farewell
PEEK
We dropped by my father’s and brother’s grave, I bowed on my knee as we all reach the place, we stood there for few minutes, talking in mind, sending our prayers for them.
“gil young, you need to rest in peace now. I am fine now, everything’s fine now. All I wish is you to be in peace. I love you, did I do the right thing? Letting hyun joong go, you know it, it hurts but I’ll do everything just for you. I know it hurts but if he really loves me, I know fate will make us meet again, if that time comes, I’m asking you a favor, please grant us our hearts, let us live together, let me love him the way you loved him….I begged at the back of my mind, pleading, and praying that someday, if fate brought us together again, I’ll plead for forgiveness to my brother again, forgive me for taking the love that supposedly his.
I hold tight of my passport as I was checking clearly the electronic ticket that we already reserved two days ago. Standing on the waiting section after we check in our luggage. The kids just left 30 minutes ago. Taking me here in the airport and sending me off makes ren shed a basin of tears, he doesn’t want to let m go but he had to, this is not my home, this is not the place I belong to. Just like what they told me, my life isn’t here, my life is somewhere else, the place where I can’t see the pain, the place where I don’t know them, and the place where I can’t be hurt.
Another 30 minutes had passed but I am still hoping to be reconciled with hyun joong and hoping kyu to showed up to me. My nightmare will finally reaching the end after I crossed the sea. But my heart will also end as I fly into the sky.
Someone tapped my back lightly, I turn around immediately and saw this man with a sheepish smile. I jumped unto him which may cause him to froze.
“are you that happy to see me here? He asked..
“I’m glad at least I know we’re okay. Though I broke your heart and ignored you a lot.. I said biting my nails..
“you didn’t. I am relieved now. I accept the fact that I don’t belong to you neither to your brother. I love your brother that much and I won’t be greedy to get your heart too, I can’t love you the way I loved him, what I did to your brother is just enough for me to regret one thing my whole life, and that’s the day I hurt your brother, that I caused your brother to have a miserable life…he told me with his forced smile..
“kyu jong, I’m sorry that my brother didn’t loved you back, if I can just bring back the time~~~~ I spoke but he cut me..
“no, young saeng. You don’t need to bring the time back, I know, now he knows that I love him so much, I know his feelings too, I was so greedy and mad that I able to do that unforgivable act of me towards him. I tried to ruin you and hyun joong because I can’t accept the fact that hyun joong is one of the reason why gil young was hurt too, we caused him that much, we can’t cause another pain through you…he said with all the regrets written all over his face.
“I know, I love him but I can’t right? Thank you,,we have to go now..take care and moved on…I hope you’ll reconcile to your brother too and start a good relationship, no matter what, still both of you are blood related. Don’t waste time just like what happen to me and my brother…I told him,..
He hugged me tight and I hugged him back and loosened each other. We check in inside when our flight was announced to be delayed for an hour. We sat on the waiting area and I put my headphones while waiting, one hour is just too long when you do nothing but sit and wait. I fell asleep without me noticing it.
“hey!!! Someone tap me hard that makes me jumped, I was shocked when I saw him….
“come to me…he told me…it was weird but I felt my feet dragging me towards his direction and the most weird one is that I am running just to catch him.
“hey!! Gil young wait!!! I shouted while stretching my hand to reach him but whatever I do, I can’t stop him, I am running and he’s just walking while gazing behind him, smiling at me.
He stopped finally and I stopped panting, people around were just passing through him, passing through his body. I crumpled my eyes while looking at every person bumping to him.
“saeng ah, good bye, live well,, thank you so much for not leaving me, for always taking care of me, for always thinking about me. Now it’s your time, do whatever your heart want to do, I will live in peace now, together with the one who truly loves me, now I know whom I belong, to whom my heart belong. I love you, take care of yourself, I wish you to have a great life, just call me when you need someone, I will be your angel to guide you always, we will.. Gil young spat out with hi happy smile. The smile that I never seen before neither seen in any of my dreams, no stain of tears anymore, only the curve lines drawn in his face.
“young ahh~~, I muttered..
He waved at me without any other words, I tried to stop him but he disappeared.
“saeng ah,,wake up,,time to board baby….I woke up my mom shook me..
“young ah, let’s go,,,my aunt told me calmly as she held my hand, smiling at me like a baby..
“ahh de..I answered and pat my auntie’s face..
I sited inside the cabin, smiling while looking at my mom and my untie. We decided to take her since she has no family now, a payback for taking care of my brother and my father, just that it’s sad to say, their death caused her to have a mental problem, maybe because of stress and the thing that young aunt had done. I rest my back and readied myself for the take off.
The flight is a bit shaky and makes me feel dizzy. 30 minutes left for the flight. I stood up to go to the comfort room, I felt more dizzy, I washed my face and return back to my sit. I was about to sit when I notice a folded paper on my seat. I took it and told the man beside me that he dropped his paper or whatever it is.
“that’s not mine,,,he replied..
I wonder at first and sit, I almost forgot that I am not feeling so well the whole flight. I unfolded the paper out of my curiosity and to see to whom it is actually but I saw my name in it instead. I look around but nothing is suspicious. I started to get nervous and continue to search around, but the cabin crew told me to sit and the plane will be landing soon. I slid the paper on my bag and followed the cabin crew’s instruction.
Soon, the flight is over, we landed safely, I unbuckled my seatbelt and started to take all our hand carry on the cabin just like what everyone is doing. We disembarked from the plane and headed to the arrival area where my step father and my dearest brother are waiting.
My brother jumped unto me and I lift him instantly, he peck me on the nose and hugged me tightly.
“I missed you hyung,,,he cried out..
“I missed you too,,,aigoo, you’re looking prettier even more,,,hmmm don’t tell there I already someone that makes you this pretty…I joked…
“no one…none yet, but I have a crush….he squealed..
“mwo? Who? I hissed…
“ahmm i think his name is JR, the one in your photo you sent to me….he said and stick his tongue out..
What?!!! Yahh..JR will not like you,,he likes ren, you see the pretty one in the photo, the blonde one,,,I said as I poke his nose.
“I’m much prettier than him,,,he sulk and rolled his eyes…
“ahh ahhh arraseo…you’re the prettier..I said and pinch his cheeks..
“aigoo..stop it…my step father came between us,,,
We proceeded to the van and headed first to the hospital where we will admit my auntie, my father already knows about hr condition, good thing he understand our part, he recommended the hospital owned by his colleague. We drop my auntie there, it was hard t first but as I talked to her and please her, he agreed to us and obeyed like a little girl.
I sighed as I flopped on the car again. Spacing out for the nth time. I almost forgot about the paper I found on my seat in the plane. I search my bag and found it inside. I took it and unfolded once again.
“Till we meet again. I am still around you, waiting and keep looking at you. Thank you. Sending you off is really hard but im happy that I able to see you. Now I know how important you are to me…the short letter said…
I stare at it. Wonder who gave me this letter. I wonder how it reach my seat in the plane. I slid it back to my bag and notice my brother staring at me too.
“hyung, are you okay? You seem not well…my concerned brother said..
“hyung is fine, don’t worry,,maybe I was just tired from the flight, the plane is to shaky actually…I reasoned out.
We reach home, finally, after almost two months I am back here, my home, my family, I really miss my bed. The scent of the house, the scent of the country where I spend my 20 years of life. We entered the big house, the maid approach me after greeting us.
“young master, there’s a letter for you, it just arrive 5 minutes before you came home,,,the maid said and gave e the letter. It has no postal code nor stamp..
“who gave you this?,,,ahm I don’t know sir…the door bell just rang and when I checked the gate I only found the letter on the ground…the maid answered..
“okay,,thank you,,I bowed to her and I proceeded to my room.
I sighed and threw myself on my soft bed, I opened the letter and begun to read the content. I sat suddenly as soon as I read the first sentence.
“saeng ah,,,how’s my brother? The first sentence said..I checked the sender again but there is no one written in it so I continue reading it...
If you read this letter, it means I am gone already, that it means, you met hyun joong already. Hyun joong, my secret boyfriend, brother of my boyfriend, kyu jong. Yes, I cheated on my boyfriend because I love hyun joong. I love him but he loves someone else, I know it, and I know that it was just a mistake, our relationship is just a mistake and I didn’t able to control myself in loving him. It hurts a lot but I have to give it up. Yes im letting him go because he will never love me the way he loves you. Yes, he loves you, he told me everything, how he met you and how he mistaken me as you. I was hurt of course but he continue our relationship, losing hope to meet you again. My body I fatal and I can feel my end, that’s I am writing you this, to tell you how much I love you. I know you’ll visit me someday, I don’t know when but I will know it when this letter reach you. And when that time comes, I will also know that my relationship to hyun joong will end. I’m not telling you to accept hyun joong because it might cause something not good to you. I want you to live well. As much as possible don’t get in my place. Im not writing this just to reject if ever hyun joong will turn to you. Hyun joong is a good person I know, just that,,,I love you more, I’m not the one to decide for your fate. Just follow your heart, just do what you think will make you happy. I want you to be happy, I want you to find your true love, unlike me, I never found mine and now I am suffering because of it and the people around me suffered a lot too. And I don’t want you to be like me..I love you I always do..
I don’t get what my brother’s want to say. Is he telling me to follow my heart? Or is he giving me a warning to the possible things that might happen if I accept hyun joong? But then in my dreams, he was so happy with hyun joong, and I thought he’s telling me in my dreams not to get near hyun joong, or he was telling me to not get involved between the two. I thought that this letter was sent late, but who sent it? From whom, how did this letter reach my address without any stamp on it.
I remember my dream, Now it’s your time, do whatever your heart want to do, I will live in peace now, together with the one who truly loves me, now I know whom I belong, to whom my heart belong.
My mind went crazy thinking about it, days had passed, it’s already two weeks since I arrived and started my work again. I was living peacefully and my days were quiet. Another week had passed, a month had passed, I survived. The kids occasionally sent e messages through SNS, telling me what happen to them.
Until one day I started to receive mails without stamp and date every other day. But I ignore it, thinking that it was just a prank or something, but the truth, I’m just convincing myself that it is really a prank or joke. Because the truth, I’m nervous every time I opened the letter, those letters contains words of my present, like someone is stalking me. I felt bothered of course but I mustered all my courage not to show how scared I am and how troubled it was for me.
One night at a gathering that we attended. I was busy paying and joking around with my brother. He told me that he needs to go to the bathroom. I told him to go, he left with his pouted lips an rolled eyes. He wants me to accompany him but I didn’t volunteer. He came back after 10 minutes with someone beside him, talking to him like they were close. My eyes grew wide as I recognize the person.
“I’m here already, nice talking to you..see you around..my brother said…I stood froze while staring at my brother’s new friend.
“owh..by the way..his name is~~~ my cute brother made a face as he didn’t know the name. he faced the man..
“ahh yeah…by the way,,I’m kim hyun joong…the person that caused my heart beats getting faster introduced himself…
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unedited...updated,,sorry for delays. having a hard time whenever i end a story,,there's another chapter lol,...i have writer' block sorry for this chapter...
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