A/N: A lot of people seem to think I've forgotten about/given up on this fic. I assure you, that is not true. I've spent almost a year writing this; it means a lot to me, and I have every intention of finishing it. Sadly my muse refuses to cooperate with me, and there is the little issue of real life. I'm only human, and there's only so much I can do.

I've been working on this chapter for the past three weeks and I must have written all the scenes except the third one four or five times. I just...couldn't get it to work. Not sure if it works now, but - if I keep rewriting this chapter I'll never post it. And I've kept you guys waiting long enough.

Many thanks to GeeShizzle for the beta and thewoundupbird for hand-holding and concrit.

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Taeyeon is debating about what to say to Jessica when Tiffany grabs her arm and practically drags her away.

She rubs her arm, which is a little sore from the force of Tiffany’s grip. “Okay, I’m guessing you want to talk to me.”

“Yes, I do. It’s really important.”

“Yeah, I got that from your nails.”

“Sorry,” Tiffany says, not very apologetically.

“Well?” Taeyeon looks at her expectantly. “What did you want to say to me?”

“I’m asking you,” Tiffany says, her voice low and urgent. “No, I’m demanding you – as your best friend, and as Jessi’s – please just…”

“Just?” Taeyeon prompts when she breaks off.

“Just try to be happy,” Tiffany says, pleads really.

“Well, that is what people try to do.”

“No, that didn’t come out right. I don’t know how to put it.” Tiffany is being uncharacteristically tongue-tied, her expression tense and conflicted. Taeyeon wonders what it is that she finds so hard to get out.

“Don’t screw up?” Taeyeon supplies. “Is that what you mean?”

“I’m tired of seeing you hurt,” Tiffany says, her voice full of sincerity, and under that, the heavy shadow of guilt.

“You don’t have to carry this guilt with you forever, you know. I mean, it’s not like it’s your fault if I’m not happy. Like you’re solely responsible for my happiness or unhappiness.”

Tiffany flinches a little, and Taeyeon realizes how harsh her wording is. “I didn’t mean it like that,” she amends.

“No, you did,” Tiffany says slowly. “You’re right. I’m not solely or mainly responsible for your happiness or unhappiness. It’s just – I’m tired of hurting people.”

Taeyeon understands now that when Tiffany said I’m tired of seeing you hurt, she really meant I’m tired of hurting you.

“You know,” Taeyeon starts brazenly, thinking of obliviousness and hurt and the way Yuri looks at Tiffany. “I’ve noticed that—”

“And I’m tired of seeing Jessi being hurt too,” Tiffany adds. “You two, it’s like you’re always hurting each other and yourselves.”

“It’s mostly been me doing the hurting.” Guilt isn’t just a shadow in Taeyeon’s voice; it immerses all of it.

“So don’t do it anymore.” Tiffany gives her a sharp look. “Don’t play with her feelings, Taeyeon.”

“What?” Taeyeon gapes. “I’m not. I wouldn’t do that, I wouldn’t – I’m not.”

“I know you wouldn’t do it on purpose, but – just think about what you’re doing, okay? Don’t go out with her just because you feel guilty or obligated.”

“I thought you supported me about this.” She stares at Tiffany with some incredulity, and irritation, and hurt. “Where is all this coming from?”

“I do support you,” Tiffany says. “I want you to be happy.”

“But not with Jessica?” Taeyeon is losing her patience now. “You keep saying you want me to be happy, but now that I have a chance, you’re accusing me of all these things. What do you really want to say, Tiffany? What do you want from me?”

Tiffany looks pained. ”I’m sorry, everything sounded better in my head and it came out all wrong. I didn’t mean – I’m not accusing you of anything. I just want to make sure you know what you’re doing, because sometimes we do things out of good intentions, but. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”

She twists her ring – the promise ring her boyfriend gave her – around her finger, and Taeyeon realizes that the things she said…maybe they were from her own experience.

“It’s okay.” Taeyeon softens. She’s always been bad at staying angry at Tiffany. “You’re my best friend. And Jessica’s. I know you just want the best for us.”

“I think you and Jessi are good for each other,” Tiffany says with clear sincerity. “I’ve been waiting for this day. I’m happy for you, both of you.”

“Thank you.”

“And, Taeyeon.”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t screw up.”

She thinks about how Jessica had cried on her shoulder, shaking like a leaf caught in a gale, how small she had felt in Taeyeon’s arms, how delicate, how utterly breakable.

“I won’t.” It’s not really something that she can promise – she’s good at screwing up, after all – but she’ll try her hardest not to. There’s too much at stake.

“I trust you.”

“Fany, I want you to be happy too.”

Tiffany blinks and looks away. “Who said I’m not?”

Taeyeon exhales. “Are we really going to play this game?”

“Taeyeon—”

“I want the best for you too.”

Tiffany’s lips move minimally. “I know.”

Taeyeon’s brow furrows. “Fany…”

“I have to practice with Yuri for Märchen Fantasy,” Tiffany says. “I’ll talk to you later.”

She knows that Tiffany really does have to go and she isn’t just saying that to end the conversation, but she doesn’t know when they’ll get to talk about this again. Tiffany can chatter enough for both of them, but if she doesn’t want to talk about something, she won’t.

“Tiffany,” Taeyeon says as she’s about to turn away.

Tiffany looks at her. “What?”

“Don’t play with her feelings.”

Tiffany’s eyes are soft and dark. She doesn’t say anything.

“It’s not easy to be happy, you know, but…” Taeyeon shrugs. “Sometimes things are hard because they’re worth it.”

Tiffany remains silent, but she nods slowly, eyes heavy with thought and some other weight. “I have to see Yuri,” she says again, only it sounds different this time.

“Okay.”

Tiffany gives a small smile. “TaeTae,” she says. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” Taeyeon tells her. “I just—I want you to be happy.”

“I know,” Tiffany murmurs. “I know.”

“Hey,” Taeyeon says quietly.

Jessica is sitting on her bed with her phone in her hand. She’s not looking at it, just clutching it with a grip that looks painfully tight. Her voice is low but steady when she replies.

“Hey.”

“Are you busy?”

“I was going to call Soojung, but…” Jessica shrugs. “I don’t know what to say.”

“It’s hard to know what to say.”

Jessica gives her an unreadable look. “What are you here to say?”

Taeyeon tries for a smile. “Maybe I don’t want to talk. Maybe I just want to see my girlfriend.”

Jessica’s shoulders stiffen and her fingers tighten around her phone, gripping it like she’s drowning and it’s the only thing keeping her adrift.

Taeyeon’s inchoate smile fades away. “Jessica…” She receives no reply, but she doesn’t let it deter her. She walks in, closes the door behind her, and takes a seat on the edge of Jessica’s bed. “Je—”

“Does it hurt?” Jessica asks abruptly.

Taeyeon gives her a blank look. “Does what hurt?”

“Your side,” Jessica says, as if it’s obvious.

“Oh, that. It’s fine,” Taeyeon says dismissively.

“Did you put rubbing alcohol on it?” Jessica presses. “The wound can get infected, you know.”

“It’s not a wound; it’s barely a scratch.”

Jessica looks exasperated. “Taeyeon—”

“I put on some Band-Aids. I’m fine.”

Jessica’s lips are a thin, taut line. “You need to take better care of yourself.”

Taeyeon smiles. “Or you could take care of me instead.”

Jessica tenses up again and stares at Taeyeon with those dark, opaque eyes of hers. “Taeyeon,” she says, sounding pained.

“You said you wanted to talk to me, and – here I am.”

“Here you are,” Jessica says in a soft voice, looking at Taeyeon like she isn’t really sure of that, like maybe she’s dreaming this whole thing. Taeyeon wonders what she has to do to convince Jessica that she’s awake.

“Are you mad at me?” Taeyeon asks.

“What?”

“Because of what I said earlier.” Taeyeon bites her lip. “Are you angry?”

Jessica exhales. “No, I’m not angry. I’m…I don’t know how to feel.”

Doubt is an emotion Taeyeon is more than familiar with. She has never been good at assuaging it, but she’ll have to do better now. There’s too much at stake.

“I meant it,” she says, quiet but firm. “I know I should have asked you first, and I shouldn’t have just told the girls like that, but I knew you wouldn’t have believed me otherwise.”

Jessica’s eyes flash. “Did you think that maybe there’s a good reason I wouldn’t believe you?”

“I know I’ve messed up a lot,” Taeyeon says. “I know I hurt you, but I’m trying hard, Sica. I’m trying.”

“Trying to fix things?”

Taeyeon frowns. “What do you mean?”

“I mean…” Jessica trails off, seeming to lose the end of her sentence as well as some of the light in her eyes.

“You don’t think…” Taeyeon starts, a terrible thought occurring to her. “You don’t think I’m doing this out of guilt, do you? Or—or obligation?”

Jessica doesn’t say anything, not an affirmation or a denial.

“Jessica…”

Taeyeon feels like there are so many layers to Jessica that she can’t hope to uncover them all, and she worries that trying to will be like peeling an onion, only evoking even more tears.

“That’s not why.” Taeyeon’s voice comes out like a whip, sharp and lashing. “That’s not why I’m – God, Jessica, what kind of person do you think I am?”

Jessica lowers her head, hiding her expression from Taeyeon. “I want to believe you,” she says in a small voice. “I want to.”

“Jessica.” Taeyeon’s voice comes out as a choked whisper. “Sooyeon.”

At her Korean name (Taeyeon has no idea why she said it), Jessica looks up, giving Taeyeon a look that’s half surprise, half something indescribable.

“You know I’m not good at—understanding and all that,” Taeyeon says helplessly, “and maybe I don’t understand all this, but…I like it when you smile. And I like having you close to me. I don’t know how to explain it, I just. I like you.”

“Taeyeon,” Jessica whispers.

She realizes, suddenly, that she never told Jessica that. She told her ‘I want you’ and she meant it, but ‘I like you’ means something different, doesn’t it?

“I like you,” Taeyeon repeats. She shifts closer to Jessica, not close enough for them to touch, but close enough so that she doesn’t feel like there’s a wall between them, keeping them apart even though they’re right beside each other.

“Taeyeon,” Jessica says again, like her vocabulary has been reduced to that one word. She looks at Taeyeon the way people look at meteor showers, like a beautiful sight that can make wishes come true.

How can you look at me like that? Taeyeon wonders. What do you see?

She supposes that they both see each other in a different light from the way they see themselves. It’s something they can both work on, she thinks wryly.

“I don’t.” Taeyeon breaks off. “I don’t understand how after everything, you can still…”

“Sometimes I don’t understand either. You just—” Jessica draws in a sharp breath. “When I look at you, it hurts, but I can’t stop looking.”

“How—” Taeyeon swallows. “How long?”

“I’m not sure, exactly.” Jessica’s eyes cloud over with recollection. “When you—started ignoring me, it made me realize that I-I cared about you as more than a friend. And then we made up, and you…you talked to me more. You paid more attention to me.” Her eyes are still distant, but they look a little brighter. “I liked it.”

Taeyeon’s throat is painfully tight. “Jessica.”

“And then I hit my head, and you were so worried, and I felt like I must have hit it harder than I thought.” Jessica’s voice is detached now, like she’s telling a story, like she’s talking about someone else’s life entirely. “When you were at my house…I know I shouldn’t have kissed you, but God Taeyeon, you don’t know how many times I’ve imagined you on my bed, telling me you care about me.”

isn’t just tight now but also dry. It occurs to her that they’re on Jessica’s bed right now, and the same realization seems to come to Jessica because she drops her head, avoiding eye contact again.

Taeyeon swallows convulsively, but it doesn’t help much. “How did it compare? To your imagination?”

Jessica glances up through her lashes, her bottom lip caught between her teeth. Taeyeon wants to kiss her.

Instead, she shakes her head. “Sorry, I…Don’t mind me.”

“How can my imagination hold a candle to you?” Jessica whispers.

“Jessica.” Taeyeon doesn’t know what to say. What to do. She wants to kiss Jessica. She wants to hold her. She wants to—she wants her.

Somehow all that comes out as: “Can I kiss you?”

Jessica bites her lip again, looking shy and wanting at the same time. Her lashes flutter, and her lips part, and she gives a small nod.

Taeyeon kisses her, winding a hand in her hair, breathing her in. Jessica doesn’t actively kiss back for a moment, but when Taeyeon’s tongue over hers, she shivers and responds eagerly, heatedly, surging against Taeyeon like she wants to erase the meagre distance between them.

After they break away from each other, Taeyeon’s heart is lurching against her ribs, her lungs fighting to take in each breath.

“Taeyeon.” Jessica drops her head against Taeyeon’s shoulder. “I’ve had this dream before, you know.”

Jessica’s hair is tickling Taeyeon, the scent of her shampoo suffusing the air between them. Taeyeon feels surrounded by her, and it’s not an unpleasant feeling.

“You’re not dreaming,” she says softly.

“I know.” Jessica curls a hand in her shirt, turning her face so that it’s pressed against Taeyeon’s neck. She seems to shrink in on herself for a second, but she straightens up and looks at Taeyeon, a smile in her eyes. “This is too real to be a dream.”

“Jessica…”

“You told me to wake up, and I wasn’t sure…” Jessica’s eyes flicker from Taeyeon’s eyes to her lips. “I know I’m awake now though, and – here you are.”

“Here I am.” Taeyeon doesn’t know if it’s her who leans in or Jessica, but it doesn’t really matter because their lips are meeting again, and Jessica’s right. This is too real, too good, to be a dream. This is not what Taeyeon had thought of before, not what she expected, but like she told Jessica, sometimes surprises are good.

Sometimes your expectations are eclipsed by the unexpected.

Sunkyu steeples her fingers. “So…you and Jessica, huh?”

Taeyeon takes a sip of coffee. “Yeah.”

“Huh.” Sunkyu’s coffee sits untouched beside her. “How did that happen?”

“I just told you guys—”

“You told me something different when you came back from Jessica’s house.” Sunkyu arches her eyebrows. “You didn’t say anything about getting into a relationship.”

Taeyeon rubs a hand over her forehead. “Oh, that’s right. I didn’t.”

Sunkyu looks at her expectantly, eyebrows faintly raised, and Taeyeon offers a sheepish smile in reply. “It’s…complicated.”

“I have time.”

“Why don’t you drink your coffee?” Taeyeon suggests. “You didn’t even mix the milk and sugar properly.”

Sunkyu takes the spoon from Taeyeon’s cup. “I’ll keep this away from you.”

Taeyeon drinks some more of her coffee. She had added more sugar than she usually does and the sweetness is a bit overwhelming, but she welcomes the warmth the drink brings her.

“We are together now,” Taeyeon says slowly. “It’s just – it’s complicated.”

“Maybe you’re making it more complicated than it needs to be.”

“She said she loves me,” Taeyeon says in a quiet voice. Sunkyu doesn’t look very surprised. “And she thinks that – she thought that…” She trails off, her chest tight. “She wouldn’t believe me.”

“Well, you didn’t believe her,” Sunkyu points out.

“I guess we’re alike in that aspect.”

“You’re alike in quite a few aspects,” Sunkyu says. “Maybe that’s part of why you…” She shrugs.

“I thought opposites were supposed to attract.”

“Well, you did have feelings for Tiffany.”

“Now you sound like I’m just going around falling for my members.”

“By that logic, am I next?” Sunkyu asks with a smile. Taeyeon just rolls her eyes. “I’m just saying – you and Jessica are similar in certain ways, and she understands you. That’s important, you know, understanding.”

“Yeah, I know.” Taeyeon runs her finger along the rim of her cup. “Tiffany told me not to play with Jessica’s feelings. Not to date her because I feel guilty or obligated.”

Sunkyu doesn’t reply right away, taking a drink of her coffee instead. It must be cold by now, but she doesn’t seem to mind.

“You know why she said that, right?”

Taeyeon frowns. “I thought she liked him.”

“Maybe she did. Maybe she told herself that enough times to believe it.”

“I’m not doing the same thing,” Taeyeon says. “I’m not telling myself to like Jessica. I just do.”

Sunkyu smiles. “You like her and you look happy. That doesn’t sound too complicated.”

“That’s—a very concise synopsis.”

“Am I wrong?”

“No.” Taeyeon finishes her coffee. “You’re not wrong.”

Taeyeon hisses, her abdomen flexing involuntarily.

Jessica gives her a contrite look. “Sorry, am I doing it too hard?”

“No, I’m just—sensitive.”

Jessica sets the rubbing alcohol-soaked cotton swab to the side and picks up a roll of gauze.

Taeyeon frowns. “Is that really necessary?”

“Yes,” Jessica says simply, shooting her a look that makes it clear this isn’t up for argument. With an exaggerated sigh, Taeyeon relents. She doesn’t think she has much of a choice anyway.

She’s usually not very ticklish, but she finds herself biting back a giggle as Jessica gently brushes a hand over her side.

Jessica smiles. “I didn’t know you were ticklish.”

“I’m not.” Jessica tickles her purposefully this time, and she squirms away, laughing. “Okay, I’m usually not,” she amends.

“Hold still for a sec,” Jessica says, carefully applying the gauze. Her tongue is poking out the side of , her lashes swept low over her eyes, and Taeyeon finds herself just watching her. Jessica cuts a strip of gauze, gently pats it into place on Taeyeon’s skin, and sticks medical tape around the edges to adhere it. “There,” she says in a satisfied voice.

Taeyeon grins. “Thanks, Dr. Jung.”

Jessica gives a faint smile, her fingers lingering on Taeyeon’s skin. “You were a good patient.” She turns away to put the gauze and tape back in the cupboard.

“Do I get a reward for that?”

Jessica takes rather long to close the cupboard, but when she turns back to Taeyeon, she’s smiling.

“I’m sorry; I’m all out of lollipops.”

“That’s too bad.” Taeyeon tugs Jessica toward her. “I guess you’ll have to give me something else.”

“Taeyeon,” Jessica whispers, their faces an inch apart.

Taeyeon draws back a little. “Yeah?”

Jessica pulls down the hem of Taeyeon’s shirt. She hadn’t even noticed that it was still bunched up from when Jessica was fixing her up.

“You…” Jessica shakes her head. “Never mind.”

Taeyeon’s eyebrows draw together. “No, I want to mind,” she says lightly. “What were you going to say?”

“Sometimes,” Jessica says quietly, “when you want something for so long and you finally get it—”

“You’re disappointed?”

“Disappointed?” Jessica looks at her like she’s crazy. “Why would I be disappointed?”

“Because,” Taeyeon wets her lips, “because I don’t live up to your expectations.”

Jessica’s the frowning one now. “I don’t expect you to be anything, Taeyeon. I just…I want you, as you are.”

Taeyeon digs her nails into her palm. “Everyone has expectations.”

“What about you? What do you expect from me?”

“I don’t know.” Taeyeon feels small and unsure all of a sudden. “I guess I just…I have all these questions, but I don’t have answers.”

“Taeyeon.” Jessica’s voice is achingly gentle. “You’re not a disappointment. This is—different from what I thought. But different isn’t a bad thing.” She smiles, soft, fond, and Taeyeon thinks again that she doesn’t deserve her. “I told you, right? My imagination can’t compare to you.”

“You must not have a good imagination.”

Jessica laughs. “I’m insulted. For your information, when I was a kid, I always coloured outside the lines.”

Taeyeon suddenly imagines a young Jessica shooting an icy glare at anyone who dared to take her crayons. “Did you?”

“Yeah. It was too much work to stay inside them.”

Taeyeon chuckles. “I bet you loved nap-time.”

“I still do,” Jessica says with a grin.

“Jessica,” Taeyeon says quietly.

Her grin softens into a smile. “What is it?”

“I didn’t expect – this – us, but…I was thinking earlier that sometimes your expectations can’t measure up to the unexpected.”

Jessica doesn’t say anything and just looks at Taeyeon with a light in her eyes for a while. “See,” she says, smiling. “You do have answers after all.”

Taeyeon doesn’t, not really, but maybe she doesn’t have to have answers. Maybe she could just take things one step at a time. She breathes against Jessica’s mouth, tasting berry and mint and opportunity, and closes her eyes, enjoying the sweetness of the unexpected.