A/N : This might make you cry… But I don’t think now is the time for me to write a fluff yet. I was wondering if I should continue writing… at least this is the place where they are still alive. Do tell me your comments. (:

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‘Inhale, exhale,’ Tiffany reminded herself as she tried to calm herself down.

Today will be the first concert without her.

The truth has slapped itself hard onto their faces, they all knew that from now onwards, the stage will only be filled with eight people.

All eight of them except for her.

She clenched and unclenched her fists. She didn’t know how to react or how to go onto the stage without that girl, her American buddy.

The fear has always been there, like a little yet harsh reminder that it will never be the same; Jessica might never be back, at least for now. Yet daringly, Tiffany shoved all these thoughts at the back of her head; it’s always easier to be living in denial when you aren’t just brave enough to face the truth.

Wiping off the perspiration that are building on her palms onto her shorts, she reminded herself that this has to go on. This, the concert, has to go on. Her members reminded each other of how lucky they were to have their fans still here, even after Jessica’s depar… even after she has lef… even after she’s no longer here.

‘All right, let’s gather before we go on stage,’ Taeyeon called out.

Tiffany managed to push her lips into a gentle curve, even if she wasn’t really happy, she could at least pretend to be.

Putting their palms all in the middle they echoed ‘Right now, its’ Girls’ Generation, In future, it’s Girls’ Generation, Forever, it’s Girls’ Generation.’

Except this time round, they are no longer that excited as before, except this time round, there are only eight voices instead of nine, except this time round, Tiffany has her heavy heart with her to go perform on stage.

//

The spotlights all shone on the middle of the stage as they rise up. The screaming and cheering of their fans were even louder this time round. The stage looked so foreign to her right now.

The lights were extremely bright and Tiffany wondered if this was because there wasn’t an extra shadow there with her to block all these excessive lights.

The first song was Gee.

Tiffany looked towards her right, only to realize that from now onwards, she’ll have to do this introduction alone.

When The Boys started to play, she forced herself to smile at the empty spot opposite of her 3 seconds into the song. A gentle tear escaped her eye and she rubbed it off just in time before she faced the audience.

She reminded herself that there’ll be no one for her to do silly actions with during I Got A Boy, no one for her to club ‘Jessica, do you wanna be my lover?’ to during Flower Power.

She her lips as she sang ‘I like just the way you are, you set me free’. She forgot that she shouldn’t stretch her arm out to only be greeted by the cold air. Yoona came just in time, gave her hand a tight squeeze before they swing their hands together down the stage.

Because even if she’s doing the same action, it doesn’t feel right without the same person.

//

‘Alright, we’re done. Have a good rest and I’ll see you guys two days later okay?’ their manager dropped them in front of their houses before he pressed on hard on his gas pedal.

‘I’ll go to the nearest café for a break.’

‘But fany, it’s so late plus it’s already winter. Please stay?’ Taeyeon begged.

‘Nah. I need some time alone. I’ll be careful, I promise,’ Tiffany waved her hand dismissively.

‘Alright,’ Taeyeon sighed as she went to the elevator.

Tiffany only left when she saw Taeyeon went into the elevator, afraid that the older girl might just run out to grab her back into her apartment. Now she has no worries.

She took out her mobile to only realize that there were no text messages from anyone.

Jessica, are you wearing enough clothes? It’s winter now… I guess we wouldn’t be seeing our first snow together this time round. – T

She took small and careful steps before she slipped her phone into her pockets and shuddered against the cold. She wished that someone would come hold her hand and stroll with her even if it’s winter right now.

‘Tiffany?’ a small voice called out.

‘Jessi?’ Tiffany turned around, eyes widened in surprise. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘It’s winter now, I was hoping we could catch our first snow together,’ the blonde gave a small smile, knowing that there could be a possibility that she’ll be rejected.

‘Stupid,’ Tiffany went forward and wrapped her arms around Jessica’s petite body.

‘You stupid,’ Tiffany’s vision was blurred as she mumbled. ‘Why didn’t you come visit us all along? Why did you just ignore my messages? Why did you go missing for so long? Why did you leave me on stage, doing all my lines alone?’

‘I’m sorry…’ Jessica muttered. ‘I can’t come visit as and when I like anymore. Please take care of yourself. Please wear gloves now that I can’t take you out to stroll in the winter anymore. Please don’t drink strawberry banana in this atrocious weather.’

‘Please don’t leave,’ Tiffany hugged Jessica tighter, not wanting to let her slip out and leave anymore. ‘Please stay. You’re all I have, Jessica.’

‘You’re all I have too, Tiffany. But please take care of yourself now that I can’t be next to you. Please go home, it’s so late now,’ Jessica sniffled. She could feel her heart shattering into million pieces like having a stone thrown towards a piece of glass.

‘But Jessica, home is nothing without you,’ She pushed herself away to take a proper look at Jessica. The girl has slimmed down so much, there were dark circles under her eyes, her lips were so dry, as if all these drained off all the energy on the already very tired girl.

‘Home is here,’ Jessica pointed towards her heart. ‘And you’ve always been in here.’

‘Home is in our heart. So long as I’m in there, I’m home,’ Jessica pulled her close for another tight embrace before giving her a forehead kiss.

(I couldn’t continue anymore tbh)

//

P.S : I hope you’ll be back soon, I truly hope you’ll