Taeyeon walks into the kitchen just as Jessica comes out, wiping her hands on her jeans (they’re skinny jeans, but they’re loose on her, and Taeyeon has seen this pair before, remembers how they used to fit her perfectly) and humming something under her breath.

“Jessica.”

Jessica stops humming, stops moving. “Taeyeon,” she returns coolly, and then makes to brush past Taeyeon.

“Can we talk?”

“I’m busy.”

“Please?” Taeyeon whispers. “Please, just give me a chance.”

“I already have. I’ve given you plenty of chances, and—look what you’ve done with them.”

“I’m sorry.” Taeyeon’s voice cracks, and Jessica falters. “I’m so sorry.”

“You’ve already said that. If that’s all you have to say to me—” Jessica starts to walk away, but Taeyeon grabs her wrist and refuses to let her go.

“Jessica. Please, just listen to me. I know I don’t deserve another chance, but just—please stay and hear me out.”

Jessica doesn’t struggle or try to push away from her. She’s perfectly passive, almost apathetic, and Taeyeon would almost have preferred it if she tore away from her viciously or screamed at her.

Taeyeon would rather see her angry than see her not caring. The only thing worse than hatred is indifference, after all.

“I think you’ve already said everything there is to be said,” Jessica says in that bored drawl of hers. “This little thing of yours is getting old, isn’t it?”

“What thing?”

“People always want what they can’t have. You didn’t have any interest in me when I was desperately trying to get your attention, your favour. But now that I don’t want anything to do with you, you’re interested. You want me.” Jessica leans in dangerously close to Taeyeon, her eyes very dark and very sharp. “Am I right?”

It’s hard to breathe with Jessica looking at her like that, a look that she’s never seen before and isn’t sure she ever wants to see again.

“It’s not like that, Jessica,” Taeyeon says, but her voice comes out weaker than she would like.

“You can deny it, but your eyes don’t lie.”

“Every part of me lies. I’m a liar.”

“Then how can you ever expect me to believe you?”

“I can’t.” Taeyeon’s head falls. “I can’t expect anything from you, and I don’t deserve to. But I need you to know something. I didn’t even realize this myself before, or maybe I realized it but I didn’t want to admit it, but now I know I can’t and shouldn’t deny it.”

“What is it?” Jessica asks quietly.

“I need all of you,” Taeyeon says. “I need Sunkyu because she’s the most kickass best friend ever. I need Hyoyeon because she’s kind and caring but tough as nails and she takes care of the members in the ways that I can’t. I need Yoona because she’s such a choding but also one of the most mature and down-to-earth people I know.”

She takes a deep breath. Jessica’s still looking at her like she’s waiting for an ultimate answer from her, and this time she actually feels like she might be able to deliver it.

“I need Juhyun because even though she’s the youngest, she’s always led us down the right path. I need Sooyoung because without her resolve and humour, I don’t know where we’d be. I need Yuri because I can laugh on her shoulder and then cry the next second and she’d think nothing of it.

“And I need Tiffany because—she’s Tiffany.”

Taeyeon swallows, hard. “And I need you, because nobody harmonizes with me like you do, and you have the most unique sense of humour I’ve ever known, and you make me feel better about my complete lack of cooking skills, and I don’t know why they call you an ice princess, because you’re one of the warmest people I know.”

Jessica has her hand to , and her eyes are wet again, but Taeyeon knows these are very different tears.

“And I’m lucky to know you,” Taeyeon finishes, “lucky to have called you a friend.” She watches Jessica with hope and apprehension, bottom lip caught between her teeth, only noticing now that it’s healed.

“You sound like you’re at my funeral and you’re giving the eulogy.”

There’s that unique sense of humour again, and she’s never been so grateful to hear it.

“Can I call you a friend then?” Taeyeon asks softly. “In the present tense?”

Jessica looks at her very intently for a very long while. “Let me ask you something, Taeyeon,” she finally says.

“Ask away.”

“Do you hate me?” Her voice is as clear as a bell, and there’s barely any vulnerability in it, but it’s still there, and this time, she doesn’t try to hide it.

“No,” Taeyeon replies with no hesitation and no deception. “I admire you, and I respect you, and I envy you, but I don’t hate you.”

“I can’t tell when you’re telling the truth and when you’re not. I want to believe you, but we usually want to believe the lie more than the truth.”

“What I said earlier…I said that we may have to be together all the time, but that doesn’t mean I have to like you.”

“I remember,” Jessica says quietly. “Are you going to tell me that again? Because the message was clear enough the first time.”

“No, I want to tell you something. I didn’t have to like you, but I did anyway. I do.” Taeyeon’s mouth feels like a desert, her lips cracking like the earth along fault lines, but she keeps talking. “Nobody could have made me like you, not even myself, except you. You were just…you, and I may have felt jealous and bitter over the years, but that doesn’t change the fact that I need you.”

“But I don’t just want you to need me,” Jessica whispers. “I want you to want me.”

Taeyeon stares at her, confused about the difference, Tiffany’s voice floating in her mind: sometimes wanting means more than needing.

“But I do want you.”

Jessica shakes her head, her expression fond, gentle. She takes a ragged breath and lets it go, the exhale seeming to fill the space between them, the endless space that finally seems to be narrowing.

“Yul told me that you said you’re afraid. What are you afraid of, Taeyeon?”

“A lot of things,” she says, something about the soft look in Jessica’s eyes spurring her, emboldening her. “Failure. Disappointment. Expiration.”

“You’re not the only person who’s afraid,” Jessica breathes, so quietly that Taeyeon almost doesn’t hear her, that she wonders if she only imagined it.

Suddenly, and she doesn’t know why this comes to her now, she realizes that Jessica wasn’t humming an aimless tune earlier – she was humming a song. Almost.

“Oh, and next time you go home, get your parents to get you some glasses,” Jessica adds. “You need to get your eyes checked.”

Taeyeon’s genuinely confused by that. “Why?”

“Because you think I’m better than you. Obviously you’ve never taken a good look in the mirror, Kim Taeyeon.”

“I’m not talking about looks.”

“Neither am I,” Jessica replies cryptically. “I’m not talking about that type of mirror.”

“Then what are you talking about?” Taeyeon asks, even more confused now. “The Mirror of Erised or something?”

Jessica bursts out laughing. She laughs so hard she almost falls over, and she half-collapses against Taeyeon, who tries to support her.

“The Mirror of Erised. Honestly, Taeyeon, and you wonder why people call you a dork.”

“I never denied being a dork.”

“A cute dork,” Jessica teases, and something about her smile makes Taeyeon look away, her face feeling warm and drier than ever. “I have to go. I have to call Soojung about something.”

“Oh.” Taeyeon hopes Jessica doesn’t notice the way she freezes momentarily at the mention of Krystal. “Okay. Be a good unnie.”

“Aren’t I always?”

Then, with another one of those smiles, Jessica’s gone, and Taeyeon doesn’t realize she’s been watching her walk away without blinking until she rubs at her dry, hurting eyes.