"How could I forget... I will make those people regret they abandoned me. I will get my revenge, nothing can stand in my way." 

How could he forget? 

No, he didn't forget it. He just didn't want to remember, didn't want to deal with it. 

But he couldn't escape it, he had long ago promised himself. 

Just thinking about the few times he met his "parents" by coincidence when he was younger made his blood boil. The way they looked at him, like he was a nuisance, an annoying fly..

Yes, he had to. He had to show them that he would become bigger than they would ever be. Bigger than what they could ever have dreamed of. So that they would regret that they abandoned him.

You would only be in the way, he had realized that when he almost forgot this goal during the time he spent with you. He didn't want to involve you in his so-called life anymore since it only contained darkness. And that darkness should not taint a person like you, never. 

"..... what?" 

Did you hear right? Did he want to break up? 

Although L had really been distant these past weeks you never expected him to want to... 

"W-what..." You said but it only came out as a whisper. 

But L took a step forward and then he walked pass you, without wanting to hear what you had to say, it felt like he also broke something in the way, something you thought wouldn't break. Because he was there to protect it. 

At least that's what you thought. 

"Hey L, let's go! We've gotta hurry!!" Sunggyu shouted as Infinite had just walked out of the door. A car was in front of the door and ready to drive Infinite to their next destination. 

You stood where L had left you and didn't move. He didn't stay to listen to what you had to say.

L walked past you without a word and it felt like he was 100 miles away from you, he felt so... distant. 

Sungyeol and Sungjong looked at your back with worried eyes. Since they knew you since before the rest of Infinite they saw you as their friend. But no matter how much they wanted to go and check on you, they had to enter the car, they had chosen this road and every personal thing they had right now, they had to leave it aside.

"Okay now you've got to practice before your stage on music core. We wanted to make the first days of your debut as less stressful as possible but tomorrow the real hell starts." Junho explained to you all as you sat on the breakfast table. 

Your grandma had went back to your dorm to clean. 

"So we only have one schedule today?" Eunjae asked. 

When you got back from the talk with L, everyone didn't ask you anything and Junho quickly summoned you all to discuss some things. 

"Yes, that's what's we had planned. But don't be sad, tomorrow is going to make up for what you should have done these two days." 

Everyone grimaced. But still you all were excited for what to come, except you. 

"Sora....." 

You were in a daze but you snapped out of it when you heard Heeyoung's soft voice. 

She looked at you with soft and caring eyes. "What is it?" 

You felt a sting in your heart. Such warm eyes, even though you didn't know exacly what it felt like but she had a very motherly feel to her. 

"Tell us." 

Next to Heeyoung sat Hana and she also had a caring feeling in her voice. Eunjae who sat next to you nodded with a small smile. 

You almost teared up. "No... I don't want to cry.."

"Yah." 

Emery was eyeing you from where she sat, opposite you on the other end of the long table. 

"Focus and don't let your feelings be shown, we've got to work and this job requires that you keep your feelings in shack." 

"Oh, hey Emery why are you so mean?" Eunjae seemed annoyed. 

But you weren't. 

You knew that she was right, no matter how sad you were, not before this day had ended could you cry. Your own feelings have to be put aside and the feelings you should be wearing for the audience are absolute. They are from now on always your first priority. 

You swallowed your tears hard. 

"You're right, Emery." 

This business is cruel, that's why only the strongest remain and you were supposed to be one of them. So right now in this moment, your only goal should be to focus on today's show. Nothing else.

Later that day you practiced your choreography and song really hard. Harder than you would usually practice because you wanted to forget, forget the pain in your chest who almost killed you. 

"Ok, enough!" Junho yelled as he entered the room. 

You were all sweaty and tired. 

"We'll be leaving in half an hour so get ready!" He said before walking out again. The job as a manager seemed to be very stressful. 

You arrived at the Music core building. The excitement of standing on stage could never be compared to anything, it felt just so good. 

As you stepped out of the car in the parking lot and stretched your whole body after the car ride, you heard a voice.

"Oh? Junho-hyung?" 

You turned your head.

Junho who also stepped out of the car looked up. 

A boy with small eyes and light brown hair approached him. 

"Jinyoung?" 

The boy smiled. "Hey, it's been a long time! I didn't know you had become a manager!" 

"Well.. I had to make sure those brats are becoming big." Junho smiled. 

You and the other members looked at the two of them with big eyes. "Who is this guy?" 

"So this is the new girl group?" Jinyoung turned to you all. You met eyes with him and he smiled. 

Wow, he had a really nice smile. Very warm, kind and his eye-smile was really cute.

"Annyeong, I'm Jinyoung, the leader of B1A4 and I'm also in Limee entertainment!" 

"Annyeong sunbae, please take care of us!" Eunjae said and you all bowed. 

Jinyoung chuckled. "Yeah, just ask me if you need anything." Then he checked his watch. "Gotta go, see you later, I promise I will see your stage!" He smiled before he turned around and ran off. 

"Wow... I've heard a lot of good things about him, he's really nice." Eunjae said in awe. 

"B1A4.. B1A4... " You were sure you had heard that name many times on tv. They looked like bright and cheerful people and especially the smaller ones love their songs.

"Well then, let's go inside." Junho said and you all followed him.

This place was almost the same as the last one you were at. Staffs running around looking busy and even though you tried to be as polite as possible and bow a lot they only gave you a smile before running to continue what they were doing. 

"It sure is a lot of work behind the scenes which the audience doesn't see.." You mumbled. 

They were preparing the stage and you stood by the side and watched. Everyone looked so stressed up that you yourself also became stressed up. 

"Sorry, sorry, get out of the way please!!" A girl shouted while carrying a huge speaker. 

She was walking towards you and staggered a lot. The speaker was so big that you couldn't see her face, and she on the other hand, couldn't see where she was walking. 

"ah- I can help you-" You offered but she bumped into you with the speaker. 

Then she staggered backwards before she found her balance again. "I'm so sorry!!" She shouted to you before she continued. 

You were expecting yourself to fall backwards and hit something since the floor was full of all kinds of things. But you didn't, instead your head hit something soft. 

"Are you ok?" 

You were looking up to a pair of dark brown eyes. 

Jinyoung was smiling as he leaned down to see your face. The top of your head was on his chest. 

"Ah- s-sorry!!" You bowed many times with a slightly flushed face as you turned around to face him. 

"No, you don't have to be sorry." He said and held up his hands. 

He was wearing a t-shirt and a pair of jeans, just like the first time you met him earlier, very casual. 

"I.rise is it?" He asked and tilted his head to the side. 

You nodded. "Yes, I'm Lee Sora, nice to meet you!" You smiled. 

"Same, I'm Jinyoung, the leader of B1A4, same agency. Is it your debut stage today?" He asked. 

"Oh.." You shook your head. "No we had our debut stage yesterday." 

"Oh, I see.." He smiled. 

"But..." You started and turned to look at the stage where staffs were running around with cables and lights. Right now it didn't look much like what it would soon become but it still gave you this exciting feeling.

"It's still the same excitement as if it would be the first time... that feeling of just wanting to do what you really love and just live in that moment, on stage... together with the audience.." 

Yes, even though you had only experienced life on stage around two times, it still felt so amazing to you. Such a powerful feeling.

Jinyoung smiled. "Yes.. you're right, absolutely right.."

Later that day when you arrived home, you were really exhausted. It was late but when you entered the dorm, your grandma was in the kitchen preparing food although it was late. 

"Hameolni..." Heeyoung said as she entered the kitchen. "You really don't have stay up and wait until we arrive, it's ok, we could just heat up the food." She said with a soft voice. 

Heeyoung was worried about your grandma who would become really exhausted by staying up late, no one knew until when you would have schedules. It could be until really really late. 

"What are you saying?" Your grandma yelled as she stood by the stove and stirred the soup. She was wearing an apron and looked really cute. "Of course you have to eat food that is freshly cooked! How else are you going to survive your next following long days!?" 

Heeyoung still looked at your grandma with worried eyes. 

"Don't worry child, I'm totally fine, nothing brings me more joy to watch than you eat to your hearts content after a busy day." She assured her. 

Heeyoung smiled, less worried. She trusted your grandma's words. 

"But really, why am I getting so little food? It's almost only vegetables!" She complained. "How am I supposed to feed you with this?"

You all understood directly why she received so little food to cook with. 

You had to control your weight and most probably lose some. To compete with other idols you had to have amazing figures that could give you CF jobs to really be successful. 

"Oh I'm so full right now after the meal we had earlier today!" You stretched your arms out and yawned. "How lucky that you didn't cook more than this!" 

That was a lie. As lunch you received a small box with a little of everything, a little kimchi, a little rice and so on. So actually you were quite hungry, but you didn't want to make your grandma worry. 

"Yeah hameolni, you didn't really have to make us any, it's better if you just went to sleep." Emery said. 

You were shocked to see that she was actually lying with you. At least she understands that worrying your grandma wouldn't end up to anything good. 

"Are you sure?" She eyed you suspiciously. 

"Yes, we're really full, thank god you only made this little!!" Hana smiled. 

She didn't seem to believe you at first but then she dropped it. "Ok, you win, but you have to eat all this, arasso?" 

You all nodded. "Of course!" 

"That's not difficult.." You thought and did your best to stop your growling stomach. 

Later that night, you found yourself unable to fall asleep. The reason for it, was that person with one letter as his name,

L. 

Just thinking about his name made your heart ache. "Why did you say that... why did you change..." 

You were laying on your bed and looking up to the ceiling. Under you, on the lower side of the bunk bed was Emery sleeping safe and soundly. 

"Why L... why did you push me away.." 

Memories of times with L flashed by your mind. The first encounter where he was all cold and mean towards you. Every time you met him and felt that you hated that guy with all your heart. He always found a way to say mean things to you but.... 

at times, even those mean words that came out of his mouth helped you. Even though to others, it was like he only looked down on you but to you, his words seemed to have another meaning. It felt like he actually wanted to help you. 

Your heart raced when you thought about the time he covered your tears with his hand from Jiyeon. When everyone had turned their backs on you, L was there. 

He was there when you needed someone the most, behind that cold mask was he always so.... 

A tear ran down your cheek. 

caring....

Such a long chapter, hope you enjoyed it! :) See you next time ~