You realized, when you had stopped crying, that it was really late outside and not safe for you to be outside around this hour. 

But you couldn't care less. You knew where you were heading now, after wandering around for a while you decided to go there, to your house.

It had been so long since last time you visited. So long since you last went home. 

The walk would be long but you didn't care, you needed to be there. Needed to know, if the choice and the road you chose really was the right one.

"L hyung, did you hear?" Sungjong looked at L. 

Infinite were backstage in their room waiting to record a radio show, it would be on tv tomorrow but they recorded it today since they didn't have time for a live broadcast. 

They were all sitting in armchairs playing with their phones or even sleeping since it was quite late. 

L was sitting in his chair, propping his elbow on the backrest of the armchair and leaning onto his hand.  He was sleeping. Or at least it seemed so because he closed his eyes but he wasn't really sleeping. 

L didn't answer Sungjong.

"L hyung... I know you're not sleeping." 

Woohyun turned his eyes from his phone to L. Wondering what Sungjong wanted to ask. Woohyun was bored and he also wondered about you and the reason L acted like he didn't know you anymore. 

"Didn't you hear it... about Sora." Sungjong said in a sad voice. He hadn't found time to visit you because of their busy schedule now that they were promoting Destiny. 

L had his eyes closed and didn't move. 

"About her loosing her grandma..." 

It was quiet and now even Sunggyu was looking at L. Sunggyu didn't know you well but at least he knew that you were a good girl, not deserving of the treatment you received from L. 

"Are you just going to leave her alone? Aren't you going to comfort her?" Sungjong became a little angry. 

L finally heaved a sigh, opened his eyes and turned to Sungjong, his eyes cold.

"She has nothing to do with me anymore." 

It made Sungjong mad and  he raised his voice. "What do you mean nothing to do with you? Was that all she was to you that you could just shut her out??" 

L closed his eyes again and leaned back on his armchair. 

"Listen to me!!" Sungjong stood up. "Do you know how you're hurting her?? Why did you leave her??" 

Sungjong was a guy who was always polite towards his hyungs but this time L really crossed the line. He trusted L to take care of you and he knew you well and you really hadn't done anything to make him act like this. 

L didn't answer and turned his head the other way so that Sungjong wouldn't see his face.

Sungjong clenched his fists together. "So you don't care..." 

He looked down to the floor. "You don't care if someone else take her away?" 

Still no answer from L. 

"Then I hope.." Sunggyu spoke up from where he was sitting, a few meters away from L. With a serious face "that someone steals her heart, someone that's worth of it and won't leave her behind." 

Woohyun turned to his phone again, "Not my business" he thought but couldn't help but agree with Sunggyu. 

Everyone in Infinite realized that L wanted revenge towards his parents, but his reasons for acting like that, they weren't ok. He had even become colder towards his own members. 

L opened his eyes, but the others didn't see that because he had turned his head away. 

"....."

"I heard...." Woohyun suddenly said with his eyes still on the screen on his phone. Sunggyu and Sungjong looked at him. 

Even L who was "sleeping" sharpened his ears. 

"..that she's not doing too well, I think she's falling apart.." He continued, his voice calm. Then he took a deep breath. "I don't know what it feels like to lose one's last family member..." He turned his eyes away from the screen to L. 

"..but I know that she must be struggling right now, you chose yourself if you want to turn your back on her or help her." 

His eyes rested on L for a few seconds before he turned to his phone again. 

Sungjong turned his eyes to the floor. He knew that even if he wanted to help you, he still didn't know what he could do. 

L on the other hand, closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep.

"Why.. why did she run away?" Eunjae asked Junho. 

Junho had just called Jim to ask if you were still in the practice room which you weren't and then Jim told Junho the whole story about what had happened and Junho told the girls.

He shook his head. "I don't know..." 

"Sora said that she was tired of the idollife..." Hana said with tears in her eyes. "She said that she didn't want to do it anymore.." 

Emery stood outside of the circle of people worrying about you. 

She remembered one night, one night when you spoke to her. 

"Emery..." 

Emery opened her eyes while she laid on her bed. She was sure it was you who said her name but she was a little shocked since you didn't talk much with her before or after the incident with your grandma. 

"What...?" 

You laid on your back and looked up at the ceiling, the moonlight sheen into the room and made it a little less dark. Your eyes were red after crying. 

"It was my fault...." 

Emery didn't understand. 

"It was my fault that she....." 

She realized that you blamed yourself for it, you blamed yourself for your grandma's heart attack. 

"If I... If I didn't become an idol... if she didn't have to come here and do the chores for us... then she wouldn't be so tired and then she wouldn't had-" You put your arm on your eyes to cover your tears. 

"It's my fault..." 

Emery didn't answer, she just laid still in her bed and listened to your sobs. How could someone blame themselves and think they caused a heart attack for someone. Emery knew that your grandma worked hard for everyone to have a good health despite your schedules, lack of sleep and diet. 

But she knew that she didn't overwork herself, yes your grandma tried to keep up with your schedules. Doing chores during the day, making food in the evening while waiting for you all to come home and not sleep until you all  had fallen asleep and then wake up to make breakfast to you all.

She almost had the same amount of sleep but Emery knew that your grandma did find time to rest and sleep more. Because at her age she wouldn't be able to keep up with the same time schedule as you and she was sure that your grandma realized it herself. 

But Emery didn't say anything and listened to your sobs until you fell asleep. 

"I'm home" you said as you stepped inside your house. 

No one answered. No one came out to greet you, to ask about your day or ask if you were hungry.

It was silent.

It looked just as when you left it months ago. Or was is years? 

You didn't know, it had been such a long time since you last came here, which felt regrettable. "Why didn't I visit more often.." You could always wish but now it was too late to really do something about it. 

You inhaled the well known smell, the smell of home and closed your eyes. A tear slipped through your closed eyes and ran down your cheek. 

Then you walked towards the living room. 

The house was small but it never bothered you and it felt bigger when there lived only you and your grandma in the house. 

It wasn't rich, it was actually quite poor. Your grandma didn't have much money and she couldn't work much. The money she used was money your parents had given her.

But you didn't blame her for not using much of the the money your parents had saved for you. It was for the future, for school or maybe even emergencies. She used the money from your parents very frugally.

You entered the small living room with only one worn out sofa and a tv and a few decorations like flowers and carpets. The reason you wanted to come here wasn't to sit down and rest, no, you were tired but it wasn't the reason you came here. 

You walked to one of the walls where a lot of pictures hang. It was of you and your grandma, the only family you had. 

She had pictures of you from when you were small. 

Even though you saw these pictures daily it felt so nostalgic to look at them now. Pictures of you playing inside and outside and pictures of you and your grandma smiling next to each other. 

Not only could you see the your own growth into the girl you were today, you also saw as your grandma aged and became older and older. 

When you were four, she played with you a lot and was often on the run, always doing things. 

When you were fourteen,  she wasn't as active anymore, she couldn't play with you much and you had to help her to carry heavy things, of course she was still very healthy and fine, but it wasn't as before anymore.

"Grandma...." You said. 

The pictures were dusty but the smile on you and your grandma's faces were brighter than anything. 

"Did I... choose the right road...?" 

No answers, only silence.

"Was I right... when I left you...?" 

You wished you had spent more time with her, spent more happy moments, shared more smiles and laughs of joy.

She was the one to urge you to go to Limee when you weren't sure. She said that she would be totally fine alone.

"Was this... really the life I wanted..?" Tears escaped your eyes and fell down to the floor. "A life... without you, is not a life I want to live.." 

It hurt so much, it felt like a hole in your chest that threatened to suffocate you. It threatened to drag you down into it's darkness and never let you out. 

"I... can't do this... I don't want to be an idol anymore... If I continue, I'll feel so guilty about it.." 

If you only stayed you could have shared more memories with her, you could've helped her with the household and she could have lived a peaceful life instead of the stressful one of being I.Rise's grandma.

Your sobs could be heard all over the small house, but the person who always used to comfort you wasn't here anymore. 

She was gone, 

and she would never come back.

"..g..grandma..." You cried, tears welling out of your eyes.

Arms circled around you from behind and you flinched. 

Then you froze. 

The gentle arms seemed to realize your reaction, but it only held you tighter, closer, harder to make sure you didn't break apart. 

Your mind was a mess, a total mess. The same words rang through your mind again and again. 

"why, why, why." 

"I don't understand you.... why are you doing this? You're making me all confused and I don't know what to believe!!!" 

No answers. 

The arms only held you even tighter. 

Tears ran down your face again. 

"Answer me ..." You sobbed and closed your tearfilled eyes.

"... Myungsoo." 

Watched Frozen today, really goood! I love Disney ~ I would really recommend you guys to watch it, the soundtrack is also awesome! ;)