diary and the secret
PEEK
Waking up the next day, head ache, hang over and the nightmare that hyun joong just left to me. I opened my eyes, staring at the ceiling that is facing towards me. Sighing, and another thinking.
I pulled myself from my bed lazily. I grab my towel and went out to take a bath quickly. I’m done in just 15 minutes and when I ‘m about to take the towel, it was gone and the clothes that I took off were gone also. Luckily that I put my glasses inside the shower room. I peek outside, hoping that someone will come to save me.
It’s already 20 minutes pass and no one had come, I feel really cold already, the coldness shivers all over my body. I heard the door knob, someone is trying to open it. I stood and immediately open it.
“wait!!! I shouted..
“eo!!! The boy looked back and saw me..mianhae,..he added..
“get me a towel first…I told..please, hyun joong, someone took my towel and my clothes..I continued as I lower my head while hiding behind the door.
He smirked and walk closer to me, I quickly shut the door and lock it.
“okay, just wait, he spoke and I heard his steps going away..
I slid down on the floor while rubbing both of my arms, it’s really cold. I stood up fast when I heard steps coming closer again. I flatted my ear on the door until I heard a light knock 3 times.
“hyun joong? I said in question.
“de..here’s the towel..he replied…
I slowly twisted the knob and opened the door slightly as I peek using one eye. He smiled at me showing up the towel he brought. I looked away and held out my hand to reach the towel. He gave a wide smile and push the door and he entered. He quickly put the towel on my head and pat it to dry. I froze, I’m of course who would not be nervous if someone just sneak inside with you without clothes at all. I took the towel and push him, wrapping it on my below to cover myself and of course my dearest.
We lock eyes but I immediately avoids it. What an awkward situation. He’s smirking, well laughing at me? This jerk. How could he turn me into an embarrassing situation like this? I slap it in my mind.
“sorry to bother you, thank you,, I said and turn my back…
“wait!! He blocked me to the door..
“please…I said in a strict tone..
“okay…please don’t avoid me….he said and open up the space of the door and let me pass through it..
I left without response, running to my room. My heart just pounding hard. Ahhhh should I go to the heart doctor? I keep hearing my heart beating so weird this days, I mumble as soon as I locked my door. I quickly wore my clothes that I prepared on my bed.
I sighed in relief, but who took my clothes and my towel? I wonder, I sat again on my bed with the laptop. Since the kids are not around and I really need to avoid hyun joong who is staying at home, I decided to just continue reading. I opened it, the file where I stopped.
I’m getting along well with hyun joong, the new boarder, but of course it’s another problem that kyu had to be jealous. But he is his brother. Hyun joong is nice to me too just like how kyu act one when we first met. Will he still be the same always? Or he will change too.
They are brothers, but they both hooked my brother. I feel sorry for my brother, if it’s just me who stayed here, he never experience harsh things. But will I able to handle this kind of situation?
Hyun joong just told me he likes me, I like him too but his brother is my boyfriend and I can’t just let myself go off from kyu. He hate it whenever I mention breaking up. He will never let me go, never, never. We started our secret relationship few days ago and I think kyu just sense it all, he forbids me to see and talk to him, he always hurt me whenever he see me talking to his brother. I want to break him up, I want to be with hyun joong, now I know my heart, I never loved kyu, and now that I found him, I belong to hyun joong. How can I correct this mistake? How can I explain to him my real feelings, that I have this feelings for his brother, that I love his brother.
He loves him. Does hyun joong loves my brother? But he told me he loves me more than that. What is that all about? Is he cheating on my brother? How could he love me ever since my brother told him about me? Is he playing with my brother? Am I one of the reason?
Just wanted to break up with him. I cant take this anymore. I told auntie about it but she never believed me. Why? I want him to get lost in this house, but why I can’t. He always hurt me, now we have to hide our relationship even more, but we did a careless thing, no, hyun joong did it, and I just agreed into it. How could I resist to him. Kyu caught us in my room. What do I do now? I hate this kind of life, I hate everything about me, I hate it, I hate it. If my brother is here, if our parents didn’t let us live apart, I’m sure, I’m sure, he’ll comfort me and makes my heart warm.
I cried once again, feeling in the pain he had been through because of it, because he was loved and he’s loving. It’s too cruel, all he need is to be happy and I’m not there beside him whenever he wants me to comfort him. I was like a brother that is useless.
Got bruises again. Ren saw me, he’s all so worried but I just can’t let him know. I’m afraid that kyu will hurt the kids too. I don’t want that to happen. I love the kids. They are like my brothers. I am their older brother that needs to protect them. I need to push them away. I’m scared on what kyu is able to do. He’s getting more evilly this days. Since he knew that I’m secretly meeting hyun joong. I’m afraid that he will gonna hurt them. I love hyun joong, and I don’t want him to be involve in our fights. And i can’t tell anyone again about this. Even my auntie doesn’t believe me. She never cares about me lately, I rarely see her in this house again. Kyu just holds everybody in this house. I know he’s into gangs but I thought he’s different from the gangs that I usually watch on TV or stories. He’s cruel. If I just knew it earlier, I didn’t let the situation to be like this. My life is just a trash, I can’t live happy, I never lived happy. All I need in my life is happiness. Saeng ah, where are you? Please hug me tight like you always do, I need you, I need you now. I’m gonna die here. I want to see you before everything happens.
I sobs with the last sentence, I feel like I am the worst brother in the world, now I understand why I always been dreaming about him, why I’m always depressed and always nervous. Is this all the answers? Is it true that I will get all the answers with this? I questioned myself a lot while reading everything. I want to kill kyu because of this, because of the sufferings that he gave to my brother. I want to confront hyun joong for not taking care of my brother, for not letting this thing happens to my brother.
“that’s enough hyung~~ luhan came with ren, I didn’t notice them entering in my room.
“why did he lived like hell while me is living like in heaven..it’s all my fault for leaving him here…I sobs even more while uttering this words.
“no hyung, it’s not your fault. He once live a happy life, it’s just that everything ended sooner…ren hugged me kissing my cheek to comfort me..
“you have to rest now..you read a lot already. Now you know what kind of person kyu is…you’ll be in danger if you stay here more…luhan said while folding the laptop.
“but I want to know more, how he died, about hyun joong, he told me he loves me….I muttered in between my sniff..
“hyung! Hyun joong hyung is good but you can’t, you can’t fall for it. They are brothers but they are enemies too. We don’t know the reason but you have to hide yourself and stay away from them. Kyu hyung is just insane, he never let gil young hyung to have freedom even if hyung begged to him for his freedom. He swear it, I know it, he swear that he will never let him become happy if he isn’t the one for him…luhan told.
I was surprised, luhan just spoke, luhan just warned me, luhan just started to say things that are complicated. I didn’t speak, luhan is trembling and uneasy, he’s shaking while ren is hugging him.
~flashback~
A year ago. Kyu caught his boyfriend and his brother making out in his boyfriend’s room. Just as he thought it was cheating though gil young always asked him and begged him for a break up.
Luhan with the three youngest came from school, they heard shouts and cries coming from upstairs. They rushed and their instinct is right, their hyung is crying again. They are about to open the door but something just stop them. Everything will be more complicated and their hyung will hurt even more if they interfere once again.
They remember what their hyung had told them, “never let their selves be involve even if they hear arguments”. luhan had nothing to do and the rest just lowered their heads. Enduring to hear everything.
“please kyu let me go. Let’s end it here, our relationship is not healthy as before..gil young plead..
“then what? You’ll go with that bastard? You know that I hate him! Then why are you always clinging unto him?! I told you to stay away from him!! Kyu yelled.
“please kyu.. I love him!.. I swear I loved you too but our relationship is already in mess…gil young keeps begging.
“because you cheated on me that’s why our relationship had ruined and you made me like this…kyu shouted.
“no, kyu, even before, your damn jealousy eats you, you never let me talk to anyone, you are selfish, you even take me away from the kids…gil young rebutted..
“because all you talk is about them, I’m your boyfriend but you talk about others..I told you before, you are mine, you are just mine!!!! Kyu screams,.
Luhan and others jumped whenever they hear sounds of slaps and throwing something. He wants to open the door but jr just prevent him from doing it.
“I swear, if you dare talk to anyone, I’ll kill them, I can kill anyone who will interfere in our relationship. You will never be with someone else because you belong to me.. You know me, I do whatever I say. Try it and you’ll see them floating in the river. Kyu threatened..
Kyu went out of the room. Luhan and the others were surprised. They all feel so nervous seeing a devilish look of kyu. Messed hair, sharp glare and clench fist.
“go to your room!!!! He yelled at the kids..
The kids jumped in nervous. They know that he is part of a gang, one of the leader, that’s why they were scared just seeing him.
“no one will go inside this room~~ do you get me? Kyu said in normal tone but it’s really a strict command from him.
Luhan glance at the door and turn to kyu and look at the others. Kyu grab luhan’s collar and warned him not to touch the door and their gil young hyung.
“we got it hyung, let him go…sehun talked and pushed him away from luhan. They all went to their room and decided to calm the situation first, they can’t help their gil young hyung now, he will be watched by the beast for sure.
~end of flashback~
“no luhan, I need to find out what happen. I know you will help me,,,I won’t force you to tell me the truth but I hope you’ll help me…I muttered as I stop from crying. I see how luhan is trembling. He’s afraid, he’s scared.
“hyung we don’t know how he died, but to tell you the truth, he is not ill, he’s not sick, it’s just that we rarely see him eating at the dining, your auntie always bring the foods to him in his room. We visit him whenever kyu hyung is not around and every time your auntie is outside.,,luhan revealed..
“but how? Did he commit suicide? I asked…
Luhan and ren just look at each other. Please tell me, I said. They didn’t answer me.
“you have to sleep now hyung, let’s just talk about it later on. Luhan pat my shoulder and fake a smile.
Ren let me lay on the bed and tuck the blanket on me. Luhan took the laptop inside my closet. They went out after shutting off the light and closed the door. I know this kids are just afraid but everyone in this house knows the truth, even my auntie who was sent into mental care. I need to talk to her, I need to.
Days become more exhausting this days, my mind is full of confusions and worries at the same time. Soon I will faint from severely crying a basin everyday. I must know the truth soon, all the files gives me the answers, I don’t even want to stop from reading but I had to. I need to gain strength into whatever will happen the next day and to the following days. I need to for the sake of my brother, I don’t want him to worry about me. I shut my eyes and immediately fell into deep slumber, not until I heard screeches.
I opened my eyes half and saw figure standing on my closet, I just let him do whatever purpose he has. He went out after 3 minutes, so quick and so sudden, my heart skipped a beat, I felt scared that time. Why he did that? I whispered into my mind. In less than a minute I feel my eyes pulling down again, because of the tiredness I just let myself rest and ignore it.
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as i promised..here is another chapter, i'll have something to do this week so you will not see any update, but i'll try to compose a page everyday so that at the end of the week or even before it, i can give you another update. and expect a scene of gil young in the next chappies okay? see you guys till next update, thankyu for new subbies and inspiring comments..
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