my childhood memory
PEEK
Watching the white clouds outside the small window of the plane, makes me feel like I’m in heaven. Seeing how bright the white color of this clouds was, makes my soul flies like an angel. This feeling after I left my beloved country when I was 7 of age is just unexplainable, I’m excited yet I feel so sad in another way.
The announcer speaks saying that the plane will now landed in few minutes. I snap out of my little day dream as I saw everyone moving to their seats. Just as the attendants roam around the narrow aisle of this vehicle to check every passengers, making sure that seat belts were put on, making sure thins are placed below the seat properly, I buckled mine and put my bag down to my seat and prepare myself from the breath taking landing of the plane. I breathed heavily to release some air. Just then after 15 minutes circling the air, the plane landed safely. Clicks for the seatbelts in unbuckling them were heard and passengers started to get their things from the cabin as soon as the plane settled on the hole where we will exits. I took mine and waited until people gets lesser in number inside. By then I’ll take myself out.
I spend almost 20 years in japan, living with my mother who just got divorce from my father at my age of that and with my step-father whom my mother chose to live in and marry again. Relationships never been accurate and good for my parents as they didn’t go well along with each other. They fought, they argue yelling due to my father’s lack of doing his responsibility. Unlucky we are, yes, me and my brother whom I didn’t met since then. We were somewhat or somehow became a merchandise where my parents bid to whom we will gonna end up living, I stayed with my mother and my brother stayed with my father but as I heard, life wasn’t as easy for them both as I and my mother lived like a queen and a prince with the care of my wealthy step-father, I had one half sibling, a girl, she’s now 15 years of age. Lucky I am and I felt pity for my brother. I live in heaven and he needed to live in hell.
I stretch out my arms and I slightly remove my eye glasses that are graded so high as I exited the airport --- I had some sort of eye problem when I was 10 and my eyes slowly going blurry, since then I never worn out my glasses--- to clean them. I wrinkled my brows as my eyes felt a little uncomfortable due to the sunlight, it‘s indeed summer. I put them back after and worn a smile on my lips.
“Finally!,, is the only word I uttered after clicking my tongue. Feeling excited, I quickly raise a hand to inform the cab that was parked across me, informing that I need one, and the cab driver immediately went inside his yellow car and drive going to where I am standing. I gave him the address before going in, making sure that he knows where I am going, he smiled, thankfully he knows, like what he said and nodded in assurance, he gets out of the car and helped me with my luggage and I hopped in after.
My journey to seoul, south korea, my mother land, now started, few hours of commute and sight seeing around, the buildings surely increase in number, as I mumbled, and the driver just smiled and agreed to me.
“I haven’t been here for a long time, 20 years?,,I smiled as I calculated in mind and told the driver..
“surely as how you being so amused to seoul..the driver talked back..
The memory of the past suddenly pass through my mind, how we lived like we can get everything we want at first but lived like lacking in everything after my father was laid off from work and we begun to lived everyday with arguments of my parents after all. The memory of me and my brother, I miss everything and somehow feeling guilty for not bringing him with my luck. I felt so bad. I felt like I am a bad brother to my brother while I am being so good and close to my half sister.
The car finally stopped and I was inform by the driver, I snapped out and gave the fare to him, and slowly steps out of the cab. My luggage was put in front of the gate as where I stood after thanking the driver.
This is it, I came finally, the excitement fell off as I realized what’s my purpose being here again after so many years. My chest kept on tightening and my heart skipped a beat as my tears are threatening to come out. I wiped my tears and about to ring the doorbell when it suddenly swung open. I smiled when I saw a lady age like between 40‘s and 50‘s.
The lady approach me in a question, young saeng?, as she mentioned my name I concluded that she is the person I am looking for, my auntie from my father’s side. I don’t actually remember her face since I was gone when my memory is not that sharp to remember everything. I smiled at her and he hugged me like she really misses me that much, she even shed tears while she’s caressing my face. You really look the same as him young saeng, she spat out. I smiled again and lowered my head, I know who she was talking about, yes my twin brother whom I left with this unfair world.
I step back a few and bowed for respect as I uttered, I’m sorry. She helped me straightened and wipe my tears and assure me that everything‘s okay. Smiling again, she led me inside. I look up to the house and it’s really old, amused, this isn‘t that old when we leave this place.
“A huge house..living with your own family? I questioned not taking off my sight to one of the open window above that caught my attention since the curtain flew in and out of the window. Too windy up in there yet it’s too warm down here, I murmured.
“I didn’t able to have my own family.I needed to take good care of your father and your brother, they needed me more…your father suffered into illness and you‘re brother~~~.my auntie said forcing a smile on her face but didn‘t able to continue her words, he just look at me and looked away immediately..
“but the house is too big for you only here now….I told carelessly..
“this became a boarding house. There are boarders living with me..so I’m sure you’ll not be bored here… she said transforming her face from sad one into a happy one and I just made an o- shape with my lips. The house full of love became a boarding house. I sighed and realize how hard my father and my brother lived.
I keep looking up after few conversation, I don’t know what took us so long before we reach the main door and I don’t have any idea why I felt curious to the open window. I stopped for a while when I notice that we are approaching the main door finally, my eyes still fixed looking up.
I squinted my eyes down to check my path towards the door, avoiding to bump something or bump behind my auntie, when suddenly as I looked up again, without any signs, a guy showed up to the window and i felt my small hair all over my skin stood froze just as my head went cold and bigger, the feeling. My eyes grew wide when he looked at me with serious cold eyes. I looked down immediately and quickly race towards the main door.
With my shock, I shook my head as I commented, your boarders seems like silent types and serious ones huh and it’s pretty quiet here.
My auntie smirked at me and lean closer to my ear uttering the words, they are not,,you will meet them later on,,it’s just too early for them to make noise…
“owh,,but its already pass lunch,,,I raise a brow and observe any possible movement in the house as we entered in, making sure no one will try to scare me or something and make prank on me..
“almost all of them works at night, only the four college students were day shifts.. The old land lady said and grin.
I just nodded in understanding and continue to walk to the long steps of stair cases leading me to my well maybe room. Even inside, the furnitures aged too. And as I was sense it right, my auntie opened one of the door and led me inside, the room is quiet and somewhat felt strange. I ignore the feeling. I scrub my arm to help my risen small hair to get down.
“ahmmm,,I think it’s alright with you if you use this room, it’s your brother’s former room. No one use this now, and yeah you have no choice, there’s no available room now,,they are all occupied…my auntie said and frowned, feeling sorry maybe.
Well yeah I kind of felt scared or something, it’s my brother’s former room. I sighed and just force a smile and a thumbs up to the old lady, just saying it’s just fine with me though it’s not. She left me for a while and I started to unpack my things quickly. The air came in to my room, the cold breezy wind coming from outside the window. I smiled as I smell that cold wind looking at the window and watching how the wind pass through the curtains. I zip my bag and place it under my bed and walk heading to the window. I pushed my glasses on the bridge of my nose and look up to the sun, well it shines so hot but why it is so windy yet the trees outside are rarely moving. I look behind me as I heard a whisper. Maybe the boarders woke up already. I duck my head to see the other windows beside mine, well I can’t see any.
I sighed and breathed the fresh air. I remember, me and my brother were holding our hands tightly as we didn’t want to be parted, we are twin of course and our hearts and souls are one. We are against the idea to leave this mansion but we needed to. Here, this is where we stayed together, played together, we cried together whenever we want to have milk, this is where my memory as a little boy grew with my twin brother and my parents, we are happy back then until everything had crashed by fate, and we needed to separate. My father still loves us despite the fact that my mom left him, a I can see, the dream house that they built together and the house where they embraced us with love is still here, old and aged like my mom.
I still recall my father’s words, im too young back then but I remember those words, they tell us everyday until we memorize it at a young age.
“this house is yours, this house is our heaven, this house is full of love from us for both of you, this is where you belong, this place is your home”.
That’s our everyday words and we able to stick it in our mind. Until one day, my father talked to us both, he mentioned those words and added some words after that,
….even if you both parted, your soul, your heart and your life belongs here, you may not see each other but you definitely meet someday and it will happen in this house, promise to each other that you will love your twin brother and love your mom everyday. Don’t take grudges, don’t hate each other. I love you, your mom loves you and so love your brother”.
I don’t understand every word that time, I don’t understand what he meant that time, I even complain for this words as we needed to remember and memorize them too.
“appa..that’s too long? We don’t even know how to read yet properly, why we need to memorize them?,, I complain and sulk that time.
“you don’t have to memorize them all you have to do is think of me and your mom for you to remember everything I told you.. My appa told me with his smile..and my mom had cried behind us and walked away.
“ahmmm appa.. Why eomma cry,, my brother asked…
“young saeng, you take care of your mom, and remember this, I love you. gil young you must love your mom too..do you understand me? My appa said, his face is so serious, I see tears threatening in his eyes but I ignore it.
My father hugged us both and hugged me even tighter. My mom came back with two luggage in his hands. A man wearing black suit came in and took those luggage. I was confused and we didn’t realize that it is the end of our family.
“young saeng let’s go…my mom spoke bending in front of me..
“where are we going eomma? I asked blanked.she just forced a smile.
She knelt down in front of my brother and kept saying sorry, she cried a lot as she hug him tightly.
“eomma why? My brother asked..
“eomma will leave with your brother, take care of yourself, be a good boy to your appa. I love you baby. My mom uttered.
“hyung, where you going? Eomma can you take me with you?, I want to play with hyung. Eomma…he said and cried while we are leaving..
My mom hold my hand tightly while crying and my appa hold my brother with his arms. I ran back to my crying brother and wipe his tears and we hgged tightly.
“young saeng, gil young, appa and I are living separately from now on, you have to go with me and gil young will live with your appa. My mom explains..
We don’t get what they want to say but one thing that molds in our mind, that we are going to be parted, I refused and so my brother too. We hold each other tightly until my parents need to force us to break our holds. Gil young, gl young was crying reaching my hand, I tried to reach his too but my mom drag me out of the house and force me to get inside the car. I can’t free myself and was locked inside the black car. I keep drumming the window until the car started the engine and moved. I saw my brother running in wild trying to catch the car that we are in.
We are too young back then, 7 years old and we needed to live separately for 20 years. We don’t understand everything but our hearts were crashed and pain strike us as we are seeing each other trying to hold back our hands. And the painful thing at a young age is that, it is the last moment that I able to see my brother and my father in that cruel way.
Few more minutes later while thinking about my father and my brother, I suddenly snapped out when I heard the three soundly hard knocks on my door, I answered, coming!!!, and I walk to my door. I opened it and saw my auntie with his hand closed and about to knock maybe.
“owh..good thing you opened already, I was about to knock..my auntie says..you kinda sense that I’m here huh? She joked…
“I run when I heard your first knock,,I told…
“knock? I haven’t knock yet,,,,well maybe one of the boys…anyway,,dinner is ready…she said and informed me..
I exited my room and all of them stopped as they were called by my aunte, all were mused, they froze and look at me as if they saw a ghost.
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.first chapter...please do comment and subscribe..i'll appreciate every comments in my comment box.. but just don't be rude or else i'll remove it.. i supposedly start this first chap after i ended my current,,but since i got subbies already,so here we go..number of chapters are not decided yet, maybe few or maybe long,, depends on the status or to my schedule..enjoy,,thakyu for the subbies..
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