~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TONc62E0uM&list=PLjjr7Wz3d2ah5ccKhfctX4UOrFOwQmFSV

They sat, all slightly out of breath, and all squeezed together, on a small bench under a street lamp. They had been sitting there quietly for some time now. Whether it was from the cold, or the lack of anything to say depended on the person. Either way, it wasn’t terribly uncomfortable.

Quite opposite in fact. It was nice to enjoy each other’s company without drinking; mind you two were still slightly buzzed.  This kind of thing hadn’t happened since….before. In a time when Suho had only known a girl named Eunmi in name and a scrawny high schooler would always steal Kris’ attention away from Jae.

The three of them sat there, quietly thinking of the past. Their thoughts both fondly reminiscent, and a tad sorrowful. They couldn’t help but compare their lives then to now. Wondering how different things would have been if they had all escaped that place with their lives. Or even more; if they had never gone in the first place.

Would Junghwa be a happy college student right now? Would Jae?

Would Kris still be in Jae’s heart? Would he be thinking of proposing?

Would Suho and Miah ever have met? Would they be dating?

So many what if’s it was making the cold air seem almost pleasant compared to their growing headaches.

“I see Miah all the time,” Suho breaks the silence. With each absurd word he spoke a small puff of white air escaped his lips.

“What?” Kris and Jae ask simultaneously. They were surprised at his sudden broken silence, but even more so at his ridiculous claim. “What are you talking about?” Jae questions.

Suho looked down at his pale hands. They were slightly shaky for multiple reasons. “I see her all the time. She’s like a shadow that follows me. Not every day, but often enough, and then on this day….on the night we all meet she follows us unwaveringly. Usually she would disappear after I look away, but when we are all together it’s like…it’s like she is stronger in those times.”

Jae furrowed her eyebrows. She didn’t understand what he was trying to say. Is it some metaphor for missing her? He couldn’t possibly mean she is really with us, and he can really see her….right? “Suho you’re scaring me,” she breathed uneasily.

He chuckled lowly, a twinge of madness in his voice, “Am I? I scare myself sometimes. When I first saw her, the first year we met up, I thought I was going crazy. I thought I was so sick with grief I had finally lost it, but then we all went our separate ways and she disappeared. I was both happy and sad that I didn’t see her anymore, but then she returned. A few weeks later she popped up during a casting call. She stayed then, until I finished reading my lines. She watched me with those warm eyes of hers.

It continued like that for months. She would come and go. I’d see her out of the corner of my eye or in passing. Between trees I walked by; in a crowd of people; sometimes even on TV. For years….for years I feared her suddenly appearing in front of me, and at the same time waited achingly for her presence to return.

Crazy I know. I probably sound like a drug addict. Maybe that’s what I am. Maybe Miah is my drug, and I can’t help but to take my dosage, but what am I supposed to do? I can’t make her stop; I’ve tried! I tried talking to her, yelling at her, even throwing things at her. She doesn’t respond though. Not ever. She only smiles, and laughs at me.

Then again, maybe I didn’t try hard enough. Maybe I don’t want to. As much as I know it’s wrong, and I probably have some giant tumor that’s causing these hallucinations; I can’t help but to want to see her. To want to at least pretend she is still here in this world with us…with me.”

“Suho…,” Jae whispered, voice thick with unshed tears. Every word he spoke was like dagger into her soul. She understood how much pain that must have caused him; to see the person he loves, but not be able to really see them. She understood, yet she envied him. Even if it was like he said, probably a growing tumor, she couldn’t help but wish she