Chapter 11

Sunggyu

Lying.

The only thing I have done for a while now... or so I think.

Everything's blur.

Have I eaten since I came back from Busan?

Most probably.

How else could I explain why I haven't thrown up yet. Maybe Dongwoo uses my state of mind and forces me to eat without me noticing.

I'm wearing different clothes than yesterday... or is it still the same day? Did I miss night and day? Maybe... just  maybe they gave me sleeping pills so I would sleep for a bit. Because... closing my eyes isn't an option. Closing my eyes would only be an invitation for the thoughts and the pain.

But who am I trying to kid? The pain is there. Dull when I breath out and like a knife cutting my insides when I breath in. Stop breathing would be an option. A nice option. Better than lying here. Alone and at the mercy of a cruel world I don't want to live in anymore.

My fingertips almost touch the pillow next to me.

Almost.

I don't want to touch it. Just having the feeling of it being there. If I would move a bit, if I'd turn my head over and touched the pillow with the tip of my nose I would catch Woohyuns smell.

Something flowery.

He had always been that picky when it came to his hair.

They come to my room. Rotating between those who are better at handling me and those who can't. The ones that take a seat next to me and even try to talk, only to leave me alone a few minutes later. And those who see me and flee. They don't know how to handle me

Sunggyu has been gone for a while now.

My father belongs to the latter.

I notice him standing next to my but pay no attention to him. I'm doing him a favour. That, I know in my current state of mind.

" Sunggyu... please. Get up. They're waiting for us."

My father is a strong man, but he had never been able to cope with the sadness of his only son. Not in the past and not now, when the pain inside my body  reached a point where I don't know if I can withstand it any longer. Mom had done the talking for him all the time but she's also grieving. She loved Woohyun.

" Come on."

He reaches out for  my arm, but I don't react.

" I beg you, Sunggyu.", he desperately seeks for words. " I know this isn't easy for you. Please say by to your Mother. We need to leave now... I'm sorry we can't be here for--"

" Don't.", my face is still directed to the ceiling, my voice a mere whisper. " To trust in him. That he would be back safely... how stupid I was."

" Sunggyu."

"Get out. Do yourself the favour and get out." And even though the words are whispered they seem to hit father like a blow into the stomach. He would have stayed if he was a stronger person I think.

He leaves without another word, only to be replaced by Hoya.  The door closes with a thud and he takes a seat on the sofa across the bed, casually leaning at the rest.

He won't talk.

Hoya is not good with words.

At least not in situations like this.

Again steps outside.

Someone carefully opens the door. I manage to direct my attention to it... just a bit.

This time it's Dongwoo. He glances at the bed and then to Hoya, who motions him to be quiet and waves him over.

He enters quietly, followed by Myungsoo who stops next to the bed for a moment. His gaze is gloomy like always, but nevertheless he touches my arm for a moment before he takes a seat next to Dongwoo.

Minutes pass by, before the door opens again.

Sungyeol enters the room, followed by Sungjong.

My younger brother hasn't spoken a lot since they've come back home. His red eyes are the evidence of the many hours he cried. He is better in looking after himself than everyone thought Dongwoo said when he sat next to me yesterday... or today... Hoya tried to look after him, but it wasn't necessary. The boy  eats enough and tries to make conversation with them. But his words are... Hoya calls it hollow.

Sungyeol closes the door and leans against the wall, his gaze alternating between watching Sungjongs back and locking gazes with Myungsoo.

Sungjong gets closer slowly and takes a seat at the bed. He's already wearing his black tuxedo for the funeral. He slowly lies down next to me. I stiffen when Sungjong accidentally touches me. Sungjong shrinks back the second he feels that movement. Slowly, I turn my gaze,  focusing on Sungyeol for a moment, before I meet Sungjongs swollen eyes.

" Thank you."

 " For what?" Sungjongs voice sounds so tired.

" That you don't force me to talk.", my gaze wavers. " Thank you for not talking to me... like the others do."

For the first time after I found him I realizes the tears that threaten to fall. Almost suprised I touch his face.

" Sunggyu... let's go to the funeral."

" I will go. Just... later. They can wait.", I cover my eyes with his arm. " I have to understand first... what they're going to do to him..."

" Sunggyu...", Sungjongs hand reaches out for me but stops the last second. " How can I help you? Tell me... everything..."

I know I shouldn't act like this.

It is my brother.

They are my friends.

I was their anchor like Woohyun was mine and now I let go so selfishly.

But there's nothing left for me.

Not the wish to protect them.

Not the wish to even talk to them.

Maybe some day... when I'm able to walk out of all this pain and darkness and dullness I'm able to reach out for them. But not today. And not tomorrow.

How much Woohhyun would despise me for what I'm doing right now.

" Dying because of a fricking fireplace. How uncool of him. Totally not his style."

" Totally." Hoya responds from the sofa. Any other day Dongwoo would have smacked him but today it's alright.

Because it's right.

It's uncool.

And dumb.

And stupid.

So stupid that it broke our hearts.

" Choking because of fricking carbon dioxide. Did you ever hear something dumber? One open window and they would be fine..."

There my last bit of control is gone and what is left is a crying mess that clutches his stomach for the sheer purpose to make the pain go away. Sungjong  pulls me closer.

" I can't go... I can't go..." a voiceless mantra.

OOO

Myungsoo

The others just watch the brothers on the bed.But not all of them. Myungsoo can't and won't look at the crying mess on the bed. He will look at him again when he is better. And if he won't be... the last things he will remember won't be his normally proud friend as a crying mess on the bed. 

A quiet knock at the door. It pulls Sungyeol out of his daze. Before he can react there is another knock, this time more demanding.

" Should I?"

Myungsoo nods and Sungyeol opens the door. He listens to the whispered words of the man outside.

" What?!"

Myungsoo is on his feet a second later. " Sungyeol!"

Sungyeols hands find their way around the collar of the man . " Are you ing kidding me?!"

"Sungyeol! Let him go!" Myungsoo pries his hands away from the frightened servant and the poor man leaves with a shocked impression.

" What the is wrong with you?" Myungsoo hisses at Sungyeol but stops his speech when Sungyeol leans against the wall and slowly glides to the ground.

"Hey...", his voice so much softer all of sudden. " What's wrong?"

"That... that guy...", Sungyeols says with shaking voice. " He... told me about a call..."

"A call?"

"From Busan."

"Busan?", Sungyeol turns quiet. " Sungyeol?!"

" They... they did the autopsy on that Sungmin guy again. It seems like... Cho Kyuhyun wasn't satisfied with the first doctors work and got another one."

Myungsoo shakes his head in confusion. " And why..."

"Myungsoo...", Sungyeols eyes widen as if realization just hit him again. " It wasn't an accident... they say... with any mistake... that guy... Sungmin...he got murdered. And that means..."

"Woohyun... too..."

Sunggyu.

He listened?

How could he... he was crying into Sungjongs chest but...

Now he's quiet.

Too quiet.

Only his hand that finally clench the pillow next to him, as if they want to destroy it.

And a sudden fire in his eyes that scares the hell out of everyone.

OOO

I wake up and it is dark.

It is dark and there is no Sunggyu to sooth me.

That is why I scream.

And I scream because I remember. The moment lights started to dance in front of my eyes.

The moment I felt my last breath leaving my body. How I couldn't hear anymore and how strange it was that I couldn't feel another heartbeat.

And it painfully becomes clear to me that I'm dead.

Painfully...

I shouldn't feel pain when I'm dead... or so people say. But not one of them has experienced it. So how could I know.

          The sound of my scream fades away in the distance and I finally open my eyes.

I'm in a nice decorated room. Something castle- like directly out of a movie. I'm lying on a bed, the comfortable mattress only making me feel out of place a bit more.

There is a knock outside the huge wooden door when I'm finally able to lift myself up.

" Woohyun?", the voice of a man. " Are you able to get up?"

I look at the door dumbfounded when it slowly opens and reveals the figure of a man in casual clothing. " If you don't mind I'd like to take you to my office. Your friend is waiting there and there are a lot of things to explain and to discuss."

_______________________________________

Thanks a lot for everything :`)

I'm a pretty silent author but please know that I read every comment with a smile on my face and I'm happy about every subscriber and silent reader and just... yes, just really happy