A/N : I hope it's fine (:

 

Chapter four

Days like this, Jessica would often make sure that Tegan is at least asleep for 30 minutes before she made her way out to the ‘secret’ corner in the apartment. It wasn’t particularly secretive, but at least Jessica knew that she could hide at that corner whenever she wasn’t feeling good or felt nostalgic.

She went to the corner and sank into the red velvet chair, her favourite as always. Tracing her tongue on the mouth of the ice beer, all she felt was the coldness of the outer glass, she took a slow sip of the beer, allowing the drink to surround before it is being flushed down .

Such a bitter drink.

In front of Jessica, the vast sky teeming with stars was in front of her ; the stars, shining and blinking in front of her, the moon, in a crescent looking back at her.

Being popular in school isn’t something that Jessica had expected herself to be, it just so happens that Jessica is really good with her Mathematics and exceptionally strong with her English language that made her top her examinations in school every year.

But Jessica didn’t really bother about her fame in school. All she wanted to do is to be a scholar, or at least be good with her studies so that she can go to University, find a good job and pull her family off poverty.

The first time when Jessica met Katherine was when she was fourteen. Jessica was often complimented for her smile; her lips will curl up evenly and her teeth, perfectly straight and white will always make others want to smile back at her too.

Katherine was walking down the school hallway when she accidentally banged into Jessica, causing the latter’s stack of books to be scattered onto the ground.

‘Oh my gosh! Sorry!’ Katherine quickly bent down to help the blonde to pick her books up.

‘Nah, it’s fine,’ Jessica answered dismissively while concentrating to save her books.

‘Hey, hey,’ Katherine attempted to stop Jessica so as to return her books back to the original owner.

‘Oh thank you,’ Jessica beamed back to Katherine, causing the latter’s heart to flutter.

--

The second time they saw each other was when the students were assembled in front of the Honors role to check their ranking.

‘Ahh, as expected, Jessica Jung topped the whole level again!’ one of the students exclaimed.

Jessica was in the middle of the crowd when she’d heard that statement and she gingerly inched her way of the crowd. It’d be a gargantuan effort if she’d done it alone, but in front of her, somebody was pulling her hand and her out of the crowd, making it so effortless for Jessica to escape from them.

‘Thanks!’ Jessica bowed to her savior.

‘There’s no need to,’ the person turned back and smiled.

‘You again!’ Jessica laughed.

‘Yes, it’s me. My name is Katherine,’ she offered her hand out, ‘and yours?’

‘Name’s Jessica,’ Jessica playfully hi-fived the latter’s palm vertically.

‘Right,’ Katherine chuckled.

**

Katherine could have sworn that the first time when she saw Jessica, she was already captivated by the latter. She loved how Jessica would always be a polite person and is always thankful for whoever that helped her, she loved how Jessica’s eyes would crinkle whenever she smiles, and she loved Jessica.

It didn’t take Katherine long to confess to Jessica and they eventually fell in love with each other. Jessica’s parent didn’t mind whether the girl was a lesbian or not, so long as her studies isn’t affected, it didn’t matter.

Katherine, however, didn’t tell Jessica about how her parents felt disgusted for whatever Katherine had done, being a player; dating both guys and girls. Katherine knew that Jessica wouldn’t mind because of how simple-minded the blonde is.

When Katherine told Jessica that the latter should study harder and not get it affected because of their relationship, Jessica scored straight As for her examinations. When Katherine told Jessica not to spend too much time on her guitar, Jessica abandoned her guitar at the corner of her room. When Katherine told Jessica that she was busy and couldn’t spend time with the latter, all the latter did was to nod her head and give her a smile.

Katherine wanted domination in a relationship while all Jessica did was to love Katherine with all her heart and leave herself with nothing but scars.

**

‘One latte please,’ Jessica ordered as she entered the café with her book named ‘The Ice Cream Girls’.

Sitting next to the window pane, Jessica was taking small sips of her hot latte, occasionally looking out of the window. She wanted to avert her gaze back to her book until she caught a familiar sight.

Katherine and TaecYeon?

Jessica rubbed her eyes again, refusing to believe what she was seeing. Her heart sank as the pair walked closer to the window pane, hand in hand. Katherine was hitting TaecYeon’s shoulder while TaecYeon was laughing and acting as if he was in pain.

Jessica was in pain too, her heart was in pain.

Jessica stood up abruptly, almost toppling the chair backwards causing some customers to turn their heads towards her. The blonde didn’t care; she just dashed out of the café with watery eyes. Hot tears began to roll down her face and she whipped them using the back of her hand, she quickened her steps.

She had no idea where she was running to, but she kept running and running, non-stop. Her brain tells her to go home, to reason it out with Katherine, to not misunderstand whatever she’d saw, but her heart tells her to go somewhere far, somewhere that wouldn’t remind her of all the sadness that was caused by Katherine.

Eventually Jessica stopped running and she began to stroll slowly, taking in all the sceneries around her; how the autumn leaves were gently stirred in circles before they came to a complete halt, lying flat on the ground, how couples walked hand in hand while Jessica was walking with a phone in her hand, how the children smiled brightly as the autumn leaves detached themselves from the branches of the tree and came falling in spiral turns.

--

‘Where the hell have you been?!’ that was the first sentence that flew out of Katherine’s mouth when Jessica had returned home.

‘Nowhere,’ the blonde girl replied.

‘I called you 20 times! Is your phone dead or something?!’ Katherine pointed at Jessica’s right hand where she’s holding her phone.

‘No, but my soul is,’ Jessica kicked off her shoes and walked past Katherine, as if the girl didn’t even exist.

‘Jessica Jung!’ Katherine screamed.

‘Yeah, Katherine?’ Jessica gave a laughter; a very hollow laughter that caused her insides to burn entirely.

Katherine widened her eyes as she closed up the gap between the both of them, ‘Baby, are you okay?’

‘I’m burnt,’ Jessica laughed again.

‘Where?’ Katherine softened her tone as she checked Jessica’s arm for any superficial injuries but found none.

‘Here,’ Jessica pointed towards her own heart.

“Wh-”

“You know, you should go your own way while I go for mine. There’s no point you know.”

‘Jessica, what are you talking about?’ Katherine became slightly nervous.

‘You know what you had done in the afternoon,’ with that, Jessica walked straight into her room, leaving Katherine dumbstruck.

That night Katherine slipped her arms around Jessica’s delicate waist as she whispered softly into the blonde’s ear, ‘I’m sorry. I’ll never do it again. I’m sorry for hurting you.’

Jessica knew that this would all end with a sentence from Katherine, any words that came out of the latter’s mouth (other than those hurtful ones) would just Jessica back into the relationship.

Maybe all she needs is a chance, Jessica had then thought.

--

Their relationship had become better with Katherine showering Jessica with gifts and sweet talks. Whatever Jessica needed, Katherine will get it for her. Katherine waited for Jessica to end her lessons before she sent her back home. Katherine bought a set of guitar picks for Jessica to choose and play with. Katherine knew where this was going anyway, sweet-nothings will get Jessica Jung falling back into her arms.

‘When are we going to meet your parents, dear?’ Jessica asked as she was playing with Katherine’s fingers while they are watching a show at home.

‘Hmmm, maybe after they are done with their business trip?’ Katherine replied mindlessly.

‘You said three times before,’ Jessica’s voice had a hidden tone of disappointment.

‘I did? But baby, my parents are busy, always flying here and there,’ Katherine acted as if her free hand was an airplane flying around.

‘No,’ Jessica suddenly stopped playing with Katherine’s fingers.

‘Why, dear? Why do you keep insisting on wanting my parents to meet you?’ Katherine looked at Jessica.

‘Because I have a feeling that you never once told them about us,’ the latter crossed her arms.

‘I…’ Katherine paused, to lie or not to lie?

‘You,’ Jessica looked up,’ you aren’t serious about us.’

‘Wait, why are you even judging me just because I didn’t tell my parents about us? It’s our relationship, not theirs. Besides it’s me whom you’re dating, so why bother about letting them know?’ Katherine spat.

‘So you really didn’t tell them about us despite having us together for 2 and a half years?’ Jessica inquired softly too afraid of knowing the answer.

‘I didn’t see the need to do so. They’d probably feel disgusted,’ Katherine looked with anger in her eyes.

‘We?’ Jessica raised her eyebrow, ‘you mean they think that same gender relationship is disgusting?’

‘I didn’t want you to know that much. But since you pushed it this far, then it is a ‘yes’. They feel that same gender relationship is disgusting, unacceptable in our family. That’s why I’d never brought you to see them. I only brought…’ Katherine paused, unsure of how to continue.

‘You only brought TaecYeon back to see them. And they deem him as their future son-in-law? I see,’ Jessica replied bitterly, with tears b in her eyes, threatening to spill anytime.

‘Jessica,’ Katherine took Jessica by her shoulders, ‘you know that this isn’t going anywhere. We can’t get married. We have to end anyway, we aren’t gonna last forever, you know that, don’t you?’

‘If this is so, you shouldn’t even have court me from the start!’ Jessica pulled herself away from Katherine.

‘You know I wasn’t even serious about having this relationship going on for a long time. Jessica, we wouldn’t work out. We have to end this,’ Katherine’s tone serious and determined.

Jessica didn’t answer, she just went into her room and locked the door. Nothing was sinking into her head. Nothing at all.

Not when Katherine told her that she was just her plaything, not when Katherine wasn’t even planning to have this relationship going on for long, not when Katherine couldn’t even be proud of their relationship.

--

Ever since their heated argument, Jessica has been the one trying her best to mend everything. Unable to accept the fact that the relationship isn’t going to last, she acted as if nothing was wrong. She continued to hold Katherine’s hand, even when the latter was never proud of their relationship. She waited for Katherine to end her lesson, though the latter never went home with Jessica. She still kissed Katherine, though all she got in return was just good-bye kisses.

It was only till that day when Katherine came into her room to confess that she was impregnated by TaecYeon did Jessica realize that nothing was working. Their relationship was just plain companionship, just a game that wouldn’t last for long.

Jessica had sent Katherine out of her door and out of her own life ever since then.

Jessica knew that she had to do so, if not her life would only be more miserable than she was already feeling.

There were just things that Jessica didn’t understand. How she got herself all hurt with invisible scars all around her heart and soul, how she got treated like a play thing when all she did was to love with all her might, how she didn’t sign up for all these, and got nothing but a wounded soul in return.

If this is love, then why does she feel so hollow and empty?

--

But Katherine never really left. One day in December, she brought this little girl up to Jessica’s house.

‘Coming!’ Jessica screamed as she heard a knock from the door.

‘Yeah?’ Jessica’s jaw dropped when she saw Katherine standing in front of her door step with a little girl in front of her door. The little girl looked exactly like Katherine, round eyes, coffee coloured hair, cute little button nose and a heart-shaped face.

‘Do me a favour?’ Katherine asked but it sounded more like she was begging.

‘Shoot,’ Jessica replied.

‘I’m leaving her under your care for 10 years,’ with that Katherine left the little girl with Jessica with a bag of clothes and 10 letters in the bag.

 

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