Whoever I go to, whoever I meet.

Ultimately i make my way to you

(Love is so nice - Jonghyun)

 

“Today I went to see the Big Ben.”

“It’s impressive right?”

“It’s darker than I thought.”

“Darker?”

“Yes gloomier. Or maybe it was due to the weather. It was raining so much I had to cover my eyes from the rain to look up at it.”

Jonghyun laughed.

“Perfect day.”

“It would be if you were here and we could walk around together.”

“Holding hands, being disgusting?”

“Yes, under the same umbrella. Listening to sad songs and watching the rain fall.”

“We are so perfect for each other.”

It was her time to laugh.

Jonghyun rubbed his eyes and looked at the time on the clock that was on the wall. He was still working even though it was almost 5 in the morning. He should be back home and yet he was inside the radio broadcast station preparing Blue Night.

“What are you doing?”

“Getting ready to go out to have dinner. I met a Korean girl today and she told me about a group of Korean students and workers living here so we are all going out to eat.”

“That’s awesome, you will be able to make new friends.”

“I know.” She didn’t speak for a while and he scrawled some notes on the corner of a sheet of paper “Shouldn’t you be resting? It's extremely late.”

“I wouldn't be able to sleep even if I went home.” He sighed and rubbed his eyes. Lately he was so exhausted and gloomy. He didn’t tell Rin but she was many times the only thing that he looked for at the end of his day and without her to visit he was more or less lost in work.

“Are you eating well at least?” She was worried now, he could see it in the tone of her voice.

“Jess is working too so she went out to get some food with another member of the staff.”

“Jess?”

“She is an American girl working here now. She is kinda like us. Yesterday I caught her asleep here. She stayed all night working. Sometimes she reminds me of you. “

“Hum…”

“Don’t start writing dramas in your head. I'm the only one who writes here!”

She laughed “True. I must go now.”

He smiled. She seemed much more cheerful now than when she was in the first weeks. She was also very enthusiastic about what she was learning by the internship. That was certainly a good decision and it will be only five months after all.

“Go and have fun.”

“Ok.” She didn’t turn off the call and he knew why, she was waiting for it.

“I love you.”

“I know.” She giggled “I love you too.”

He placed his phone over the table and sighed hearing the ticking of the clock on the wall disrupting the silence of the room. He was so many times like that before. Alone, at night, working, feeling extremely lonely. Loneliness wasn’t a bad thing most of the times. He enjoyed those moments of solitude alone with his thoughts. A lot of inspiration he got for songs came from those moments. However that night he was a little sad.

The sound of someone pushing the door made him divert his eyes from nothingness to it.

The American girl, wearing a black snapback and a big dark blue hoodie entered with a plastic bag that she placed over the table. “Only Tteokokki.” She made a confused expression as if she was trying to find the right words and she spoke again in korean “We only got Tteokbokki!”

“Perfect. It's fine.”

“Oppa went to the bathroom.” She giggled cutely and added in english “It's so weird to call him oppa! I feel like I'm inside a drama.”

He smiled tiredly and she smiled back at him, pushing the bag closer to Jonghyun. He moved his chair back when she approached him since she had no idea of what personal space meant and grabbed the paper sheets from over the table.

“Hey…” he complained but she frowned at him.

“Eating comes first.“ She seemed like his mother scolding him with a broken Korean pronunciation “Work comes after!”

She was only taking care of him although she was being a little too pushy. That was probably her special charm. Some liked it others would criticize Jess. She pretended not to understand when people bad mouthed her but she was very good in Korean and Jonghyun knew she understood most of it. She simply didn’t want any trouble and he admired her for that, her ability to ignore what others thought about her.

The door was pushed open again and another member of the staff entered and Jonghyun rested against the chair. “Hurry up I'm famished!”

Jess took the containers with food from inside of the bag and placed them over the table, then she patted Jonghyun's shoulder which made him a little uncomfortable but he didn’t say anything. It wasn't as if she did that only to him. She was like that, all touchy and sweet to everyone. It probably had to do with the cultural differences between their countries, something she didn’t get used to yet.

Jess started eating humming delighted and raised her thumb up at him grinning cutely.

Even if she was nice to everyone, that bright smile she only gave to him. He was – according to her words – one of her role models.

 

 

Jonghyun left the building yawning. He felt exhausted and was already morning which meant that in a few hours he had another schedule. That left him with almost no time to sleep.

He opened the door of his car when he saw Jess coming out from the building wrapped in a heavy coat. Her nose was red and she was rubbing it insensately.

“Want a ride?” He asked before he thought it through. Poor girl was going to wait by the subway station for it to open again so she could go home.

“Me?” She pointed at herself asking in English.

“You!” He answered also in English and she smiled brightly at him. Jess dashed in his direction and only stopped when she was in front of him.

He waited for her to sit on the passenger's seat before he sat by his side.

“I've never been inside such an expensive car. Damn it! It’s a ing Lamborghini!”

Jonghyun blushed with all the cursing and started the car. He never saw a woman curse as much as an old neighbor he had when he was a kid but Jess was closer to her.

“Thank you!” Jess rubbed her nose with a paper tissue.

“You seem very sick.” He pointed out keeping his eyes on the road.

“Yes. My nostrils are all red because I keep blowing my nose.” He didn’t say anything “Actually I hated my nostrils until I met you.”

“What?”

“You mentioned in Blue Night once that you don’t like your nostrils, well once I met you I thought oh look at this handsome man with nostrils like mine. It made me feel special as if I was part of a secret club of big nostrils.”

He laughed peeking at her and Jess placed her hand on his shoulder and squeezed it lightly before blowing her nose.

Jonghyun looked away immediately, that brief touch making him uncomfortable.

“Actually we have a lot in common. “ She added sniffing “I also love games. Once I played one for ten hours straight.”

“Really? Wow! Well sometimes when I have free time…”

“Probably not many times then.”

He chuckled and kept talking “when I do, I also play for a long time.”

He asked her which games she was playing lately and they started talking about it only interrupting the conversation for Jess to give him directions to the street where she lived.

It was a fast ride since they were having so much fun bonding over games and nostrils.

“Thank you for taking me home.I'll cherish it. It's not everyday when you ride a lamborghini and your idol brings you home.”

“No. I don't believe it is. I enjoyed our conversation too!”

She blinked at him and made a cute sound with her tongue.”See you tomorrow…well in a few hours!”

She closed the door and run all way to the the door of the building where she lived.

Jonghyun watched her until she was safe inside and then drove away, his eyes falling on the backside mirror. He did like his nostrils more now.

 

 

Jinki stared at the ceiling above him, his breathing slowly returning to normal, the sound of his heart pulsating inside his head. Min Hee legs moved against his and her warm hand touched his chest.

He felt as if he was in autopilot. Like when you are driving to work and your mind is somewhere else and you just drive mechanically. He hated that. It was such a dangerous thing. The unpredictable can happen and the split of second it takes you to turn autopilot mode might be the only step between you and death.

Min Hee kissed him up to his neck and he closed his eyes.

A quick memory of Lillie doing the same thing to him and smiling at him after came to his mind and for a short while he had the thought that once he opened his eyes the woman in front of him would be her and not Min Hee.

Everything was wrong though. Her perfume, the way she was touching him, even the small kisses. It didn’t match with Lillie at all.

It wasn’t Lillie he was sure of it because if it was her he would feel different, he wouldn’t have such a big urge to move out from that bed and have some time alone to think.

He really didn't have to think with Lillie, only feel.

It wasn't fair to Min Hee but he felt hot and not in a good way. He didn't feel like cuddling with her, or kissing her. It was as if he was lying to her and his own feelings if he stayed. That wasn't made with love, not on his part. It was and he felt that if he hugged her in his arms and caressed her it would be as if he was untruthful to her.

Jinki sat up on the bed and grabbed his underwear which seemed to confuse Min Hee.

“Where are you going?”

“Ah…” He had no idea where to go. He didn’t want to go home back to his bedroom or any place that made him think of Lillie, of her smile, of the promises he made to her. Jinki bit his lower lip and pulled his underwear over his legs before grabbing his pants. He felt as if he cheated on Lillie but she was the one who broke up with him. Why did all of that feel so wrong though. Maybe it was because he didn’t love Min Hee, maybe it was too soon. “I have to go home. I need to get up early tomorrow.”

Great. Now he was lying to her so he could run somewhere where he could be alone.

“Was it bad?” The question made him froze when he was pulling his pants over his underwear.

“No. It wasn’t.” He wasn’t lying. Min hee was good in bed. He didn’t have many experience, well he did have a lot of experience with Lillie, but only with her and he already knew what she liked, what to do to make her reach her and she knew what he liked too. So there was no missing in their relationship. It was always good. But he actually didn’t have experience with other women. “Was I bad?”

He was worried a little now, his male pride a little hurt. He did his best or tried to. It was hard at first, since he was searching for the things that turned him on on the wrong woman – the place on her neck that Lillie liked to be kissed, her s, her soft moans…

“No it was good. You are really good!” Min hee comment made him smile softly.

He was good! At least she had pleasure.

Jinki buttoned and zipped his pants and then kneeled on the floor to search for his sweater that must have fallen.

“It's here!” Min Hee said raising it on her hand and Jinki kneeled on the bed and leaned forward to grab it.

She took that opportunity to steal a kiss from his lips, one that he didn’t answer back grabbing the sweater and turning around to pull it down his body.

“Is everything ok Jinki?”

Yes and no. He wanted to answer that but he didn’t want to hurt her.

How can you say to the girl you are dating, that yes he liked the and was thankful to her and no he didn’t want the after all since he couldn’t stop thinking about his ex during the before and after of it.

“Y-yes sure. I'm just a little…wow….tired.” He kicked himself mentally and turned to Min Hee again.

She was smiling at him, rubbing her head on her pillow very satisfied and he felt bad.

He didn’t love her. He didn’t even wish for that to happen. He wanted to take things slow and get to know her better before that actually happened and he gave her false hopes but somehow while they drank together her hand got closer to his crotch, her lips didn’t leave his and he let his needy body and soul take the best of him.

He felt satisfied now, his ual needs that he was feeling for a while now, months apart from Lillie were quieted down for a while but…his heart. His heart was angry at him. Hell he was pissed off with him. Jinki let dubulge decide and he did the worst of decisions ever.

He was after all one of LIlie’s number one fan and in a weak moment he went after Min hee.

Jinki shook his head. Now he was one second away from scolding his . He was going crazy.

“Jinki?”Min Hee was going to come out from the bed worried with his silence and that wasn’t good. She would kiss him, demand his attention and he didn’t want to touch her more. He didn’t want to give her reasons for her to hate him more.

He was so confused. He needed help.

There wasn’t anyone he could think off at the moment besides K.Will but he had no idea if he was up. It was so late already and they didn’t talk in a while. His hyung was more experienced though.

Kibum was no good, he was probably with Jules.

Taemin…he had no idea where he was and Minho was out with friends.

Jonghyun. He was probably at the broadcast station.

Jinki needed him.

Before Min hee had time to stand up Jinki strode to the door of her bedroom. “I have to go.”

“Already? Give me a goodnight kiss at least.”

Her request made Jinki almost release a cry of despair but he did it, kissing her lips feeling like an for sleeping with her - with a friend.

“Well goodnight.” He mumbled before he literally run out from her place.

That night with her was in autopilot. It was as if he was only letting his body do all the work while his mind was elsewhere. It didn’t lead to death but it lead to a big mess inside him.

That was the first sign that that relationship had no future, but both pretended not to see it.

 

 

Rin smiled politely at another Korean girl that was putting lipstick on and then washed her hands.

Two women entered the bathroom talking in Korean and Rin smiled to herself. It was pleasing to hear people talking korean in London.

Coming to that dinner between Korean students and workers living in London was a little awkward to her at first. She was never the social type so she had a hard time coming out form her shell. But with time passing by she managed to talk with some of the people that were at her table.

There were three Korean men, two working for a short while in London, one studying English, two women, one married with an english man and other was studying international business. And then, much to Rin’s surprise an English man was there. She didn’t speak to him but he was talking in Korean fluently with the girl that was a student.

Rin left the bathroom and almost bumped against him.

His hair was red and she couldn't take her eyes off from it. She never truly saw someone with that color of hair, only when it was dyed.

“Sorry…” She said in English forgetting that he knew Korean, her eyes moving from his hair to the small name tag her had on his chest, one that everyone had to use. “Eddie.”

“Hi.” He greeted with a big smile in korean “Nice to meet you…” He looked at her name tag also“Rin.”

Since Rin seemed to be a little embarrassed he spoke again “I'm fluent in Korean. You don't have to worry with the English. I wouldn't be here if I didn’t speak Korean at least a little.”

“So…you don’t look Asian.”

“No. I was born and raised here in London but I moved to Korea for some years now and I'm here again for a few months working. Since I feel very Korean I come to this kind of meetings.”

“That’s impressive.”

“Don’t you think it’s a little rude?” His orange eyebrows furrowed “Some people seem to look at me as if I'm an outsider.”

“Well as long as you don’t feel like one all is good.”

“I like you. How old are you?”

Rin told him her age and he celebrated since they had the same age. They both walked to their seat with Eddie speaking to her as if they knew each other for a long time even though they barely spoke for five minutes.

“Why did you went to live in Korea?” Rin asked when they sat beside each other on their table.

Two of the men have left already and only the student and one of the workers were there both clearly flirting with each other.

Rin realized that the distance between that couple was the same she had with Eddie so she barely heard his answer and turned to him.

“I have a boyfriend.”

“Ah…” He chuckled “Great! That’s really great!”

She felt a little relieved after saying it so there wouldn’t be any wrong ideas and Eddie didn’t seem to mind.

“As I was saying, before you friendzoned me, which is ok.” He laughed again and Rin smiled softly. She liked him. “I went to Korea because I loved it. I love the culture and the music and I'm a drama lover.” He nodded his head “Also there was this friend I met here. He was from there and he had this friend called Soo Mi that…”

Rin seemed a little confused so he quickly tried to simplify what he was trying to say.

“There is this beautiful Korean girl I had a crush on that made me finally decide to go. I ended up staying.”

“So you have a girlfriend?”

“No. She ended up with my friend. It was her childhood friend and they love each other and are happy. They are my friends.”

“Oh I'm sorry.”

Eddie grabbed his glass of wine and shook his head “No it's totally fine. “ He smiled before drinking and Rin grabbed her glass of juice and something weird happened.

She suddenly felt like opening up to him.

“Well I met my boyfriend online.”

“Really?”

“It’s a crazy story…” She couldn’t really tell him that he was an idol but there was so many things to say about how she fell for Jonghyun.

“I don’t mind hearing it.”

 

 

Jonghyun was exhausted. He spent the whole day working and he only napped for two hours.

That day he was going to leave the broadcast station after Blue Night. He was going to go home, text Rin, listen to music and try to sleep. That was his plan.

But before he still needed to wrap up the ending segment of Blue Night. His voice was mellow and he had a hard time hiding his tiredness from everyone.

Jonghyun looked at the piece of paper he had in front of him but when he realized he wasn’t reading what he wrote anymore. He wasn’t following the plan and started talking about something else. That often happened anyway since he didn't always follow the script.

“Humans are funny creatures. We can be doing something mundane like washing the dishes, going on our way to work or actually being on the radio as a DJ when we suddenly are hit by a feeling of missing someone. Sometimes it's a smell attached to that person or the memory of that person; others a smile, a word, an action. It just happened to me right now.“ He aligned the sheets of papers over the table “I was thinking about what I have to do after this and this sudden feeling took over me. It can be one that leaves you happy or one that hurts, but you are never indifferent to it.” Jonghyun smiled “So I leave a special goodbye to everyone that is missing another person right now. This was Blue Night with Jjong-D, come take a rest tomorrow too!”

Jonghyun took of his headphones and placed them over the table before he stood up and grabbed his coat from the seat behind him. He was satisfied with himself. Beside his many fans, he knew that Lillie was listening to it – she always did accordingly to Rin – and more importantly Rin was also.

Jonghyun left the room and Jess sent him a thumbs up from the other side of the room. He waved at her before he left to the corridor.

He didn’t manage to leave the building because someone was outside leaning against the wall, someone that quickly stepped away from it and looked at Jonghyun with a soft smile on his face.

“I listened to it.” Jinki moved his phone still with his headphones connected to it. “I heard Blue Night tonight.”

“Did anything happen?” Jonghyun asked a little worried. It was rare for the members to visit. Minho did a few times but Minho was a special case. Besides Jinki only came to him when he had a problem and none of his friends were available. They were like brothers and many times they prefered to talk with a friend than with someone from their family.

“No.” Jinki said at first but Jonghyun didn’t believe him. How could he when Jinki was chewing the inside of his cheek nervously. “What you said about missing someone…ah…”

“What happened?” Jonghyun insisted.

“I did something and I feel weird about it.”

“Weird?” Jonghyun fixed his snapback.

“I–I need someone to talk with.”

Jonghyun patted Jinki’s back and pushed him to walk with him.

“It's ok. I didn’t have anything planned for tonight anyway.” It was a small lie but it was ok. He could always sleep later. It wasn’t as if he would sleep much anyway and Jinki needed him again. When he was having a hard time the members were by his side so of course he would be by theirs if they needed also. That’s what family does. “Let's get out of here so you can tell me.”

“Where?” Jinki asked.

“Let's go to my place. Let’s drink.”

 

 

Jonghyun was doing magic.

At least that was the name Jess gave to the moments when he was writing and composing songs during his time at Blue Night. He often hid in the waiting room when it was empty and used his tablet and a small notebook to start doing it….magic.

Magic was filling the room while Jonghyun played on his tablet trying different changes in the melody to see if it fitted the lyrics he had for the song, the kind of feelings he wanted it to give.

Jess blowing her nose broke the magic and Jonghyun finally noticed that he wasn’t alone anymore.

“I'm sorry.” She said with wet eyes “It's just beautiful.”

“What is?” He barely composed the chorus of the song yet.

“The lyrics you just sang and this…” She moved her hands “All this!” She giggled and then moved to sat next to him “I'm seeing my idol doing music. I'm the luckiest!”

“You truly are a Shawol?”

“Of course. I told you I am. I know everything about you. Ask me anything and I'll answer.”

Jonghyun wasn't sure if he wanted to ask anything.

“Ok I don't know everything!” She laughed “I don’t know the color of your underwear for example.”

That comment made him blush slightly and he looked away.

“Sorry about that. I often talk a lot about underwear. I collect .”

“Excuse me?” His wide eyes didn’t even blink.

“I love . I buy so many that I have a huge stock to the point I won't ever use all of them in a whole life. Ok I probably will…I'm wearing ones I bought in Paris last year right now. ”

He was speechless looking at her. There was no sign of embarrassment on her face even though she just talked about her to a man she wasn't dating. Americans were truly different from Korean people.

“Ah Jess…” He didn't know how to tell her to be more careful mentioning that topic to people.

“Yes?” She cleaned her eyes with a paper tissue and smiled brightly at him, to the point that he wasn’t able to warn her about it, at least not directly afraid to hurt her.

“Just try to be more careful about cultural differences between here and America.”

“Oh don’t worry.” She opened her bag and showed to him a book “I'm reading this.” It was a book about manners in Korea and she seemed so proud to have it. “I'm becoming a part time Korean in no time.”

Just when she was putting her book away one of the show producers entered the room.

“Jess!”

That wasn’t a good thing and Jonghyun watched the scene. It wasn’t rare to see Producer Kang scolding the interns. She was a beautiful young woman and very charming with a sweet smile but she was also a perfectionist and when something didn’t go her way hell would break loose.

“Yes?” Like always Jess offered Producer Kang a sincere smile.

That wouldn’t save her though.

“Why didn’t you finish what I asked you to do?”

Jess’ smile faded “I did. I called everyone you told me to and I even sent emails to the ones who didn’t answer the phone.”

“No you didn’t. I just received a call from one of the agents I was trying to contact for weeks and he said he called back and got no answer.”

“But I was beside the phone the whole day and I didn’t…”

“No excuses! He told me he called. What were you doing? Fawning over Jonghyun?”

“No!” Jess was in trouble and Jonghyun felt sorry for her.

“She wasn’t with me.” He tried to help.

“The problem is that she isn’t doing her job well and if she doesn’t start working better she is out of here. There are many interns wanting your position.”

With that Producer Kang left and Jess didn’t move staring at the floor.

Jonghyun stood up and walked to her. “Don’t read too much into her words. She is always like this. Tomorrow she will realize that she was too aggressive and that that agent probably didn't even call and was lying. She is always like this.”

“I know but…” Jess rose her sad eyes to Jonghyun “She was never like that to me.”

“There is always a first time for everything. “He patted her shoulder friendly “Go home and rest. Tomorrow is a new day.”

Jess forced a smile and then wished him goodnight before she left the room.

Jonghyun sat in front of his notebook and grabbed his pencil, Jess’ desolated expression was printed on his mind.

He closed his eyes a sudden idea coming to him.

Like often happened, his daily life was the first impulse for magic to be made.

 

 

Jonghyun was leaving the broadcast station, a few steps away from his car when he saw Jess.

She was motionless facing the road in front of her watching the cars go by holding an umbrella.

After that day she got scolded her mood seemed to change. She was still the bubbliest member of the team but something definitely felt different.

Jonghyun opened the door of his car and looked at her one last time wondering what she was waiting for. On the other side of the road there was a bus station and at the end of the street a subway station and yet she wasn’t moving. She wasn’t even calling for a taxi either.

He placed his phone and wallet over the driver's seat and closed the door; pulling his hood over his head he run to her.

She blinked her eyes when he stepped under her umbrella.

“Jonghyun-ssi?”

“Not going home tonight?”

“I was waiting.”

“Waiting? For someone?” He felt stupid. He really thought she had a problem and needed someone to talk to. “I'm sorry.”

“No.” she looked at the floor a little embarrassed “It's ok. That person really doesn't know about it.”

“Oh!” She reminded him of when he was in school and waited outside the pc bang for this girl that he had a crush on and didn’t even know he existed.

“It’s a crush you know…” Jess explained in English. She tried to say it in Korean too but Jonghyun moved his hands.

“I know what you mean.”

“It’s silly. I should go home!” Jess turned to leave but she stopped looking at something behind Jonghyun.

He turned too just in time to see Producer Kang and one of the staff members that worked with them coming out from the building.

Jess’ shoulders slumped immediately and Jonghyun looked at her.

He knew that expression very well. The crashing feeling inside you, the feeling of hope dripping out from you until there is nothing inside it.

He looked from Jess to the man with Producer Kang and back to her.

“I'm sorry.” It was clear as day that the reason for Jess’ pain was there beside Producer Kang.

“I saw them together a few times already, smiling…” Jess said. “They act so differently when they are together. Their eyes have a different light and yet I told myself so many times that it was only my jealous self that was seeing things.”

“Well they are only leaving together. Doesn’t mean they are dating.” Jonghyun tried to be positive.

“No, it's better this way. It would never work out anyway. No one would understand.”

He wondered what she meant and Jess quickly rubbed her eyes clean, making them look even more red than they were before.

“Want to go drink something?” he suggested. “I'm not a good drinker but I'm a good listener.”

“If people saw us together…” She didn’t finish what she was saying but he knew what she meant.

“It's ok. Im picking up my sister too. She had a work related dinner and asked me to pick her up. We won't be truly alone…if you want. That is….I understand if you want to be alone.”

Often he preferred to be alone when he was sad but that wasn’t the way how everyone dealt with sadness.

“Your sister? Sodam unnie?”

“Yes that’s the only one I have.”

“YES!”

The enthusiastic answer made Jonghyun step back, his coat getting wet on the back with the drops of rain from the umbrella.

“I’m her fan! I mean, she sounds awesome!”

Jonghyun chuckled “Yes she is awesome. Maybe you can become friends.”

Jess probably needed some friends in Korea.

“You think so?” Jess’ cheeks were very red right now and Jonghyun felt relieved to see her good mood coming back to her.

“Why not?”

“I can't believe I came to Korea and met Kim Jonghyun and his sister.”

She started walking and he followed her. Since she was going in the wrong direction he placed his hand on her back and made her turn in the direction of his car.

“Back in America I had only one SHINee poster because I had to share the bedroom with my sister. “

“Really?”

“Yes. And then Taemin’s album came out and I placed that one where he is very shirtless on my wall.”

Jonghyun laughed with the story.

“I'm an Onew fan but I swear that when Taemin debuted solo he made me wet my .”

“W-what…” Jonghyun blushed so much and flustered stepped into a big puddle of water.

“Be careful man!” Jess pulled him out of it and glanced at his red cheeks laughing.

“It's just an expression, I'm sorry. Am I being too explicit?”

“A little.”

She patted his shoulder as if they knew each other for years and were the best of pals. “Don’t worry. I won’t mention what you do to my !”

His speechless shocked expression made Jess laugh and he opened the door for her to enter like a gentleman before he went to his side of the car.

She was still laughing at his reaction when he sat beside her.

That was only the beginning of their night together and he was already nervous.

 

 

Rin missed the sun.

Even though she got used to the rainy weather of London she missed the sunny days of Seoul and couldn’t wait to go back. So once she was informed that they would have a break during the internship she almost run back home to pack and buy her plane ticket back.

It was only for two weeks – less since she had to count with the time she would spend traveling – but even one day would be worth it if she could see her parents and sister and kiss Jonghyun.

Seeing him only on her laptop, on youtube or through Skype wasn’t the same as touching him and kissing him.

It was 4 am in Korea and 20 pm in London but that didn’t stop her from calling him to give him the news. He would be the first one to know since she could call her parents so late.

He was different. She messaged him in kakao to be sure but she was right. Jonghyun wasn’t sleeping, he was at home fighting his insomnia playing games.

She didn’t tell him at first, asking him about what he was doing instead like they did every time they called each other. Rin couldn’t wait though. She was just lengthening the surprise, wondering how he would react when she told him.

“How was your day?“ She asked opening her fridge to take out some vegetables to cook.

He would tell her how his day was and after ask her back the same and she would say it as if it was nothing, that she would see him very soon.

“Normal.” Jonghyun sighed, sounding very tired. “In the morning I was able to sleep a little bit, then I took my mother to the hospital for a check up.”

“I miss your mother.” Rin remarked and she could picture him smiling on the other side.

“She misses you too.“ She was cutting carrots and eating them and Jonghyun could hear her chewing on them “What you eating?”

“Dinner…well what will be a part of dinner. Carrots!”

“I miss you cooking for me.”

“I miss cooking together but…” She almost told him that soon they would eat together but he spoke instead.

“Then after I went to the company since we had a planning meeting, then we started rehearsing the new song choreography. After I went back to the broadcast station and I had a meeting there. After It was Blue Night.”

“Wow.” She felt helpless because she couldn’t even hug him when he was going through so much. “No wonder you're exhausted.”

“Yes. Oh I forgot after Blue Night I stayed with Jess for a while working too.”

“Jess?” The name sounded familiar to Rin. Jonghyun probably mentioned her before.

“Yes she works with me for a while now. She is from the United States. “

“I remember her I think, the girl that has no sense.” Jonghyun once told Rin about how the new girl kept doing awkward things around the staff and getting scolded for it.

“Yes that one.” Jonghyun chuckled “She is not a bad girl. She is just used to another reality and it's hard for her to fit in I guess.”

“She sounds rude to me.” Rin ate another piece of carrot and started slicing the onion next “She is in another country so she needs to respect the people who live in it.”

“But she does. She is just being herself. She is very charming actually, not rude at all. She is genuine. I admire that.”

“Are you defending her?” Rin asked a little upset. He was talking about Jess as if she was a freaking goddess.

“Rin are you jealous?” he laughed and Rin almost cut herself with the knife.

“Don’t make fun of me Kim Jonghyun!”

“Don’t be jealous. She is only my coworker and friend.”

“Friend?” They barely knew each other and were friends already. “I made a lot of friends here already too. Like Eddie.” He was the first one that came to her mind and it wasn’t a lie anyway. Lately they met outside of the Korean meetings and they got close.

“Hum. That’s good. You are adapting.”

He didn’t seem jealous and that annoyed Rin, to an extend that she almost forgot the good news.

“I'm getting sleepy.” Jonghyun mumbled “I turned off the tv and I am in my bed now. Your voice is like a lullaby.”

It was sweet words but she was now upset with him.

“Are you saying I bore you and you fall asleep with my phone calls?”

“No.” he seemed a little confused “No, not at all. I’m saying that hearing you makes me relax. It's like arriving home after the end of a day.”

His song…

Rin turned around and sat over the bed of her small room. “Jonghyun?”

“Hum.” He wasn’t lying, that was his sweet gentle deep voice before he fell asleep. She missed it as much as his warmness next to her in bed.

“I have two free weeks. I'm going to spend some days in Korea.”

“What?” His voice sparkled with energy and she completely forgot about Jess and the annoyance she felt earlier.

“We will be together very soon.”

“I don’t think I'll be able to sleep anymore.” Jonghyun remarked “Tell me everything.“

 

 

“Look!”

Jess placed a dvd over Jonghyun’s table a few minutes before Blue Night started.

“Is this..?” His eyes illuminated and he his chair facing her.

“Yes! The special movie from that anime you wanted to watch.”

Jonghyun grabbed the dvd and touched the cover as if it was a precious treasure.

“I searched it everywhere. It's so old and rare. How did you find it?”

Jess shrugged her shoulders “I have my connections!”

“This is awesome.”

“I know! Wanna watch together?”

The suggestion made Jonghyun tear his eyes away from the dvd cover.

“We can order some snacks and watch it and maybe play games. I got some new playstation games last week.”

Jonghyun swallowed and looked at her.

She was a girl. Yes it was true that he believed in friendship between a man and a woman but he had a girlfriend.

Besides he was an idol. He had a reputation and he needed to be careful. Normally he wouldn't worry about those kind of things, he always met his friends not worrying about what others would say if they found out but he didn't know Jess that well yet. He didn't knew her true intentions. Yes she seemed like a good person but even if they were friends would she invite him over like that knowing that he had a girlfriend without no second thoughts?!

Was he the one going after preconceived ideas? That a man and woman couldn't be alone during the night only as friends?

He trusted himself, he knew he wouldn't cheat on Rin but wouldn't she oppose to him meeting with a woman like that without any other person being present?!

Jess placed her hand on his shoulder and her small hand seemed to weigh a ton since he was deep in thoughts and skinship wasn't helping.

“It's ok if you can't today. We can do another day or maybe during the day or not.” Jess bit her lower lip her smile fading. She was probably realizing how he wasn't smiling anymore clearly uncomfortable with that invitation.

“Jess I think we need to talk.”

“I screwed up again right?” She asked distressed.

“No, we just need to talk.”

She didn't do anything wrong. It was probably normal for her to invite a friend over and she probably didn't seem to care if he was a man or a woman.

Jonghyun shouldn't either, but he wasn't used to that yet and before she had a wrong idea he felt like he had to clear that up.

 

 

“Going back to Korea?” Eddie asked sitting beside Rin. She was working on her laptop inside the coffee shop where they agreed to meet with some other friend which was late.

Rin moved her eyes from the laptop where she was buying the tickets back to him.

“I have two weeks of vacation so yes I'm going back.”

“Cool. I'm finishing my project here soon. I was thinking about staying a few more weeks but maybe I can go back with you.”

“Really?” She was happy about it. Flying back to Korea would be a long trip and she often got bored. Being with Eddie would be great since he was so funny and bubbly. He was so different from Jonghyun in that aspect. It wasn't as if she didn't have fun with Jonghyun - of course she did - but Eddie was probably a better traveling companion. He wouldn’t be quiet for sure.

“Yeah. Why not? Do you know any decent single Korean girls for me to date?”

Rin frowned trying to think about someone fitting of Eddie. She did know a lot of people but she couldn't call many of them friends. Also the ones she was close to where all taken, everyone but Minseo.

“My friend Min is single. She is really cute.”

“Petit?” Eddie asked animated.

The word made Rin think about Jonghyun and she laughed.

“Yes you can say that. She is adorable I’m sure you will like her.”

“She doesn't have a friend that she loves secretly and with whom she has a secret physical relationship, right?” Eddie’s question made Rin pale “I had my fair share of that with my friends Kibum and Soo Mi.

Min did have that weird relationship with Taemin but from what she knew and Min told her on the phone they weren't together anymore.

“Don't think so. You will be adorable together.”

 

 

Jonghyun was good with words. He was always good with them and awful with numbers. That was one of the reasons he never liked math and why his mother easily bought things without his permission - he was too tired to look at the numbers of his bank account and his mother was just adorable using excuses to buy things she liked for their house.

However Jonghyun did like thinking about words and their meanings. Where did that word come from, why people say things like this and not that, why does this word sound better with this one and not the other…

The fact that he spent a long time thinking about words and how to use them in a song was useful for him in his everyday life.

Like for example now, when he had to have an important conversation with Jess about the way she behaved with him.

They decided to talk while drinking coffee inside the recording room that was empty at the moment.

“Are you upset with me?” Jess asked with a soft voice biting the inside of her cheek “I know that I mess up a lot of things and my Korean is awful but i promise I'll try hard.”

“Jess I wasn't the one who hired you therefore I don't have the power to fire you even if I wanted to.”

“And you do?” In moments like that was when he realized that even Jess, the crazy spontaneous girl that came from America also could be vulnerable and scared.

“No. I…” he glanced at the door “We meet like this a lot lately right? To work.”

“You mean alone?”

“Yes here at the studio.”

“Sometimes Dae Jung is with us.”

“Yes but imagine that you are Producer Kang...”

Jess blushed shaking her head “No way I could be pretty like her.”

Jonghyun sighed ignoring the comment. “You enter the same room every night and see a man and a woman working together. What would you think?”

Jess blinked her eyes. “That they need a raise?”

Jonghyun chuckled. “No. Usually a person would think that they might have something going on.”

Jess widened her eyes “But we don't. Dae Jung is with us a lot also.”

“Yes but anyone inside the company can have that idea. Not everyone thinks like you.”

“Then you don't want to be alone with me anymore?”

“I didn't say that.” Jonghyun pursed his lips “I'm just asking you to be more careful. I believe a woman and a man can be friends.”

“Is this all because of me asking you to play games at my place?”

“Yes. I have a girlfriend. I love her very much and I don't want to hurt her. I like you as a friend Jess only that.”

The corners of her lips started to raise and she grinned before laughing which made Jonghyun confused.

“You think I'm interested in you?”

“Well you said you were my fan and even made some comments…about my body…and…”

“I did.” She couldn't stop laughing “And it's true I am your fan and I admire you so much to the point I cry listening to your songs. I never missed a Blue Night broadcast either. You are very special to me. But even though you have a nice body I'm not interested in you.”

“I should feel offended but I feel relieved.” He smiled back at her. “I really hope it stays like this. I really want to be your friend.”

“Don't worry it will.” Jess her lips and moved her fingers over her lap nervously. “I know that sometimes I do things that go against the way Korean people think and behave but...I'm not oblivious to what I can share or not here. I know that there are some things I can't say if I want to keep this job.”

“What do you mean?”

Jess leaned forward as if she was going to tell him a secret “What I am going to tell you I know you will understand - that's one of the reasons I admire you so much - but not everyone are like you. You really can't tell anyone. You have to promise me!”

Jonghyun swallowed nervously.

He hated secrets and all the heavy baggage that came with it, but what could he do when she was willing to share something so important with him?! He couldn't say no and disrespect her.

“I promise.”

 

 

Jonghyun glanced at the clock nervously and then back at the laptop in front of him. He was still busy preparing things for the next day since they had a meeting earlier that day and things were messy.

Rin was probably at the airport already and he did promise that he would pick her up but he was still stuck at work.

“This is the list of the guests for the next two weeks.” Producer Kang said giving Jonghyun a sheet of paper that he was going to grab but Jess did for him.

Producer Kang frowned at her and she quickly gave it to Jonghyun.

“Take a look and tell me what you think.”

“Yes.” Jonghyun nodded and she stood up from her seat grabbing her coat “I'm going now. Don’t stay until late. You should rest.”

She was always so sweet to him. Jonghyun glanced at Jess that was looking like a puppy at Producer Kang that basically ignored her and left the room bidding goodnight to Jonghyun.

“She totally hates me.” Jess sulked sinking in her seat.

“She does.” Dae Jung agreed from behind his laptop.

“I'm so late.” Jonghyun mumbled trying to focus on the laptop in front of him. There were several things he wanted to check for the next day. He would be so busy the next day that he didn't have time to prepare the broadcast before it. He would go from recording immediately to DJ with no time to prepare anything.

He typed on the screen and Jess peeked at it, ignoring her own work and all the list of things to do that Producer Kang gave her.

“You going to pick up your girlfriend right?” Dae Jung asked suddenly becoming pale because he forgot Jess was in the room. Jonghyun avoided talking about his personal life in front of the staff. It was dangerous and besides people he trusted not many knew about him having a girlfriend and he prefered to keep it that way.

“It's ok Jess knows.”

“I know!” Jess said brightly which made Jonghyun chuckle. “We are friends!” She leaned her head against Jonghyun’s shoulder and Dae Jung looked at them speechless since Jonghyun didn't move away.

“She must be waiting already!” Jonghyun peeked at the clock and started typing on the laptop again.

“I would do it for you but I spent the whole week arriving late and my wife will kill me.”

“It's ok. You have a baby to take care of.”

“Yes and a wife near a nervous breakdown.”

Jess raised her hand in the air “I'll do it.”

Jonghyun looked at her as if she was his hero.

“I can do it. You can tell me what I must do and I will.”

“Are you sure?” Jonghyun eyed the list of things she had to do and she placed a hand over it covering the sheet from him.

“I don't mind. I don't have anything much to do and I can always sleep tomorrow morning. It's not like I'm an idol.”

“I really don't feel well passing this to you!” Jonghyun rubbed his head not seeing a way out from that. He probably needed to call Rin and tell her to catch a taxi.

“It's ok. You can give me something in return like...an autograph. Yes!” her eyes light up “An album autographed by all SHINee members!”

“Ok. I can do that!”

“YES! DEAL!”

She offered her hand to him and Jonghyun shook it.

“You are a good friend Jess.”

“I am!”

 

 

Even though he left earlier, Jonghyun didn't manage to pick up Rin at the airport. Instead he received a message from her saying she was back to her apartment.

So he drove there and almost run to her door dying to see her.

It was only a few minutes between the moment he knocked on her door and she opened it but for him and for his heart thumping in his ears because he left his car running, it felt like years.

Rin opened the door and he held his breath.

Many days didn’t pass between the last day he saw her and the present moment but for a man in love it was already enough to make him miss her immensely.

“Jonghyun…” Rin’s eyes shined and she was going to tell him something but he didn't gave her time.

Instead he stepped inside her apartment and wrapped his arms around her hugging her tight, hiding his face in her neck.

Her shampoo smelled the same, her scent was the same and he smiled grateful.

He now could understand Jinki and Taemin and how much they suffered away from the women they loved. That was a torture and now that she was back in his arms he realized that if it wasn't for work and how busy he always was he would have gone crazy missing her already.

“Rin you have no idea how much I mi…”

He didn't finish because once he pulled away from her he saw someone watching them.

It was a red haired foreigner man and it took Jonghyun a while to realize that he was Eddie, Rin’s most recent friend. He heard a lot about him. How he also lived in Korea and was back in London for work, how Rin intended to introduce him to Minseo, how sometimes Rin met him for a cup of coffee.

“Ah Eddie is staying here.” Rin said holding into Jonghyun’s arm as if she was scared that he would go away.

“Staying? Here?”

Rin pulled Jonghyun to the kitchen while Eddie bowed to him as a greeting.

“You didn't tell me that he was coming with you.” Jonghyun whispered his eyes falling on her lips. He wanted to kiss her.

“I think I mentioned it in one of our calls.” Rin answered caressing his arm. She missed touching him so much.

“Why is he staying here? Why doesn’t he go home?”

“When he moved to London he had to give up on the place he was staying. Tomorrow he is going to sleep at his friend's house. I couldn't let him sleep on the street.”

Jonghun was having a hard time concentrating on what she was saying because he couldn't stop thinking about how much he wanted to kiss her.

He peeked at the living room. Eddie was motionless pretending to read a magazine, sitting over Rin’s bed, the same one where Jonghyun had with her several times.

It annoyed him somehow.

Even if Eddie seemed busy Jonghyun didn't feel that his conversation was that private because he could see them from where he was easily.

“He could have stayed in an hotel.”

Rin frowned “He is my friend.”

“Yes but he is a guy.” Jonghyun swallowed hard realizing what he was saying. He stayed alone with Jess numerous times and they were only friends. He was going against what he believed in just a split of a second. He wasn't better than anyone else he condemned. Why couldn't Rin stay alone with a male friend?

Maybe he was overreacting due to his jealousy but still he couldn't bare to let her sleep in the same room as another man.

“Where will he sleep?”

“In the bed. I'll sleep on the floor. I have a mattress and…”

“I’ll stay too.”

“Jonghyun he is a good guy, there is nothing going on.”

“I know.” He did seem honest about it. “I trust you and if you say he is a good person than he is but…I’m still staying. I'm jealous ok?!”

Rin smiled softly and leaned closer before peeking at Eddie. “I missed you.” He rubbed his cheek against hers, his lips kissing her cheek and moving to her ears.

“I want to kiss you so badly.”

His confession made her turn her head to face him. A fluttering of her eyes and a few heartbeats was all it took for him to kiss her, pushing her against the wall, away from the kitchen's door so Eddie couldn't see them.

It was intense and none wanted to part. If Eddie wasn't in the living room Jonghyun was sure that he would have had with her inside the kitchen however…

“Ah...guys…” Eddie voice coming from the living room interrupted the steamy moment and Jonghyun stepped away just when Eddie entered the kitchen.

He froze realizing that he was interrupting. Rin’s face was deep red and matched Jonghyun’s lips.

“I'm sorry.” Eddie pointed at the door smiling amused “I can sleep at a hotel nearby it's fine really.”

“No. No.” Rin said quickly.

“It's really fine. You must miss each other a lot and I don’t want to be between you two.”

“No.” Jonghyun felt bad now. He was making an effort. Eddie was his girlfriend’s friend. He had no right to push him away because of his jealousy “It's fine. You can stay. I will stay too if you don't mind.”

“Oh no way, I don't mind. I've never actually met an idol before.”

“You like kpop?” Jonghyun asked following after Eddie to the other room.

“Yes. I especially love girl groups .”

“You don't know SHINee?”

“I’ve heard of you but I don't know much sorry.”

“It's ok.” Both men sat talking with each other over her bed and Rin watched them for a while, her eyes never moving from Jonghyun.

She was acting strong, keeping her hands away from him but the truth was that she missed him as much as he seemed to miss her.

“Rin?” Eddie was looking at her and she didn't even notice too lost in observing Jonghyun that was smiling at her. “Are you both sure you don’t want me to leave?”

“No. It's fine.” She moved her hands in the air “It's perfectly fine I was just…”

“Looking lovingly at your boyfriend.” Eddie finished for her and Rin nodded agreeing.

“Maybe I can help Rin prepare something for you to eat. You must be hungry.” Jonghyun suggested.

“Ah yes I’m famished. I'll just stay here very quiet.” Eddie’s answer made Rin blush and Jonghyun placed his hand on her back and pushed her to the kitchen.

“Take your time!” Eddie yelled from the room “You can close the door too.”

Jonghyun did as he said and Rin blushed deeply covering her face.

“What are you doing?” she whispered before Jonghyun cornered her against the kitchen cabinet.

He placed his hands beside her and brushed his lips against hers. “Oh Rin… you know what we are doing.”

She was the one who kissed him first, catching his lower lips between hers before they kissed slowly, opening their mouths so their tongues could touch.

It was a kiss that revealed all the frustration they felt and yet sweet because he was caressing her cheek lovingly.

That was one of the things Rin loved the most about being loved by Jonghyun. He always made her feel special.

 

 

Jonghyun didn't feel special at all.

He was laying over a mattress on the floor, in the darkness without being able to sleep. He was in the middle of Eddie and Rin as if he was a safety barrier. Eddie was beside him on the mattress sleeping soundly, snoring once in a while and Rin was over the bed. He couldn't see her from where he was but he was sure she wasn't sleeping even though she was jet-lagged.

He was frustrated because after kissing her for a while inside the kitchen they had to make dinner and then after eating and some chatting - where they convinced Rin to sleep in the bed instead -, they were in bed as if they were good behaving kids.

Jonghyun was tired but his insomnia wasn't helping so he couldn't truly sleep. He kept thinking about his work at the broadcast - he hoped Jess finished it - and about how he had a full day the next day, and about how much he wanted to be in the bed with Rin kissing and making love with her.

He shut his eyes tight trying to think about something else that might make him relax and want to sleep when he felt fingers touching his head.

Jonghyun rolled in the mattress and faced Rin's bed. She had her head in the edge of it, her black hair falling down from it her hand touching the pillow under his head. Jonghyun grabbed her hand and kissed it making her smile.

“He snores a lot doesn't he?” She asked in a whisper.

“Like a locomotive.”

They both giggled. Their smiled died on their lips and instead he pulled her hand against this cheek.

“I missed you so much.” her sweet voice made him smile.

“I want to jump on that bed with you so badly.” He answered honestly and Rin rubbed her hair on the bed thinking.

“I want you to jump on it but…”

But Eddie would probably feel weird waking up beside a couple in bed.

Since she seemed as devastated as he felt Jonghyun moved closer to the bed. Rin did the same understanding what he was doing, reaching closer to the edge. Jonghyun sat on the mattress and grabbed her hand in his before he kissed her.

It was a weird position to kiss with him sitting over the floor and her laying over her bed, head almost falling from it, but it was the best they could manage at the time to satiate a bit of the need they felt from each other.

Jonghyun didn't try to climb over the mattress of her bed and she didn't move away from her bed either as if they were Romeo and Juliette kissing on a balcony.

They kissed for a while until Eddie grunted and rolled in the bed, stretching his leg that hit Jonghyun’s.

“Did he hurt you?” Rin asked when Jonghyun jumped in his seat startled.

“No. But he stole all my space on the mattress.”

Jonghyun’s discontented expression made Rin laugh and she had to cover to muffle her laughter and not to wake Eddie up.

Jonghyun tried to take her hand away “Wake him up. I need a place to sleep.”

She rolled in the bed laughing and then turned to him again “Just kiss me a little longer and maybe he will go away.”

Jonghyun didn't have any other solution anyway so better just take the chance to keep kissing her.

She smiled against his lips while he tried to kiss her, not stopping laughing and Jonghyun placed his hand on her side with a serious expression.

“How am I supposed to do anything here if you don't stop moving.”

“I'm sorry...it was funny.” Rin brushed her hair away from her face and Eddie growled in his sleep again making her chuckle once again.

“It's not funny at all…” Jonghyun mumbled nibbling at her lower lip, kissing her again, his hand over her . Rin moaned softly against his lips when he d her and grabbed his hand taking it safely away.

“Kissing only…” she mumbled against his lips.

“You are killing me. You always do this to me.”

She caressed his cheek realizing that he was right. There seemed to be always something in their way, preventing them from loving each other.

“You did say I was hard to get, a challenge!”

He sighed as if he was tired and kissed her again. Rin wrapped her arms around his neck complaining a little due to the awkward position they were in.

Eddie rolled in the bed again, the snoring stopping for a minute and both looked at him.

“Guess you have a place to sleep now.”

He rubbed his nose against hers “Just a little longer…” And kissed her again.

 

 

It was a long time since Rin was last at Jonghyun’s place. His mother and sister left a few minutes after she arrived and the afternoon that RIn thought that would be spent alone with Jonghyun turned into something very similar to the night one day ago when they had to kiss in the dark or hidden inside the kitchen while Eddie slept.

When Jonghyun asked her to visit, saying that he finally had free time Rin was sure that they would be able to date but they weren't alone after all. A woman was inside his bedroom, sitting over his bed and playing on his PlayStation.

“This is Jess. I told you about her!” Jonghyun said brightly once Rin stepped inside his bedroom.

It was her time to look at him confused, mimicking the way he did the other night.

Jonghyun grinned at her apologetically “ I forgot that I promised to play games with Jess. She just arrived.”

Rin frowned eyeing the several snacks over the small table in the middle of his bedroom.

Jess paused the game and stood up to greet Rin politely. “It's a honor to meet you. Jonghyun missed you so much!”

Even though Jess’ words were sweet, Rin didn’t like it, that a stranger was talking like that as if she knew Jonghyun for years.

“I'm not sure of that anymore.” Rin mumbled staring at Jonghyun that pulled her softly in the direction of his bed for her to sit.

“Do you want to eat anything?” He clearly felt guilty. “We are only going to play a few games and then we can have dinner together.”

Together with Jess?!

Rin’s betrayed expression was missed by Jess that was back on her game but still she answered “I'll leave after a few games so you can be alone.”

She should leave already and let Rin be with her boyfriend alone.

“Do you like playing games?” Jess asked trying to become closer with Rin.

“Not really.”

Jonghyun grabbed a handful of chips and sat beside Rin grabbing the control. Even though Rin was in the middle of them she felt as if they weren't even seeing her, their eyes on the tv, both talking about the game. She watched the screen for a while trying to understand what was happening.

The screen was split in two and and it seemed as if each of them was controlling a character. Rin wasn't sure which one belonged to Jonghyun and was not sure what they were supposed to do.

“So you have an axe and you have to save a princess or something.” She asked glacing at Jonghyun.

“No. I'm the one with the axe and no we don't have to save a princess. We are on a mission to conquer the castle.” Jess answered instead of Jonghyun.

“I see. Seems…” She wasn't sure how it seemed to her “...interesting.”

Rin watched the screen for a while longer trying to find something else to say or ask when Jess’ character was attacked by a big grey monster with a sword.

It was so sudden that Jess cursed in English and Rin widened her eyes startled.

“Oh that was sudden!” Jonghyun remarked beside Rin chuckling.

“So sudden that I almost peed in my and I'm wearing my y pink ones today.”

Rin blinked her eyes twice confused with what she just heard. Did that girl just mentioned the color of her in front of Jonghyun. Rin stared at Jonghyun waiting for his reaction but it was as if he didn’t hear it focused on the game. Maybe he was used to it and that exasperated Rin even more. He did feel her gaze on him and glanced at Rin, his face paling when he realized why she seemed so upset.

As if things couldn't be worse Jess placed the control on the floor and stood up. “Ah I died. I'm going to drink some water downstairs ok?”

Rin couldn't help but stare at the foreigner girl. She was acting as if she was at his place several times already. Not even Rin that was his girlfriend acted like that.

Worse, when Jess passed by Jonghyun she squeezed his shoulder as if they were a couple before she left the room.

Rin looked horrified at the scene and Jonghyun at least turned off the game and looked at her.

“Jess is very peculiar.” He almost whispered afraid that she would listen downstairs. “She is a foreigner you see and she is very touchy with people she likes.”

“She likes you?” Rin asked standing up from the bed.

“No.” He stood up also “Not in the way you are thinking.”

Rin grabbed her purse and tried to pass by him but Jonghyun stepped in front of her “Please listen to me Rin.”

“No you listen to me. I didn't came here to see you flirt with a coworker.”

“I'm not flirting with her, you are offending me.” He took a deep breath not wanting to fight with her. He was still so needy of her “I forgot that I invited her over and only remembered when she showed up.”

“So she comes here all the time, to your room where you are alone.” Jonghyun shook his head.

“It's not like that. She only came two times and not alone, some other of my coworkers came. This time they couldn't and...it happened like this.”

Rin bit her lower lip. She couldn't believe in what was happening, her chest hurt too much with the possibility that Jonghyun was cheating on her.

“We are only friends. We drink and play games and…”

“Talk about her .”

“She collects , it's like a hobby. She mentions it a lot.”

“Oh please!” Rin pushed him away and he went after her down the stairs.

“Don't do this Rin. Listen to me. I trusted you with Eddie. Didn’t you meet him alone in London also?”

“It’s different!” She mumbled passing by Jess that was holding a glass of water and looking at them confused.

Rin only stopped when she reached the door. Roo waved her tail at Rin but she ignored the dog and grabbed her shoes.

“You were going to sleep alone with him in the same room.”

“I was but you know it's different!”

“Is It?” Jonghyun shook his head trying to calm himself down “Look, I was jealous that night and I can understand you being jealous but please just give me the benefit of the doubt and trust me like I trusted you. I'm not cheating on you like you are not cheating on me. We just have friends from the opposite which is normal and healthy.”

“Yes but friends can fall in love. You can fall for her.”

Rin’s eyes moved to Jess that approached them holding her backpack that she probably picked up upstairs while they were arguing.

She seemed sorrowful watching the scene, realizing what she had done.

“I won't. I love you, I’m not going to fall for anyone else while I love you this much.”

“Then she will fall for you!” Rin remarked almost in a whimper “And men are weak when a pretty woman comes along.”

“That won't happen!” Jonghyun said but was interrupted by Jess.

“Well thank you for saying that I am pretty.”

Jonghyun sighed looking away from Jess feeling embarrassed and she approached the couple.

“I'm not going to steal your boyfriend from you so you don't need to worry. I'm sorry I ruined your date. I really wanted to be friends with you but..” Jess moved her hands nervously on the strap of her backpack. “I'm sorry.”

“I'll call you later. I'm sorry Jess.” Jonghyun called Roo that was going after Jess and she grabbed her shoes and quickly left the house.

“I'm sorry Jess.” Rin mocked still very jealous not trusting the puppy eyes Jess made at her. She knew how women was. How her previous boyfriend betrayed her. Women was not to be trusted, some were wolves dressed like sheeps and Jess was one for sure.

“Stop that. This is not you.” Jonghyun placed a hand on the door and pulled Rin's chin up so she would face him. “Listen to me. I love you, I have nothing with Jess and as you heard she is not interested in me. It’s ridiculous.”

“Why isn't she interested in you? You're handsome, talented, an amazing person and rich. Any woman would want you?”

“Not all.” Jonghyun said firmly “I'm 100% sure that she is not interested in me.”

Rin frowned and Jonghyun caressed her cheek. He was going to kiss her when she pushed him softly away.

“Why? What makes you so sure?”

He seemed a little taken aback with her question. “Doesn't matter, you have to trust me.”

“I do but it's like you said the other night. I'm jealous and I need to know.”

His expression darkened and Jonghyun took a while to answer, debating with himself.

It was a secret. He wasn't supposed to share it with anyone. He promised.

Rin moved her feet impatiently “You are not gonna tell me because you have nothing to tell me.”

“I do I just can't tell you. It's a secret. I promised Jess I wouldn't tell anyone.”

It wasn't as if Rin was going to tell anyone anyway but still he needed Jess' permission to reveal it. Beside if Rin trusted him he wouldn't have to say anything. That was the solo problem between them.

“Can’t you please trust me?”

“I want to know because what I've seen upstairs doesn't look at all like two friends.”

Jonghyun sighed touching his chest. He needed to find a way out of that. He didn't want to go against what he believed in - he was always a person that honored his promises - but he also couldn't hurt the woman he loved.

“I'm gonna talk with Jess tomorrow. I’ll ask her if I can tell you.”

“This is ridiculous. You have to ask for her permission to tell your girlfriend something?”

“Rin please…this is not about Jess and you know it. I feel like we keep going back to this, to this fear you have of me acting up like your ex boyfriend. I'm not him. Not all men are like him!”

Rin’s eyes filled with tears and she pulled at the door behind him but Jonghyun’s body was preventing it from opening.

“If you don't start seeing me as who I am and not a possible cheating boyfriend then things will never work Rin.”

“I said I trust you” Rin repeated “I just don't trust her.” She cleaned a tear from her cheek and Jonghyun caressed her arm.

“Trust me then, when I say that Jess will always be only a friend.”

Rin didn't pull the door anymore and Jonghyun leaned forward kissing her lips, they were a little salty from her tears but he didn't move back, kissing her. Slowly she answered to the kiss and not even Roo’s tail hitting their legs in a rhythmic way made them break the kiss.

However it had to end soon.

Jonghyun caressed her wet cheek and Rin leaned against his touch.

“Stay now. We are alone. Let's do whatever you want to do.”

“I'm sorry.” Rin pulled the door again and Jonghyun stepped away from it letting her open it. “I need to think. I'll call you later.”

Jonghyun closed the door of his house and leaned against it. Roo sat in front of him tilting her head wondering why he seemed so sad and Jonghyun squatted in front of her caressing her neck.

“Why is it so easy to love a dog like you and so hard to love a human? Why do we make everything that complicated when it is so simple?”

Roo his face as an answer.

 

Ah I'm sorry. Not only because it took a while but also because it .

Aaaaah I’ll try to keep improving and I’ll find a way to wrap up the story nicely.

Also I want to point out that the scenes in this chapter show several moments from the time while Rin and Jonghyun were away from each other. So it might feel as if there is too many jumps and things don't have a continuation. I’m sorry. I should have reflected and do this in a different way.

Special thanks to the real Jess that gave me many of the ideas for this chapter and came up with Jess’s personality. I hope you don’t hate her too much. (although the real Jess hopes you do XD)

Thank to my beta reader and thank you for reading this. ^^

Since no one made the connection. Eddie is Kibum's friend in In trouble with you.

Note: Not all american girls talk freely about nor behave like Jess. When the characters excuse her behavior saying she is american doesnt mean I have the same point of view as them. There is certainly a cultural difference between both countries that im not going to adress deeply here. I hope I dont offend anyone.