I never told you
Walk Next To Me
Love is ……………….. not just liking you.
“Yah! Hyukjae! Next time don’t be so careless leaving your phone around like that.” Heechul scolded as soon as they stepped into their apartment. It was mid day but it felt like it has been a long day. For Heechul, staying too long in the sun and in the outdoor was not his favourite thing. He was exhausted and all he wanted to do was to go home, showered and play computer games comfortably on his bed.
“Sorry….I guess I was too shocked and left in a hurry.” Hyukjae replied. “Hyung, you should have seen Donghae crying his eyes out just now. I felt really bad.”
“Hmm…” Heechul nodded, plonking himself of on the couch and not taking his eyes off from the television that he just switched on.
“I wonder why he cried like that? Why would he think I would do anything stupid? And anything stupid like what?” Hyukjae turned to Heechul. “Did you say anything to him?”
Heechul let out an amusing laughter. “Your hyung is a genius.”
“Please hyung, now is not the time to be joking. What exactly did you say to him? Why was he panicking like that?!”
Heechul switched off the television and placed the remote control on the table. “Fine.” He let out a huge breath.
“I told him that you may be trying to take your own life at Han River and that you have done it before during your drama with that psychopath Ji Eun and now that you are broken hearted again you may attempt to drown yourself again just to scare him because I know he really likes you but you both are so stupid not being honest with each other so I came up with this genius plan cause I am brilliant like that so you can thank me by buying me lunch for the whole week.” Heechul said it all too quickly in one breath.
“WHAT?!!” Hyukjae shrieked.
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It was almost dark. After his reunion with Hyukjae, Donghae was still recovering from the shock so he decided to take the long walk home. Walking has always been therapeutic for him, it helps him to clear his mind and allow him to relax whenever he feels stress or overwhelmed with life’s inevitable challenges.
After what happened this morning, of course he was having difficulty letting Hyukjae go home. In fact, he locked his arms with Hyukjae the whole time when they were walking back to look for Heechul. Hyukjae shot him a weird look at first but allowed him to continue doing that after he pleaded and pouted.
For a minute, he thought Hyukjae was gone from his life. That thought alone terrified him and he realized that he never ever want to feel that way again. He knew he liked Hyukjae before this but though this incident, he realized another fact.
He did not only like him. He was in love with him.
Even though Hyukjae did not really reciprocate his feelings, Donghae decided that he needed to tell him the truth. He needed to tell Hyukjae his true feelings. The truth. No more hiding and no more being afraid.
Donghae was almost home when he bumped into Sungmin at the elevator.
‘Sungminnie! Hi!” Donghae exclaimed happily.
Sungmin gave him a sweet smile. “Donghae ah where have you been? Its so late.” Sungmin leaned closer to Donghae’s face to inspect his face. “Your eyes! What happened?”
Donghaed looked down in embarrassment. ‘What am I going to say?’
“Err, I did not get enough sleep?”
“Liar. You have obviously been crying. Are you ok? You can tell me.” Sungmin’s voice was gentle and assuring. He was patting Donghae’s back.
“Sungminnie, can I ask you something?”
“Sure, anything.”
“If you are in love with someone, do you tell them the truth?”
Sungmin scanned Donghae’s expression. Dongahe’s eyes were a mixture of expression. Fear, sadness, hope, all rolled into one.
“Of course I would tell”
“Really? Even when you know they might say no.” Donghae asked.
“Donghae ah, life is too short to be wondering about something like this. You have to say it, if not you will never know what is in store for you.”
Donghae’s lips curled into a smile.
“Anyone is lucky to have you. Who can say no to that pout?”
“My pout?”
“You don’t even realize you are doing it right? The only other person I know who can pout cuter than you is ……..me!” Sungmin chuckled while demonstrating his version of pouting.
Donghae laughed seeing the older one pout. Sungmin was cute when he pouted.
‘This is it, I will confess to him tomorrow in school.’
Ring.
Donghae was up even before the alarm rang. He was not able to sleep soundly for the entire night because he was thinking of ways to tell Hyukjae about his true feelings. Even though he did told Hyukjae that he really liked him, he felt that he was not clear and it was not sufficient enough.
He hurried got out of bed and headed straight to the showers. On normal days, he does struggle to get out of his comfortable bed but today was not one of those days. Today, he vowed to confess to Hyukjae. He planned to be in school earlier than usual so he can prepare himself mentally.
As he left his apartment, his mind was still filled with the different ways to telling Hyukjae, he also played the possible scenarios that may happen. The worst scenario would be Hyukjae hating him and walking away from his life. The best scenario would be Hyukjae hugging him back and telling him that he liked him too.
‘What am I thinking? I better be mentally prepared for what’s to come.’ Donghae reminded himself.
As soon as Donghae arrived in school, he headed straight to his classroom. He was looking down the whole time, hoping that no one will notice him or talk to him because that would mean time would be wasted. He walked quickly across the almost empty hallway.
When Donghae stepped into his classroom, he was surprised to see that the lights were already switched on. ‘Someone is earlier than me?’ he wondered.
He scanned the entire classroom, there was no one around. Suddenly, his eyes spotted something unusual on his table.
Donghae walked towards his table. Sitting on the table was a plushie Nemo. Right below it, was a small envelope addressed to Donghae. He picked up the envelope, looked up to scan the empty room again.
‘Who is this from?’ he wondered again. He carefully opened the envelope and inside it was a small note.
Dear Fish,
I never told you the truth. Today I will. Go to the staff lounge during lunch time and open the freezer. I left something for you there.
Donghae widened his eyes and reread the note again. No name. Nothing. The sender did not leave a name but he is calling Donghae ‘Fish.’
Wait. Who else calls Donghae by that nickname?
Hyukjae.
‘Pabo. Want to be mysterious but failed.’ Donghae silently thought and chuckled.
Donghae went through the morning thinking about what would be in the fridge during lunch time. His students were amazing well behaved today; perhaps they are still recovering from the weekend.
When the bell rang indicating that it was time for lunch; Donghae rushed out of the classroom quickly. Again, he does not want anyone to stop him for small talk. He was curious to know what Hyukjae had in store for him.
He barged into the staff lounge. Thankfully there was no one around yet, perhaps still walking their way here. He went to the fridge opened the freezer, only to find nothing but another small enveloped with his name on it.
Dear Fish,
I never told you that my heart was as cold as ice, but thanks to you it became warm again.
Please go to the school cafeteria at the end of lunch time, which will be an hour from now.
‘What the hell?’ Is he messing with me?’ Donghae thought. The note gave him mixed feelings. The first sentence was touching but Donghae felt annoyed reading the second sentence. He would look for Hyukjae directly in the studio but Hyukjae does not have the same timing for lunch as the rest of the teachers in the school since he was not teaching academics.
‘Fine, I shall play along.’ He told himself.
Donghae stepped into the crowded cafeteria to but some food for lunch. He dreaded going into to the crowded cafeteria but he was starving. Even though the note told him to be there only in one hour’s time, he figured that it would not hurt being early. Furthermore, he did not pack any food for lunch.
As soon as Donghae sat down in his seat, he started eating his lunch. As usual, not many teachers like to sit in the crowded cafeteria too, even though the school had prepared a special area only for teachers sit and have their lunch there.
“Donghae!”
It was Siwon. He sat next to Donghae and passed a small envelope to him. It had his name on it with the same neat handwriting.
“What’s this?” Donghae asked, confused on why Siwon would do that.
“I just came here to pass you this. I can’t stay. One of the kid got into trouble and I have to bring him to the principal’s office now.”
“Oh, ok.” Donghae uttered.
“Open the envelope. I will see you….” Siwon smiled before going off.
‘What is this game that Hyukjae is playing with me?’
Inside it was a small note, the same kind of papers from the previous two notes.
Dear Fish,
I never told you that I have never intended to purposely hurt you or make you angry. I did that so that I can see you pout.
Your final note is in the dance studio at 5 pm. Do not ignore this!
Again. No name. By now Donghae was convinced that the notes were from Hyujae. His handwriting was too neat. It was a vast difference from Donghae’s own messy handwriting.
‘Another note? That is like 4 hours away, how will I ever concentrate in my teaching?’ Donghae wondered. Even though the notes have been sweet, he cannot help but feel irritated by it. He really hated waiting and wondering, he would have preferred to just get to the point.
The next 4 hours dragged too slowly for Donghae. He kept glancing at the clock as he teach, wishing that time would speed up. Monday was his busiest day, with classes ending only at 4.30 pm.
“Mr Lee, are you waiting for something? You keep checking the time.” Kyungsoo asked in the middle of the class.
Surprised by the question, Donghae quickly shifted his eyes to his computer. “Nope, just checking the time.” This 12 year old boy is pretty observant. Sometimes he wishes his students were not too observant because they tend to be nosy.
“All right kids, I shall release you slightly earlier today.”
“What? Mr Lee, we still have 30 minutes of lesson to go.” Luhan reminded his teacher.
“That is true, so please bring home the work that you are doing now and finish it up at home. I shall expect it tomorrow.”
While some boys were rejoicing and giving each other ‘high fives’, others were looking worried. There were some who checked their teacher’s expression repeatedly, wondering if what they just heard was for real.
“Thank you Mr Lee.” Students greeted their teacher before leaving the classroom.
When the class was finally empty, Donghae quickly packed his things up, he was an hour early but he felt that he needed to be at the dance studio NOW.
Before leaving the classroom, he grabbed the Nemo plushie that was left on his table this morning.
‘This thing is pretty cute.’
He hurriedly jogged to the second floor and went into the dance studio. The studio was empty, he was expecting to see students there practicing but oddly, they were all not there.
Donghae scanned the studio and even the area outside the dance studio. No one. However, in the middle of the dance studio, a small envelope sat. It was oddly placed on the ground, in the middle of the studio.
Donghae peeked at the envelope. ‘Its got my name too.’
He slowly opened the envelope.
Dear Fish,
You just could not wait right? I knew it. This is not the actual note. I am just trolling you. Your final note is near the stereo that you bought.
Donghae looked up to the stereo. This whole mess and misunderstanding with Hyukjae started right here. With this stereo. He smiled. Somehow, the stereo brought back a lot of memories with Hyukjae, their meet up, their constant bickering; it was all too bitter sweet.
He walked quickly to the stereo and on it was another envelope with his name in it. He took it and opened the envelope.
Dear Fish,
I never told you I like you because I don’t.
I was in love with you.
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