January 15, 2013

Ilana sat back down after the guys had exited the venue. Her heart was still thumping loudly inside her chest and her hands, she noticed, were a little shaky. What just happened to her? She closed her eyes and tried to recall all the emotions that had rushed through her these last two hours. She hadn’t felt anything like it since her parents’ accident. Never being able to cry for her parents, yet she cried all through the concert. After the accident, she had shrouded herself in a silent impenetrable bubble; separating herself from any of the things that reminded her of her parents.  Music was one of those things that died within her. Smiling to herself, she tried to pinpoint what it was that opened that tiny door in her heart once again. Was it their playfulness on stage during ‘Snow Prince’ and ‘Gentleman’?  Was it the bittersweet ‘Because I’m Stupid’ or the so sad ‘Maria’? Tears rapidly fell once more and she opened her eyes to wipe them away. Certainly, her eye makeup was completely ruined by now.

Most people had left the venue already and only a few pockets of people were still left, conversing animatedly about the concert. Ilana checked her makeup in her purse mirror. As she figured, her eyes were red and slightly puffy from crying. Thankfully, she brought with her a few emergency supplies, including a tissue; repairs to her face wouldn’t be a problem.  After having sat in the venue reminiscing and fixing her makeup, Ilana figured she should head back to her room. It was another emotionally exhausting evening thanks to her Oppa’s.

- "Princess!” Hyung Jun came barreling at Ilana catching her by surprise and almost knocking her down.  He swooped her in for a hug so tight it left her breathless. “You look so pretty!  Yippeun!”

- “Hyung Oppa!” She smacked his arm. “I can’t breathe!”

Jung Min, who had been talking to one of the guests, saw what had just happened and excused himself to go scold his dongsaeng.  “Macknae! Pabo! You almost knocked Ilana-ssi down. Is that any way to act? Ilana-ssi is alright? He didn’t hurt you?” Jung Min asked.

- “Mianhaeyo,” Hyung Jun, dejected, bowed to Ilana.

- “It’s ok, I’m fine,” Ilana could see HyungJun had been hurt by Jung Min’s scolding and tried to reassure him. “Thank you, Hyung Oppa. You look so pretty too.” Ilana smiled mischievously at him. “The eyeliner does wonders for your eyes.” His face immediately brightened at her words.

- “Yah! I’m much prettier!” Jung Min said, not wanting to be left out.

- “These kids”, Ilana thought as she shook her head at them. “You’re all extremely handsome and you sang beautifully. Why don’t we go congratulate your Sunbae?” HyungJun playfully offered his arm for her to take and they walked with JungMin towards the other three.

 - “Thank you.” Ilana addressed HyunJoong, but let her eyes meet that of all the guys.  “Your performance was amazing. You are really a professional who desires to please his audience. You were all so perfect together. I don’t know how you pulled it off. Do you realize your music transcends generations? Few can do what you did tonight.” Starting to get weepy again, she added silently: “Not to mention you made me feel the music again.”

- “Kansamnida.” HyunJoong bowed to her. He was blushing as she was trying to blink back the tears.

- “Did I mention you all look so handsome?” Ilana attempted to alleviate the awkward silence that had fallen amongst them.

- “Kansamnida!” They all flashed their amazing smiles.

- "Agassi’s words are correct boys," the Captain approached them. “Thank you for honoring us with your performance. HyunJoong, enjoy the rest for your stay with us. The rest of you, take the rest of the week and take care of your Sunbae."

- “Kansamnida!”  They bowed to their Captain.

 - “Jarhaesseo; great job, everyone!” HyunJoong told his hubaes. “Kaja! Nae room is open for the rest of the night; Maria, you too.” Ilana didn’t realize he was talking to her (his face was perfectly still), until everyone began to laugh. After all, they were used to his 4D weirdness.

- “Kaja, nae Maria.” YoungSaeng took her by the arm.

- “Hajima!" HyungJun shouted. “Let’s take a picture.” Another crew member was in charge of the camera this evening.

- “Let’s get everybody in the picture.” HyunJoong gathered all the dancers. Ilana-ssi, Suzy-ssi, you too.” Ilana hesitated, but Suzy dragged her along, excitedly. They took pictures for what seemed like an hour, every different pose and combination of people. HyungJun insisted on a picture with just Ilana, but the other four jumped in at the last minute making it the silliest picture of the set.

When they reached HyunJoong’s suite, JungMin and Young-Saeng had already given orders to set up food and refreshments. If Ilana’s suite was big, HyunJoong, housed in one of the ship’s penthouse suites, was twice as large. There was a full-size dining table covered with every type of appetizer and a bar area full of beverages ranging from soft drinks to soju and everything else in between.

- “Guys! Na have an announcement to make.” HyunJoong said after about the second round of soju. “As of tomorrow Kim HyunJoong is on vacation. Na will not be Kim HyunJoong for the remainder of the trip.” Everyone in the room was laughing and offering to switch places with him, but Ilana sat up in her seat expectantly. She had remembered the conversation they had all had the night before. “As of tomorrow I will be Kiyakaka.” This further announcement was received with more laughter and hilarity.

- “Kiyakaka, wae?" Asked Young-Saeng.

- “Mollah, nae just like the way it sounds. Na want be anyone other than Kim Hyun Joong; even if it’s just for a day. Naega thankful for everything in my life, and na work hard to make sure na don’t take it for granted. Hajima, just for once na want to be less than thankful. Na don’t want to have to sign that autograph, recite those lyrics, or take that picture."

- “Sounds really rough Dog!” Jung Min Shouted as he passed around more soju.

- “It is! Say the market ajumma gives me more food, just because I’m Kim HyunJoong and naega so full, na couldn’t possibly eat it, but have too. Na couldn’t offend her. Ilana-ssi, knows what I’m talking about, deh?”

 - “Ah!!! So much for staying inconspicuous in the corner," she thought. What could she say? “I wish you success, truly I do.” At this time everyone began to bark and chant ‘Kiyakaka’ simultaneously. Ilana just shook her head, she never experienced the ‘college life’ of parties and such, but she thought this was as close to it as she would get. Getting up from her hiding spot, she made her way to get a snack and another cranberry juice with mineral water.

 - “You look really nice tonight, Ilana-ssi.” Kyu-Jong saw her get up and went over to meet her.

 - “Thank you, Oppa,” she blushed at the compliment.

 - “Can Oppa tell you something?” His face suddenly turned serious.

This made Ilana a little nervous, but she tried to play it off.  She searched her brain for some of the words they used.  “Geurae?” KyuJong began to laugh and the serious mood vanished.  Her trick had worked.

 - “Agassi has been paying attention! You’re catching on quick.” Too quickly the ’intense’ look was back, but at least there was a smile, where one hadn’t been previously. “Ilana-ssi”, he drew out her name with his cute aegyo. “You’re too thin; I don’t want you to get sick, arasso? So eat!” He began piling more food on her plate.

 - “Oppa! (going for an aegyo herself) I can’t eat that much!”

 - “Kaja, I’ll help you.” There, he had said it. She had a thin frame, to begin with, and although she always wore long sleeves and pants, he started to notice her clothes were getting slightly too big for her. This was the first time he had seen her in a dress and the cut was one that wasn’t meant to be loose fitting. He took the plate for Ilana and led her back to sit at the center of all the activity, instead of the outskirts where she had been. HyunJoong had taken out his guitar and everyone was singing along and those too wired to sit still were dancing. Ilana just smiled, she could get used to this. But one day it will be her last day on the ship, then what?

January 16, 2013

Ilana woke up late again the next morning. Young Saeng had escorted her back to her suite which was on the opposite side of the deck from HyunJoong’s, close to midnight. After she managed to get the sleepy cobwebs from her brain enough for her to stand and not fall right back down, she showered and got dressed for the day. Another beautiful day at sea was at hand. She didn’t know how many bottles of Soju had been consumed the previous night, but she didn’t think the guys would come calling anytime soon. By the time she was dressed it was close to noon. Sitting out on her verandah, she began to look up the songs from the previous night’s concert, wanting to listen to them again.

Ilana was excited at finding ‘Maria’ and the English lyrics; she really wanted to know what this song was about.

 - “Cinderella is not Maria”, Young-Saeng had told her as they were walking back to her room. “I dedicated the song to you, because I think you’re the author. Does Ilana-ssi (he rarely used her name) have a tree that grows on tears?  Do flowers of tears bloom on the tree? Is the world a scary place for Ilana? Does the tree grow only by clinging to your memories, even though the thorns of tears twist and become scarred; does Ilana swallow her pain and endure it?” He smiled at her and took her hand in his when they had arrived at her door. She was struck dumb; like a deer caught in the headlights. “Or is Ilana the tree.  Did Cinderella know her name means tree?”

Ilana shook her head ‘no’.

- “Is God watering Ilana with his tears? Na haven’t decided yet.” He unlocked her door, walked her in, kissed the top of her head and said “Jalja, Cinderella.” He ducked his head and smiled cutely.

Recalling Young Saeng’s words, she sat, staring into the ocean.  “He really does resemble an otter”, she thought. Tears were flowing freely down her face. “Dork, why’d you have to make me cry?” She wiped her tears and shook her head to dispel the image. She changed the song to ‘Snow Prince’ followed by ‘Gentleman’, in hopes of stopping the tears. Her eyes were closed enjoying the music and remembering their silly antics and she wor earphones, so she didn’t hear the room phone or door.

Young-Saeng & HyunJoong had come to pick up Ilana and take her with them to meet up with the others at the pool on the sky deck. They knocked and tried calling her room, but there was no answer. Young-Saeng was sure she hadn’t gone out, so he decided to let himself in.

 - “Cinderella!” He called, after opening the door just a little. Shrugging his shoulders, he decided to just walk in, motioning to HyunJoong to follow. “Where is this girl?”

 - “The verandah door is open, she’s probably outside.” HyunJoong being a keen observer, pointed out. YoungSaeng had an idea. He motioned to HyunJoong to keep quiet as they walked out onto the verandah.

 - “Ilaaannna.” He had removed an earphone and whispered eerily into her ear while grabbing her by the shoulder. Caught completely off guard, Ilana immediately panicked.

 - “No!!” Fear blinded her and she acted instinctively without thinking. With her left arm, she threw his hand off her shoulder and then performed a clumsy side strike, partially knocking the wind out of YoungSaeng. She had some martial arts training, but due to her controlling fear, she acted blindly and without skill.

 - “Wau!” HyunJoong who hadn’t realized what was going on yet laughed at his friend's dilemma. Ilana jumped out of the chair and tried to run, but she became entangled in the headphones and fell to the floor

 - “No! No!” Her mind was in fight mode, having forgotten where she was and who she was with; instinctively crouching, she readied herself for another strike.

 - “Mianhae, Ilana; mianhae! Omo! Gwenchana?” YoungSaeng recovered and was trying to calm her down. Looking past Young Saeng, at the monsters from her past, she sobbed.  As the fight or flight response activated in her brain, her breathing became shallow, quick and restricted; black dots began impairing her vision.

 - “Step away! She can’t breathe!” HyungJoong’s leadership training quickly took over and he assessed the situation. He could hear her gasping for breath in between sobs and could see beads perspiration forming along her hairline.  Quickly, he grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and dumped its contents onto Ilana’s head. It worked in movies; he prayed it worked in real life too.

 - "Ilana!" YoungSaeng was almost as shaken as she was. The cold water had worked. Her breathing was starting to return to normal. Coughing and drawing deep breaths, she shook her head to dispel the fog.  Realizing what had just happened, she felt sick.  Ilana managed to get herself up and push past the two guys; running into the bathroom, she locked the door behind her. They could hear her getting sick. HyunJoong took his friend and led him to sit down. He brewed some tea in the coffee pot, as he figured they would need it when she came out.

In the meantime, Ilana thought she was done throwing up. Thankfully she hadn’t eaten yet, so there wasn’t much to throw up. Her head was pounding. She brushed her teeth and splashed water on her face with shaking hands. Still shaking somewhat, she stepped out of the bathroom.

 - "Mianhae! Mianhae!" Young Saeng knelt in front of her. "Mianhae! Mianhae!"

 - “Why. Did. You. Do. That.” She dropped to her knees and pummeled his chest after each word. She wasn’t angry at him; it was more of an emotional release. HyunJoong walked over to Ilana and gently helped her to her feet, guiding her over to sit in a chair.

 - “Mianhaeyo, Maria,” HyunJoong tried easing the tension a little. He was looking directly into her eyes, with his own steadfast gaze, open wide with concern. “Naega the oldest, na should have stopped him. Na wasn’t thinking; if Ilana-ssi is angry, be angry at me.” He put a cup of tea in her hands.

.HyunJoong had convinced Ilana into going with them to the pool.

- “Kaja.” he had told her. “The open air will do Ilana-ssi good.” It was neither order nor question, just a simple statement.

They arrived at the pool much later than anticipated. “Kiyakaka!” The other three greeted, already enjoying the pool. “What happened, what took you guys so long?” Kyu Jong asked a little worried at seeing everyone’s visibly pale and shaken face. HyunJoong shook his head at the others with a look that said ‘I’ll tell you later.’ “Mal! Ilana-ssi has a headache, get her one of your fruit drinks and something to eat, arraso?”

 - “I’m not hungry,” Ilana said.

Hyun Joong took off his shirt and put it on the chair next to hers. Taking his phone and earphones out of his pocket, he handed them to her. “There’s some good music in there, Jung Min-ah will have some food brought to you.” What he meant was: “let the music soothe your nerves; you need to eat because you don’t have anything in your stomach.”

 - “Mianhae,” she tried out a new word.  “I ruined your day off.” Ilana realized he was doing what he always did, leading with his gentle but direct personality.

He gave her a bright smile.  “Anieyo!”  He waved away her concern.  “I guess it didn’t work for me either.” He used to think girls that didn’t drink were boring, but Ilana was everything but boring. He shrugged and jumped into the pool with the others. Ilana did what she was told to do and felt better for it.

January 18, 2013

It had been two days since the incident. Things were still a little awkward between Young Saeng & Ilana, mainly because they were both so embarrassed by their actions. Hyun Joong became the neutral territory, he and Kyu Jong made sure Ilana didn’t hide in her room and that Young Saeng didn’t hide from Ilana. It was Hyun Joong’s last evening on the ship and they all had been invited to dine with the Captain, in the La Fontaine dining room, including Ilana. She didn’t want to go, but Hyung Jun had been elected to convince her.

- “Princess!” Macknae was using his aegyo. “I want to be your Prince, just for tonight, please? I’ll love you forever and can get you an extra dessert…” It was a cruise she could have as many desserts as she wanted, but he wasn’t going to tell her that.

- “That’s not fair! The others know I can’t resist your aegyo.” This time she gave in to her temptation to pinch his cheek.

- “Yay! I'll pick you up, my Princess."

That evening, Ilana brought out the same black linen she had worn to the concert. This time she paired it with heals and put her hair half up with a dainty princess tiara Hyung Jun had sent her as a gift for the evening. The Captain proved to be just as charming as his crew and Ilana liked him very much. The orchestra had begun to play and the dancing had begun. Hyung Jun stood and bowed to Ilana.

- “Princess, may I have the honor of this dance?” She hesitated slightly, but everyone was looking at them and Hyung Jun was trying so hard to keep a straight face.

- “You may, sir.” She put her hand in his and he led her to the dance floor.

Hyun Joong had watched the pair for about two dances when he had an idea. It occurred to him he hadn’t really done everything he could to heal the rift between Young Saeng and Ilana. He had to do something before he left tomorrow. He stood up.

- Young Saeng, may I have this dance?” He bowed. The others laughed to see their friends dancing towards Macknae & Ilana. The song ended and HyunJoong tapped Ilana lightly on the shoulder, leaving Young Saeng wondering what Sunbae was up to.

- “May I cut in?” Ilana looked at him puzzled, but relinquished Hyung Jun to his leader.

- “It looks like we’ve been left without partners? Young Saeng looked at Ilana slightly embarrassed. "Will you dance with me?" Ilana nodded her head shyly.

- “Mianhae.” They both said at once.

- “No, it was my fault, you don’t have to say sorry”, Young Saeng said.

- “I’m sorry, I hit you.” Ilana looked at her feet as she spoke, too embarrassed to look at him.

- “If I ever do anything to scare you again, you have my permission to hit me all you want.” That said he stopped dancing and enveloped her in a sweet brotherly hug, with both of them getting teary eyed. “If you ever want to talk about it, Oppa is here for you.” She understood he wasn’t expecting a response.

- “It’s about time!” They looked up to see they were surrounded by the rest of the guys. Before they had time to think, they were wrapped up in a giant group hug.

A little sad, a little sweet. I hope you guys liked it.