Looking for light, Can’t find the way out

On this sleepless night, I’m drawing you out

Be the light in my heart, dazzle around me

So baby come on and make my life the whole again

 

Come to me, hold on. hold on. hold on.

You better be mine.

You’re in me, hold on. And I will hold on.

Don’t hold me back tonight

I will make you mine, I will make you mine

(Axodus FEAT. KEY OF SHINEE– HOLD ON)

 

Rin walked in the middle of the shelfs checking her to buy list and searching for the items on it, inside the supermarket, when she noticed the flowers section. A woman was there making a beautiful bouquet to a man and Rin smiled anticipating the happiness that woman would feel. Jonghyun didn’t give her flowers in a while and she wondered if he would on Christmas. Would they go on a date? What will they do? It’s their first Christmas together after all.

She paid for her groceries and grabbed the plastic bag walking back to her place. She passed by an Electronic and Music store and decided to enter with the intention to research. 

The anime section had two boys that were checking some fighting super heroes anime dvd’s and Rin looked at the most sold of the week shelf in a daze. She wanted to buy something new to watch with Jonghyun again. It was an excuse to make him visit her and hug her while they watched it. Maybe even sleep with her.

Last time it didn’t work out. They fought at the bar and even though they make out, they end up taking his friend, Mina, home. She was probably so drunk she wouldn’t remember her stupid love confession to Jonghyun. It didn’t matter since the feelings were still there. Rin helped Jonghyun take her home even though it frustrated her and after he drove Rin home. As a silent agreement he decided not to stay and she didn’t complain. It felt weird after what happened, after they fought again because of jealousy. They weren’t angry with each other though, the next morning they texted each other as if nothing happened but there was always that ghost over their relationship. The one that kept telling Rin that she was new in his life, that she didn’t know much about him yet besides what it was shown on camera, that they were different as a cat and a dog.

Rin decided on a random dvd and was leaving the store to pay when she saw SHINee albums on a shelf. She stopped by them searching for the ones she was still missing, thinking of buying one and maybe ask Jonghyun to sign it so she could give it as a gift to a friend when her phone rang. It was Minseo and she picked it up.

“DID YOU SEE THE NEWS?” Minseo asked with a worried voice.

“No.” Rin forgot about the album immediately “Did something happen?”

Maybe something happened to Jonghyun or maybe with SHINee.

“Are you dating Onew?” Minseo asked with a lower voice, a hint of doubt on it.

“What?” Rin couldn’t even understand the question.

“I’m confused Rin, I mean I can’t believe my eyes but here says he was seen dating this women and its you. I can recognize you really well.”

“WHAT?” Rin scared a woman that was looking at the SHINee albums making her walk away. They just lost a costumer thanks to her. “What are you talking about?

“There is news online with a picture of Onew talking with you in front of a bar or something…”

“OH MY GOD!” Rin covered . She knew what that was; it was her small conversation with Onew from the other day. A journalist saw and now it was on the news. Her mind drifted immediately to Jonghyun and his jealous expression at the bar. However he knew why they were alone talking outside…but…Lillie didn’t.

“I have to go Min, I need to call Lillie and Jonghyun…” She turned off barely hearing the faint goodbye Minseo gave her and placed the dvd on the shelf not even managing to put it back on the right place. Rin walked outside the store using her phone data to check the news.

It was worse than she thought. Anyone that knew her really well would know that it was heron the picture, and the worst part was that she knew many shawols. Rin panicked looking around her. Anyone with a phone just like her could check the news and connect the dots and see that she was the mysterious girlfriend.

She covered her cheeks, walking with the plastic bag on her arms as quickly as she could back home.

She passed by a couple of girls checking their phones and she freaked out running faster as she could.

Somehow she felt as if everyone was staring at her, even the old lady she was used to see outside the coffee shop she liked to go to. Everyone had their eyes on her and anyone could identify her. She was even wearing the same sneakers from that night.

She whimpered realizing it and fled home closing the door of her apartment before sitting on the floor against it. Now she was safe or maybe not.

Her shawol friends knew where she lived, people that were related to her knew where she was. There was no escaping if someone found out. They would hate her, they would judge her, worse they would turn her quiet life upside down. The journalist would come and make questions, try to look at her life and there was her family too….Her parents would be so disappointed.

Rin never thought about all that, what dating a famous person, an idol meant and now it was all crashing down on her. And the worse thing was that it wasn’t even Jonghyun, but Onew. She wondered if he was mad at her for asking him to walk outside with her and somehow make that happen and Lillie…oh no Lillie!

Rin phone rang making her scream and she searched for it inside her bag thankful that she didn’t forget it at the store. With all that happened she couldn’t even remember if she put it inside her bag.

She found the phone finally, Jonghyun name on the screen. He probably saw the news already and was worried with her. She swallowed trying to make that knot inside her disappear but she couldn’t. Someday that would happen. She was dating Kim Jonghyun and she was a stupid woman not realizing that someday the sky would fall on top of her.

The phone kept ringing and she broke down.

She couldn’t deal with that now. She can’t hear his voice. He is the main reason she is in that situation right now. He is the reason she might lose what she has now, her quiet and safe life. He was everything that scared her, the media attention, the glamour, the social life. She was an introvert and she didn’t ask for anything of that.

She only wanted to date a normal man and marry, have kids, make her parents proud.

She only fell in love with a man in a chat. It wasn’t supposed to be an idol; it wasn’t supposed to be Kim Jonghyun.

Rin turned the phone off and lied on her bed covering her head with a pillow.

However she couldn’t sleep, even though she spent the whole night working.

She stood p and walked around the room trying to calm herself down until she realized that an icon on her laptop was blinking. She had a message from the chat application she used, the same one where she met Jonghyun. She sat in front of the laptop and opened it.

Jack Frost …

It was a message from him.

He probably freaked out when she didn’t answer his call and tried to contact her through the chat. Rin opened it, curiosity winning over her fears.

The last messages were old, from when they were only dating online but a new one was on the bottom of the screen.

“You are freaking out right?”

He only wrote that and was waiting for her answer. Rin fingers moved to the keyboard but she didn’t write anything.

He probably saw that she saw the message because he sent her another one.

“Rin talk with me.”

“Yes” she wrote quickly before she would decide to ignore him.

“I’m sorry.”

Jonghyun knew her so well; he probably could understand her reaction and was also suffering with it.

“It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I should have been more careful.”

“No. Its mine, I should have protected you. I’ll spoke with Jinki, he will do something. Don’t worry.”

“I’m afraid that someone will find out who I am and come here.”

“Where are you?”

“Home, but…I’m scared.” She felt silly acting like a scared cat but it was too late because he wrote back immediately.

“No shawol will hurt you. I know. However…not everyone that follows my life are real shawols.”

“That’s scaring me even more.”

“I know. I’m going to pick you up. Can you wait a few minutes? I’m going to make a phone call.”

“Ok.”

She waited in front of the screen, her eyes not leaving it until she realized how overreacting she was. She wasn’t going to be hunt down and killed. The worst thing that could happen was some hate from the netizens and maybe some journalists following her. Right?

She wasn’t even sure.

“I’m working and I can’t leave now but I’ll pick you up in 3 hours. Can you wait?”

Three hours. She could survive that. She could hide on her bed and pretend no one was home if someone actually tried to contact her.

“Yes. Where are you taking me?”

“Don’t worry. Trust me and wait for me.”

She did, everything would be ok. She told herself before she jumped on her seat when a car honked outside. 

 

 

Jonghyun turned off the call and sat alone, away from the dancers, Minho, Taemin and Kibum inside the practice room.

He moved his fingers on the cold floor beneath him in a daze, Rin scared voice still going through his mind. Right now it was a fake article but what if it was true and that was a picture of him and her, not Jinki. She would also react like that. He was scared now because that meant that his world scared her and that made their relationship impossible. He would never stop being famous. Even if SHINee ended, even if he stopped singing he couldn’t stop writing. Music was his life and he would never step away from that world. He also didn’t want to choose between the two, Rin and Music. Both were essential on his life and you can call him selfish but he wasn’t going to choose and that was final. He deserved to have both, a happy love life and a successful career. He worked so hard for it, he was always a good son and brother, he always did his best. It wasn’t fair to make him choose all the time. This time he was going to fight until the end.

Jonghyun sulked staring at the white lights of the ceiling when the door of the room opened.

His eyes moved immediately to it and to Jinki that entered the room. His hyung eyes found his immediately and Jonghyun could see how Jinki was nervous by the way he rubbed his neck slightly before walking inside the room.

Jonghyun stood up from the floor immediately, all eyes on him and he walked closer to Jinki that raised his arms in defense.

Taemin stood up immediately too, followed by Minho and Kibum, that were ready to interfere in case it was needed. Last time that Jonghyun and Jinki fought they end up punching each other. Not good….really not good...

“Jonghyun I know that you are probably really upset but I swear I have nothing with your girl.” Jinki said with his hands raised, trying to talk peacefully with Jonghyun but that only made him walk quicker in his direction.

“Oh !” Minho said walking after him. That was going to be ugly since Jinki wouldn’t stay quiet being punched.

Kibum chuckled instead making Taemin look at him surprised until he realized that Minho stopped incredulous watching the hyungs.

Taemin peeked from behind Minho at a surprised Jinki being hugged by Jonghyun.

Key saw through Jonghyun attitude right away. He was only joking.

“aaah” Jinki mumbled confused and Jonghyun patted his back friendly before moving.

“Ya do you really think I wouldn’t trust you both?” Jonghyun smiled “I know you would never do that to me. Also I know you wouldn’t cheat on Lillie.” He nodded his head turning around to push Minho with a teasing smile. “You fell for it!”

Minho chuckled in dismay and Jinki sighed of relief.

“BUT!” suddenly Jonghyun turned around and Jinki looked at him apprehensively. “For god’s sake do something. I don’t like to see my girlfriend linked to you. It can hurt her and...” She sounded so scared that he didn’t know what to do.

“I know.” Jinki smiled weakly. “I have an idea of what I need to do.”

Jonghyun knew he meant a public statement at least, asking for forgiveness as if he did something wrong.

 “I wonder what I will say.” Jinki shared his fears sitting beside the others and Taemin touched his hand.

“Just tell the truth.”

Jinki bit his lip in thought observing his friends and coworkers and swallowed, his eyes moving from one member to another “It might affect SHINee…”

“We know!” Taemin said. “Sooner or later it would have to happen.”

“I’m actually curious about how they will react.” Minho said looking at the blue wall in thought.

Jonghyun knew how some would; he lived that before with Shin Se Kyung, the actress he dated. However he was once like Jinki, afraid of what they would say or do. He wasn’t anymore, at least not for him, but for the other person on the relationship. He was always the fearless one, wanting to tell the world that he was in love, because he felt that it was the right thing to do when you know it is real. That was the reason it didn’t work out with the first person he fell in love with so he wasn’t going to risk it with Rin.

 

Jonghyun sat on the couch by her side and she moved away from him as if being around him hurt her.

“I think it’s better this way.” She said with a trembling voice, pretending that it didn’t hurt.

“Break up?” Jonghyun repeated her words looking at her face, moving closer so she didn’t have anywhere to run away. Instead she stood up.

“I’m a rookie actress. I’m only starting. If they found out…” She rubbed her thin arm, the result of crazy diets her company made her do. “They will accuse me of using you to be famous. They will ruin my career and I’m only starting.”

“So your career is more important than us?” Jonghyun asked in pain standing up and holding her arms to make her look at him with no results.

She was the second actress he dated, one year after he broke with Shin Se Kyung. They met at a Tv station, SHINee was on several tv shows promoting and she was there to be an extra in a drama. It was love at first when she bumped into Jonghyun in the hallway, her scented hair making his heart flutter, his smile making hers jump on her chest.

Once he got her phone number from a staff they started to text each other and finally started dating.

However the pressure was too much for her, the fear of ruining her career was making her flee away from him. She knew what happened before with the actress who tried to date him.

“Would you give up on your music for me?” She asked making him frown.

Both knew the answer to that question and Jonghyun released her.

“We don’t have to choose.” He said weakly.

She only shook her head, tears falling from her eyes when she kissed his lips on last time.

“I’m sorry.”

She left him because he wasn’t strong enough to fight for her at the time.

 

He was now. He was going to fight for Rin.

“Whatever happens…” Jonghyun said making the others look at him “You need to fight for her Jinkis Jinkis…We will support you.” He would help him because he wasn’t able to do it for himself, because he knew any of the others would do it for him too and because he owned it to Jinki that made him get back to his senses after the terrible months of sadness that followed after she left him.

Jinki smiled tiredly as if he had the weight of the entire world in his shoulders and Jonghyun rubbed his shoulder sending him a sweet smile.

“Let’s stop with the flirting and practice.” Minho said suddenly standing up.

“Let’s do it jagiya?” Jonghyun asked Jinki that nodded, Taemin helping both get up. 

 

 

Rin moved her chopsticks on her food and gave up. She couldn’t even eat nor do anything besides panicking about what to do now. She checked the news again searching for any statement from SM Entertainment or Onew but still nothing. 

She decided to call Lillie to ask her to forgive her or at least to have someone to talk with, someone that could understand her.

“Rin!” The younger woman said as if she was relieved to hear her voice. At least she wasn’t upset with her.

“Lillie. I’m sorry…”

“It’s ok. I know it’s a misunderstanding. I talked with Jinki already. He said he will solve everything. Don’t worry.”

“Good. I hope he does.”

Her worried voice wasn’t missed by Lillie, that asked “Are you ok?”

Funny how she was the one being “cheated” on the media and still asked her if she was ok.

“It’s complicated.” Rin answered not wanting to worry Lillie with her fears.

“Is Jonghyun jealous?” Lillie asked wondering if that was the reason that made Rin worried and the older woman pondered if Lillie wasn’t afraid of going public with Onew.

“If Onew tells...perhaps…that…” Rin mumbled receiving a puzzled answer from the other side.

“Tell what?”

“Forget it.” She didn’t have the right to trouble Lillie more than she was already. Besides she probably thought about that a lot already. She was probably ready to go public by now, or at least was preparing herself mentally for it.

“Rin, I don’t blame you of anything ok? But I still wonder what you two were discussing…” Lillie ended with a soft voice and Rin sighed knowing that she wanted to know about the kiss. She didn’t have the right to tell Lillie about that, Onew should be the one to do it, and she knew it was time to end the call.

“Can we talk another time?”

“Yes.”

Rin turned off the call immediately hoping that Lillie would think her weirdness had all to do with Jonghyun supposed jealousy and not with the fact that she knew about the kiss shared between Onew and his ex. She felt bad for not telling her but lying saying she didn’t knew anything would be even worse.

Rin placed her handphone on the bed just when someone knocked on the door making her scream.

She moved to the door as silently as she could and placed her ear against it trying to hear what was on the other side.

The person knocked again and she gathered all her courage to ask who it was.

“It’s me!” Jonghyun answered back “Don’t you have a peep hole?”

She mentally kicked herself for her silliness and peeked outside using it.

It was clearly Jonghyun, wearing his worn out jeans and a black sweater.

She opened the door instantly letting him enter before closing it, her arms moving around his chest immediately when she hugged him.

He hugged her back and she nuzzled her face against his chest like a scared little kitty, making him go crazy.

“Are you ok?” he asked kissing her hair, inhaling her scent.

“No. I’m scared.” At least she was telling him the truth.

He grabbed her hands and pulled her softly away from him so he could look at her eyes while talking. “They are shawols like you, not ninja’s detectives.”

“Some are but others can be scary. Look at what they do to some idol girlfriends.”

“I know what they do.” He seemed to be in pain and Rin wondered why “ But those are not shawols.” He trailed off “Anyway I’ll take you somewhere safe until the rumor dies off or you feel stronger.”

He sighed placing his hands on her cheeks, cupping her face and looking at her.

“I’m only doing this so you can feel better ok? Because they won’t hurt you. Would you hurt Jinki girlfriend?”

Right, they thought she was Onew girlfriend, not his.

“Lillie?” Of course she wouldn’t hurt her friend.

“Forget Lillie. Pretend you didn’t know her and she was just a random girl Jinki was dating. Would you hurt her because of that?”

“No. Of course not. He loves her and he is happy.”

“See? They won’t hurt you because I also love you and I am happy.” He pulled her back to his chest, her hands grabbing his sweater on his back. He smelled nice and Rin closed her eyes “It’s ok that you are scared. My world can be very scary. But I will protect you. I will!”

She believed him. He seemed so sure of himself that she felt secure almost immediately. Also he was right. Shawols won’t hurt her. That doesn’t mean that the crazy saesangs wouldn’t.

He moved away pecking her lips and asked her to get a bag with some clothes and whatever she needed because she was only returning the next day.

“Where are you taking me?” She asked wondering if he was taking her to the dorm or a hotel.

“Somewhere you won’t be alone.” He simply said asking her to hurry up because he had more schedules and couldn’t arrive late. 

 

 

“Where are we?” Rin asked when he opened the main door of the yellow building and she stepped inside the small hall with him.

She moved her eyes to the pictures on the wall and she knew immediately where she was before he even told her.

“My place.”

“Oh no.” she turned around to him pushing him against the door, her bag on his hand hitting the door.

“What’s wrong?” he asked watching her, trying to pass through the door as if she was a ghost.

“You can’t introduce me to your parents like this. I didn’t prepare myself and besides what will they say when you tell him why I am here?”

“My mom knows. I called her telling her that you needed to spend the day here. It’s ok.”

“It’s not ok. It’s so rude and…I’m not a child. I could have gone to my parents.”

“That would start making questions that you wouldn’t be able to answer.”

“That’s true…”

“Relax. It’s ok.” He placed his hand on her shoulder and turned her around making her walk on the hallway in the direction of what seemed like the kitchen, passing the several pictures of him and Sodam when they were kids. “I spoke with my mom. She understands. She is happy cos she wants to meet you. I’ll have schedules the rest of the day but she will be here and my sister will come later. You won’t be alone.”

They didn’t talk much because a small ball of fur ran to them, waving her tail and greeting her owner.

“Roo!” Rin exclaimed seeing how Jonghyun placed her bag on the floor before squatting down to caress Roo fur.

“How are you Beauty? Did you sleep well? Oppa is here.”

Rin tried not to laugh at the cute scene in front of her. Jonghyun was lovely and she knew he would be a wonderful father someday.

She was so engrossed in those thoughts that she barely noticed him pushing her down to squat by his side.

“Roo meet Rin, She is really special to oppa ok?”

As if she understood what he said the dog smelled Rin hand and sat in front of her waiting for Rin to caress her fur.

Rin did so, moving her hand on the head and back of the dog.

“She is so cute.”

“SHE IS!” Jonghyun firmly agreed grabbing Roo to his lap, scratching her behind her ears “Aren’t you pretty? You are! Good girl!” He placed her on the floor and stood up.

Rin did the same and followed him and the dog, inside the kitchen were a lady was waiting for them, Jonghyun mom.

She smiled sweetly at Rin as if she was a stray puppy that Jonghyun found on the street in need of protection. She probably smiled like that when she worked at the kindergarten before. Rin wondered if she still worked there.

His mom cleaned her hands on a dish clothe and walked to them.

“Welcome. It’s so nice to meet you.” She was like one of those sweet ladies you see in dramas, welcoming her young kids home after school.

“I’m so sorry to come like this. Jonghyun-ssi didn’t tell me we were coming here.”

Rin was all politeness and Jonghyun sighed placing her bag on top of the kitchen table.

“It’s ok. No problem. I’m actually happy since I’m alone at home today and we can talk and keep each other companies.”

Jonghyun sent Rin a meaningful look as if telling her “See? She doesn’t mind at all.” And Rin ignored him.

“I didn’t imagine our first meeting to be like this. I’ll bring cookies next time.”

“I’ll be waiting then. I can make dinner for all of us.”

Was his mom asking her to have dinner with them?! She was lovely and Rin smiled back thankfully. Jonghyun pulled at her arm making her look at him instead.

“I’ll show you the house quickly because I need to get back to work.”

She followed after him, with him holding her bag and quickly showing her where the bathroom was, the living room, where she noticed SHINee albums in a shelf, then his mom room and sister. Roo followed after them happy to have guests at home.

Once the bottom floor was explored he stopped at the end of the stairs. “I sleep upstairs.” He said climbing them and she followed after him ending at a small hallway that gave way to another bathroom and what looked like a closet.

He opened the door of his bedroom instead and Rin went after him noticing the sweet scent of the candles immediately while he placed her bag on his bed.

“We are seeing other places right now. We probably move next year.” He informed her and Rin nodded looking around her. His bed was in one side of the room, his laptop over the bed and on the other side he had a huge tv. The curtains of the windows were down and Rin smiled noticing the old game arcade machine he had.

“Want to see my candles collection?” He asked suddenly all excited, siting on his bed, and pointing at a shelf filled with candles of all sizes and colors. Rin stopped in front of it and grabbed some to smell.

“Do you even use them?” She asked marveling at some that were really beautiful.

“Some I do. Others are collection. You don’t use them, you just smell and look at them.”

Rin never was the collecting type, at least not of candles. The only think she learned to collect was Onew photo cards. So she didn’t understand that hobby. It was yet another difference between them.

“Scents are like sounds. Do you realize that most of our memories are accompanied by smells or sounds? That’s why when we find a distinct aroma we get to remember things that happened in the past. Also scents can be used for people to regain memories they already forgot.”

“You know a lot about this.” She said watching him move on his bed with black covers.

“Hum it’s interesting to me.  Candles are not that different from music after all. I hope my music also make people reminisce about good or bad moments of their lives, that somehow something I wrote or sang is a part of their life.”

He was beautiful in every sense.

“I also memorize and associate some scents to my memories. For example…your shampoo.”´

“What about it?” She asked in wonder.

“It turns me on.”

“What?” Rin glanced at the door embarrassed wondering if his mom could hear them talk and then back at him.

“I associate it with the night we made love so...”

“I see…” Rin blushed and sat by his side making him chuckle.

“That’s how smells are important.”  He said moving to smell her hair and she backed away making him laugh again.

“It’s not automatically ok? It takes time…” He added but she still kept away from him.

“So if you smell my bottle of shampoo you will want to…” she lowered her voice “Have with it?”

Both laughed at her conclusion and she trailed off “Your television is big.”

“Everything is big when it comes to me.”

Rin sent him a warning look and hit his leg playfully.

“I meant my hand life line.”

“Sure!” Rin said swinging her feet. “Big tv must be great for watching anime.”

“Or Running Man.” He added making her smile. It was a simple comment but enough to make her feel accepted in his bedroom.

He grabbed her hand on his “I need to go. You can stay here or go downstairs. My mom is sweet but she can also be a nag. Anything you want to do is ok.”

He rose from the bed and Rin watched him “Will I sleep here with you?”

She meant at night and he looked at her “Sadly no. My family is here and it’s not proper.”

“It’s better that way.” She agreed with him. It would be weird to sleep together; also her mother didn’t have to know that they reached that point in their relationship already.

“Then where will I sleep?”

“With my sister.”

“Oh my!” Rin blushed deeply thinking about the last time she talked with Sodam. She was awesome in a scary way and Rin would probably be an awkward kid around her.

“Sodam is nice and we have an extra mattress.”

“I can sleep on the couch at the living room. It’s ok.” Or they could get back to her apartment and sleep there.

“She doesn’t mind. Actually she was the one who insisted to share the room with you. I asked her to sleep with my mom so you could stay in her bedroom but she insisted so much. I think she likes you.”

His sister liking Rin was good but that didn’t make her less nervous to share her room with her.

“Can’t we go back to my apartment and sleep there?”

“I’m coming home really late but if you prefer it that way…” He seemed a little disappointed and Rin shook her head. “No its ok. I’ll sleep here.”

He leaned down and kissed her on the lips. “Have fun.”

Rin nodded wondering what fun she could have when he left the bedroom.

She stared at the shelves of his room reading the titles of the books he had, the albums and then moved to his anime and manga collection.

Then she smelled all of his candles trying to decide on her favorite. Maybe later she could ask him what his favorite was and maybe, just maybe they would choose the same one making something they had in common show up.

Rin tried to turn his old arcade machine on and failed at it giving up in the end. She walked to his tv and looked at the titles of the games under it. She searched for the Diablo 3 one that she used to play before and smiled. They had that in common.

She walked around the room and then lied down on his bed. She felt tired and sleepy since she didn’t sleep anything that night, finishing a webpage.

Luckily she didn’t have any work to do now and were free for a couple of days or until one of her clients contacted her. However she needed to update her portfolio. With that thoughts she fell asleep on his bed waking up a few hours later to the sound of Roo barking.

Rin took a while waking up and realizing where she was before she climbed down the stairs, hoping she looked presentable, brushing her black hair with her fingers.

Jonghyun mom was making dinner and Rin joined her helping as best as she could. They talked about a lot of things, mainly Rin profession and his mother profession and of course Jonghyun.

Rin liked that moment more than she thought at first and soon she relaxed.

However when Sodam arrived and run to her to give her a hug, she froze not used to that kind of love demonstrations between people that barely knew each other.

“Oh you look tired.” Sodam said with bright eyes, looking beautiful as always.

“I napped, so maybe my eyes are swollen.” Rin mumbled and Sodam nodded making her sit at the kitchen table by her side.

“I know. You are like oppa right? Having trouble sleeping at night?”

Right, they also had that in common. Rin smiled and Sodam didn’t even give her time to answer making her a couple more questions and suddenly interrupting herself to talk with her mom about her day.

Rin felt overwhelmed by her bubbliness but somehow that wasn’t unpleasant.

Sodam turned to her once again with a huge smile and hugged Rin that awkwardly touched her shoulders.

“I hope we can be friends!” Jonghyun sister said as if they met during school break and were sharing lunch “That would make my brother happy and frustrated at the same time.”

“Why?”

“He doesn’t like sharing people he loves. So he would have to share you with me.” Sodam laughed and Rin frowned. She probably loved to brother too much.

If that was true than he probably would be frustrated that he had to share his sister too.

 

 

Jonghyun shushed Roo and closed the main door of the house before walking inside. He rubbed his sore neck feeling tired. However he knew he wouldn’t sleep soon.

He entered the living room when he noticed the light and noise coming from the tv.

Sodam and Rin were on the couch watching Running man and he smiled. Two of the women he loved most in the world where inside that room, the other one, his mom, sleeping already.

His sister turned around and greeted him with a smile “You are back!”

Rin looked back immediately, locking eyes with him.

“I thought you were sleeping already.” He said watching Rin carefully. She didn’t seem scared anymore.

“No. I’m going to watch the rest of this episode.” Sodam looked at the watch on her wrist and smiled at Jonghyun “You still have like 30 minutes of making out.”

Rin blushed with Sodam comment and Jonghyun released a soft cry.

“What are you waiting for?” Sodam asked “Take her to your room.” She turned back to the television. “I’ll knock on the door once it’s time to sleep.”

Jonghyun released an aigo but raised his hand to Rin making her stand up from the couch immediately grabbing it.

“We aren’t going to make out ok? Just talk!” Jonghyun informed Sodam that didn’t even look at his direction.

“Oh yeah right!” She answered making Rin blush even more.

“Is she always like this?” Rin asked when they reached the top of the stairs.

“Yes. She is this lovely!”

Rin chuckled covering . She was…

He opened the door of his closet and placed his coat on one of the hangers while Rin walked around it admiring his clothes.

“You have more clothes than me and my sister combined.”

He agreed admiring her. “You seem better now.”

“I am. Actually I had fun today.”

“You didn’t believe you would?”

“It’s scary.” He knew what she meant. He took her from her house to another scary place, to meet his family.  He chuckled moving a hand on his light blonde hair and Rin leaned against the wall of his closet, her fingers moving on his shirts.

“You are right.” she said softly and he raised his eyebrows curious.

“About?”

“Scents. They can make you go back on time and make you feel things from the past.

“Like what?” He walked closer to her and she released his shirts, her back hitting the wall while she watched him seductively.

“Your clothes smell like you….I might have gone back to that night too.” Rin moved her hands over her stomach and let them fall by her side.

“Are you trying to say that you are ?” He asked placing his hands beside her head, over her shoulder, his mouth moving closer to hers.

“Yes.” Rin answered softly wondering if it was right to give in to her feeling like that inside his house, with his family inside.

“Well we have 30 minutes…” He said “Probably a little less.”

Rin didn’t answer because he kissed her, his tongue her lip immediately asking for permission to enter . Rin parted her lips, and circled his neck with her arms, her hands moving on his hair and neck. Jonghyun hummed against her lips, his hands going down her body and pulling her closer to him. She moaned with the intense push against him, with the manly way he made her go against his body, claiming her as his, her back leaving the wall, her body on his arms, that he moved down to her .

She complained when he squeezed it and pushed him away.

They stared at each other with messy hair and wild breathing, both smiling knowingly at the intensity of what happened.

Jonghyun moved his arm to grab her again and Rin stepped back teasingly. He frowned and grabbed her by her waist quickly before she could move, pushing her against him again, her hands settling on his chest so she could feel his muscles below it.

“Are you working out again?” she asked breathless brushing her nose against his chest, smelling his clothes, smelling him. He was so right about the scents.

“Sometimes.” He said kissing her temple and then moving his tongue to her ear making her giggle. He carefully nibbled at her ear and down to her earlobe and Rin looked up at him kissing his lips.

He twirled with her in his arms ready to take her to his bedroom so they could make out on his bed when Rin lost her balance making both go against the shelves on the wall.

Rin caught her balance grabbing one of the shelves and he steadied her. “Are you hurt?” He asked and Rin covered muffling her laughter.

With Jonghyun in her life she felt like she was walking through a rope bridge, carefully walking over the wood boards, sometimes placing her feet where she shouldn’t and almost falling. However, even if she was afraid to fall she was certain it was worth it because the view, the rush of adrenaline while she walked over it was something she couldn’t find anywhere. It was special, a one in a life time thing. So even if she was scared to lose her quiet peaceful life as the normal Rin who was a workaholic and liked to drink coffee and try to cook new things, she would gain something new from it, a warm, comfortable body by her side in bed, a soft voice telling her that everything would be alright, a manly calming scent that had the opposite effect on her body, someone to cook for and share a cup of coffee through a rainy night…

Reaching what was on the other side of the bridge didn’t rush her because the steps she made towards it was the most important. So she would keep walking on it carefully placing her feet on the places that seemed to be safer, without losing the view in front of her.

Roo watched them curiously waving her tail. He grabbed her hand and pulled her to his room, Roo following.

 

After discussing with Sodam and convincing her that she would be ok sleeping on the mattress on the floor, both were in bed with the lights turned off.

Rin lied down with her back facing Sodam bed and tried to sleep with no success.

She wasn’t sleepy at all because she wasn’t used to sleep much at night. Also she knew Jonghyun wasn’t sleeping and she wanted to be with him.

“You know…” Sodam said in a low whisper “He never brought a girl home before.”

Rin mumbled an “I see” and Sodam kept talking “He is serious about you.”´

“I’ll do my best!” Rin said turning with her tummy up, trying to decipher the shadows to see Sodam body on her bed.

“You already are doing your best. He is happy.”

“ I’m glad.”

“He deserves someone who cherishes him and knows how to be away from scandal.”

Rin bit her lip with Sodam comment. Away from scandal? That meant not being in a scandal with Onew. She covered herself with the covers and closed her eyes trying to think of something to say.

Away from scandal? What can be worse than being linked as the girlfriend of his group leader and friend?

“He got really hurt with his last relationships.” Sodam said “Specially the one with that actress.”

Rin blinked her eyes. She knew about him dating an actress… Shin Se Kyung, she believed. However it wasn’t enough, she needed to know more.

“Thank you for making my oppa happy. Good night.”

“My pleasure. Good night.” Rin answered knowing that she wouldn’t sleep anything now. She waited for Jonghyun sister to fall asleep to move away from her bed and outside the room.

She walked as quietly as she could to the hallway aiming to climb the stairs to Jonghyun room. She wasn’t going to surprise him on his bedroom and have with him. She only wanted to talk with him, look at his beautiful eyes while his voice wrapped her in serenity, engrossed on his thoughts and melting with his smile.

However she heard noise on another room downstairs, one beside the living room that she didn’t enter before. She walked in that direction noticing that the door was slightly opened. She still knocked on it and Jonghyun came to open the door to her, letting Rin enter in what appeared to be his music room. “I was writing music and waiting for you.” He said simply siting at the table, a laptop over it, a dozen papers with notes and lyrics all around it.

She noticed his bass on a corner and a keyboard on the other, Roo was over a black couch trying to sleep, her black eyes moving from her oppa to Rin with mild interest.

“You knew I would come?”

“Of course, you can’t sleep like me.”

Like him….that sounded so beautiful.

She sat in front of him watching Jonghyun while he played on his laptop.

“Do you record your music here?” She asked staring at the weird instrument on the far table in the corner that looked like a DJ mixing table.

“Not often. I do experiments and record at a studio.”

“Nice.”

“Do you want coffee?” He asked moving a mug in her direction.

“You are drinking coffee?” she asked surprised. He always complained about the bitter taste of it.

“No. I made it for you.” He didn’t even raise his eyes from the laptop and she smiled grabbing the mug. It was still warm. He really knew her and that made her sad in a way. She didn’t know him well enough but she wanted to.

“I’m sorry I freaked out this morning.” It was embarrassing now.

He looked at her briefly “It’s ok. It can be very overwhelming for a person outside the entertainment world.”

“Your mom and sister must think that I am crazy.”

“I told them that you were scared about the dating news with Onew.”

“You told them?” So his sister knew all along about the scandal. Why wasn’t she mad with her?!

“Yes. They understand. They are used to things like that. Last time I took my sister to watch a musical they said she was my girlfriend.”

Rin moved her fingers around the white mug. “The truth is that I’m afraid of losing my quiet life.”

He looked at her realizing that what she was saying was important.

“I’m an introvert. You know how I am. How can that be compatible with your busy, spotlight life? We are like two sides of a coin…”

That’s why they were so different. Like two sides of a coin.

He sighed closing his laptop and looking at her in thought. She almost could see his brilliant interesting brain working while he seemed to choose the right words to express himself.

“Why can’t it be compatible?”  He didn’t seem upset with her conclusion but he clearly didn’t agree with her “Why can’t we find a midterm about it? Who said we need to be exactly the same. Isn’t that boring?  To agree on everything? To do and enjoy the same things together without learning to enjoy something new? Without growing out of ourselves right now into something different? Something better?”

Rin didn’t answer pondering his words. “You don’t change who you are. You can change your preferences and your thoughts but you rarely change who you truly are.”

“Good. I don’t want you to change. I didn’t start dating you with that in mind. I fell for this Rin in front of me. Do you want to change me?”

“No, of course not.” He was a gift in her life, why change something so good?!

“You don’t need to change. It’s true that a coin has two different sides but aren’t they connected to each other? It won’t be a coin if it didn’t have those different sides. We wouldn’t be in love if you weren’t you and I wasn’t me…”

It actually made sense and Rin looked at him in a daze.

“Who said different is bad anyway…” He trailed off moving a hand on his beautiful hair and she watched him. “Didn’t you learn to watch anime with me? Didn’t I watch Running Man with you? We can find that midterm Rin. I know we can. And when the time comes and you are scared I’ll be here. “

Forever…

She felt so silly to have those romantic thoughts when they were discussing something important like that but he was guilty for making her so smitten for him, for telling her that they were connected.

“You are probably right” She wanted to believe he was “The future scares me. The future by your side…” She swallowed her words embarrassed at her weakness and Jonghyun moved his bench closer to her.

“I am too. Everyone is but….” He sighed searching for a way to comfort Rin. “My mom and my sister have a normal life. They choose to appear with me on pictures sometimes. But besides that no one knows them or interferes with their life. And if they did I would take measures. What I mean is…if you want to be a part of my life then yes it will be hard but…I’ll protect you. You have to trust me.”

Trust, it’s always about that in her life. Isn’t love a way of trusting, the biggest sign of trust? Because when you truly love you deposit your most valuable treasure in someone else’s hands, your heart?

Rin nodded weakly and he caressed her shoulder “Also the shawols you feared so much this morning are the same ones always protecting me and my private life. Do you realize that?”

“I know. I’m not afraid of those shawols…I am afraid of…”

“The press. I get it.”

“But I do trust you. “

He watched her and the way she firmly said that. She did trust him and that feeling was new to him. In all the relationships he had before…no, in that relationship he had before she didn’t believe he was capable to protect her.

Rin believed in him and only that made him feel hundred percent more brave.

Rin moved her hand to his cheek. What they had was precious and she knew he also valued that as much as she did. He would protect it for sure because they were a coin. She giggled just thinking about it and he watched her curious.

“What?”

She shook her head and he moved to kiss her lips.

Thank you for trusting me…

 

 

Breakfast with the Kim family was an interesting experience. Jonghyun and Rin pretended that they didn’t fell asleep at his music room, both hugging, each other on the black small couch he had there. His sister pretending that she didn’t catch them, luckily before her mom and the Kim siblings mom pretending that she didn’t know about what happened.

Despite that awkward event, Sodam spent the rest of the breakfast teasing Jonghyun about it, implying that he didn’t write much music that night and that he found a cure to his insomnia.

All those comments made Jonghyun frustrated, Rin embarrassed and his mom chuckle.

When she could and while Jonghyun drove her home she took her time searching for more about Shin Se Kyung on her phone, carefully for him not to notice. There wasn’t much news about it but as she knew already, Se Kyung had a hard time dating him. Maybe that’s what her sister meant when she talked about an actress he dated.

Once they reached her home and Jonghyun gave her bag back to her, ready to leave, his phone vibrated and he read the kakao message Jinki sent him.

It’s done. I’m officially dating…and not your girl ^^

“It’s Jinki. It’s out. You are free!”

She knew what he meant. He released a statement probably saying that Rin was only a friend or acquaintance. Rin sighed of relief and sat on her bed feeling very tired.

Jonghyun texted Jinki back. You owe me a meal.

You earn more than me! Jinki answered immediately.

YOU ARE THE HYUNG! TT_TT Jonghyun smiled softly.

I can’t go out now. They may think you are my secret girlfriend if they see us together.

But we are…jagiya…why are you like that?

Jonghyun looked form his phone to Rin wondering why she wasn’t saying anything and ignoring the silly chat he was having with Jinki.

“I enjoyed it a lot.” He looked at her confused wondering if she meant the scandal “Being at your place. Your family is adorable.”

“I’m grateful that you did.”

Rin grabbed his hand and pulled him to her side, laying her head on his lap making him look at her surprised.

“Can I ask you something?” She asked staring up at him, using that position to stop him from running away from her and the subject. She was curious, more than curious and those questions were burning her brain. Rin wanted to know more about him.

“About Se Kyung ….you dated her right?”

”Ah yes.” He giggled surprised with the question and she looked at his eyes trying to find something on them. He didn’t seem hurt at all by thinking about her.

“Do you still think about her?” She was afraid of his answer but she needed to know.

“Ah? No!” The way he frowned at her was weird, as if it was a ridiculous question to him. He placed his phone on the pocket of his coat as if that question was nothing to him.

Rin sat on the bed by his side again and he looked away.

The girl he couldn’t protect coming to his mind, her beautiful black hair moving in front of her eyes with the wind, his fingers moving to brush it aside so he could see her and her beautiful shy smile.

“I wish I knew more about you.” Rin said sadly wondering what he was thinking and Jonghyun kicked that memory away staring into her eyes, his hands pulling her to his lap so she was facing him in a very intimate position. Rin placed her hands on his shoulder, her heart beating crazy with that proximity. There was no denying. Her body missed his. She wanted him but she also wanted to know him. It was making her crazy how she desperately needed him, all of him.

“Ask me whatever you want.”

He seemed sincere and she wondered what to ask. There were so many questions in her head but she didn’t know if they were the right ones, the ones she should ask.

“Where is your dad?” She asked moving her hand on his tense neck. That was a hard question. She knew.

“He travels a lot. I see him once in a while. My mom and he are not together anymore. Why?”

“Because you rarely talk about him.” Because she wanted to know every little think about his existence.

“We are different. We don’t think the same. Also he didn’t like that I gave up on my studies for music.”

“But you are studying again and you worked so hard. He probably changed his mind…” She said caressing his hair.

“Maybe.” He didn’t seem sure of it and Rin sulked. Jonghyun didn’t deserve that. He was the perfect son.

“I bet he feels proud of you. Maybe he doesn’t know how to reach to you now.”

“He will feel more proud when I settle in and marry and have kids.”

“Then he will like me.” Rin said blushing and Jonghyun kissed her lips.

“He will. We are just different.”

“Like you and me? Like two sides of a coin?”

“No. Worse than that…however he is still my dad and I love him. I’ll always be connected to him.”

“Maybe I can meet him next time?” She moved her hands caressing his shoulders.

“Maybe.” He moved his legs under her uncomfortable “Why are we even talking about this anyway?”

“Because it is important to share and to know each other, and you said I could ask.”

“When am I meeting your parents?” He asked suddenly and Rin stared at him wordless “I’m joking. Let’s leave them for later.” He probably would be scared to meet them anyway.

“Why are we even talking about this?” She asked mimicking him and he chuckled pulling her away from his lap so he could stand up.  She didn’t even notice that she didn’t ask everything she wanted to ask.

“I need to go. Radio shows don’t prepare themselves alone.”

His phone rang and he searched for it inside his coat. It was his sister and Rin watched him talking with her.

Suddenly he turned the phone speaker on and Sodam voiced filled Rin room.

“Why is Onew dating? You didn’t tell me anything.”

She probably read his official statement.

“I’m sorry I forgot.” He said smiling at Rin that watched him curious. Why did he want her to hear that?

“And who is this girl?”

“A friend.”

“You know her? Are they really dating?”

Rin covered confused and Jonghyun signaled her to be quiet.

“Yes they are.”

“Is she nice?” His sister asked as if she was Onew sister and not his.

“Yes. She is awesome. You will like her.”

“I need to approve her.”

Jonghyun turned off the speaker and bid goodbye to his sister, apparently ignoring another questions she made.

“What just happened?” Rin asked climbing off from the bed while he sighed, putting his phone away on his pocket again.

“Sodam is a shawol and an Onew fan.”

“REALLY?” No wonder Rin felt a connection with Sodam. They had the same bias and the same man linking them, Jonghyun.

“Yes. Sometimes she takes her job of protecting me to higher places. And thinks she needs to protect the other members in SHINee too.

Rin laughed at the cuteness of that. Wondering how Sodam acted around Onew. It must be cute.  “I didn’t see any Onew poster on her room. “

“She has his photo cards on her wallet.”

“She is a lot like me” Rin said making Jonghyun frown before he kissed her.

However she had his photo card next to Onew one, inside her wallet.

 

 

Rin was having dinner with her parents and sister, no longer afraid to be recognized since no one was searching for her now. They were searching for Lillie and she was safe.

She was actually enjoying that moment of freedom and it felt good to be with her family again. Her mom didn’t even ask her about her supposed boyfriend and Ria was telling about her last adventures in college.

That was when her phone rang and Rin had to leave the restaurant to talk with Jonghyun outside.

She couldn’t risk it talking near to her mom and sister because event thought they didn’t speak about the subject they were still very curious about her love life.

Rin picked up the call shivering with the cold outside and quickly dressing up the coat while she used her shoulder to hold the phone against her ear.

“Yes?”

“RIN! GOOD NEWS!”

She buttoned her coat quickly and grabbed the cellphone. “What happened?”

“I wanted you to be one of the first ones to know. Only called my mom before you. It’s happening. It’s quicker than I thought…”

“What is?” He was barely listening to her, excitedly talking.

“Everything got ready fast and only some touches are left.”

“What happened?” Rin insisted.

“I’m solo debuting this January. “

Rin squealed suddenly forgetting the cold. She was truly happy for him that she almost didn’t notice the small snowflakes falling. It was the first snow of the year and she watched them fall knowing that it was a good sign.

“It’s snowing.”

“What?” he asked.

“It’s snowing, your solo album  will be a success.”

“You think so?” he asked laughing.

“Jonghyun, even nature thinks so. This is a good sign!”

“I have to go now.” He said suddenly, other voices reaching her from the background. He wasn’t alone and Rin turned off the call smiling.

She was still thinking about what that meant to him. He was probably bursting with happiness and she wanted so much to celebrate with him. What could she do with him?!

She wondered if he still remembered what he promised her, that they would go to buy his album together.

She sighed, her eyes moving to the snow falling more and more making the pavement white. It was lovely. Winter and snow, all that white, made her feel brand new and energized.

Someone touched her shoulder and she looked back startled to see her mom looking at her.

“Was that your boyfriend?” She asked and Rin grasped her cellphone wondering what she heard.

“His name is Jonghyun?” All the color of Rin face left her. She knew his name now; however there was several Jonghyun’s in the country. “He is a singer? You said he was going to release an album.”

She was screwed now. Not only she knew his name but also his profession.

Her mom would never let her go away now, before knowing the whole story.

HELLO!

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