Y12 • Alone
Y • Y • Y
#taken from Yesung's point of view
Two days have passed since the night Yoon collapsed. I wanted to visit her last night but my schedule was too hectic to be messed up. Yoon doesn't have any phone as well.
Of course she doesn't; she isolates herself from the world.
That night, Yonghwa sent me a text message to tell me to check about AIWS. Without any hesitation, I quickly browsed what AIWS was and I was totally surprised to find out about it.
What kind of illness is AIWS? How could Yoon suffer AIWS? What has she done that made her to be tortured like this?
But what makes me more curious is the fact that maybe our Presidents know about AIWS. The fact that they use Yoon for their advantages despite the fact that she is suffering AIWS all the time.
"I wonder why. I was trying to end my life when they found me. They offered me to hide my existence. They offered me a life beyond my expectations. Knowing that I have this curse inside me."
It was her answer when I asked her about the reason she agreed to work with our Presidents.
So AIWS is the curse she mentioned about. It's probably the biggest reason why she wanted to end up her life at first place.
I would probably do the same if I was her. I mean, the world can't be as beautiful as what it should be when you suffer AIWS; the world is a nightmare.
Bigger and smaller body parts, nearer and farther distance, and you even lose your sense of time.
Yoon is not someone to be envy of. She is someone to be pity of.
She has everything we, the musicians, want to. But she suffer the things we never want to, not even we imagine.
I clench my fists when I have stood in front of the music room. What should I say to her when I see her?
"Yesung, come on, you're a man," I murmur to myself. I take a deep breathe and open the door firmly to find Yoon is playing a piano with Yonghwa.
It's the first time I saw Yoon is playing piano with someone else. It's the first time I ever saw her sitting side by side with someone actually.
"Welcome," Yoon murmurs without even looking at me while Yonghwa quickly turns around to see me. He flashes me a quick smile before returning his gaze to Yoon.
Before I could say anything, Yoseob enters the music room. His expression changes when he looks at Yoon and Yonghwa together. Yoseob gives me a questioning look but I just smile sheepishly.
"I guess we can start the training now," Yoon stands up with her bangs covering her eyes, the gesture which is really familiar now.
She does it because she doewn't want to see what she doesn't need to see. That way she doesn't need to find bigger or smaller things in front of her. She doesn't need to feel the distance between her and the others.
Maybe this is why sometimes Yoon stopped her action all of a sudden; because she didn't know for sure where were the things she wanted to touch.
I hesitate for seconds, standing still on my feet while Yoseob takes his position to start the training.
I feel like I am the biggest fool in the world. I know that Yoon is suffering but I still continue the training with her as if I know nothing.
"Yoon, I-" I was going to speak out my thought but Yoon cuts my words, as if she has predicted that I would complaint.
"Training first. After this, I will talk to all of you. You are free to ask for everything," Yoon mutters calmly, picking the guitar. "Three of you have been dragged too deep by me anyway."
I exchange looks with Yonghwa but he doesn't react.
Now I feel something is really suspicious.
Is there something between Yoon and Yonghwa that we don't know?
Yoon starts to play the guitar beautifully... like what she always does.
She is playing Resignation, a song which is originally sung by Big Mama. I am stunned by her play and I realize a tear has escaped my eyes.
Yoseob starts to sing the refrain part while Yonghwa is looking at Yoon with a sad smile. I secretly wipe away my tear and lock my gaze at Yoon.
I know this song is beautiful, especially if you listen to it with piano. But Yoon plays it perfectly with guitar.
When the song ends, Yoon puts down the guitar and moves aside her bangs, looking at me directly.
"I can't work with such gloomy atmosphere. Stop giving me that sad color around. I hate it," Yoon blurts out coldly. "I told you about AIWS not to make you three pity me."
Yoon closes her eyes, "I told you so all of you can understand that three of you don't need to envy me. I am an Alice in Wonderland."
The way she said it is hitting the spot on my heart; she doesn't ask our pity but I can't help to feel sad when she pointed out everything by herself.
She is all alone in her world.
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