Missing
Walk Next To Me
Love is ………………… understood only by the heart.
Hyukjae sat down at the bus stop to catch his breath. He had left the apartment and the building in such haste that he did not realized that he was almost running. His mind was racing and he felt stabbing pain in his heart. He was not sure if it was because of the run or because he was hurt by what happened in the apartment.
‘Breathe. I need to breathe.’ He reminded himself. He was pretty sure his stamina was not this lousy before this. The stabbing pain was unbearable. ‘What is this pain? It feels like someone ripped my heart apart and now its shattered into a thousand pieces. Is this what broken hearted feels like?’
He had never felt this excruciating pain, even when he was with Ji Eun.
He was confused, partially because it was Donghae who had declared to Ji Eun that he was his at the movie theatre. Donghae was also the one who said that he liked him when Hyukjae confronted him in the classroom. It was Donghae who made it clear that he liked him so why was he going out with a girl?
‘Perhaps he liked me as a friend and I had the wrong idea? Did I? Did I get the wrong idea? Of course Hyukjae! You fool! How could you think that Donghae liked you in THAT way? You are both guys for goodness sake! I got it wrong! Oh my God! How stupid was I?!’
Hyukjae cursed himself. He was furious. He was furious with himself for getting it wrong. He could not believe he got it wrong. A part of him was disappointed, he knew that Donghae liked him and he was making fun of Donghae the whole time.
Another part of him was broken hearted. He did not expect to feel this hurt, it felt like he was betrayed. Today had been lovely, spending time with Donghae doing the simple pleasures of life, it felt nice. It felt comfortable. His heart was skipping in happiness the whole time. Each time Donghae spoke, he listened as though every word was important. Each time Donghae smiled or laughed, he noticed his perfectly white teeth and even when Donghae started crying when he was watching the movie, Hyukjae felt like he was watching the most innocent and sincere person he had ever known. Donghae was pure hearted, and it was reflected in his beautiful face. It was then on Hyukjae realized one fact.
He had fallen in love with this person.
Reality hit him. He enjoyed being in the Donghae’s company, teasing him until he gets mad and start hitting him lightly, seeing him pout cutely whenever he does not get his way, seeing him perform selfless acts for his students, he was perfect.
But now it does not matter anymore, because Donghae is straight. He likes girls. ‘Of course he likes girls! What was I thinking? Stupid!’ Hyukjae scolded himself.
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“Donghae let’s go! We are going to be late!” Siwon urged.
Donghae was still frozen at the door. Hyukjae was long gone but he could not get the image of Hyukjae’s expression out of his mind. His eyes looked deeply hurt and Donghae could not help but felt guilty.
“Donghae! Are you listening to me?” Siwon walked towards Donghae was in a dazed.
Donghae snapped out of his thoughts. “Siwon ah…….I am sorry. I can’t go.”
Siwon’s eyes were widened in shock. “Why not?!” he demanded.
“I am already in love with someone else.”
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Donghae tossed and turned in his bed for the umpteenth time. He was not able to go to sleep. His mind kept replaying the scene from the evening again and again. He had never felt so bad in his entire life. He glanced at his mobile phone again. It was amost 3 in the morning.
‘Should I text him?’ he wondered.
Thankfully tomorrow is Sunday and Donghae had the day free to himself. He had apologized to Siwon for not being able to accompany him. Siwon surprisingly understood, especially since he had declared to him that he was in love with someone else. He did not even insist that Donghae come with him.
“Urgh!” Donghae yelled and threw his arms and legs up into the air in frustration. “What is wrong with me? I should have just told him the truth! Pabo!”
He grabbed his phone and typed in text message to Hyukjae.
Me:
Hey……I am sorry for today. Are you all right?
Beep.
What was that sound? A message tone? From the living room?
Donghae got out of bed and headed to the living room. As he was scanning his living room, his eyes were attracted to blinking white lights from a device sitting on the floor next to the sofa.
Hyukjae’s mobile phone! He must have forgotten about it when he left in a hurry!
Donghae sighed. Now how was he supposed to contact Hyukjae? He walked over to the phone and lifted it up to his palm.
‘This is the perfect excuse for me to see him tomorrow.’ Donghae thought.
It was finally morning. Since Donghae was not able to sleep properly, he quickly got out of bed and showered. It was still dark but he wanted to get a jump start to the day. He dashed to the kitchen, prepared French toast and coffee for breakfast. He made extra French toasts and packed them all neatly in the only food container he had. It was not really his style to pack food for himself, which was why he only had one.
He stacked the toasts up neatly. Time check. 8 am. Time to call. Donghae picked up his phone and started keying in Heechul’s number.
One ring. Two ring. “Come on Heechul hyung pick up the phone!” Donghae uttered.
“Yah!! Who is this?!” Heechul’s shriek was too loud that Donghae to distant the phone from his ears.
“Heechul hyung, its Donghae.”
“Do you know what time is it? Its Sunday!” he was still yelling into the phone.
“Heechul hyung, give me your address now.”
“What?! Why?!”
“I need to go over now.”
“Why?! Do you know its Sunday?! People need sleep! I am people!”
“Hyung, pass me your address now, its really important!!” Donghae pleaded.
“Aish! This kid. Fine fine! I will text you now.”
Donghae beamed. “Thank you Hyung! Make sure you text me now!! I will keep harassing you if you don’t!”
“Ok ok…what a nuisance.” Heechul uttered before the line went dead.
Beep. Heechul’s message came in right after that.
“Yes!” Donghae jumped for joy and left his apartment happily.
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Hyukjae and Heechul’s place was only 40 minutes away on a Sunday morning. There was hardly any traffic and that was why Donghae was able to reach promptly. He did not know why he was nervous. His heart was beating faster than usual and his palms were all sweaty even though the weather was not hot or humid.
He increased the speed of his footsteps. He was carrying his normal sling bag on his right shoulders and carrying another bag with his left hand. ‘I hope he likes this.’ Donghae thought. He realized that he did not know much about Hyukjae’s food preference and interests. He was always the one asking Donghae about his food preference and his likes. Donghae could not believe that he had been so oblivious to Hyukjae all these while.
‘Almost there.’ Donghae assured himself. He had just arrived at the building and was waiting for the elevator. He checked the address again from his phone, just to make sure so he won’t go knocking on the wrong door.
“Here!” Donghae exclaimed excitedly! ‘I am so going to tell him the truth!’ Donghae decided in his heart.
Ding dong. Ding Dong. Ding Dong.
No answer? Everyone was still asleep?
Ding dong. Ding Dong. Ding Dong. Donghae pressed the doorbell with more urgency than before.
The door flung opened and standing there with ruffled hair and annoyed expression was Heechul.
“Yah kid! Aish! You really came!”
Donghae smiled nervously, for a minute he thought Heechul was going to punch him in the face. “Yes I am here as promised. Can I come in?”
Heechul opened the door wider to allow Donghae to walk in. He was still wearing that annoyed expression and yawning away.
The apartment was almost the same size as Donghae’s. The living room had a two couches and next to the television was a rack of dvds neatly arranged. Right in front of the television was an Xbox. The kitchen had a small table enough for 4 people. It was really neat, there were no dishes in the sink and the counter was dry.
“Is Hyukjae still sleeping?” Donghae asked.
Heechul frowned. “Hyukjae?”
Donghae nodded. “Isn’t he staying here too?”
“Yah! He is but he did not come home last night. I thought he was with you!” Heechul exclaimed.
Donghae panicked. “He was not! Where could he have gone?!”
“Call his mobile now!” Heechul instructed. He was suddenly awake.
“I can’t! He left his mobile at my place yesterday. Here!” Donghae took out Hyujae’s phone and showed it to Heechul.
“That stupid kid. Don’t tell me he………….oh no…..” Heechul stopped. He turned to Donghae and froze in fear.
“Hyung, what’s wrong? Tell me!”
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