

Jonghyun placed his coat over his bed and then pulled his sweater over his head taking it off. It was a long day and even though he was exhausted he only had three hours to sleep before he left to work again.

The worst part was that he was sure he couldn't sleep at all so instead he decided to light some of his candles and take a bath to help him relax. He was in the middle of filling his bathtub when his phone vibrated.

He rarely used the chat application where he met Rin anymore and he was surprised to see that he had a notification of a new message from it.

Moongirl wrote it and only reading her nickname made him smile. Rin was asking him to meet her the next day after Blue Night in front of the venue where he had the concert where he met Rin for the first time.

Jonghyun placed the phone over the sink and opened the tap of the bathtub again letting the cold water mix with the hot one.

Rin stared at her phone’s time for the third time and then stood up from the bench right in front of the Stadium where she found out Jonghyun’s true identity.

Fifteen minutes passed after the hour he was supposed to meet her and she was slowly losing hope. It was true that he answered the fansign question positively and yet he wasn't there to meet her so maybe he changed his mind.

It was probably selfish of her to hope that he changed his schedule to meet her. Maybe after Blue Night he left home to rest. He had a packed schedule lately after all and he didn't answer her message from the day before. Maybe he didn't intend to meet her all along.

She moved her feet on the ground impatiently when she received a call from him.

“Where are you?” She asked as soon as she picked up the call.

“I’m not going.” His voice was calm unlike her heart.

“Why?” Why did he gave her hopes when he intended to reject her all along. “You said at the fansign that you were willing to forgive me.”

“Yes but you invited JackFrost to meet you not Kim Jonghyun.”

Rin raised her eyes to the sky relieved. “You scared me.”

“Turn around Rin.”

She froze holding her phone against her ear. It felt as if it was ages ago when they met there and he said the exact same words to her. Back then she was too scared to do it but now she did it immediately.

Jonghyun walked in her direction and turned off the call. Rin pulled the phone away from her ear and ran to him, erasing any possible distance between them. They weren't being watched, there was nothing that was going to prevent her from doing what she imagined herself doing ever since the time they said goodbye in his car. She threw herself in his embrace and wrapped her arms around Jonghyun’s chest.

He hugged her tightly, his nose rubbing against her ear. “Don't act like you're recording a drama! People might notice us!”

She chuckled hiding her face on his shoulder and closing her eyes. They could truly be filming a drama though, Jess was right and their story could be a romance.

She pulled away and cupped his face. He had his mask on and his eyes were hiding under his snapback so Rin pulled it up so she could see him and took the mask away from him.

“Rin?” He scanned her wet eyes admired with the way they sparkled because of her tears and the happiness she was feeling.

“I love you. I want to date you again so please say that you also love me that you want to get back together.”

He frowned a corner of his lips raising slightly “Is that an order?”

“Yes!”

Jonghyun didn't release her and instead pulled her against his chest again, his eyes on her “It took me a long time to break the wall around your heart. I was the most patient man ever, waiting for you to want to have skinship with me. And now you want me to take a decision like that so easily.”

She whimpered grabbing his black hoodie with her hands. “I love you so much and I missed you in such a way that my chest hurt. And I'm not sure I can wait for one more second without kissing you.”

He hummed moving his hand on her back and after what seemed like minutes to Rin Jonghyun spoke again.

“Then I guess I should end your misery?!”

“Is that a yes?” She asked smiling softly still unsure if she had a reason to smile again.

“Yes. I love you and yes let's date again! You can now kiss me!”

Rin celebrated his answer by kissing him immediately, closing her eyes tight, her hands moving on his chest and over to his shoulders before she wrapped her arms around his neck. Jonghyun pulled her from the floor in his arms and moved with her in it making her smile against his lips. He didn't twirl her as if it was a movie but that small gesture was cute on its own. It was as if he didn't know what to do with her and with what he was feeling with that kiss. She parted her lips huming and he depeend the kiss before he pulled away as if he realized where they were just then.

“I hope dispatch isn't around.” He said rubbing his nose on her cheek and Rin laughed with his comment before caressing his cheek and giving him a longing look.

“Actually I don't care anymore.” She whispered rubbing her fingers in his hair “I don't care if my life has to change as long as you are with me.”

“I don't either.” Jonghyun brushed her hair away from her neck and kissed her lips again. “However there are a lot of things we need to talk about. A kiss doesn't solve anything and I’m still not over what happened.”

“I know.” She pulled away from his embrace but didn't step back so they stayed close even though they weren't touching. “I know. But I'm willing to show you that I am deserving of a second chance. That we deserve it. As long as we're together we can do it right?”

Jonghyun touched her cheek with the back of his fingers and ran them down to her neck caressing her softly his eyes never leaving hers. There was a determination in her eyes that he never saw before. She trusted him but above else she trusted their relationship, their love.

“Yes we can.”

Rin looked around trying to point out what changed inside Jonghyun’s bedroom. He seemed to have a bigger collection of scented candles and there were a few more books on his shelf. Some of the decoration changed also and his anime and games collection duplicated.

“Your mother seemed surprised to see me.”

“I didn't have the chance to tell her that you were back.” Jonghyun sat beside her on the floor, resting his back and head against the bed.

Rin nodded her head and then faced the tv in front of her even though it was turned off. They were together and yet things were a little awkward between them. Rin played with the fabric of her blouse and then tried to find something to say.

“You have so many new games.”

“Ah Jess came to play with me sometimes and lend me some.”

He glanced at Rin waiting for her reaction but she didn't seem affected with what he said which surprised him in a good way.

“We should invite Jess one of these days. I’m even thinking of introducing her to Lillie and Minseo. I met Lillie earlier today and since we are all Shawols why not? By the way Lillie is together with Jinki again!”

“I know.” Jonghyun crossed his legs and then turned to face Rin and planted a kiss on her lips.

“What's that for?” Rin asked eyeing his lips, hoping that they would kiss again and more passionately next.

“Reward for growing up a little!” He grinned cutely and Rin punched his shoulder playfully.

“I’m trying. She is your friend and I want to be friends with her also.”

“I’m proud of you!” He said resting his head on her shoulder and closing his eyes.

“You once said that you were disappointed.” It still hurt everytime Rin remembered of the way he looked at her after what she did at the Blue Night studio.

“Because when you love someone,in your eyes that person seems perfect to you so you don't acknowledge their shortcomings easily. But you are human and therefore you are not perfect.” Jonghyun raised his head but didn't move his body away from hers “I have so many flaws and you learned to love me despite of them so I should do the same. The fact that we are willing to fight for our love and acknowledge our mistakes instead of ignoring them is what makes our relationship special.”

“Lillie said the same thing earlier today when I met her.”

“About us?”

“About her and Jinki. Maybe thats a secret for a healthy and lasting relationship.”

Jonghyun pulled her closer to him and Rin wrapped her legs around his waist facing him. “I think so too so let's try and prove that we are right.”

That meant staying together happily for a long time and Rin giggled placing her hands over his chest. Jonghyun raised his eyebrows and Rin leaned forward kissing him.

It was a sweet innocent kiss at first but soon he was pushing her down on the floor, covering her body with his. Rin moved her hands on his chest over his t-shirt to his shoulders while he kissed her. Jonghyun was bolder though, his hands sneaking under her sweater caressing her sides and stomach. He her lips and she parted them giving him access to kiss her with his tongue. After a few breathtaking moments of pure bliss he parted away from her lips and Rin opened her eyes wondering what went wrong. She was almost sure that they would end up having but Jonghyun sat up beside her so she slowly did the same pulling her sweater down to cover the skin he explored with his fingers.

“We should take it slow.”

Of course. He was still hurt with what happened and it was probably for the best that they took things slower now.

However it was hard for both since they couldn't take their eyes away from each other. Jonghyun even fanned himself a little before he seemed to remember something.

“Oh! I have a surprise for you!” He got up and then asked her to wait and left the bedroom. “Cover your eyes!” He asked her after a while and Rin did it cheating a little, peeking between her fingers. Jonghyun noticed groaning at her so she did it correctly laughing at his reaction.

“Open your eyes now!”

Rin uncovered her eyes and beside the door was Roo with a cute white bow.

“Oh she looks cute!”

“Yes but she has something to tell you!”

Jonghyun called the dog closer to Rin but Roo didn't move eyeing him curiously, her ears raised.

“Roo come here!”

The dog moved slower and Rin covered laughing.

“Just wait! This has a reason and you will like it.”

“Ok if you say so!” Rin watched Jonghyun order Roo to sit in front of her and the dog did it.

“Good girl!” Jonghyun caressed Roo’s head “Now speak!”

Nothing happened and Rin glanced at Jonghyun “Dogs don’t speak Jonghyun!”

He ignored Rin’s remark and ordered it again but nothing. “Aish! Roo we practiced this yesterday!”

“Guess it wasn't enough!”

Since Rin was still mocking them Jonghyun frowned at her and she hiccuped covering , her laughter dying in . Last thing she wanted was to upset him by making fun of his beloved Roo.

“Maybe she is tired!”

“Roo speak!”

As if it something made a click inside her brain, Roo started to bark cutely making Rin and Jonghyun melt with the cute.

“She is lovely!” Roo raised her paw and placed it on Rin’s legs that almost freaked out with it.

“She is a lady!” Jonghyun chuckled. “Anyway, what is your answer?”

“Excuse me?” Rin looked from Roo to Jonghyun confused.

“She made you a question and I need an answer!”

“She did? Did you go insane?” She smiled brightly and Jonghyun grabbed his phone from over the table.

“I’ll use a translation program to translate it for you.”

Rin laughed again waiting for Jonghyun to write the question - of course he was kidding about the translation app - petting Roo.

“So what does the barklater app says?”

“Are you learning with Jinki now?” Jonghyun kept writing trying to concentrate.

“I spend a lot of time with Lillie and she spends a lot of time with him and…”

Jonghyun laughed out loud “So his condition is some kind of a virus now?”

“No, when you spend a long time with someone you end up picking up all the small things that make them special.”

“That's true.” Jonghyun turned the phone to Rin and then covered his face embarrassed “this is what Roo said!”

“It took you a while to translate such a small question.” Rin observed smiling softly after reading what he wrote. Jonghyun clearly rewrote it a lot and was shy doing it.

“So?”

Rin grabbed the phone from his hand and read it out loud “Will you stay with my oppa for a long time?”

“Ah and Roo also said to check the bow around her neck.”

Rin placed her hands on the bow and looked at Jonghyun one last time before finding the small pouch tied to it. She untangled it from the collar and then opened it. She knew what was inside - more like she had an idea - but it was all too much to absorb. Jonghyun was romantic but he wasn't the kind to do events like that. He was always so straightforward that she was surprised with all that.

There was true effort there.

Rin took the ring out from the pouch and looked at it. It was a fine silver ring with a treble clef in it.

“I have the matching one!” Jonghyun took a ring from his pocket and showed it to her. It was thicker than hers but also had the same symbol in it.

“You are my inspiration Rin, my music...and since I can't live without music...I thought that maybe…”

“I love it.” She quickly placed it on her finger “And yes…” She turned to Roo “yes I'm staying with your oppa forever!”

“Well then…” Jonghyun slipped the ring up his finger “Guess it belongs here now.”

Another SHINee member had an official girlfriend.

It meant more speculation.

Rin wasn't worried anymore and he wasn't either.

“Our relationship isn’t perfect but it's ours.” He caressed her fingers tracing the treble clef and Rin kissed him back grasping his hand in hers, a hand she didn't intend to let go ever.

I once read a poem about love. It said that if you can choose with whom you want to fall in love that you should fall in love with a writer. Because they can write down in words what they feel for you, wrap you up in an amorous plot, because they can paint a whole world for you with only words, because they can tell you stories every night before you go to bed. I don't think people can actually choose with whom they fall in love but being a writer myself I believe that it makes no difference if you fall in love with a writer or not.

Rin stretched on her bed and turned the volume of her phone to the max so that she could hear Jonghyun’s voice well.

Whoever the person is, you two are the writers of your own destiny, of your story. It's your duty to write your life and your relationship together. Sometimes it's an awful book, others it's a good book with a bad ending, or it can be a book with an open ending. Either way it's yours and you can change it.

The wounds inflicted on each other during a novel might take long to heal, they maybe might end up in a bad ending but after you finish it there is also a chance that you can write a second volume.

We are the writers of our own life. So yes fall in love with a writer, one that is willing to do everything to write a good story.

Let’s listen the last song of tonight, it’s a special song because it's one I sing with my members.

Because falling in love takes the carpet from under our feet, let’s listen to it.

Punch Drunk Love started playing and Rin hugged her pillow listening to it.

Falling in love with Jonghyun was truly like that. It had moments when she was scared, moments she wanted to cry and yet there were so many others when she was absolutely happy. A drunk state of mind.

She giggled.

Everything he said just now, before the song was destined to them, to people like them that were going through a storm in their relationship.

She hoped that many other couples like them decided to write a second volume after what they listened and give their story a second chance.

She was lucky she fell in love with a great writer and she was sure she would be the perfect cowriter to their story.

That last page turned is a perfect excuse to write a whole new book.

Toni Sorenson

THE END

And it's done. Well kinda since you can follow Rin aand Jonghyun romance in my other fanfiction called Marrying an Idol. 

I started this fic for a friend - the real life Rin - she is a MVP with a weakness for Jonghyun and we were having a late night chat on tumblr when we came out with this idea and I started writing it. It isn't perfect. Far from it. There were times when writing this fic was so hard and I wanted to give up and there are so many chapters that I dont feel it. >.< I know I could have done better but I still hope it wasnt bad.
 

I would never have finished this story if it wasnt for Jess. Yes, the real life Jess that gave me so many ideas and pushed me to write this story when I was losing my will to do so. She is probably the biggest fan of it and im sorry towards her because I was never able to give this story the attention it deserved. Also thank you to all the people that commented, subscribed and upvoted this story. Reading your comments and feeling your love me me want to finish this. And of course my beta reader that had to read it even though I'm sure this is not one of her favorite fanfictions. Now you only have to suffer reading Marrying an Idol. Im so sorry. 

There arent happy ever afters. Rin's and Jonghyun's love story will never have a happy ever after but there is a continuation and I'm sure they will be together come what may.

Let's see each other in another update soon. Thank you so much.

PS: Upvote this story if you liked it.

PS2: Im sorry im not updating much later. Im so busy at work >.<