A/N : I missed writing and I missed JeTi.

P.S : You might not like it

P.P.S : (This story isn’t one of the best I’ve written but it’s one that I enjoyed writing.) And I’m dedicating this to Twitter user @shiningsteph801 (:

Earl Grey

In this constant effort of falling in and out of love with the same person, I could start searching if we could or couldn’t belong to each other.

//

Jessica and Tiffany have been in this relationship with each other for 2 years. There is a constant reminder that each of them belonged to one another yet at the same time, they are themselves, as an individual, not as a pair.

Jessica is a freelancer, she writes reviews for a fashion magazine and does schooling at the same time.

Tiffany was a student, all too focused on studying. And how they crossed each other’s paths still remained a mystery in Jessica’s mind, for she didn’t know how to explain. How could two person who are polar opposites even be friends, let alone- an item?

--

Their first encounter with each other was not anything too great.

The afternoon Sun was hidden behind the cotton clouds on the vast, blue sky. Spinning her pen, Tiffany was starting to lose focus on this mathematics tutorial she was working on. She didn’t manage to bring her calculator along and was purely working on her brain for calculations.

Almost getting her brain cells dead, she interlaced both her hands and pushed her palms up to face the sky. Gently moving from left to right to loosen her taut muscles.

‘Ah, get away from me, Jessica!’ Tiffany turned her head to the direction of the voice. A tall and slim lady with long black hair walked away quickly from a blonde.

‘Blondies are really nice people, dunno why people have to be so mean to them,’ Tiffany thought to herself.

‘SooYoung, what the ?’ Jessica (or at least that was what Tiffany thought her name was) cried. It was more like the blonde was tired of whatever that was happening and her voice hoarse from all the previous screaming and shouting.

Tiffany pretended to stretch for five minutes while checking out on the blonde girl. Poor girl just stood there and started sobbing quietly.

‘Hey, tissue for you?’ Tiffany offered; holding a piece of tissue between her two fingers.

‘Thanks,’ the blonde snatched it away from her. ‘Why are you so kind to me?’

‘Because I’m not a mean person, duh,’ Tiffany replied cheekily.

‘Nice try, Sugar,’ Tiffany could see that small smile playing on Jessica’s lips even though the girl was still crying.

‘My name isn’t ‘Sugar’, my name’s Tiffany,’ she said as she looked at Jessica.

‘Oh, you’re introducing yourself when I haven’t even asked for your name yet. My name’s Jessica,’ Jessica looked up with a loop-sided smile.

//

Tiffany gently pushed open the front door, hearing the faint sound of graphite scratching against paper, she saw a blondie who was focusing hard on work, instead of doing revision.

‘Exams are coming in a week’s time, I thought you should be doing some revision instead,’ Tiffany said bitterly. She didn’t like how Jessica was always working on something else except for school work.

‘I thought you could say something encouraging like ‘please take a break after you’re done with work so you could focus better on revision’,’ Jessica spat before she rested her pencil on the table without turning to look at Tiffany.

‘You know I meant it that way.’

‘Oh no, I don’t. I’m half-retarded, unlike you, scholar of the school.’

‘You don’t have to sound so bitter all the time.’

‘Says the one who used that tone on me when she entered our house,’ Jessica sighed. There’s no way she could win an argument when Tiffany is the one who initiated it.

Tiffany dropped her backpack on the ground before she walked towards and stood right in front of Jessica. The word ‘our house’ hit Tiffany right in her gut. The blonde who refused to look at her, got her chin lifted up by an index finger to be greeted with sad and tired eyes.

‘I’m sorry,’ the end of Tiffany’s lips turned downwards, showing her puffy cheeks.

‘I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have snapped at you,’ Jessica nuzzled her face against Tiffany’s stomach, wrapping arms around her delicate waist.

In this constant effort of falling out of love with one another, they ended up falling back into each other’s arms. 

//

The walls somewhat vibrated with the bass of the music blasting in the room. Students were gathered in the middle of it, either trying to find partners to dance with or doing some smooth dance by themselves.

‘Ah , there is too many people,’ Tiffany pushed her way through the crowd to get back to her seat. ‘Excuse me!’

‘Wow girl, chill there. It’s New Year’s eve!’ someone shouted back at her, which sounded really soft against the roaring music.

She in fresh air as she pushed open the door that led her to the pool. Lights bounced off the gentle pool water and Tiffany could hardly locate where she is.

‘A glass of wine for you?’ a waitress held her tray with one hand as she stood in front of the girl.

‘No, thank you,’ Tiffany’s smile didn’t quite reach her eyes when she rejected the offer.

‘By the way, Jessica is next to the DJ booth if you’re looking for her,’ the waitress gave her a wink before she left.

‘Thanks!’ Tiffany shouted back as she waved her hand in the air.

It really wasn’t easy trying to make her way through this crowd outside of the club room with strips of broken glasses with spilled wine along with chlorine water on the ground.

‘Jess-‘

‘Oh wow, be careful, lady,’ Jessica smiled as she caught Tiffany’s arm (and sneakily) slipped her arm around her waist.

‘Thanks,’ crimson red filled Tiffany’s cheeks as she steadied herself. At first it was just Tiffany blushing, until she saw those girls hitting Jessica’s arms and sending her those visible hearts through their eyes.

‘Alright girls, I’ve got to go. It was fun knowing you guys. See you soon!’ Jessica smiled as she casually kissed one of the girls’ cheeks. Tiffany mentally cursed herself for having this little fire burning in her heart.

--

‘You’re quiet tonight. Is something bothering you?’ Jessica probed as she looked towards Tiffany’s direction.

‘What else could be bothering me?’ Tiffany looked at her dead in the eye as she continued walking.

‘You’re jealous over what happened at the party?’

‘Am I not allowed to be jealous when those girls are touching you here and there and practically, everywhere?’

Jessica gave a throaty laugh before she squeezed Tiffany’s cheeks with her hand. ‘Sugar, you don’t have to be jealous. I’m yours to keep. Besides, jealousy is cute.’

‘No,’ Tiffany replied sadly. ‘We’ve got no status, remember? And it’s only cute when you’re not the one feeling it.’

‘Must we talk about this right now?’ Jessica sighed.

‘Is it too much to ask from you? God, Jessica, we’ve been like this,’ Tiffany pointed from herself to Jessica. ‘For 2 years. No status, no nothing. I’m surprised with our ability to keep going without knowing what is truly going on in each other’s mind.’

Eye brows knitted together, Jessica focused her vision on the ground as she dragged herself to walk. She thought they were over this phase of giving each other a status, but it seems like they’ll never quite get over it.

‘Yeah, keep getting really quiet and avoid this topic at all costs as if it’s not going to ruin us at the end of the day,’ Tiffany threw her arms up in exasperation before walking off.

The blonde lifted her right brow up before the corner of lips curled up sadly. There’s nothing quite sad than not being able to express how you truly feel for someone even after thinking that the person might be the right one.

In this constant effort of falling in love with one another, I could end up hurting you along with scarring my own heart.

//

Tiffany kicked her trainers to nowhere in particular, walked into the kitchen, pulled out a can of soda before she crashed onto the sofa.

Memories of a sad Jessica started being played in her memory bank before filling up her entire mind.

She remembered how that night, Jessica casually walked into her room and slipped under her covers. The blonde didn’t say much, she just curled up against Tiffany, who was her then best friend, and just started breathing evenly.

But of course, her very best friend, who was really observant, knew that something was off (very wrong, actually) with Jessica.

‘Your heart beat is so soothing; it’s comforting,’ Jessica said quietly before she rest her left arm on Tiffany’s waist.

‘Your voice is so sad; I’m sad,’ Tiffany answered, gently sweeping Jessica’s bangs which was blocking her beautiful, brown eyes.

‘You care more than she cares. It’s so amazing yet heart-breaking,’ the blonde gave a sad laugh before pressing closer to Tiffany.

‘I’ll always care, remember? That’s what I am here for,’ Tiffany silently prayed that Jessica didn’t hear what she exactly meant because it’s definitely not the most appropriate time for her to be saying such a thing.

‘I know. I just,’ Jessica shifted under the covers. ‘We broke up. And I wished we had a clean one. But she kept spreading rumours around, saying I ditched her, and saying I went out with other guys while we were dating.’

‘We all know that’s not true. At least I know how devoted you were to her,’ Tiffany comforted.

‘I still am. I still love her, as much as it sounds ridiculous for me to be saying I love her when we dated for less than 5 months.’

‘It’s not ridiculous. Time doesn’t necessary measure your love for someone.’

‘I guess. How about you? Do you love me?’ Tiffany sworn she almost choked on dry air when Jessica asked her this question.

‘Yeah, I do,’ Tiffany nodded.

‘More than best friends?’ Jessica looked up.

‘Less than lovers,’ Tiffany finished her sentence.

‘Me too,’ the blonde smiled before there was a constant falling and rising of her chest.

Deep inside, Tiffany wished she could say that her love for Jessica has already surpassed the “less than lovers” part.

--

Jessica rested her hand on the door knob before contemplating if she should enter the apartment. Molecules of guilt settled in her stomach and she knew that if she were to break the news to Tiffany, she’ll get weighed down by the amount of sadness and helplessness she will be feeling.

‘I can do this,’ she reassured herself as she entered the apartment, even though she knew that it was really impossible.

‘You are ing back after disappearing for three days,’ Tiffany said with her back facing Jessica.

‘I am back,’ Jessica tried answering Tiffany calmly with her heart hammering against her ribcage.

‘Where had you gone to?’ Tiffany asked while she rubbed the pads of her thumb and fore finger together.

‘SooYoung,’ Jessica sighed. She saw this coming, she really did. Just that she didn’t know it’ll come this quickly.

‘Well, it!’ Tiffany jumped out of her seat. The adrenaline rush in her veins didn’t make her want to flight. It made her wanted to fight Jessica. Like maybe punching her in the face so she could wake up. Or maybe Tiffany wanted to punch her own face to realize that nothing will ever really happen between the both of them; that they’ll never have a relationship.

‘I’m sorry,’ Jessica stood rooted onto the ground. She didn’t have the courage to even reach out to Tiffany, whose back was still turned and just five steps away from her.

‘What is it that you truly want from me? Do you really enjoy this no-status-for-you ? Or do you just love the attention I’m giving you?’ Tiffany fixed her eyes on Jessica. ‘Or are you so in love with this I-love-you-more-than-best-friend-but-less-than-lovers ?’

‘I am not in love with any of the above concepts or , as you named it. I don’t want us to have any status. I just want to protect you,’ Jessica glanced up before fixing her gaze on the ground again. The fire in Tiffany’s eyes would eat her up if she stared long enough.

‘Protect me?’ Tiffany scoffed. ‘Or protect you heart? Jessica, ever since you went under my covers that night, we started this. This thing between us can’t even be named. At times when I see you flirting with other girls, I felt the need to kill them physically because, well, you can call me overly possessive. But then I realized that there’s nothing between us, really. We’re just best friends, right?’

‘I didn’t want to push you. But you kept going back to SooYoung. It has to happen. Every time when you’re down, she has to be the reason to it. And it’s ridiculously funny how she’s the only cause of your sadness but not happiness.’

‘I’m tired of all these. I’m even more tired how I can’t say I want to end this because we never really started,’ tears escaped her eyes as she pushed her hand through her tangled hair.

‘I am, indeed,’ Jessica moved her feet, which weighed for some reason. ‘In love with you.’

‘But that doesn’t mean I can love you without hurting you. I can’t forget SooYoung and whatever she says will still make me feel things that I don’t want to feel. It’s hardly fair to you to be together with me when I can’t even love you whole-heartedly.’

‘So the only way I can protect you is to be close to you until I forget her, fully,’ Jessica replied sadly as she inched closer to Tiffany.

‘I guess I’ll stay with you till you forget her or till I’m sick of us not having any status,’ Tiffany answered while she looked at Jessica, anywhere but her pair of dark brown eyes.

‘I guess,’ Jessica trembled as she attempted to lace fingers with Tiffany, who stood there quietly.

In this constant effort of falling in and out of love with the same person, I could start searching if we could or couldn’t belong to each other.

//

I bet 90% of you guys don’t like this hahahaha . Bye. Happy New Year!