Chapter 15

Sunggyu

Someone shakes me by the shoulder. I notice my hand moving, realize that I hit whoever tries to disturb my peaceful sleep.

" Sunggyu!"

I'm so tired. Whoever is doing that is dancing on thin ice and should prepare himself for what is going to happen as soon as I'm awake.

If I'll ever be able to open my eyes...

Too heavy...

So tired...

"Sunggyu!"

The voice gets louder and more demanding.

Trying to listen closer is so difficult...

But I know that voice.

Maybe too well.            

            Woohyun... 

I get up with a start, my gaze frantically wandering around until I meet Woohyuns.

" Woohyun! You're alright?!"

The last thing I remember is him collapsing in my arms.

And then...

The same happened to me?

" I should ask you that question! You were the one who didn't wake up.", he reaches out for my hand. " Are you alright?"

" Yes..."

" Where the hell are we?"

" Dongwoo?" I spin my head around when I hear his voice all of sudden. He is sitting behind me, his face more confused than ever. Like that of the small puppy Hoya likes to compare him to.

" What do you mean? We're in our kit--" I pause slowly, furrow my brows. Now that I take a closer look... This is clearly not my kitchen. It doesn't even seem to be a room. I can barely make out an outline. Everything around us is blurry, a dirty grey. The colour of a cold November day.

" I think I might know where we are."

Woohyun.

" I would have been offended if you had already forgotten about me, Woohyun."

There is that man all of sudden. Brown hair, a bit shorter than me but definitely more muscular. 

As sudden as his voice echoed through the... room.... he is next to me, his hand touches my hair tenderly.

But still I can feel a bit of hesitation behind it.

" Sunggyu." I'm too surprised to even move.

Woohyun undertakes that part as he pushes the mans hand away and pulls me closer.

" He's off limits, Donghae."

" Donghae?"

My gaze wanders between a glowering Woohyun and that guy, who keeps smiling friendly.

" I didn't know you tend to be the jealous type."

" Just keep your hands to yourself."

" No reason to get worked up."

" Stop smiling!"

" Could you stop this with and explain to - me once and for all - what's going on?", Dongwoo never likes to disturb fighting people, but when he does  people tend to listen to his sudden authority. " And if you can't stop hand that poor boy over to me. He's totally lost."

He carefully helps me up from the ground, ignoring Woohyuns vocal protests.

" It was a good idea to bring him over." Donghae says with an admiring look on his face

." Why did you bring us here at all? I thought you can't help me." Woohyun snaps at him.

All of sudden there is a role of paper in Donghaes hand. He strikes out and gives Woohyun a painful looking hit on the head.

" Be glad I decided to just give a if there are rules or not for once and came here! You were close to a mental breakdown! Did you intend not to tell them?!"

" I don't want them to suffer because of me!"

" Those stupid self offering idiots! It never works out if you try to do it alone! You haven't even started yet and you already mess up everything because you think they can't handle it?! They handled the last days!", he hisses through his teeth. " What am I doing here...I don't even want to think about what they'll do when they get me..."
Woohyun grabs him by the collar. " It's the first time I came back from Death!"

" Came back... from Death?"

I don't think he wanted to tell me this way and I think Donghae never intended to mess explanation time  up like that. They stop to hiss at each other when they hear my quiet voice. I slowly get closer to them, Dongwoos supporting hand on my back. My limbs are too heavy... like a lead weight...

" Sunggyu...", Woohyun is next to me a second later. " You're alright? You should sit down again."

" How can all of you move like nothing happened? I feel like collapsing the next second."

Dongwoo subtly touches my arm.

" It's not like you slept and ate a lot the last days. " he says and I refrain from asking him why he knows that. There are a lot of things I have to know, and that is definitely not the most urgent.

" Woohyun... what do you mean with that?"

He looks to the ground and again Donghae is the one who speaks.

" You know the answer, don't you? You know it the moment he stepped inside the room, seemingly alive. But you didn't want to believe it. That's why I brought you here. To show you that there is more to this world than you think there is. Believe Woohyuns words.  You might wouldn't have done so if he had just told you without me intervening. But that's nothing to be ashamed of. You're human and because of that you can't think too far. There are things in the world you live in you don't even want to knmow. "

Dongwoos confused face next to me, his gaze wandering between us. " What is he talking about? And where the hell are we?"

I only lift my hand, touch Woohyuns chest.

It's the first time I realize what he is wearing.

His funeral suit.

How stupid of me not to notice.

And now I can feel what I expected.

Nothing.

No heartbeat where one should be.

And mine skips a beat... maybe two.

" I had hoped there would be a different explanation, but it was so easy all the time."

" Sunggyu... what are you doing?"

" It's not beating."

Dongwoo pauses his movement.

" It's not beating." I repeat, oddly quiet.

What did I expect?

That everything was just a bad dream?

That I would wake up and he would tell me everything's alright with a smile?

No...

The nightmare only started.

" What do you mean... it's not beating... let me feel." Dongwoo pulls my hand away, only to confront himself with the unavoidable truth. I can see how the colour slowly disappears from his face.

It is not beating...

All of my strength fades,  the next second and I find myself on the ground, Woohyun and Dongwoo by my side. Woohyun wipes the sweaty hairstrands out of my face.  His fingers are shaking.

" I wanted to explain it to you. But I couldn't... all of sudden everything seemed to be too... too unreal. I was afraid you wouldn't believe me."

" That's why I decided to intervene."

Donghae kept himself in the background. Now he's back at my side and I don't know how he was able to get over here that fast.

" I took you and Dongwoo over here. Because you have to understand first, Sunggyu. And he will be a big help telling the others.", he turns back to Woohyun. " Actually I shouldn't have come. But when I realized what was going on in your head I couldn't help it. Sungmin and you. There's so much left to do for you. And I will try to help you. So please, don't give up and try to trust into their strength. And Sunggyu...", again I can feel his hand that touches my head. " I'm so sorry that this had to happen to you and please believe me when I tell you that I know how you feel. I beg you... don't make the same mistake I did. Please don't give up. You will understand when Woohyun tells you about everything. You have a chance, so please don't let it go to waste."

" When did you start to talk that much?"

" We only met once, Woohyun. There's a lot more you need to know. ", he slowly gets up, he's hand still touching me. " And now I'll take you back. For today, take your time and rest. That poor guy looks like he will collapse for sure."   

Before I can say another word everything goes black again.

OOO

We came back and he told us that... story... that would have been too much to believe even if I wanted to if it wasn't for that guy.

Being dead... being killed... forgetting the last week... trying to find who did that... no time...

Maybe it also helps that Dongwoo is there. He calms Sungjong, who got hysterical when all of us went unconscious all of sudden.

Tomorrow I have to talk to Myungsoo...

His gaze...

I didn't like it.

But for now. I take Woohyuns hand and pull him to my room... to our room.

That hideout we built together

Or is it him who takes me?

He looks at the mess I made what seems like ages ago. His gaze takes in the lamp on the ground. He liked it the most but now he doesn't say anything about it. Just cleans the bed from all the signs of my breakdown and pulls the blanket back.

" Try to sleep." he says when we both lied down, facing each other.

But...it is the first time... since he came back I can face him.

Like... really facing him.

How could I close my eyes if that perfection lies in front of me and my chest aches... out of happiness or shock, I don't know.

I reach out for him and pull him closer.
And finally, when our lips meet he breaks and I can feel the saltiness of his tears on my lips.
" I woke up and you weren't there... you weren't there and he told me I'm dead and I thought.... I thought I couldn't see you again... you weren't there ...."
He hides in my embrace, occasionally hitting me.

Only softly.
I don't even know when I started to cry.
Only silent.
While trying to comfort him in my embrace.
" Sunggyu... I'm so scared....."
" Ssssh..."
I don't have any words for him because there are none that could even get close to describe this whole situation.
But...
In the end I don't need them.
I can caress him...
Kiss him...
Shower him with all the affection he missed so much and meanwhile suppress my own fear.
Because one thing is for sure.

There won't... there can't be another day I have to miss him like I did.

And to achieve that I will do everything.
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