the laptop
PEEK
Days have passed really fast, I spend a lot of precious time with the boarders, shopping with them, sole time with each of them. But still there are times that I feel like they have something in mind that they want to tell me. Ren, who became too attach to me is not an exemption. He always look at me like he wants to tell me something.
I can’t forget how jungmin and hyung jun just advised me to go back home and leave this place. I cant forget how me and kyu felt like almost doing something in bed, but then, I just can’t understand why I feel like I am into hyun joong and we ended up cuddling each other on bed.
I still keep seeing weird things, I keep imagining my brother’s face. How do I know how he looks like at the present, we were parted 20 years ago, but there is this image that I keep hallucinating most of the time that look really alike like me. I assume he is that, my dear brother. I still have nightmares of someone trying to suffocates me, I keep seeing myself making out with someone, I am not strong enough to convince myself that those were just dreams, maybe I am already treated in a mental hospital.
It’s midnight and I woke up panting and gasping for air while holding my neck. I had a nightmare again. Someone is trying to kill me. I got up from my bed and decided to go in the kitchen due to my throat is getting dry, with my weak knees. I weakly headed downstairs when I saw kris and tao watching television in the living room.
“hyung, you okay? Kris run to me and asked, they both held me to the sofa to sit as soon as they saw me.
“I just,,, I woke up like I was tired and all,,,,I answered huskily..
“you had nightmare again? Tao asked…
“yeahh,, I replied and look at him,,,how’d you know? I returned a question..
“you always have,, we often hear you talked in your sleep like you are scared or something…tao said..
“really?..I wonder again…
“wait,,I think you need water,,kris talked and run to the kitchen and came back with a glass of water..
I drank and sighed. The two just stared at me. I stared back to them.
“hyung!! Why are you here? I mean why’d you came back here? Kris asked..
“me? I just want to pay visit to my father and my brother.,,I answered with a weak smile..
“gil young hyung really misses you, we often see him looking at a picture,tao spat out with that sad face in him.
“I miss him too, but I can’t do something back then until the news was sent to us, that he’s dead.,, and I was too young when my father died and I never had to visit him. I was worried how my brother lives without my father, until my auntie called us and she’s willing to take good care of him. I felt relieved a little since he still have guardian but what I can’t accept, is that he died without waiting for me to come, he didn’t able to see me again..saengie cried..
“he do, he did, but he can’t wait much longer, he suffered with,,,tao stopped and look at kris..
“he suffered being alone,, he got depressed, and according to the doctor, he was really stressed. He stopped talking to us all. He always lock himself in the room. Kris continued…
“I feel pity on him but we didn’t had the choice. Our parents’ got divorce and we are too young and don’t understand everything and all we had to do is to follow what they planned for us.. I sighed, remembering how life became cruel to us, to the point that we had to live separately. I stated..
“Young saeng, why are you still up? My auntie came and went to us.. You look pale what’s wrong? She noticed and pat my forehead…
“ahhh nothing,, I said…auntie, can we talk? I askd after,,
“about?..it’s too ate already,,maybe we can talk next time or maybe tomorrow,,my untie said, avoiding my eyes. I know she knows something that until now, she still avoiding all my questions and requests,, she left,,and all I did was sigh again..
“I’ll go first,,,,I excused myself from the two and headed back to my room…
I twisted the knob of my door, when luhan popped on their door. He called me in an almost whisper. I turn to him and saw him holding his laptop.
“luhan? You are up still? I asked,,
“hyung, he just uttered and held out the laptop giving it to me..
“wae? I furrowed my brows, confused..
“this is gil young hyung’s laptop, ren found it and told me to keep it… luhan told me..
I look down to the laptop that he still holding until my hands reach it and took it into my chest. I look up but I was taken aback, my eyes rounded bigger and I felt an electricity coming to my head, I was shocked and gulped the excess saliva in my mouth,
“gi~~gil young~~~ I uttered in cut syllables.
He just smiled at me and my tear escaped as I let out a curve in my lips, I missed you, I finally say those words, I saw his eyes tearing like mine, without any response.
“hyung! Luhan snap me out of this dream.
“luhan,,it’s just you..I weakly say in a very low tone as my eyes continue shedding crystals, hugging the laptop tightly on my chest.
Luhan hugged me tightly, comforting me like he knows what I am feeling right now. Yes I need someone to comfort me right now. And the person that I want to be here is not around. Luhan is here but I’m expecting hyun joong to hug me instead.
“hyung I’m sorry for taking too long for us to handle out your brother’s laptop. We want you to have a peaceful life, just like what your brother want you to have.,,luhan stated..
“thank you,,but I want to know more about my brother. I promise, I’ll have a better and peaceful life after knowing what kind of person my brother is…I blurted out and went in to my room.
I sat on the edge of my bed hugging the laptop of my brother, I can feel him, I can feel my other half.
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“luhan..what is that? Jungmin and hyung jun came to him..
“nothing hyung…luhan lied and turn his back..
“isn’t that gil young’s laptop? Jungmin asked..
“no…luhan simple answered..
“why you have it? Where did you get that? hyung jun questioned..
“I told you it’s not his~~ luhan raise a voice..
“luhan look…don’t make everything so complicated… take back that laptop from him..jungmin said in a commanding tone..
“everything is complicated already, few years ago. And we won’t let young saeng hyung to be~~ luhan was cut..
“what is this all about? Kyu came out as well as hyun joong from their rooms..
“ahhh,,nothing… hyung jun lied and smiled to them..
“let’s just continue tomorrow okay? Jungmin pat luhan’s shoulder as he says..
Luhan gets in his room.
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Gil young’s past:
Jungmin and hyung jun are the first occupant in this house, they occupied the two rooms as soon as the mansion was opened for a bed spacer. They were be-friended to the owner, gil young since they have the same age. But gil young is just too picky to whom he will be closed to. Jungmin is just too frank and can say anything he wants to say whether it’s a joke or not, hyung jun on the other hand is just too childish for his age. And gil young is just quiet and his smile and laugh is too expensive to gain. They talk a lot since they were living in the same house but still not everything is opened for them to talk about.
One by one, the rooms were occupied by two persons in each. And everything became too complicated for the three persons and they are all involved in it.
The kids are too close to him and they, as part of the household at least have concern for everyone. Kyu jong became the owner’s lover but hyun joong became the third party.
Gil young often tell this two how he was longing about his brother. They even see how lonely the fellow is. They don’t talk everyday but they know at least one fourth of the boy’s life.
They give advices, they give opinions, especially when gil young told the two about being with kyu. He got negative assumptions, negative response or any negative opinions, but he insisted it, they let him do whatever he wants. His relationship lasted for years and another man came. He confessed again how he became close with the new boarder. They advised him again, but seems they can’t do anything about it.
Until one day everything was revealed, they tried to help but the situation became uncontrollable, even the boy’s family didn’t mind it.
They often see him crying, they often hear him sobbing, they often found him spacing out in front of his computer, typing like a zombie. looked weak, sad, and with tears.
Until one day gil young was found lifeless in his room. All were shocked. All have questions in mind, at how, what, or why this precious boy just ended his life like that.
Ren and the rest informed their hyung about the laptop, the content and everything, but jungmin just ignore it, they don’t want to add up to the issue, they don’t want to join the problem, they were scared that time, that they will pay for all the things that they know.
After that, few days after they sent gil young into a peaceful place, the auntie was sent in a mental care, for some reason, that they don’t know, she was confined in the hospital and few days later, they found her screaming and shouting that his nephew is needed to be protected, that makes the reason why the younger sister sent her in a mental care.
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I opened the laptop. On the screen is him playing a piano. I started to cry and caress the screen. I feel like I am touching his eyes, his nose, his lips all of this parts are just the same as mine.
I opened his folder, to see if there are some pictures of him. He loves taking pictures of his own, but it has no smile trace on his lips, only those sad eyes. He loves music, ever since, he loves singing and his dream is to sing in front of the people. I sobs even more while looking at the pictures.
Ren came all of a sudden, he peek and check on me. I wiped my tears but I shed triple of it. Ren came in followed by the three, ren crawled on my bed, hugging me behind, slipping his slender arms on my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder, while the rest sat in front of me.
“hyung!!!! I know it hurts, it hurts for me too. Gil young hyung treated me nice, he treated us like his own brothers.,,ren cried too..
“I’m sorry hyung,,,I’m sorry..luhan, sehun and jr talked in chorus.
“it’s not your fault…I said messing up their hair..
I continued to browse the files until I saw this file name called hyunyoung. I paused and wipe my tears, ren parted from me and went on my side. The file name is familiar, just like my other dreams, just like the other things that flashed on me, this file name has in my memory. I opened it out of curiosity. I was shocked, my eyes grew wide and my heart is just beating like a drum.
“hyung, I know this is new to you~~~jr spoke…
“no,,,I mean,,what are they? I mean hyun joong told me that my brother is special to him.. I cut them while staring at this photos, cuddling each other, exchanging happy smiles, and embrace that meant for more than just special friend..
“hyun joong hyung is gil young hyungs secret boyfriend…sehun revealed..
“de? But isn’t kyu his boyfriend? I gasp..
“yes, but something happen, gil young hyung tried to break up with kyu jong hyung, but he refused until, they just hide their relationship..everything was complicated…ren announced..
“ the truth gil young hyung life after hving a relationship with kyu hyung became narrowed, it’s like he is eaving inside a bottle, we rarely talk to him after that… sehun added..
“why? I asked..still in disbelief..
“hyung, you cant fall from this trap…we don’t want you to be involve in this trap..luhan said..
“what trap? I asked again, confused and curious.
“hyung, gil young hyung’s relationship is not as good as the others., we know it even though he never told us how he was hurt…jr then told.
“we believe in you,, we know that gil young hyung is still here, but one thing I am sure, he never wished you to be here…I swear, I always feel his presence.. Ren said.
“the nipa at the backyard, that was burnt, we just saw it burning 3 days after the burial of gil young hyung..sehun added…
“who set fire on it? I questioned…
“we don’t know either, no one knows about that actually, only the four of us, gil young hyung,,and hyun joong hyung..luhan looked at the others while saying..
“hyun~~~joong? He knows that place?..I interrogated..
“we saw him that night, and they met there every midnight… the day you saw it,,we were shock on how you went there and saw it….and you said someone just saved you from falling..we knew it, I think it was your brother whose trying to protect you from being here. Ren said and all nodded and assume the same..
“hyung..just go back to your family..you can’t fall in love to them..this is a trap,,it’s like a curse already..kyu jong hyung and hyun joong hyung are insane, they always compete for love…your brother is just a victim.. Sehun spoke again holding my hand..
“wait,,what are you talking about, I questioned again.
“we know it, kyu jong hyung show an interest on you, and we can sense tension between them,,again..luhan guessed..
“hyung,,here..I transfer the other files here, if in case they will find that the laptop is in our hands..this is your brother’s diary, I found it important so I decided to take it in a safer storage..ren held out a storage drive…
“read it when you think you are ready to know everything…luhan said,,,
They all hugged me when they saw me with tears again., sobbing like a kid while gripping tightly to that usb drive given to me.
They left me after I calmed down, staring close to the pictures of my brother and hyun joong, they looked so sweet, they looked like they love each other. I saw pictures of him and kyu too, but the happiness in his face is different.
I turn my gaze to the usb and my mind is battling whether to check it or not. Am I ready now to know what my brother’s fast? Am I ready to know how his life becomes when we left him here? Is my conscience is ready to know how I let him live alone and lonely? I am eager to know everything but now that I have it, why I can’t decide whether to open it or not.
“young ah, are you here? Do you see me? I talked to the air.. forgive me,,,please forgive me..I cried again..
I felt the wind blows inside my room. I closed my eyes and felt it. Imagining and recalling the happy memories of me with him. He sing and lift my mood, he never done that many times but I treasure every moment we had that time, when I’m sick, he fall in sickness too. That’s why I never let myself drown into sickness because I know, he will suffer too, and I am scared that no one will take good care of him.
I was cut with my dreams and look down again to this small drive I am holding, the key to my brother’s life. The laptop shuts down by itself, the battery is empty maybe. I closed it and about to plug in when I remember that the boys didn’t gave me the charger. I assume it’s the answer to my question. I’m not ready yet, I can’t afford to see what are the content of this inside. I put the laptop on the study table and place the usb on my cabinet.
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edit already, short update right? thankyu for new subbies..
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