(Noona: a suffix a boy uses to call an older girl.)

‘Why Siwon …why did you save my life?’

Siwon was clever to remember and bring the boy’s bag after the accident. Everything was covered in dry blood: notes, books, stationeries, copies, the bag itself, etc. Jaejoong had all the time in the world to rewrite the notes and buy the other stuff. The things weren’t thrown away though.

Yoochun and Junsu went to visit him. HeeChul and Donghae took care of him when Siwon had to deal with other things. A couple of days passed and Changmin decided to tell them the truth.

It was Sunday. A national holiday. Changmin’s parents were seated on the younger boy’s right . Yunho and Jaejoong were brought extra chairs and sat on his left. Siwon leaned against the wall.

“I’m sorry I lied.”

“About what?” Appa asked.

“I told you that I didn’t remember where I came from.” Everyone widened their eyes. They did NOT expect this to be brought up again after so many years. “I lied. I want to tell you things now.”

Siwon saw that one coming. He recalled Changmin saying something about ‘not supposed to be born’… How was Changmin not supposed to be born?

“Oh…why?” Jaejoong asked.

“Why I didn’t tell the truth or why am I bringing it up now?” Changmin asked as he looked at him.

Jaejoong was considering the first one but answered, “Both.”

“Because the truth is something I am ashamed of… something I didn’t understand at five years of age. I needed to know the meaning of a few things. I knew I should be ashamed, but I didn’t know why. When I did, I refused to remember it. I’m bringing it up now because you ought to know…all of you,” he turned his head up to look at Siwon. Then he turned to face his brother.

“I am … an illegitimate child.”

Umma and Appa widened their eyes. Jaejoong couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Siwon stood up straight. He was stupefied, but something inside him told him, he couldn’t care less. He loved him. What made him sad instantly, was that he felt ashamed of himself. He realised, Changmin probably wanted this. He thought he didn’t belong in this world but he couldn’t do anything about it. It must have eaten him up inside all these years and he wanted to forget. But now…

Yunho froze. “Explain.”

Changmin began.

His mother was a e. She was not poor, but she made a good amount of money out of carrying out a sin as terrible as that. She was greedy. Every night she used to hang out with all the others of her type and collect a huge number of money. His father was a thief. He found out about the rich woman and tried to steal her money, but she had caught him.

He her.

Changmin didn’t know what happened after that. He only knew that his father was hanged by her friends after the incident. His mother took adequate medicine to live on but found out that she became pregnant. It was too late to abort and so she had to let Changmin see the light of the world, but died in the process. So Changmin was an orphan from the very beginning.

He was not wanted. Nobody wanted him. He was not needed in this world. He had no one.

After she died, her friends took him to the orphanage where he stayed for five years. A noona, at her teens, overheard the conversation when the friends were explaining about Changmin to the managers of the orphanage. She kept it a secret for a long time. One day, a group of bullies stole his dinner, and so he had to get up at night and search for some. That was when that noona caught him.

“You are just like your father!” she screamed as everyone gathered.

“My father?” little 5-year-old Changmin asked.

“Yeah! He was a thief and it looks like you will be one too!” she snickered.

“You knew him?” his face enlightened. “Can you tell me?”

“Of course I will,” she sneered. “He was a thief and your mother’s friends hanged him. Your mother…she was a e.”

“What?” Changmin didn’t know what that was.

“Well they are both dead now so you belong here anyways.” She was going to jeer at him when the staff had quickly come and managed to stop her. But they were too late.

“Don’t listen to what she said,” one of the sisters of the orphanage said. “Forget it.”

But he didn’t forget it. He knew that it was true. Later one day he asked her about it and she told him what she heard. Soon, everyone there began bullying him, teasing him, calling him another unknown term: illegitimate.

They made him cry everyday. That was when he decided to run away, which was exactly what he did. Luckily, Yunho had found him as soon as he had escaped. But, he took those words with him and decided to find out what they meant.

Changmin closed his eyes. He sobbed quietly. He had finally uttered the truth.

Umma held him close. Appa wiped his tears again. Jaejoong thought, ‘Changmin was in a worse position than me when I was little…’ He bent forward and wiped his tears away. Then he gave him a soft kiss in the cheek. “Forget it.”

Yunho sat still all this while. He remembered when he had first seen his little brother.

~Flashback~

“I’m Shim Changmin! I’m five years old.”

“I didn’t come from the orphanage! It must be another boy they are looking for with the same name. Definitely not me.” – After he was found.

“Let’s go through a different route Hyung. I don’t like orphanages…” – 6 yrs old

“I don’t remember where I came from Hyung.” – 9 yrs old

“Hyung, what does illegitimate mean?” – 10 yrs old

“I really don’t recall anything! Please don’t bother me about this!” – 12 yrs old

“Hyung, can you explain what a e is?” – 12 yrs old

News: Yesterday, a girl had been by a 24 year old man …“What’s Yunho-hyung?” – 13 yrs old

“What does ‘’ mean hyung?” – 13 yrs old

~End of Flashback~

“Changmin…” he finally said. His voice shook, he looked down. He began sobbing. Why did other people’s histories always make him cry? It was the same with Jaejoong. He hugged his brother really tight.

So the orphanage was looking for him. So that’s why he didn’t want to use that route home. He didn’t know the meaning of words like illegitimate, e and , and asked Yunho, just to find out more about himself.

“You belong with us Changmin,” he said between his sobs. “You’re MY brother. Don’t forget that, alright? You’re no one but Jung Changmin…”

Siwon smiled. Then he found his cheeks wet. Quickly, he wiped his face. He wasn’t supposed to be born… But he was. And Siwon liked that.

“Well, I like the fact that you were born, even if you don’t,” he said, “If you weren’t then lots of things wouldn’t have happened.” ‘Like me falling in love. If your mother and father hadn’t committed a sin, a crime, then I would never have found love. If you weren’t a runaway from the orphanage, I would never have met you. Now, I’m going to do whatever is needed to make you happy, and forget the fact that you regretted this life of yours. I promise. I’ll be there…always.’

Changmin looked at Siwon. It seemed to him that Siwon was in his own world and so he didn’t notice Changmin looking at him. Did he exist in Siwon’s world? If he didn’t, then why was Siwon staring at him like that? No, must be some other reason. Maybe he feels sad after listening to Changmin. As a friend.

Only…a friend… a TRUE friend…

Yes, a true friend.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

“I’m going to USA for a month. I want to finish studying early so that I can become a real life doctor quickly.”

“Oh, I see.”

Changmin was finally released after a week and a half. Now he was sitting at home and talking to Siwon over the phone.

“So…when will you go hyung?”

“I think next week. I’m glad you healed before my leave.”

“Yeah…how long will you be gone for?”

“A month, like I said.”

“Ah, right…”

“Changmin? Is something bothering you? You seem …distant.”

“Huh? No. I was just wondering. Are you planning to settle there?” Changmin couldn’t speak anymore, because if he did, Siwon would notice the shaking of his voice.

“I don’t think so. I don’t know…I don’t want to but you can never tell what the future brings…”

Now, Changmin couldn’t reply. It was his third month here after 6 years. Changmin finally found just a little bit of hope, a very little bit. And now, here he was planning to go to USA, a place where people automatically settle if they visit it, whether they want to or not. He couldn’t breathe properly. If he talked now, his tears would flow out. He closed his eyes.

“Changmin? Changmin are you there? Are you okay? Hello?”

Changmin couldn’t answer. He held the mouthpiece and cleared his voice. “Uh, hyung, I have some studying to do now so I need to go, bye.” He ended the talk before Siwon could even reply.

Pulling the blankets over him, he began crying.

*Whoosh* The blanket was removed.

Changmin’s eyes shot open. He sat up with a jolt. Yunho and Jaejoong were standing right in front of him. He tried to wipe his tears away, but Jaejoong bent down and firmly gripped his hands. “Changmin, what is it?”

Changmin stopped struggling. He jumped to Jaejoong who was still standing. He held him tight, buried his face in his shirt and continued crying out loud.

Jaejoong looked at Yunho who sighed. He put his hand on Changmin’s head and softly asked him, “Is it about Siwon-hyung going to America?”

Changmin looked at him and cried even louder. Jaejoong tried to calm him down by patting him and rubbing his hair. He held Changmin with one hand and brought his face closer to his chest by the other hand and tried to console him, “It’s ok, he’ll be back.”

“No, he won’t. I know he won’t.” He hugged Jaejoong tighter.

“He will,” Yunho said. “Let me see,” he brought Changmin’s face out and wiped his tears away. “Listen, we’re here for you ok? And he will definitely come back. I promise. HeeChul told me. Siwon-hyung wants to practise here not in USA. Don’t worry!”

:: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: ::

Will Siwon be back? What will happen to Changmin’s little heart that he captured? Will Siwon shatter it? Or will he protect it?