If you are standing at the end of my life, if I can get closer to you...

(Selene 6.23)

Jonghyun sat on the bed again; his back turned to Rin, his head hanging down.

She always tried so hard not to show her feelings, not revealing her thoughts, avoiding his touch even though she wanted it badly, not crying in front of him…

However she didn’t care anymore. She loved him and losing him was worse than protecting herself.  She didn’t care if he saw her cry, if he saw her weaknesses; she only wanted him to smile at her again.

He raised his head and she held in a sob, silent tears falling down her cheeks. Rin raised her arm trying to reach him, but her star seemed to drift further away from her when her tears blurred him in front of her.

“I was always very unlucky with women.” Jonghyun spoke “It never worked out. They always had so many expectations of who I was that they never wanted to see who I truly was. In the end my profession ruined all my relationships.” He sighed heavily before continuing “then I met a girl on the internet. She didn’t knew the Jonghyun from SHINee, she knew me and she fell for me and it was as if I had a blank notebook were I could write our story. Also it was perfect because she was a shawol, she would understand me...she would…”

“I do….” Rin sobbed surprising him. She was crying. “I love you. I’m so sorry! I was selfish. I was… scared. I’m always scared. I’m so afraid to end up hurt. ”

He turned around and moved closer to her, his hands reaching to her face, cupping it while his fingers felt her wet cheeks.

“Love is like a double edged sword.” She said in a low voice staring into his eyes “You let someone enter inside your heart and it’s wonderful to have someone who knows us and loves us as no one ever did but….that person is also our weakness. She has the power to break our heart.”

She sniffed, tears still falling down her eyes and he caressed her skin with his fingertips. She looked so beautiful to him even though he knew she was talking about what happened with her ex.

“I can’t promise I won’t hurt you Rin. I can’t. I already did it to someone else and I also end up hurt….”  He moved his hands away from her face grabbing her hands in his instead “but I can promise I will try to make you absolutely happy as long as we are together. I hope it last for a long long time. I do…from the bottom of my heart. I told you this before. Trust me!”

She hiccupped cleaning her tears and he smiled a little, his fingers moving to help her.

“You are so cute when you cry, that’s weird! I wish you weren’t though. I don’t want to see you cry ever….only from happiness!”

She sniffed and squeezed his hand. “I love you please believe me. I don’t want anyone else beside you!”

“Not even Onew?” Jonghyun asked watching her wet eyes carefully.

Rin made a thoughtful expression and he frowned.

“No….” she smiled sniffing “No…not even him. “

“Good, because I only want you too. “ he pulled her closer, resting her head on his shoulder, hugging her body against him. She grabbed his shirt and closed her eyes letting his warmth calm her.

They stayed like that for a while until he kissed her neck and moved away. “Ok, you should dress!”

“Really?” She asked hugging herself. She was expecting that they would continue it.

“Really! I’m not in the mood now and besides I want to make you scream and Onew and Lillie are on the room across the hall.”

Rin blushed and he grinned grabbing the shirt to give it to her. She knew that was an excuse and he was still a little upset with her. She couldn’t blame him.

“I’m sorry…” she mumbled again pulling her hair from inside her shirt after dressing it again.

He helped her and softly planted a kiss on her forehead.

“Noona its ok! I’ll take you home now, I need to rest. I have a packed schedule today.”

Rin nodded and Jonghyun helped her stand up.

After what happened Jonghyun didn’t show up at Rin’s place for days. They would still talk on the phone every day and he always said he was busy. Rin knew he was still hurt and decided to give him some space. She was also having her own problems. Lillie was depressed because of what happened to her and Minseo seemed to be always busy. The only person talking with Rin over sns was actually Jules. It felt weird and even though they didn’t have anything in common besides dating SHINee boys they started to get closer.

It was Jules who invited Rin to a small get together at the dorm. Jonghyun forgot to tell Rin, or at least that’s what he said.

Rin decided to wear the light blue dress Jonghyun seemed to have liked on her before, but unfortunately he didn’t even seem interested on it now.

They shared a brief exchange of glances while Lillie hugged Rin, glad that she came, and Jonghyun almost hide himself in a corner of the living room.

Rin walked in his direction stopping by his side and greeting him with a shy hello that he reattributed.

They made small talk about work and their day and fell into silence.

“You are still upset with me.” Rin said catching back his attention.

“Upset? Why?”

“Don’t act like nothing happened Jonghyun.”

He sighed drinking his beer and moved his feet on the floor.

“Do we really have to talk about it right now?”

“We don’t if we had talked about it before.” Rin complained staring at him hopeless since he couldn’t even look at her.

“Now is not the time…”

“When? You avoided me all this days and…”

“Please just look at Lillie’s face while she tries to disappear into the couch. This is not the time Rin!”

Rin looked at her friend’s direction. She was clearly sulking on the couch, glancing at Jinki and his friends, clearly wanting to run away from there.

“I’m sorry. “ she grabbed Jonghyun arm softly “I can’t help but be selfish when its related with my happiness…”

He chuckled bitterly “Really?”

Selfish! He implied that she was selfish protecting her heart from pain not thinking about him. Maybe she was, but he needed to understand what she has been through before. That pain she felt in the past almost killed her heart and all the relationship she could have had in the future. Luckily Jonghyun showed up and somehow mended it.

“You were right Jong but I’m not perfect and I’m trying and"

Jonghyun stared at the door with his eyes wide open and Rin looked into the same direction interrupting her confession.

Minseo was at the door with Minho, both holding hands.

 “Min!” Rin exclaimed covering .

They were dating and Rin didn’t know anything about it.

Jules screamed something and Rin realized how ironic that was. Before, Minseo was so upset when they lied to her about dating SHINee members and now look at her, hiding that relationship from everyone in that room.

Then something weird happened, Taemin yelled at Minho surprising everyone and making Jonghyun jump beside Rin.

 “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” Taemin stepped closer with a bottle of beer on his hand.

“What do you mean?” Minho asked looking at the younger man.

“THIS?” he pointed at Minseo who stared at him offended.

“Are you drunk Taemin?”  Minho asked dangerously. “You are being rude!”

Rin moved on her spot uneasy. She hated confrontations and those two were her idols. Jonghyun squeezed her arm and stepped forward ready to separate them if it was necessary. That made Rin even more nervous. .

“Rude? Oh…” Taemin rolled his eyes and chuckled.

Jonghyun grabbed Taemin arm before Jinki, who had the same idea, and pulled him.

“Tae you are drunk, let’s go…”

However he didn’t listen to Jonghyun and eyed Minho.

“You are a liar! LYING TO HER AND YOURSELF!”

“That’s enough Taemin!” Key said gesturing to Onew to take him.

The leader grabbed the maknae arm and pulled him to the hallway, Jonghyun following them.

Minho grabbed Minseo hand once again who was looking at him a bit lost and pulled her after him to the balcony.

Rin looked around helpless, she was never good about speaking in public but someone needed to change the mood. Jules stood up and her and Key said some reassuring words. However it didn’t work on Lillie who sprinted to the door running outside barefooted.

Rin and Jules tried to follow her but it was late because she disappeared inside the elevator.

That party was becoming a nightmare!

Jules grabbed her heels quickly.  “Call Onew, I’m going after her!”

Rin didn’t know the dorm well but she knew Taemin room since he shared it with Jonghyun. She ran to the door and knocked on it not even waiting for permission to open it.

All three men inside the room ignored her presence even thought she had just knocked.

Taemin was screaming something at Jonghyun and Onew was in the middle of the two.

“….CANT YOU SEE WHAT HE IS DOING?”

“IT’S HIS LIFE! WE ALL KNOW HOW TY YOU FEEL BUT IT’S NOT OUR FAULT!”

Jonghyun and Taemin could be very hot headed and clearly Onew knew it. When they started fighting over something things could get dangerous.

Taemin laughed dangerously and Rin tried to catch their attention with a weak excuse me.

“HE IS LYING TO HER AND HIMSELF!”

“HE PROBABLY ISNT! Common Tae you know Minho, he can’t fool anyone even if he wanted to…”

“We should just calm down!” Onew added suddenly realizing that Rin was at the door.

She took the opportunity to step into the room. “Lillie ran away!”

Finally she got the attention she wanted because all three men looked at her.

“What?” Onew asked confused.

“I don’t know, she suddenly ran outside. Jules followed her.”

She couldn’t end her sentence because Onew sprinted outside the room, Taemin following him.

Jonghyun stayed behind and watched how Rin hands were trembling.

“Is she ok?” Rin asked Jonghyun “And Taemin?”

He nodded and grabbed her to his arms. “Everything is going to be fine!”

She breathed in his scent, holding him back. That was the worst party ever! Lillie seemed so lost and she never saw Taemin scream like that.

Rin closed her eyes and asked in a low voice “Us too?”

He heard it even though his sweater muffled the sound.

“We are ok Rin. I only need some time to think!”

She looked up at him “Are you thinking about breaking up with me?”

“Never! I told you I loved you didn’t I?” He leaned down and kissed her quickly.

“Then what are you thinking about?” She asked and he pulled away, too quickly for her who craved more.

“Let’s just get back to the living room and see if we can help.”

There was chaos at the living room. Jules was by the door feeling helpless since Onew sent her back upstairs once he spotted Lillie on the parking lot in front of the dorm.  Key was trying to calm her down while she complained with tears in her eyes. Taemin was in one corner of the room seeming worried and maybe even a little regretful about what he did. Minho and Minseo were on the other side both staring into Taemin direction. Minho seemed sad and Minseo looked nervous.

Eventually everyone breathed out relieved when Onew stepped inside the dorm holding Lillie’s hand. Both were smiling and seemed different, as if something happened between them.

Jules hugged Lillie scolding her and she only pated her back trying to move away from her deadly hug. Key pushed Jules back and finally Lillie could speak. She apologized embarrassed before disappearing with Onew inside his bedroom.

The party was practically over but Onew came back after a while and him and Key tried their best to change the mood.

Rin sat with Jonghyun on the couch and both saw Taemin disappear into the hall.

“Do they fight a lot?” Rin asked and Jonghyun laughed.

“Minho and Tae? No…no way! They will be fine. Don’t worry!”

Rin nodded and both stared into nothing.

“Want me to take you home?” he asked suddenly “this is more than over.”

“Are you sure it’s ok?”

“Yes. Minho and Minseo are probably making out in his bedroom right now and everyone is slowly leaving. Even Jules disappeared.”

“I think she went to the bathroom.”

“Whatever. Let’s go…” he moved and Rin pulled him down to the couch again.

“Let’s stay just a little longer.”

“Why?”

“Because I want to be with you a little longer.”

He turned his head around so she couldn’t see but he definitely smiled with her comment.

“I don’t know Rin, but this is a bad way of being together….not fun at all!”

“I don’t care. Being by your side is enough!” she eagerly said and he realized she was making a big effort to show him how special he was to her.

“Noona….”

For a while Rin forgot all about where she was. Before, with her ex-boyfriend she was always afraid to kiss him in public. Even holding hands sometimes would make her embarrassed, but she was so desperate right now. She didn’t want Jonghyun to drift more and more away from her. He wanted to feel she loved him, that she was also capable of sacrificing her fears for him. So she did it. She stared into his eyes and forgot about the other people on the room, the noise around them suddenly disappearing.

“Noona?” he asked curious, confused with the intensity of her stare.

Rin kissed him softly but determined surprising Jonghyun.

She moved away embarrassed but her eyes didn’t leave his. Jonghyun was the one who stuttered looking around to see if anyone noticed.  “w-what are you doing?”

Jules came back from the bathroom and was the only one grinning at them beside Key who apparently didn’t see anything.

“Kissing my boyfriend?!” Rin said clearing .

“Did you drink?” he asked knowing the answer already. She never drinks, yet she was acting so bold.

Rin smiled cutely and he stood up immediately. That was getting dangerous. “I’ll take you home!”

He didn’t wait for her answer, disappearing on the corner of the room grabbing his coat and his shoes.

The ride back to Rin home was pretty normal as if nothing happened. She talked about her last project and he talked about the plans the company had to make him go solo the following year. The thought of seeing Jonghyun alone on a stage was very exciting for Rin. If it went through she would do her best to support him.

“I’ll go to all music shows and I’ll buy lots of albums and vote and…”

“Hey calm down! You won’t have to do all that, I already have a lot of fans!” he said cockily opening the window of his car and she giggled.

“I bet you will cry if you see me there watching you!”

“Ya! Why are you being like this?”

“You were the one who started it first!” she crossed her arms over her chest and he exhaled slowly.

“Fine! I would love to see you there screaming my name and singing my songs!”

“Then it’s a deal!”

He looked sideways at her and saw how she smiled delighted. Somehow she seemed different from before. More carefree, young, happy, just like the girl he met on the internet, the one who wasn’t scared to get hurt, the one feel in love with.

He stopped the car in front of her apartment and turned off the ignition.

“We are here!”

“We are!” she nodded looking at him but not moving.

“ahhh” he mumbled turning on his seat to face her “aren’t you going up?”

She blinked her eyes as if she was thinking about something to say to make that moment with him last longer. She was so transparent to him now that he almost could read her thoughts. Then she grabbed his hand on hers as if she didn’t know what to do.

“You should go. You said you have a lot of work to do!”

“Come up with me!” Rin asked puling at his hand “I bought new snacks to try and we haven’t watched the last episodes of Running Man yet…”

“I know Rin but I have….things to do!” He looked away fixing his gaze on the car panel “I need to clean this car. Maybe I can make Minho do it…”

The comment didn’t make Rin smile like it would in the past. He was just doing small talk to hide the fact he didn’t seem to want to be alone with her anymore.

Rin met Minseo after weeks without seeing each other. That horrible “party” didn’t count since they didn’t have an opportunity to talk with each other. They sat on the usual table at the usual coffee shop drinking the usual. It was as if nothing changed but it did. Both were no longer without a boyfriend, both were shawols now, both were dating SHINee members.

Even thought they were at the coffee shop for more than half an hour Minseo didn’t mention Minho even once and Rin didn’t know how to touch that subject even though she was so curious about it.

“Jonghyun is avoiding me!” she said suddenly running her finger on the plain white mug with her caramel macchiato.

“Did you two fight?” Minseo asked eyeing Rin from behind her glasses. She seemed tired and absentminded since she met Rin but now she sounded worried.

“Yes… I almost had with him!”

“WOW!”

“I know! I wanted to do it but I was scared and I kinda implied that he had a lot of girlfriends before.”

“Oh….the rumors!”

“Yes! I was stupid! Now he is upset and I think he doesn’t want to be alone with me…”

“Maybe he is just afraid to get intimate with you. Maybe he is giving you some time to think about what you really want.”

Rin was surprised with Minseo, but maybe she was right. Maybe he wasn’t the one needing that time off, maybe it was her. She didn’t know what he expected to happen but she missed him dearly, even his tries at skinship, his lips, his hugs…everything.

“Oh I miss him so much to the point that I feel like attacking him! I think I’m going crazy!”

Minseo chuckled with Rin outburst. Love could make someone act crazy. She never saw Rin acting like that, opening her heart, actually saying what she was feeling so openly.

“Then do it. Ask him to visit you and have with him.”

“I….” Rin blushed playing with the mug. “Yes….I want to do it. I think I should!”

Minseo nodded not even touching her strawberry milkshake. She ordered it because it was a tradition for her but the sweetness of it wasn’t attractive for her at that moment.

“Minho doesn’t love me.” She said surprising Rin.

“Min…”

“He is just dating me because he sees me as a friend, a good one who made him smile when he was sad and heartbroken. The truth is that he loves his ex-girlfriend.”

“I’m so sorry Min!”

“Don’t be! I knew it from the start. He told me everything about her, he even described me her smell, the way she smiled, how they met. I feel like I know her and I’ve never once saw her. I wish I did. I have so many things to tell her. She is so lucky. He is great!” Min swallowed fighting the tears and Rin grabbed her hand “Lately….he seems distant. Even before the party. I think he feels bad that he kissed me. He did it and I know he regrets it and felt bad after….and asked me to date him. Maybe he thought I would help him forget her…I thought I could do it too!”

“Maybe you should break up Min…if it’s hurting you!”

“No. I’ll wait for him to break up with me! It will happen soon. I can’t break up with him. I dreamed with him since the first time I saw him sing on the screen of my tv. The night he kissed me for the first time was as if I was dreaming…”

“I know….Jonghyun…..ah…Its so unreal right?”

“Yes. So I don’t want to be the one who ends this dream. He has to do it.”

Rin squeezed her friend hand. Now she could see how stupid she was for being afraid to surrender to her feelings for Jonghyun. She had something Minseo wanted so badly, her idol and boyfriend to love her back.

“You know what, you are right. I’m going to invite Jonghyun to a date and I’m going tell him how much I love him and if I have to go pick him up myself I will!”

“No more beer sorry. Maybe Onew drank the last one when he was here with Lillie!” Jules said sitting on the edge of her bed next to Key who had the last can of beer.

“Do you want some of mine?” he asked offering the can to Jules who denied it.

“I’m fine! Not thirsty at all. At least that kind of thirst!” she moved seductively to his lap and Kibum watched her, how she looked at him as if he was her pray, how her hands moved down his chest to his pants while she kissed his neck. Lately it was always like this. She would try to seduce him and he would give in because he also wanted her. However they would never end up having , only some caresses.  He would always put a break on it and he knew she wondered why. He had his reasons even though it was killing him.

Kibum liked to play safely and his heart was the most precious treasure he had and he wasn’t willing to let it be broken easily.

 She caressed him over his pants and he let her, kissing her lips. He liked to play that kind of games. She moaned against his lips knowing quite well the effect it had on him and as she predicted her pulled her down on the bed caressing her s roughly.

“Oh are we aroused today?” she asked stealing small kisses from him.

“I don’t know…are we?” he asked pulling her skirt up and caressing her over her .

She gasped feeling his fingers her and closed her eyes. They never went that far and she was a little nervous now. She loved to play with him but she wanted more! She wanted Key to make love with her and all those silly things Lillie used to like so much and talk about all the time. Jules wasn’t innocent and romantic like she was; she wasn’t that kind of girl. When Lillie melted every time Onew gave her flowers and held her hand, Jules preferred a good making out session maybe ending with . However lately she felt that maybe Lillie was right and sometimes holding hands, whispering sweet words and making love was the right path for happiness.  But Key didn’t seem to think that way…at least not with her.

Jules opened her eyes and giggled making Kibum confused. “Do you know what I need?”

“What?” he asked her neck while she caressed his back.

“This sounds so corny…so lame!” she giggled more and he caressed her faster making her stop and moan.

“What?”

“You are Key and I want your Key inside my Keyhole so desperately!”

“!” he sat up on the bed watching her while she burst out laughing acting crazily.

“You are the only key who fits on my keyhole….the right one!” she laughed so much she had tears running down her face and Kibum watched her smiling a little.

Since she didn’t stop laughing he frowned.

“Hey….we were doing something here!” he poked her and she covered her face still laughing, tears falling down her cheek.

“Jules?”

“I-I’m sorry!” she sobbed and he realized something was wrong. Kibum pulled her hands away and she didn’t resist looking at him with teary eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

“Stay with me tonight!” she asked in a tiny voice.

“I can’t. I told you had something to do!”

Something he didn’t say what. It was always like that. Excuses!

“That’s what is wrong!” she said sitting up and cleaning her cheeks with her hands.

“I’m sorry!” he caressed her wet sticky cheek and kissed her tasting her salty lips.

He seemed sincere but it hurt too much and she was starting to get tired of those games, of the push and pull. She wasn’t that kind of girl. She was everything or nothing and if he couldn’t give her everything then she would rather stay with nothing even if that hurt more.

“Call me when you get home!” she said instead and he kissed her again, a longer kisser, a more passionate one as if he was trying to tell her something, maybe to wait a longer more.

“I adore you!” he hugged her and Jules closed her eyes. After they confessed to each other he didn’t say I love you again and she missed it. Actually the last person who said “I love you” to her was Minjae on the last text he sent her. She felt bad for speaking to him again and not telling anything to Kibum about it but she couldn’t deny that her heart was moved with Minjae words. She wished Kibum said it to her too so she could be moved by his words also.

“I love you!” she mumbled against his shoulder and he hugged her tighter.

She wasn’t sure if she imagined it or if he really said it. “I love you too!”

Rin scrolled down her twitter angrily ignoring the dozens of tweets saying Jonghyun was dating a fellow singer and friend since they were seen together at the movies.

She didn’t know if she was more upset with him because he went to the movies without telling her or with the netizens for overreacting.

He couldn’t be dating her. He wasn’t. She kept saying that to herself ever since she saw the news when she was leaving the train.

Now she was in front of the Radio station waiting for him to come out. He didn’t even know she was there. Once again she was making the big gesture and she was going to kidnap him.

However this time it wasn’t freezing and she came prepared with coffee to keep her eyes open and her body warm.

She searched for his car and stayed closer to it, like a stalker waiting.

Soon Jonghyun showed up with the keys of his car on his hand and a cap hiding his face.

“Jonghyun-sshi!” Rin said softly making him look up at her.

“Rin? Noona…what are you doing here?”

She walked closer to him so she could see his face and his beautiful smile and surprised eyes.

“I came to kidnap you!”

“What?” he chuckled before grabbing her hand making her pleased.  “Should I scream for help?”

“Oh please no! Your fans will kill me!”

He opened the door of his car. “Then enter the car quickly. You can never win against a group of angry protective shawols!”

“I know! I’m one of them!”

He the car while she put her seat belt on.

“Where are we going? Where are you going to hide me?”

Rin was happy. It was a while since they last were together smiling and joking as if nothing happened.

“My house.”

His smile disappeared immediately and he turned around to turn on the car.

His reaction worried her and she bit her lip, silence filling the car.

Once they entered her apartment she sighed relieved. She was worried that he would find an excuse and run away from her but he didn’t. He entered her apartment as If he was inside his own home and quickly fetched a cup of water from the kitchen.

Rin lighted the candles she scattered around, before leaving her apartment, and turned off the lights surprising him.

“Scented candles?” he asked coming back from the kitchen.

“Yes. I know you like them!”

“I do!”

He nodded appreciatively looking at her illuminated by the candles. It was romantic and he liked it.

Rin wasn’t wearing anything special, a simple white shirt over her black jeans,her hair caught on a braid, but she looked beautiful to him. Simple and beautiful as she always was, just like the moon.

“Sit here please!” she asked softly sitting in front of her bed, on one of the cushions in front of her TV. He did what she asked having a deja-vu.

“You know…” she seemed nervous, playing with her hands and he looked at her admiring the way her eyes reflected the light of the candles, how she had a strand of her hair escaping from her braid and was falling over her ear without her even noticing, how she bit her lip before speaking again.  “Today I went to the same shop where I bought my first SHINee album!” she looked at him and smiled and he couldn’t help but caress her cheek making her even more nervous. “It felt like destiny because I end up in front of your albums again…”

“They are not only mine!”

“No…but someday there will be one only yours there and I wish to go there and buy it with you!”

“We can do that!”

“Promise?”

He kissed her below her ear making her shiver. “I promise!”

She seemed pleased with herself and turned around to face him. “Then I end up at the anime department and I bought something for us!”

Rin quickly grabbed a dvd that was on top of the tv and showed it to him. “I don’t know if you watched it before. But it was one of the most sold ones. I asked!”

He chuckled crossing his legs and took the dvd “No, I haven’t!”

“Let’s watch it together!” she asked observing him while he checked out the story description on the back of the dvd.

She had plans after watching it. She wasn’t going to tell him but since Rin spoke with Minseo she was sure she wanted to do that. They were going to have . She planned everything, the candles to get into  the mood, the dvd to make him relax and smile, her new underwear a little too y for her but that it would make him pleased, the words she would say to him after, her emotional, deep confession that she practiced in front of the mirror for hours blushing like an idiot…

“Sure!” he answered before bending forward to put the dvd into the dvd reader so they could watch it.

“I’m going to get the snacks!” she said happily standing up and running to the kitchen.

Rin had the snacks prepared already and he probably saw it when he went to the kitchen for a glass of water. Jonghyun knew she had that planned but she didn’t care. Maybe then he would realize she was trying really hard.

She opened the fridge to take the lemonade she prepared earlier when she remembered the rumors.

“I saw the news…” she said from the kitchen making him look into her direction.

“Hum…”

“About that singer and you!” She didn’t know why she had to mention it, but she wanted to show him that she didn’t care and she trusted him.

Jonghyun leaned his head against the bed behind him and exhaled slowly.

“I see! Then this is why I am here!”

“What?” Rin placed the bowl with snacks on the small table next to her tv and the jar with lemonade beside it.

He looked up at her “Now I know why you did all this. You wanted to corner me here and ask me if it was true. If I’m dating my friend.”

“No. You have it wrong! I didn’t!”

“I’m not dating her. She is my friend. We did go out a couple of times in a group of friends.” He stood up from the floor “Thanks for trusting me Rin.” It was a sarcastic comment and she frowned “A relationship without trust doesn’t work and you probably know that better than anyone else since your boyfriend cheated on you with a friend!”

He walked in the direction of the door ready to get his shoes but stopped surprised when he felt a cushion hit him on his back.

He turned around; an angry Rin was looking at him. He never saw her like that, she was always gentle, soft and warm…

“YOU IDIOT!”  She screamed upset tears coming to her eyes “Can’t you even listen to what I have to say?” she cleaned her eyes refusing to cry “I bought this stupid dvd before the rumors came out! And yes my heart hurt when I read about it. I didn’t doubt you but I hate that I’m not the one being linked to you! Damn I was jealous! I am jealous because she can be your girlfriend and I can’t!”

“Rin!” he truly felt like an idiot now. He accused her for jumping into conclusions that were not true and here he was doing the same, thinking that she was just like the other girls he dated before, always doubting him.

“You are the best thing that happened to me! I was so incredible hurt after what happened with me, I thought I was never going to fall in love again but I did, with an idiot I met online. It felt magical that I was once again having faint that it would work it out, that I was going to have someone to share my life with.” She looked away embarrassed “You always say the most beautiful and deep things when we are together. You have the gift of words and you always hit me where it hurts, making me realize how unfair I am to you. Sometimes you are so conceited and you know how handsome and talented you are; you are always so honest about your feelings that you can’t understand why I’m not. I’m not….I’m not like you!”

“Rin I’m sorry!” he tried to apologize but she ignored him.

“You do realize that I don’t like anime?! However I like you…I love you and I’m willing to watch it a whole afternoon If I can stay closer to you. I planned everything for this night to be perfect because…because I wanted to make love with you!” she blushed looking away once again “It’s pathetic but it’s the truth! “

“I didn’t know…” he raised his hands trying to approach her.

“Just go….I can’t face you now!” She turned around and grabbed the dvd throwing it to her bed upset.  She planned the perfect confession and she ruined it.

He sulked realizing how he acted like a jerk and looked at her one last time. Now he understands why she seemed different. She finally opened her heart to him. She was giving her all for their relationship; she was finally giving her heart to him.

“I’m sorry…” he said once again defeated, walking to the door.

Taemin opened the door of the dorm on his third try since he forgot the code once again. He almost called Onew to ask it since he didn’t dare to call one of the others. They would make fun of him. With Onew he was safe. The older man always protected him and thought it was cute how Taemin was like that. However he didn’t want to bother Onew, he was on vacation and probably busy.

He entered the dorm ready to grab some of the clothes he left there earlier when he was surprised to see a short women with glasses coming out from the kitchen.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t want to scare you!” He looked at her until he recognized Minseo voice.

She wasn’t wearing makeup or the cute clothes from the day of the “party”, she almost looked like a kid wearing simple clothes and her hair caught in a ponytail.

“I thought it was Minho.” She mumbled nervous touching her glasses and Taemin smiled also nervous. She was probably still scared of him. After all he screamed the last time she saw him. And to think that he was her second bias before…

“How did you..?”

“…get in? Key opened the door for me and then left! You should all be more careful. I could be a sasaeng trying to steal something!”

Taemin chuckled but she didn’t smile so his laughter died immediately. She wasn’t joking, she actually meant that. It was funny!

“aaaah Lillie is not here!” he said not knowing what to do.

“Yes. I know! She is on vacation with Onew. “

Taemin nodded and tried to find a way out of that awkward conversation.

“I thought I could see Minho instead!” she added.

“Isn’t he home?” since they argued during the party things between them were a little weird.

“No, and he didn’t tell me where he went and his phone is turned off!”

“Weird!” he run a hand on his hair and she pouted.

“I know! He never turns off his phone. It’s like he is avoiding me!” she giggled and Taemin tried to smile. It didn’t seem like a joke at all.

“D-do you want to eat something?” he offered feeling bad for her.

“SURE!” she beamed at him and he entered the kitchen followed by her. “Actually I ate some of your fruit. I hope you don’t mind!”

“For how long are you here?”

“Three hours maybe!”

“Wow!”

“Could I drink something instead?” she asked staring up at him. Taemin smiled since she looked like a kid. Suddenly he felt like an oppa taking care of his cute dongsaeng.

“How old are you?” he asked preparing coffee.

“You are my oppa!”

“Really?” he seemed surprised and she smiled sitting at the table watching him. She couldn’t believe she was at SHINee dorm, at their kitchen with Taemin making her coffee.

“You are my second bias after Minho!” she said dreamily and he smiled. “Everyone loves your dancing but I always loved how hardworking you are. Giving up your youth days for practicing and showing everyone how talented you are! Also I saw the teaser for your solo album! I can’t wait!”

“Thank you so much!” he mumbled offering her a cup of coffee that she eagerly picked up.

“Can you give me some sugar? I like sweet stuff!”

“Sure!” he turned back to grab the sugar and she looked at him dreamily.

“You are probably exhausted since you are preparing for it!”

“I am! And I have JAT also…”

“How is the music? What is the concept?” she stared at him with her round small eyes looking like a cute hamster and he stuttered nervous.

“I can’t tell you!”

“Just a tiny bit…a little spoiler””

“No!”

“I can do aegyo for it”

“No please don’t!” He was never very fond of aegyo.

However she ignored his requested and puffed her cheeks looking like a blowfish.

Taemin chuckled and she pouted cutely.

“What are you two doing?” Minho asked from the door making Minseo stand up immediately, a huge smile spreading on her face.

“She was waiting for you!” Taemin explained with a blank expression.

“Ah!”

Taemin knew Minho. Something was wrong with him.

“We need to talk!” Minho said grabbing Minseo hand and pulling her out the kitchen. She turned around thanking Taemin and followed after him.

He was going to take her to his bedroom but instead pulled her to the balcony. She seemed disappointed because she never entered his bedroom.

However he couldn’t take her there, not after what happened.

She looked at him sweetly has she always did before and he once again felt like the worse person in the world. Taemin was right and that was the reason he was avoiding him. He was ashamed of what he was doing. He was dating that girl, giving her false hopes when he knew he didn’t have any feelings for her.

However when he saw her in the kitchen with Taemin acting so friendly and smiling he was jealous. She never smiled like that around him, not anymore. Or maybe he wasn’t jealous, maybe he knew he was being a jerk for not letting her smile with another man because he didn’t want to be alone and selfish wanted her by his side.

“Where were you?” Minseo asked making him nervous.

He avoided her eyes and looked outside the window. Minho went to see Eun Ha that afternoon since he heard that she was still sick. He almost kissed her and he felt awful about it.

“I have something to tell you! It’s important!”

He wasn’t a cheater. Never! Ever since he was little his father thought him the values of fair play in sports, in life, in love. He didn’t love Minseo; however he liked her and wanted her to be happy. She was his friend, a special person that supported him when he was feeling down over what happened with Eun ha. He needed to let her go and stop being selfish. He needed to let what happened at the kitchen repeat again.

Rin watched Jonghyun open the door and she closed her eyes in pain. Did she want that? Was she going to let him go away like that?

“No. Please stay!”

He closed the door immediately and turned around. Jonghyun was expecting that. He didn’t want to leave. He wanted to kiss her and tell her that he also love her.

“Jong….sleep here!” she asked with wet eyes and blushed cheeks and he sighed fighting his feelings and the will to hug her against him.

“We tried before, remember? I can’t!”

“I don’t mean that…I mean…” she touched her cheeks feeling them warm and he realized what she meant.

“I’m not doing this to show you anything! I’m doing it because I want it also, because I love you!”

He didn’t move still watching her and she realized she needed to say all words or he wouldn’t make a move “Make love with me…” she never felt so nervous and yet she was happy that she could say it.

She was not only offering her heart to him, she was offering her body, her soul, everything. He dreamed with it since the day he realized he was in love with her. He knew what he had to do because he always imagined it. So he just did it.

Jonghyun quickly erased the distance between them grabbing her face with his hands, his lips slowly capturing hers in a sweet kiss.

“Yes…” he answered against her lips pulling her into his arms and she let herself fall into his love with no regrets.

...I can throw away everything and run to you.

OK HATE ME...ahahaha but yes scene on the next chapter!

IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN:::OMG IM SO NERVOUS!

Please please please dont hate Minho...he is so cute and nice he is just lost...dont hate him....T___T

lol

I'll post next DI chapter tomorrow....I hope! 

As you can see CEL timeline caught up with DI timeline.....it gets more complicated now....o.o

Chu~