I'll Love - Jevice

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16/5/14

    “I need to go.”
Jessica’s heart sank. Of course, she knew that Taeyeon would only be gone for a few days, but now that most of her life seemed to revolve around Taeyeon, what would she do? The thing she had been most afraid of was this dependency. For so long, she had been the one people depended on, for various reasons, and she accepted the fact that she had to be strong. She remembered back in high school, when Yuri was dealing with a mire of depression and anxiety.

    Yuri had parents who thought that such mental disorders were in fact a problem. 

    Yuri received professional help while Jessica floundered about helplessly in a pool of uncertainty and despair.

    While Yuri sat in a psychiatrist’s office and slowly got better, with all the support she received (most of it from Jessica), Jessica sat and wondered to herself whether or not her self diagnosis was out of self pity and the need for attention. Because high-school, though it may be a great place to screw up and then learn from that, is a great pit of wolves who will eat each other alive, should the time call for it. But she couldn’t hate Yuri for relying on her, because that reliance made her feel as though she was needed in the world, and without Yuri she probably would have stopped trying. Still, she trusted no one, or she at least tried to. Trust was a liability. People are variables that, although they may be predictable in some cases, are uncontrollable and most of the time have self-serving temperaments. Trusting in people was like trusting weather to be sunny all the time.

    But here she was, completely reliant and with all her trust in Taeyeon. At times she had tried to retract that trust, but it felt so natural to believe in Taeyeon, so she gave in and just led her heart lead her.
“I know,” Jessica said as she looked at Taeyeon, as if she were pleading for her to stay. Taeyeon had noticed this.
She reached up and cupped Jessica’s face with both hands and said with a laugh, “aww, don’t look like that! I’m just going to my parent’s place for the weekend, I’ll only be gone for three days.”
“I know,” Jessica said.
“I’ll come back as soon as I can, don’t be sad, okay?” Taeyeon said as she squished Jessica’s cheeks together, trying to erase the sad look on her face. Jessica nodded as she hugged her tightly and buried her face in her hair.
“I love you,” Taeyeon whispered as she Jessica’s back soothingly.

    Taeyeon stepped into her car and started the engine. As she backed out, Jessica watched her face as she turned her attention to the rear view mirror. Taeyeon had dyed her hair a dark brown, and she had bangs now. Although Jessica liked the way her blonde hair shone in the sun, she had to admit that Taeyeon looked even more beautiful, less childlike, and she wished she had kissed her more before she got into the car. She was so occupied with her thoughts, she almost missed Taeyeon waving to her as she drove away.
“Yah! Jung Sooyeon!” her attention turned to the direction of the voice, and she saw Taeyeon sticking her head out of the open window and waving to her. She smiled and waved back. Three days, she could live with that, after all, Taeyeon would be back in her arms in no time and she could finally tell her she loved her.

    Three days was proving to be too long for her. She was fine during the first day, and went about her business in her usual fashion. And then on the second day she woke up alone and almost cried. She didn’t know how she ended up on a train bound for Jeonju with nothing but a  backpack and a scrap of paper with an address scrawled on, but she was and she sat and looked out of the window, mind churning along with her stomach. Now that the train was moving, all the apprehensions she should have had before she boarded had come flooding in to disturb her. What if Taeyeon’s parents were homophobic? What if Sunny gave her the wrong address? What if Taeyeon left because she couldn’t stand Jessica anymore? All these thoughts were making her feel sick and she hurried to the toilet and regurgitated all those worries and flushed them away. When she returned to her seat, she pulled out her red notebook and began to write. She thought about Taeyeon, wrote about Taeyeon, and then stopped to realise that she was probably being a bit obsessed, and continued anyway.

    The train had stopped for a while now, perhaps five minutes. Jessica sat in her seat, frozen at the thought of what was to come.
“Excuse me miss, you need to leave now.”
“Ah, yes. Sorry.”
Jessica wandered the station for a bit, unsure of what to do and where to go. Then she got it together and remember why she was there. She was glad that she remembered her wallet. Hailing a taxi, she showed him the address. The ride there was quiet. The driver tried to make some small talk, but was quick to stop when he realised that Jessica was occupied with other things. In her mind, she repeated the same three words over and over again, like a broken record, the three words never letting her forget them.
“We’re here.” Jessica paid the driver and quickly got out of the taxi. As the sound of the engine faded away into the distance, she stood in front the door and nearly fainted with nervousness. She composed herself. She rang the door. Hearing the sound of faint shuffling from inside, she stepped away from the door. She also heard the sound of something being knocked over and a small “!” and she smiled to herself. That smile was wiped off her face when the door was opened. Taeyeon stood before her, bewildered and confused, but not disappointed.
“Jessica? What are you doing here?”
Jessica was silent for a moment, opening and closing, wondering how to begin the sentence. 

    And then, without inhibitions, she said it.
“I love you, Kim Taeyeon,” she said as she looked Taeyeon directly in the eyes. She took a step closer and smiled.
“I love you, Kim Taeyeon, so much, it scares me, but I don’t care anymore, I love you.”
“J-jessica—” Taeyeon began, but was stopped when Jessica grabbed her head gently and kissed her. When they stopped, Taeyeon felt Jessica align their noses and press their foreheads together. Their eyes were still closed. Taeyeon felt small puffs of air on and knew that Jessica was laughing.
“I love you, it’s so easy to say now, I love youuuuuuu!” Jessica threw her hands up in the air and smiled until her cheeks hurt.
Taeyeon watched this all with the same smile and reached out toward her, and pulled her into a hug. She giggled, “yeah yeah, I get it, I love you too Jessica Jung, we should probably go in before the neighbours think we’re crazy.”

    The two sat on the sofa, not saying anything and just looked at each other in comfortable silence. Jessica reached a hand out and traced Taeyeon’s jaw line.
“You’re beautiful,” she whispered. Taeyeon took hold of the hand on her cheek and tugged it roughly, and Jessica fell upon her suddenly. And then Taeyeon leaned up and kissed her passionately. She began sliding down so that she was lying down on the sofa, with Jessica on top of her, their legs in-between each other and bodies pressed together. Taeyeon reached up and into Jessica’s shirt, her hands tracing random patterns on the smooth skin of her back as Jessica began on her lower lip. One of them moaned. Jessica will always refuse to admit it, but Taeyeon knows it was her. Taeyeon smirked as Jessica continued to kiss her, and traced her fingers lightly down her spine. Their kissing became more and more fervent and desperate, with Jessica lightly grinding on Taeyeon and Taeyeon’s hands lingering on Jessica bra hook, playing with it in her fingers. Jessica placed one last kiss on Taeyeon and pulled away with a smile, her hands reaching for Taeyeon’s face and fixing the dishevelled hair. Taeyeon opened her eyes in confusion and looked at Jessica, as though she was pleading for her not to stop. Jessica giggled.
“I think we should save this for another time, don’t you?” she teased as she stood up and straightened her clothing.
“No,” Taeyeon shook her head absentmindedly and sat up on the sofa, slightly dazed.
“When are your parents coming back?”
“I don’t know. Probably later, at night,” Taeyeon shrugged.
“You should probably tell them I’m here. What if they come home and we’re like, making out on the sofa? What if they don’t want me here?What if they don’t like me?” Jessica began to panic.
“Shhhh it’s okay, they know you’re my girlfriend. I’ll just call them. I’m sure they’ll be fine with it.”
“B-but..”
“Hello? Mum? Yeah uh, Jessica’s over right now…Yes, my girlfriend…I don’t know, she probably took the train?…HOW COULD I WARN YOU OF THIS WHEN I DIDN’T KNOW?!…no, I wasn’t shouting at you, you probably have a bad signal…okay, bye,” Taeyeon wandered the house aimlessly as she spoke into the phone, eventually finding her way into Jessica’s arms.

    “Why did you come all the way here?” Taeyeon asked as they ate snacks while watching a movie.
“I needed you. And I needed to tell you I loved you.”
“Couldn’t you have waited, at least until I came back?” Taeyeon smiled.
“No. I almost cried because you weren’t there,” Jessica’s voice was soft, and Taeyeon noticed a slight blush on her cheeks. She turned the TV off and turned to face Jessica.
“Thank you,” she said.
“I’m sorry it took so long.”
“That’s okay; for you, I could wait forever.”
“You love me way too much.”
“As long as you love me back,” Taeyeon leaned back and stretched. Jessica watched as the shirt lifted up and exposed Taeyeon’s tummy.
“I can see you.”
“I—I wasn’t—”
“Does this mean we can continue? I mean, you did say that my parents were facing the risk of walking in on our make out session, so…” Taeyeon said hopefully.
“In your dreams, Kim Taeyeon,” Jessica sniggered.
“Being with you is a dream in itself.”
Jessica was almost swept off her feet, if not for her catching a glimpse of Taeyeon’s crossed fingers.
“You’re incorrigible,” she snorted, “but I love you.” Jessica stood up and headed to the kitchen. After a short pause, Taeyeon shouted from the living room, “so does that mean I get a kiss?!”
As she poured herself a glass of water Jessica smiled and rolled her eyes.

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I'm sorry this took so long

I'll also probably update slower, because I'm overseas right now and the internet IS SO SLOOOOW OMFG

BUT YEHA TAENGSIC FLUFF