August 22, 2014

 - "Deh, Harabeoji, alegesumnida."

Jihoo had received an early morning call from his grandfather.  There were some concerns about next year’s budget that would be best handled in person.  Since Jihoo was the primary person who worked on it, he needed to address the issues.  A WebEx meeting wasn't going to suffice.  Harabeoji and JanDi should not have to be pulled from the clinics to do his job but his job was also here in New York.  He didn't want to leave Ilana alone.  If he left her now, he could just imagine what would run through her mind.  He hoped two years passed quickly and KyuJong Uissa could take over the clinics for him.  It would give him one less concern.  Ilana had told him on more than one occasion that she didn't have his talent.  He didn't know if he considered it a talent, but more a necessity.  He rubbed his face.  It had been his third sleepless night.  He watched over her sleep and wiped her tears.

Checking a sleeping Ilana's vitals, he showed deep concern.  By the fourth day, the fever should be going down and Ilana’s still hovered over 102 and that was with being on the anti-viral medicine.  The coughing wasn't severe thankfully but the rapid pulse had already subsided and was now back and the high blood pressure wasn't there the other day.  This was new; this wasn't part of the flu; this, he had caused.  It was necessary for Jihoo to leave her for a little while.  He needed to check on a few patients and make arrangements to be gone for a few more days.  If he had to go to Seoul, it would only be long enough to take care of the things he needed to and come right back.

Jaejoong was smiling as he pulled into the hospital.  Isabel's fever had been gone a full twenty-four hours and although Abigail wanted to return to work, he managed to convince her to stay.  He loved coming home to her and Isabel.  Sylvia being a typical teenager was usually in her room but his two girls were usually in the media room waiting for him.  The number of flu victims had died down, things weren't as busy even though Jihoo hadn't been putting in a full day with Ilana being sick.  He said a quick prayer for strength for Jihoo.  His feelings towards Ilana were getting more and more obvious.  Well, carrying her through the hospital lobby hadn't been very subtle.  He grinned to himself, having heard the play by play from several witnesses.  Exiting his car, he saw Jihoo was pulling up.

 - "Yah!"  Jaejoong said as soon as Jihoo was out of the car.

 - "Annyeong," Jihoo inclined his head.

 - "How's your patient?"

Jihoo sighed, "Could be better."

Jaejoong had seen that blank face on his friend before and it never occurred to him to ask if anything was wrong.  He always attributed it to Jihoo's quiet nature.  "Anything I can do?"

Jihoo thought about it and was grateful at Jaejoong's change of character from oblivious to considerate but there really wasn't anything that could be done.  "I just need strength and wisdom.  So...," this was one of those times he thought he really needed prayers.  His life, all things considering, was not too bad.  He was grateful for many things and didn't like to ask God for too many things for himself but this time, he really needed help.  God put Ilana in his path for a reason.  What other reason than to love her and help her heal?  So, if he's to do that, then God would equip him for the task at hand.  With JanDi, he didn't really know what he was doing; he was just there for her.  Ilana needed him so much more than that.  The thought of failing frightened him.  "...if you and Abigaíl would pray for us, I would be grateful."

Jaejoong looked his friend in the eyes and smiled, "guerae, anytime."

Jihoo accomplished what needed to be done and was back home before noon.  "Hani-ssi, I'm back, how is she?"  He had stepped into the room.

 - "Uissa, na had to give her the heart rate medication.  It was unseasonably high for her being at rest.  She only woke for a short time and I got her to take a little sangmytang.  What happened?"

 - "Psychogenetic fever," he sighed.  "Na made her recall some things she'd rather leave buried."

Hani, wanted to ask 'what things?', but didn't think it was her place.  "If Uissa made her tell you things, it was because it was doing more harm than good to keep them buried."

 - "Majayo, get Ilana to see it that way," he smiled a little sadly.

 - "Uissa fighting!"  Hani cheered, getting a chuckle out of Jihoo.  "Would Uissa like to rest and I'll continue watching over Ilana?"

 - "Anieyo gwenchanayo.  Jaljinaseyo (I'm fine)."

Hani doubted that but he was the doctor.  How they managed with such little sleep, she didn't know.  Her husband was the same way.  "Arraseo, I'll be going then," she bowed and left.

Jihoo contemplated what to do next.  He couldn't let her sink into her despair.  He had to keep her going.  Heating up soup from the night before, he decided it was time to bring Ilana back out from the cave she’d hidden in.  "Yah, Ilana-yah, it's time to eat some lunch."  Jihoo shook her gently and she opened her eyes, as if in surprise.

 - "Jihoo!"  Ilana immediately averted her eyes.

He smiled at that; he was not to be deterred.  "Eat; Ilana is running a fever again and if you don't eat, you can't fight it."

 - "I'm not that hungry," she mumbled.

 - "Gwenchana, Ilana is going to eat anyway.  Are you going to take the spoon or should I feed you?"

That made her turn, eyes open wide.  "Andwae!  I'll take it."

 - "Choah," he grinned.

After she had eaten a sufficient amount he took the plates back into the kitchen.  With Jihoo out of the room, she decided it was time to go home. She was reaching for her robe when he came back in.  Ilana froze.

 - "Does Ilana need help getting up?"

 - "A-anieyo, the dizziness went away," Ilana looked down and not at Jihoo.  "C-can I-I...d-do you have my phone?"

 - "It's still in Ilana's purse; mianhae, it's probably not charged."  Jihoo reached for his own phone and placed it in her hand.

 - "Gomawoyo, it's best for Joy and me to let you have your apartment back."

 - "Ani," he didn't miss her stiffness and formal speech.  She was withdrawing from him.  She looked to him in distress as he sat on the bed and wrapped her in his arms.  "Ani - tomorrow night, not today."  Ending the hug, he grabbed her robe and slipped it over her shoulders and pulled her out of bed.  "Kaja, let's go sit outside."  She followed; heart beating loudly as she went.  "Anja," he motioned once outside.

The weather was very nice and Ilana closed her eyes enjoying the heat on her otherwise cold body.

Jihoo sat next to Ilana, she wasn't at ease and it hurt him to see her that way.  They still had more to talk about but he prayed that in the end, it would be for the good.  "Yah," he took her hand in his.  "Na, have to leave for Seoul tomorrow.  I plan to be gone only three days.  Two days of travel and one day to take care of the business."  Ilana opened her eyes but couldn't look at him.  It was too hard; too many things were going through her mind.  Too many what if's and having no answers to her questions.  "Hajiman we still have most of today and most of tomorrow for talking."  Ilana shook her head.  "Ara, Ilana doesn't want to but in order to prove to you that this is worth it, you need to tell me.  Na don't want any more secrets between us?  Arraso?"

Ilana remained quiet; she could feel tears burning in her eyes.  Could she dare herself to see this through?  What if he couldn't take it when she was all done?  What then?

 - "Sarang, look at me."  He turned her face towards him.  "What are you thinking?  Ilana doesn't trust me anymore?"

Ilana swallowed, did she not trust him?  "D-deh, I t-trust you."

Jihoo brought her head to rest on his shoulder.  "Ilana doesn't sound convinced.   Gwenchana, just talk to me.  Na have to go home for those few days or I wouldn't leave you.  Not like this, knowing you'd rather run away again then expose your painful memories to me.  Majayo (right)?"  He felt her nod her head in acknowledgment.  "Tell me wae Ilana didn't see her family for six months?"

It all flashed back to her, memories she had tried to bury.  She knew she hadn't been successful.

Jihoo felt her pulse begin to race again.  "Sarang, take a deep breath and then exhale.  Naega here for you.  No one can hurt you anymore but yourself.  Na want to help you stop that."

 - "Ara," she said after taking a deep breath and letting it out.  He held her hand with his hand, the other around her shoulders.  He rubbed her arms gently and kissed the top of her head.  Somehow, drawing courage from that, she began.  "Na woke up in a large home.  I found out later, it was in the middle of nowhere.  I got more of the same treatment as before.  Drugged and manipulated to comply or...or punishment would ensue.  Na learned quickly that's not what I wanted.  Not that I wanted the things he did to me but I was trapped.  I didn't know anything anymore, I didn't understand, I didn't want to do the things he made me do and yet I did them anyway.  I had no control over myself anymore.  Na lived in fear but he called it love...and...and I missed my parent's love so badly.  I-I somehow...bought th-the lies.  One day led to another and they were all the same.  He kept me drugged just enough to not be able to control my actions or my body.  He stripped me of everything, my name, my dignity, sense of right and wrong and of me.  I was his property to do or not do as he saw fit."

She was shaking; Jihoo hated it but in the end, it was for the best.  "Did you not see other people during that time?"

Ilana nodded her head.  "A few others lived there as well and there were still parties to go to or getaways but never close to home.  I'd be blindfolded or put to sleep while traveling."  Silent tears poured down her face.  There was more, an omission, a technicality perhaps.  She hoped he wouldn't ask; she just couldn't bring it up otherwise.

 - "You're doing well, nomu mianhae Ilana has to relive this but it's for your own good.  Had I a choice, Na wouldn't put us through this but I don't.  Trust me, Na don't do this to hurt you."

She knew he wasn't trying to hurt her, what she was afraid of was him being hurt and disgusted and perhaps never wanting to see her again.

 - "Anything more you want to tell me about that time?"  Ilana shook her head, hoping he wouldn't ask.  "Arraso, the hardest part is over.  Mianhae, nae sarang, mianhae but I'm still here.  I haven't gone anywhere."  He knew what she was thinking.  "And I'm not going anywhere.  What happened after those six months?"

 - "I woke up in the hospital.  I couldn't talk or wouldn't.  I found out later, that Kike worked with the detectives to try to find me.  He paid for information out of his own money.  Not that it couldn't be drawn from the company or my own investments but he wanted to take care of it on his own.  He figured neither my Godparents nor Juan Carlos had really prevented me from getting manipulated, so it would have to be him to find and rescue me.  Mute, I threw myself back into my studies immediately.  Na was back in my old routine, studying only, with lack of sleep or food. I was constantly getting sick.  Juan Carlos was sometimes no worse than my captors, not letting me out of the house or forcing me to stay in the-the hospital.  I finished High School a year early and immediately began the Architecture and Marketing courses.  It was easy to finish those degrees early because I could do my internship at the company while I studied.  I had my degree by the time I was twenty.  Na was expected to take over the company but I knew there was no way I could run it.  I could work drawing up the blueprints or surveillance or do marketing research but I couldn't be on the front lines, meeting clients and running board meetings.  There was no way.  I was still young anyway; our upper management knew I had complete faith in them."

 - "Ilana-yah, if I can do it, so can you.  How did you end up in New York?"

 - "Na...ran-ran away from home.  I...got sick, I woke up in the hospital and overheard Juan Carlos talking...about my 'often fatal' anemia."  Ilana clenched her free hand.  Jihoo applied a gentle pressure to the hand he held.  "Jihoo-yah, he never once told me anything.  I was so angry, I felt...like everything around me was a lie.  Why did I study so hard, if I was just going to die anyway?  It was the only thing I could do to keep me going every day, was studying and working hard within the company.  I felt like he had just taken that from me.  What was the point of existing?  It wasn't the first time I'd run away from the hospital, so I was restrained.  Kike had helped me escape once and I'd practiced getting out of restraints at home.  I was pretty good at it by then.  I knew the ins and outs of the hospital and timed my escape accordingly."  Jihoo was only slightly appalled but didn't comment because she was showing signs of life again.  "I hired a cab, ran home, stuffed my suitcase full of I don't know what, called the company travel department, and ended up on the cruise.  Na...Oppa-deul wouldn't leave me alone.  I was so upset about two weeks after boarding; I slammed the railing with my hand until I sprained it.  I was an emotional wreck when KyuJong Oppa came across me.  I'd hardly slept or ate those two weeks and it was taking a toll on me.  He took care of my hand and fed me and they took care of me the rest of the cruise.  I didn't plan on leaving my suite ever but they pleaded, cajoled, tricked, or forced me out every chance they got."  Jihoo saw a hint of a smile form on her face.  "I'd never had friends before, always too caught up in myself to bother with others."  Jihoo knew how that felt because he had been the same way.  "My cousin used to make me volunteer at the hospital, so I knew how to work the patient record system.  I began to help KyuJong and Suzy and decided to pursue a new career.  Unfortunately, when I told Kike, he wasn't too happy but he wanted to help and asked Juan Carlos to recommend me."  Ilana shrugged.  "I passed the directors interview and SungRyung's and that's it.  Kike found the apartment for me and had Nana and Brendon set it up."

 - "Who's Brendon?"  Jihoo was curious, it was a name she had never mentioned.

 - "He's a...family friend."  Ilana felt awkward all of a sudden.  She was so used to hiding her affluent background, that to suddenly confess she had a personal driver was just too odd.  After all, Brendon was more of a friend, than an employee.   She suddenly felt both his arms around her.

 - "Gomawo," his voice was thick with emotion.  "It was hard and painful but I'm glad you told me.  Na wanted you to tell me, to trust me, so that I could tell you how much I cared for you.  How much you drew me to you in a way l couldn't explain.  Before I knew it, Na couldn't wait to see you every day.  When I went home, all I could do was wonder what you were doing.  Saranghaeyo, Na never thought I'd say or think those words again until you came along."

Ilana didn't want to face him still, not with her shame completely exposed but there was something in his voice that made her look.  There was such a need on his face, a need for her to believe in him, to trust in him, to take that leap from the shadows with him.

 - "Gwenchana, you have me, now.  No one can hurt you anymore."

Ilana couldn't draw away, even if she wanted too.  "Ara," she took a trembling hand and touched his face wiping away his tears as he so often did for her.

 - "Ara, there are things Ilana has held back but I know you'll tell me in time.  I pushed you so hard, mianhae but it's done, you're free.  You don't need to worry anymore.  If something bothers you or if you have a nightmare, you can always tell me.  Na will be there, ready to listen."

 - "I don't know how to do that...I'm used to keeping it all in.  KyuJong and YoungSaeng Oppa were quick to read my moods and knew when something was wrong.  They could push me or say the right thing that would make me talk, whether I wanted to or not.  Jihoo...does that too.  You left me no choice but to tell you everything, even if I didn't want to.  If I...couldn't act...on my feelings...or…let you act on yours," she took a breath and let it out.  "I might as well say goodbye and the best way to do that was...to tell you everything and make sure...you never looked at me the same again."

 - "But it backfired, didn't it?"  She had been looking away from him again.  Again he reached out to bring her back.  "Naega still here and always will be.  There's a reason, Na won't let you go.  I want to tell you that reason."  He saw her get nervous again but he held her with his eyes, not letting her turn away.  "Nae first thought myself in love with SeoHyeon..."

Ilana stopped him, "Jihoo-yah, no...You don't have to tell me anything more.  Na don't need to hear it.  It won't change what you mean to me," she pleaded.  She didn't want him bringing himself down to make her feel better.  She could never rejoice at his suffering.

 - "Deh, it affects what Ilana means to me."  He saw her worried look and smoothed out her forehead.  Despite the warm sun on the patio, her hands were cold.  This was all new and difficult for her to take in and she was still unwell.  "Kaja, I'll finish nae story over tea."

A few minutes later, they sat on the couch, with steaming cups of tea.  Ilana managed to hold her cup and not spill the scalding liquid all over herself.

After taking an initial sip of tea as if for comfort, Jihoo began.  "Na was in love with SeoHyoun Noona, at least I told myself I was.  She'd come back for a short visit.  Her family was planning a huge birthday celebration and farewell banquet.  That's where I planned to tell her.  Many things happened that night and she also announced she was leaving for Paris.  I had to tell her and I finally was able to get some time alone with her.  I told her not to go, that I loved her.  I even kissed her, proving that my feelings were of a man who loved her not a boy’s childish crush.  Even If she was a few years older, I wasn't a child anymore."  He smiled a little, "she had no intention of staying.  JanDi even begged her to stay for my sake.  I was so mad at JanDi for interfering.  I yelled at her but it was JanDi who made me realize I needed to go after her.  So I chased after SeoHyeon to Paris.  It was eye opening and a good lesson.  She was busy with her studies and Na could do nothing for her.  Na was only in the way.  Perhaps it really was just a boyish crush after all."

 - "Jihoo-yah, juseyo," Ilana tried stopping him again.  This was too personal; he didn't need to tell her.  "This is too much, it's not my business.  I don't need to know."

 - "Deh, Ilana does.  When Na returned, I couldn't wait to thank JanDi.  If she hadn't made me realize I needed to go after SeoHyeon, I would have been waiting for nothing.  She met someone soon after and eventually married him."

Ilana wished her mistake had brought her peace, like Jihoo's and not daily torment.

 - "I'm not done," Jihoo said as if reading her thoughts.  It was a very bad habit of his, in Ilana's opinion.  "When Na stepped foot back in school, Na found JunPyo announcing that he and JanDi were officially a couple.  It bothered me for some reason.  Na later found JanDi on the school roof," he smiled when Ilana looked at him, questioning his need to haunt rooftops.  "Na began to , saying that Na was too late.  Na thought I'd take her for myself and JunPyo beat me to it.  Mollah what was going through my mind just yet but Na was slowly falling in love with JanDi.  Na spoke to no one about what happened with SeoHyeon, Na was back and that was it.  We all went on vacation to New Caledonia and JanDi was having a hard time being JunPyo's girlfriend."  Jihoo chuckled.  "He took some getting used to back then.  JanDi couldn't sleep one night, neither could I.  We ran into each other on the beach.  She unburdened herself and so did I.  It's funny, SeoHyeon told me to love JanDi, instead of her.  Well, a moonlit night on a private beach, the waves gently lapping, Na couldn't help myself...Na kissed her.  Na kissed my best friend’s girl."  He looked at Ilana's face to judge her expression but it hadn't changed.  She continued looking at him with concern.  "That's what provoked JunPyo to evict JanDi and me from school and begun the dumb contest that in the end, was a tie and I was able to let go of my fear of driving.  Na continued to love her and be there for her and JunPyo.  Na did everything I could to make sure she was happy with him.  She went through a hard time because of his Mother and I was very willing to take her away from him if he couldn't protect her.  She had nowhere to live all of a sudden and Harabeoji brought her home.  Na wanted to tell her how I felt hajiman naneun pabo, I couldn't.  Then she was gone, she went to find her parents.  Things were too hard on her; JunPyo...gave into his Mother's pressure.   It was by chance I saw her on the news in passing, one day.  Na gave JynPyo the chance to go after her but he didn't and so I took my chance and went after her immediately.  I prepared to give her this."  Jihoo removed the chain from his neck.  "This was my Mother's wedding ring and Halmoni's before that."  Ilana just listened, amazed.  "Of course, she turned me down; I've always only been Sunbae to her.  Things got worse before they got better.  When things finally worked out and the two people I cared for the most were finally happy, Na left.  Na enlisted the very next day without saying goodbye, only to Harabeoji."  Jihoo saw Ilana's shocked face.  "Deh, just like Heo YoungSaeng.  I never returned; Na was happy she was happy.  JunPyo is Na chingu and a good man hajiman wae couldn't it have been me?  Na decided to leave, JaeKyung's parents helped me get settled in New York and Na worked hard to forget that I loved her.  Na avoided the F4 most of the time.  Na tried to find excuses not to spend time with them.  The only one that I had more of a communication with was WooBin.  Jaejoong, JaeKyung's parents, and Harabeoji were constantly arranging dates for me.  Na rarely accepted, no one could take JanDi's place in my heart but then you almost tripped on that step and you made me smile."

 - "Na was told you never smiled for anyone other than your patients."

 - "Majayo, but you made me smile that day and Na was curious why you carried gloves in your purse in the middle of summer.  When Na saw you with SungRyung Noona the next day, Na hoped you would get the job and also Na hoped you remembered the step."  Jihoo saw Ilana's skin color and a slight smile forming on her face.  "Ilana doesn't know how many times our paths crossed without you even realizing it.  Na was starting to feel like you were stalking me."

 - "Pabo, Jihoo was the one always showing up when I least wanted him too.  It was like you...delighted in seeing me humiliated."  And just like that, the light in her face that had begun to return was now gone.

 - "Sarang, nae sarang.  Nae would never deliberately hurt you, nor do I like seeing you hurt.  Na didn't make you tell me these things to wound you all over again but to heal you.  Arraso?"

Ilana shook her head, she understood his intent but what if he was the one hurt in the process.  That is what she didn't want to happen.

 - "JanDi told me you returned my smile to me and not to lose it again, so you see, I won't lose you.  Ilana-yah," he picked up the ring, chain and all and took her hand in his.  He placed the ring in the palm of her hand and closed her fingers over it.  He saw her eyes widen and he leaned in to kiss her cheek.  "Ilana-yah, Naega not expecting an answer today hajiman when I return from Seoul I will.  Saranghaeyo, will you wear this ring?  Will you take it as a symbol of my promise to love you always?  You know the song U, which always seems to play when we're together?  I just realized the lyrics are all about you and me. 'You who can make me smile, You I will treasure you only...The promise I made for you I will do everything, You whom I've been dreaming of all this while, I found you now'.  I especially like 'From the beginning, I'm born to be your only man'.  You see, whatever happened, God had his own reasons but for that reason, he set us aside for each other.  That someday, we would meet and be able to heal each other’s wounds."  Ilana had tears in her eyes once more.   Could she really be happy?  Could she dare hope for happiness?

JungMin's phone was ringing, it was his wife's day off and she was snuggled up next to him.  Suzy, of course, would be the first to hear the phone.  Her husband needed to be catapulted out of bed.  "JungMin," She smacked his back, hard.  He rolled over to face her and snuggled her more.  "Park JungMin!"  She kicked him in the shins hard enough that he released her, still half asleep.  "Namja!"  Suzy climbed over her husband and managed to answer the phone before the caller gave up.  "Yeobosayo?  Hello?"  Half asleep, still, her brain struggled to grasp what language to use.

 - "Suzy-ssi?"  Kim HyunJoong hoped he hadn't called at a bad time.  Suzy was a little out of breath from struggling with her husband who refused to wake up.  "Mianhae, is this a bad time?"

 - "HyunJoong Oppa!"  Suzy finally placed the voice of the caller.  "Omo!  We've been worried sick about you!  Oppa, who is this witch, I'll talk to her.   Oppa, wae is she doing this to you?"

 - "Gwenchana, it'll blow over, Na just have to wait until she calms down."

 - "Anngwenchana Oppa!  Do you know what they're saying about you?"

 - "Deh, na just have to have faith in my fans...and Nae chingu-deul," he chuckled, hoping to alleviate some of Suzy's panicking.  "Mianhae for causing you to worry."

 - "How can Oppa be so calm?"

 - "Gwenchana, Suzy-ah, I'll get through this.  Na have faith, family, chingu, and fans.  Na could be a lot worse.  Yah!  I'm leaving for Bangkok, like now.  Where's Mal?"

 - "Aish Oppa!  We're supposed to be comforting you and it feels like the other way around."

 - "Deh, ara I can count on chingu for support."

 - "Jamkkanmanyo, I've got to wake him up."

 - "Oh, mianhae."

Suzy put down the phone and proceeded to cut off her husband’s air supply.  She hated doing it that way but it was the fastest way and HyunJoong was waiting.  JungMin began to thrash and knock off his assailant.  When he finally opened his eyes, Suzy let go of the cushion she was using and rolled away to prevent her own injury.  "Nampyeon, get your phone!  HyunJoong Oppa is on the line."  Suzy left to the kitchen to pour a glass of carrot juice for him.  Most can't function without coffee in the morning; her husband had to have his carrot juice. JungMin, still dazed, picked up his phone.  "Yah, Joongie-ah!  You just return my call after two days and you pick five A.M. on Saturday?"                                                 

 - "Oh, mianhae, should I hang up?"  HyunJoong was smiling on the other end.  He truly had some great friends.

 - "Ani!  Aish!  What's going on?  Gwenchana?"

 - "It's hard, hajiman I'll survive.  It's a huge mess and Na need for her to calm down.  There's no talking to her right now."

 - "Joongie-ah!  You need to do something!  Set the record straight!"

 - "Ara what I did and didn't do, as long as I'm complying with police, I'll be okay.  It'll be worse for her if she's discovered."

 - "Deh!  Anae will go over there and strangle her."  JungMin heard some noise in the background.

 - "Mal, I've got to board my plane now.  We're leaving for Bangkok.  I'll be going to the police station when my schedule settles down.  I'll call you guys then.  Keep the others calm for me."

 - "Keep the others calm he says!  Tch!  Arraso, go!  Do what you do best.  Charm your audience; we've got your back.  If you need character witnesses we're there for you."

 - "Komapta."

Suzy was waiting for her husband to finish and handed him his drink.  "Ah," he sighed in contentment.  "I needed that."

 - "Is he really going to be okay?"  Suzy asked.

 - "He's Kim HyunJoong; he's worked too hard to let this stop him.  His concerts are all sold out.  This might slow him down but only for a little while.  He'll overcome, his reputation speaks for itself, I hope."  JungMin had downed his juice and was now wide awake.  He eyed his wife's disheveled form with appreciation.  "It's still early," he said, before pulling her back into bed with him.

 - "JungMmm...," was all she managed before rolling her under him and was occupied with his.

Jihoo and Ilana were in her apartment for a change.  They had called security to come and re-code her door, which she wrote down and promptly handed to Jihoo.  He, in turn, accepted without comment, only the straight face that secretly held a teasing smile just for her.  That action had spoken silently what she hadn't said verbally.  "I'm learning to trust, can we start with this?  I'm learning to accept love, can we start slowly?"  His answer was 'yes'.  He'd waited this long, he had no problem taking it slow.

Having ordered Sushi for dinner, they laughed as Joy rubbed against everything and anything, re-marking it as her property.  Ilana was much calmer, if not still a little hesitant.  The weight of their grueling two-day conversation had lifted somewhat.  They spent the last twenty-four hours getting reacquainted without the secrets.  Jihoo couldn't help but tell her of all the times he had accidentally spied on her without her knowledge.

 - "The first time was the day of our first meeting.  Jaejoong was being an idiot, as usual, that day."  Ilana smiled, remembering her near panic attack.  "Na had to deliver bad news to a family and went to the rooftop to clear my head.  Ilana came as I was in my favorite spot, which you stole from me."

 - "Mwo?"

 - "Deh, didn't Ilana know you took over all my favorite spots?"  Ilana shook her head.  "This is why we were always running into each other.  Ilana only has herself to blame, Na became attached to seeing you.  Na remember that day, I heard you speak Korean.  You were on the phone and I assumed it was Ilana's namja-chingu.  Na remember you were upset but it wasn't my business and stayed quiet.  Soon, thanks to your conversation, you were smiling again.  Na thought you yippeun, the way your smile lit up your entire face but most of the time you were sad.  Na could see it in your eyes; they held the same look as mine."

 - "Chincha?  You should have continued to ignore me.  You wouldn't have had to take on so much pain."

 - "Aniya, na couldn't help it."  He toyed with her hair, running his fingers through it.  "Everywhere I went Ilana was there.  The rooftop, the back table in the cafeteria, that's where Na heard you talking in your sleep."  Ilana's eyes widened, making him smile.  "Na was upset, you were at my table but when I sat, I saw how pale you looked.  Na asked if you were unwell and you answered in your sleep."

 - "Jihoo-yah!  Do you realize how embarrassing this is to hear?  I've done nothing but disgrace myself in front of you.  Why didn't you wake me up and tell me to get out of your favorite spot."

 - "Aniya!  You told me you had a headache in Korean."  Ilana kept turning red.  "Na didn't want you to be late getting back.  Na saw Hani and asked her to wake you up.  Ilana went running out of the cafeteria."

 - "Omo!  Na remember that day.  Ugh!"  She covered her face in embarrassment.  Jihoo removed her hands and kissed her cheek.  Despite being embarrassed, she still had that light in her face.

 - "Choah to see you smile, your face becomes so alive.  When you’re sad you close up and it's like you're not there anymore.  Can Ilana always stay open for me?  Even if it hurts?"

Ilana took a breath, "I...can try."

He knew she was trying.  He knew she was trying for him.  Perhaps that was selfish of him, to expect so much from her but he knew she had it in her.  If she was trying to open up for him, it was because she also wanted it for herself.  She just didn't know it yet.  

 - "Jihoo-yah, how you've suffered for me."  It was her turn to place a loving hand on his face.  "Na can't help but be afraid that one day you will regret all this."

 - "Andwae!  Na need you to stop doubting."  He saw the skeptical look in her eyes.  "Jeongmal!"

 - "Deh!  When Jihoo looks at me so sternly, I remember why I was afraid of you at first."

 - "Ara!  Na think I understand now why I made you nervous."

 - "Chinha, Jihoo-ah looked at me like he knew Na was a fraud.  Like you could see my thoughts and sometimes, Na think you did."

This made him laugh.  "It was Ilana's guilty conscience.  You wanted to be discovered; you wanted me to tell you to stop hurting yourself.  That you'd be fine."  He wrapped her in his arms.  He wished she would have confided in him back then but it wasn't time yet.

 - "Mollah, being discovered by you was the hardest.  KyuJong and Young Saeng Oppa only got a hint of what happened.  You...you made me spell it all out.  Jihoo already knew.  There was nowhere I could hide."

 - "Majayo, never hide from me again."

 - "As long as you don't let go," she thought.  "Wae?  Do you really want to do this?  You can walk away.  I couldn't live knowing that I was hurting you, so if it's too much, gwenchana."  She could live with the pain, it wasn't new to her.  It was better to say goodbye now than to lose him later.  When it was too late.

 - "Yah!"  He saw the threat of tears in her eyes and her vacant stare.  "Na told you not to hide from me.  I’m not going anywhere."  He pulled her head to his chest.  Whenever he did that, her fears eased a bit.  He thought it must be that she could hear the fear in his heart at the thought of losing her.

 - "Deh, little did I know, you would become such an essential part of my life.  Abigaíl told me I looked like I missed you if I hadn't seen you for five minutes.  And to think, Na didn't want to be in the same room as you.  When you offered to take me home from Isabel's party, I was so nervous.   Why would you bring me home?  It just frightened me but everyone else had no problem with you taking me.  I was shaking by the time I got home.  I was sure you thought I was crazy but at that point, I didn't care.  Mianhae."

 - "Mmm, Na was offended.  You couldn't hide the fact that you were nervous but you didn't look well after the jumper.  I couldn't let you go home alone when we were neighbors.  Gwenchana, I understand, now.  You didn't really know any of us.  With what you already experienced, you couldn't be too careful.  Hajiman...,” he smiled at her.  "Not everyone in this world is evil.  There are still good people left."

 - "Ara, Na met so many beautiful people since I left home.  Na Oppa-deul, Suzy, HyunJoong-ssi, and everyone at the hospital.  Even Dr. Jaejoong."  They both laughed at that.  Since her first encounter with Dr. Jaejoong hadn't been the most pleasant.

 - "Deh, Abigaíl has been good for him.  Is Ilana still afraid of me?"  He didn't think so but it didn't hurt to ask.

 - "Andwae, how many times have you saved my life?  You may not really be a fireman but you know how to jump in the fire.  Na think I recognized your voice when my fever was really high.  Also, the smell of your soap.  I somehow knew the owner of that voice and scent meant safety."

 - "Na want you always to feel that way.  Ilana can come to me anytime and for everything."

She wanted that too.

They had long finished eating and around nine P.M. were putting dishes away.  Jihoo would be leaving in an hour.  "Na wish I could take you with me," he said.

 - "Gwenchana, Jihoo has work to do.  I would be a distraction."

 - "Gwenchana, said distraction would not be unwelcome," he took the dish from her hands and placed it in the cupboard.  "There will be other times, and then I can take you officially as nae sarang."  He loved the feel of that word on his tongue and he loved to see her blush each time he called her that.  He was confident there would be those other times.  His Mother's ring remained on its chain, but the chain was around Ilana's neck.  It was already a part of her.  She would need this time without him to digest everything.  They went from having secrets, including their one-sided love for each other to an all secrets bared romantic relationship.  It was much for even him but he was waiting for it, expecting it.  "Ilana-yah will be resting tomorrow, deh?"

 - "I'll try."

 - "Ilana-yah," he saw her cringe when he said her name almost sternly.  "The only reason your cough hasn't been worse is that you've been resting."

 - "Ara...but I have things to do before Monday."  Actually, she needed to get something done before Jihoo's return.  She hated to lie to him again but she really needed to take this step, before she could move forward.

 - "What can possibly need Ilana's attention?  You haven't been here for a week.  Both you and Joy have food, the apartment is clean.  Ilana needs to rest or you will relapse."

 - "I'll be fine; I'm all rested up, ready to go back to work."

He cupped her face, "Ilana-yah, please take care of yourself?"

 - "Deh, overprotective Oppa."  She couldn't help feel odd about calling him that, now.  If and when she finally said yes, would he expect her to call him 'Oppa'?  The thought made her shiver, slightly.  Definitely too much thinking too soon.

The time passed too quickly and he had to leave.  He held her in his embrace.  She was too used to this now.  His scent - so close to her.  How many times had his scent soothed her nerves, her fears?  "Bogoshipulgawya (I will miss you).

 - "Na do," if she missed him before, she will definitely miss him now.  How can she not?  But she couldn't have him hold her hand through the task she set for herself.  She needed to do it for herself.   He wasn't letting go.  "Jihoo-yah, isn't the driver waiting for you downstairs?"

 - "Deh, hajiman every time I leave, something happens to you."

 - "Aniya!"

 - "Arraso, most of the time."  He her cheek with his thumb, not knowing what he'll find on his return.  He was nervous about letting go, as If she will be gone upon his return.  He memorized her face, that timid smile.  He bent to kiss her cheek and decided that wasn't enough.  He brushed his lips against hers.

Ilana anticipated Jihoo's soft lips on her cheek but wasn't prepared for what happened next.  Ilana felt a feather-light touch on her lips.  It lasted just over a second, by the time she realized it was his lips softly brushing hers, it was over.  She stared at him wide-eyed, sure that her face was flaming.

 - "Mianhae, na hope I didn't startle or make you uncomfortable.  Na just really let myself give in to my impulse.  Mianhae, it won't happen again until the time is right."  Jihoo didn't think any more words were necessary, he gave her one last smile and left.

Ilana released the breath she was holding, she could feel her heart thumping loudly and her hands shook as well.  She picked up Joy and went to sit at her desk.  "Joy-ah, na don't know if I'll ever be ready."  She tried to still her hands as she googled the information she wanted, purchased tickets for her and Joy and went to sleep.  They had a busy day tomorrow.

MyNiGo, Omololais, liSSie, AnjelMano, thanks for the push as always.  MidnightOnyx, your encouragement is a blessing.  Ara, I was distracted seeing our lovely leader's videos from Gemini.

 - Saranghae