April 5, 2014

Ilana looked around her room to make sure everything was packed and nothing left behind.  She wore a smile on her face.  How could she not?  She had memories enough to last a lifetime.   Her smile grew wider.  "A lifetime," she mumbled, remembering Jihoo's sweet singing voice.  It was different than YoungSaeng's tenor but beautiful and melodic all the same.  She had no idea he could sing, her friend was just a fountain of talents.  All her friends were.  Thinking of all her friends, she thought of the one silent friend; he would be there today, he had to be.  He wouldn't let her leave without a proper goodbye, right?

Ilana was ready and had her door propped open by the time Jihoo arrived to pick her up.  She was fighting with the checkout system.  It kept saying she had a zero balance.  Jihoo walked in on her frustrated mutterings.  "Gwenchana?"  He asked.

 - "Jihoo-yah!  It's not letting me check out.  Well, it's letting me check out, but it's not showing a balance due."

 - "Gwenchana, JunPyo took care of it."

 - "Deh, hajiman I stayed one more night."

 - "Maja," he was already calling for a steward to take her luggage.

 - "What do you mean that's right?"

 - "It means there is nothing due," he had both hands on her shoulders.

 - "Jihoo-yah, how is there nothing due?  Taxes at the very least and one more night?"  The steward was already loading her luggage per Jihoo's nod of the head.

 - "It's JunPyo's welcome to you, he says you can pay him next time."  He grinned at the stubborn set of her jaw.

 - "Jihoo-yah, I can pay my hotel room."

 - "Leave your tip.  Kaja, your chingu will be waiting."

 - "What's the point of having money, if they don't let you spend it," Ilana grumbled under her breath.  Entering a sizeable tip, she grabbed her purse and followed him out.

Arriving at Butterfingers Pancakes, promptly at seven, Ilana felt nervous.  "He has to be here right?  He promised to be Oppa always.  Of course he'll be here...What if he's not?"  She had slept peacefully, secure in her thoughts that she would see YoungSaeng today.  He'd been busy and unable to call her the last two days, she told herself.  What if he really was avoiding her?  Was it possible he never wanted to speak to her again?  Jihoo had employed the driver for the day, he had opened Jihoo's door and now Jihoo was opening Ilana's door.

Jihoo observed Ilana exit the car as if in a daze.  She had been preoccupied in the car; could she be worried about the flight already?  "Gwenchana?"  He placed his hand on her shoulder.

 - "Deh," she smiled unconvincingly.  He let it slide and took her cold hand in his.  Again, she smiled; this time apologetically for her nerves.

They approached the door and HyungJun came tumbling out.  "Princess!"  Over exuberant as usual, he cannonballed into her with his hug.  Maknae didn't even realize Jihoo had her by the hand.

 - "HyungJun Oppa!  You're going to knock me down and take Jihoo with me."  Jihoo had already released her hand precisely to avoid that situation.  Someone had to jump in and keep Ilana from falling.

 - "Maknae!  You're going to kill someone with your hugs one day," KyuJong scolded.

 - "Mianhae, I got excited."

 - "Gwenchana, Oppa."  The men all bowed to each other and KyuJong hugged Ilana, tighter than he usually did.  Ilana looked at him oddly when he released her and then looked around expectantly.  Any second she should be seeing a dimpled otter grinning at her and calling her Cinderella.  He was nowhere in sight and the guys weren't saying anything.

Jihoo saw her eyes searching.  KyuJong looked directly at him.  He was trying to tell him something with his gaze.  He took a glance at their Maknae and saw a worried look on his face.  "Let's go in before it gets later."  Something was happening and he needed to get Ilana sitting down.  Jihoo placed his hand on the small of Ilana's back and was already pushing her along.

 - "Deh, we've already got the table, Kansamnida Jihoo-ssi for making the reservations."  Maknae was chattering away in nervousness.

Ilana was still looking around expecting YoungSaeng to pop out any minute.  She knew something was going on, it seemed like all three men were trying to get her quickly into the restaurant.  Jihoo had only gotten her to take two steps when she stopped and wouldn't move.  "Kim KyuJong," Ilana's voice shook.  "Please tell me YoungSaeng Oppa is at the table waiting for us?"  HyungJun looked at his Hyeong nervously, KyuJong sighed and Jihoo wrapped his arm around Ilana whose entire body was now trembling.

 - "Ilana-yah, let's go inside, it's getting late.  You'll have to take your breakfast to go at this rate," KyuJong turned to go inside.

 - "Tell me!  Jaebal!  Wae?  Wae didn't he come?"  Tears began to fall.

HyungJun was crying now, too and KyuJong looked at Jihoo in complete helplessness.  Jihoo took a tighter hold on Ilana and dragged her into the restaurant and to her seat.  Whatever news she was about to receive, he wanted her sitting down for it.

The waitress knew who Jihoo was and rushed to help them as soon as they were seated.  "The usual for ajussi?"

 - "Deh, the same pancakes but with the favorites combo and an extra plate.  A carafe of orange juice, juseyo," he was going to have to force Ilana to eat.  He had a tight hold of her shaking form.  "If possible, rush, juseyo.”

 - "Waffle lover’s special, juseyo," KyuJong ordered.

 - "Split Decision plate, juseyo," HyungJun ordered.

 - "Omo, Maknae is going to eat all that?"  The Split decision had a little bit of everything included.

 - "Mwo!  I'm a stress eater, Hyeong knows that!"

 - "Oppa, W-wae?  Wae is Oppa str-stressed?  T-tell me?"  Ilana stuttered.  She was so cold, all of a sudden, and though Jihoo had his arm around her and his hand held hers, she couldn't find his warmth.  KyuJong and HyungJun looked at each other and then to Jihoo as the oldest at the table.  This annoyed Ilana.  "Don't look at him!"  Ilana slammed the table with her free hand, regardless of stares.  Jihoo hadn't let her go, only held her tighter.  "Tell me!  Where is YoungSaeng?"

 - "He couldn't come," KyuJong answered quietly after Jihoo and he communicated silently.  He held Ilana's eyes with compassion.

 - "Couldn't or wouldn't?"  Ilana felt herself getting lightheaded.

The juice had arrived and Jihoo immediately poured Ilana a glass.  "Drink, the sweetness will help you.  Try to keep calm, remember what Uissanim said.  YoungSaeng-ssi wouldn't want Ilana to get sick, because of him."

 - "I told the Doctor it was easier said than done.  YoungSaeng hates me; he doesn't care what I do."  Tears poured freely down her face again.

 - "Andwae!"  KyuJong said.

 - "Anieya (not true)!"  HyungJun jumped in.  "He told us to let you enjoy the rest of your vacation."

 - "So much for breaking it to her gently," KyuJong thought.

 - "Wh-when, wh-when did-did he tell you that?"  Ilana asked.

 - "Mianhae, we haven't seen him since we parted ways with you guys on Wednesday."  KyuJong took the envelope from his pocket.  "He left us all letters, HyungJun found them Thursday morning.  He's in Namson training center."

Ilana felt Jihoo jerk in surprise.  "What's that?"  She took the letter, holding it gingerly as if it were a bomb.

 - "It's a military training center.  You go there for boot camp."  Jihoo answered.

 - "He-he's in the military?  He told me he was going in after I left!"  Ilana rested her head in her free hand, it was now pounding.  "Wae Oppa?  Wae?"

They were interrupted by the food being served.

- "Mollah, Ilana-yah, he didn't tell us."  KyuJong resumed the conversation once the waitress, who was obviously lingering, had left.

Jihoo was diligently preparing a plate for Ilana.  "Ilana-yah, eat and talk at the same time.  Try and calm yourself and get the entire story before calculating your own."  He was also interested in this story; after all, didn't he run off to the military without saying goodbye as well?

 - "Ilana-yah, what did you guys talk about before you parted on Wednesday?"

 - "The usual," Ilana said, eyes downcast and fidgeting with the envelope.

KyuJong understood but not HyungJun.  "Princess, what's the usual?"

Jihoo also wanted to know what the usual was.  Ilana had told him YoungSaeng was disappointed in her, he wondered why?

 - "Mianhae, Oppa, I don't want to talk about it," avoiding HyungJun’s question, Ilana tried to pick up the fork and eat but found her hand shaking.  Jihoo saw her struggle and fed her a piece of pancake.  Taking the offered food, Ilana swallowed but felt like it was stuck in .  He held the juice up to her lips and she tried to smile at him but it just hurt too much.  She vaguely wondered if that was even possible for your lips to hurt from sadness.  She took the envelope in her hand and stared at it, afraid of its contents.  Will it say how much he hates her and never wants anything to do with her?  That he was wrong and can never be her Oppa again.  The more she stared at the envelope, the more she was unable to breathe.  She closed her eyes; hoping the pain would go away.

Jihoo saw her struggling and was counting her breaths.  KyuJong was also carefully watching the rise and fall of her chest.  HyungJun was silently sobbing while trying to eat.  Making a decision, Jihoo reached over and took the envelope from Ilana's fingertips.  Her eyes opened and questioned him.  "Ilana can read this later on the plane when you're calmer.  At the moment, na want you to eat."  Ilana's was shocked, but she nodded in silent acquiescence.  She wasn't ready to read it yet anyway.  Perhaps she never would, that way she'll always remember her caring Oppa.

Ilana didn't speak the rest of the time.  She took a few bites of food on her own but mostly Jihoo forced her to eat.  KyuJong and Jihoo carried on a pleasant conversation, mainly about the clinics and his Grandfather and his parent’s vision for the foundation.  HyungJun tried to cheer Ilana up with his constant chatter.

 - "Princess, you'll have to come back for my wedding.  YiHyun and I are thinking a month after KyuJong Hyun gets done with military service.  You'll be there right?"  Ilana was only half listening; her mind was on the ticking time bomb in Jihoo's pocket.  "Princess!  Can you try and smile for me?"  Ilana looked up at him but just couldn't make herself smile.  "That does it, Na will beat up Hyeong when I see him and then Na will be your favorite Oppa."

This made Ilana crack a smile, "Pabo, you're going to get YiHyun upset."

 - "Anieya!"  He shook his head, "She understands."

 - "Naega happy Oppa found an understanding Yeoja," tears began to fall again.  "I hope YoungSaeng finds someone like that," she thought.

Jihoo looked at the time, "we have to get going or we won't make it to the airport on time."  They all stood from their chairs, Jihoo had already paid the check.  Maknae happily put his wallet away but KyuJong tried insisting he would pay his share but it’s just impossible to win against an F4.  Ilana remained silent; she had no fight in her.  "KyuJong Uissa, I'll be seeing you in May when I return.  Manasuh bongobsubnida (nice to meet you) again, Kim HyungJun-ssi."  The men all bowed to each other.

 - "Ilana-yah," KyuJong put his hand on Ilana's shoulder.  "Be good for Jihoo Uissa, don't make yourself sick.  YoungSaengie Hyeong wouldn't want to see you like this."

 - "He's n-not here to see m-me."

 - "He shouldn't have just left this way, knowing how you get."

 - "It's my fault anyway."

 - "Anieyo, it's neither one's fault; neither can help how you feel.  Take good care of her for us, Uissa."

 - "Greoumyo."

HyungJun gave Ilana his infamous bear hug.  It felt good; she wanted him to squeeze all the hurt out of her.  "I'll beat him up good for you when I get in.  He's not going to escape."

 - "It's not his fault; don't be too harsh on him."

 - "Arraso, I'll just shave him completely bald while he sleeps."

 - "Arraso," Ilana couldn't help smile slightly at the mental picture her Oppa bald.  She was sure that would hurt him more than a punch to the stomach or face.

They checked in at the airport with roughly the same amount of luggage that they brought.  Having discarded the gifts she brought, Ilana's luggage was now full of souvenirs and gifts for her co-workers and brother and only one bag as carry on.  Jihoo had his laptop and medical bag as usual and he had stored his birthday gifts in Ilana's luggage.

Ilana moved about like a zombie, lifeless.  Once in the plane, Jihoo accommodated their bags and sat with her in her cabin.  "Gwenchana?"  Ilana shook her head 'yes', then after a second 'no’.  He sighed, taking her hand and rubbing the warmth back into her cold fingers.  She tried to smile, but the effort was just too much.  "Ka put on your pajamas; Ilana can read the letter after lunch.  Bad news is better taken on a full stomach."  He helped her up from her chair and they both went to change.

After lunch, Jihoo asked tea to be served to them at the lounge.  Ilana had eaten only about a third of her plate.  That should be enough to give her the sedative later on.  He had a strange feeling about her situation.  He felt her pain and at the same time, he thought her friend had to have a strong reason for running off to the army without saying goodbye.  Almost like he did.

Seated in the lounge, he handed her the letter.  "Does Ilana want privacy?"  Jihoo began to get up before she answered but she grabbed his hand instead.  "K-kajima, j-juseyo?"

 - "Greomyo," he sat back down with and gave her an understanding smile.

She held his hand tight, "I-I'm cold, don't let go, please."  He switched her hand to his left so he could wrap his arm around her shoulders. With one hand and Jihoo's silent help, she managed to get the letter out of the envelope.

Cinderella,

"Nae Cinderella.  Mianhae, mianhae nomu jeongmal.  Oppa said he'd never hurt you, hajiman, Na think I am.  Na couldn't say annyeong to you, Na said everything last night," the letter was dated Wednesday.  "Na didn't take this decision lightly. Na think I already had my decision made before Cinderella gave me her answer.  Na think I was already preparing us both for this long separation.  In nae heart, I knew I hadn't changed your mind.  Ilana-yah, gomawo for letting Oppa pretend you were mine, at least for a little while.

Na meant every word I've ever said to you.  Mianhae, hajiman I need a break.  Na need time to get stronger so I can be the Oppa you need me to be.  By the time Cinderella gets this letter, I'll have enlisted.  Don't contact me, juseyo.  Give Oppa this time away and Na will come back to you a better Oppa and chingu.  Nun cham tek byeol hae (you are so special), don't forget Oppa's words.  Na heart is with you always, even if Na cannot.

Saranghae, Na beautiful tree.  Be happy, Oppa only regrets not being able to heal your scars.  Maybe someone else will be able to succeed where Oppa failed.

Mianhae, jeongmal.  Oppa will see nae Cinderella in 2016.  Na promise, Na won't let you down again.

 - "Oppa, it's my fault, I let you down. Oppa had to leave because of me, mianhae.  Mianhae.  I never wanted to hurt Oppa, mianhae."  Ilana's tears had been falling unrestrained as she read.

Jihoo made no move to wipe them, he just held her as she read.  He tried to give her privacy but Ilana hadn't shielded the letter from him.  Unable to reign in his curiosity, he read along and was glad he did.  His heart went out to them both.  It appeared Heo YoungSaeng made the same decision he had seven years ago.  He too ran off to the military without saying goodbye.  The day after Gu JunPyo and Guam JanDi were married, while they left for their honeymoon, Jihoo reported at Namsun.  JanDi was devastated at her return that he didn't even say goodbye.  He was supposed to be her fireman forever and he abandoned her without notice.  Ilana was not getting married to someone else, why had she refused him?  YoungSaeng’s letter talked about scars.  He had seen them too; he had to heal those scars.  Those invisible wounds that never go away.  He had to heal them, only then will his also be healed.  "Yah," Jihoo spoke soothingly.  He let go of her hand and wrapped both arms around her.  "It's no one's fault, not his, not yours."

 - "H-he wouldn't have g-gone away, if-if it wasn't for-for me."

He let her cry; she needed to get it out.  This is what had had her worried the last two days.  If she didn't let it out by crying, she would make herself sick.  "Ilana-yah, he didn't make this decision without thought and neither did you.  You are both adults entitled to your own feelings, deh?  Na don't think he meant to hurt you and neither did you mean to hurt him.  It...was something that couldn't be avoided," he spoke from his own experience.  "Ara, it's disappointing and painful, but your friendship will endure this time, na promise."

 - "H-how c-can y-you b-be sure?"  He still held her tightly in his embrace.  She felt secure in the warmth of his embrace.  If he said everything would be fine, maybe it would be but why did it have to hurt so much?

 - "Ara it will; trust me.  Ara how YoungSaeng-ssi feels, ara how Ilana feels.  Does Ilana trust me?"

She pulled away slightly to look at him.  "I-I want to."

 - "Chuah," he'd taken a handkerchief from his pocket and gently wiped her face.  "One day na will tell Ilana how na was in the same position as Heo YoungSaeng."

 - "Chincha?"

 - "Deh, na speak from experience."  Jihoo continued to hold her until the sobs had quieted down.  "Kaja," Jihoo said sometime later.  "Ilana needs to rest."  They informed the stewardess to make her bed, while Jihoo reached in his bag to bring out the sedative.  Ilana was already emotionally exhausted from the morning; it wouldn't take long for the drug to take effect.

Ilana took the sedative, willingly; she wanted to sleep, to escape.  Jihoo said everything would be fine but right now it hurt too much to believe his words wholeheartedly.  He held her hand easily from his seated position, he'd sleep later once he assured himself she was fine and there were no adverse effects from the sedative.

 - "Jihoo-yah," Ilana was more asleep than awake at this point and her speech was slurred.  "Sometimes I want to sleep and never wake up."

Jihoo felt chills go up his spine.  How many times did he feel that way as a child?  "Anieyo, na need you."

 - "At least somebody does."  The faintest of smiles formed on her face, but it was there to his discerning eye.

 - "Paboya, you don't know how much I need you."  At this point, Ilana was no longer conscious.  "This has been the most eventful trip home," he thought.

The two travelers finally arrived at New York's JFK airport.  Ilana had slept most of the way and was still groggy.  Jihoo had to wake her up to eat and change two hours before landing.   The driver was already waiting for them by the luggage terminal.  "I hope your trip went well, Dr. Yoon, Miss Contreras."

 - "It did, thank you.  Miss Contreras is very tired; I will her to the car."

 - "I'll meet you there."

Once in the car, Jihoo gave Ilana a bottle of water.  "Ilana needs to wake up.  It's only eleven in the morning in New York."

 - "Ara, I'm just tired," she said after taking a drink of water.

 - "Get some rest but don't fall asleep.  Na have work to do; we'll drop you off at home before I go to the hospital."

The thought of being alone was not a pleasant thought.  She would most likely spend the day mourning for YoungSaeng.  It still saddened her, that he had to run away in order to cope with the situation.  If only things had been different, if only she had been free to accept.

 - "Jihoo-yah, can I help you?  Na don't want to go home, I'll lie down and go right back to sleep."

 - "Mianhae, I've got rounds to do.  Na don't want to leave Ilana alone in the office."

 - "Gwenchana!"

 - "Yah, what's this about?  Ilana will be lonely without nae company?"  He smirked.

 - "A-anieyo, nae just want to help.  Ajussi missed extra days, because of me."

 - "Jeongmal?  Ilana doesn't want to go home and rest?"  Ilana shook her head 'no'.

 - "Arraso," he was rewarded with her smile.  He knew this trip, had made him even more dependent on her.  "What had Jaejoong said about his feelings toward Abigail?"  He replayed the conversation in his head.

"I think about her all the time.  What can I do to make her happy?  What does she need?"

Yes, he was at that point but still needed time and so did she.  He wasn't fool enough to rush in due to Heo YoungSaeng's misfortune.  Jihoo was content to watch and wait.  Every day brought them closer together.  Not only did she confide many of her thoughts to him on this trip, she didn't hide the letter from him.  Perhaps she just needed his support but that meant she was beginning to trust him.  He felt that it wouldn't be much longer before she disclosed the events that lead to those distressing thoughts.

April 7, 2014

It was a given Jihoo would be taking Ilana to work.  She had many gifts and treats to hand out when she got to work and couldn't wait to get there.  Jihoo knocked on her door at the usual time.  "Gwenchana?"  he asked her, scrutinizing her face to make sure she really was well.

 - "Deh!  Overprotective Oppa, someone wouldn't let me nap, so I can't be jet-lagged."

 - "Mmm, na think you've lost weight these last few days.  Ilana-yah needs to start keeping track of calories again.  Did Ilana-yah let your Chingu-deul know you arrived safely?  Also your Oppa?"

 - "Deh, KyuJong is starting with Haraboeji today or started I guess.  Kike just got back from Lebanon and is getting ready to go to Macao for the Billboard Awards and also will be following Ricky Martin to Los Angeles while he records Dancing with the Stars.  He'll be spoiled by Nana."

Jihoo tried to detect a note of longing in Ilana's voice that her brother was home and she wasn't but couldn't find any.  He didn't understand why every other time they talked about home she became sad but not this time.  He'd have to think about that puzzle later.  "Most likely KyuJong Uissa is still there.  Harabeoji often forgets the time, thankfully JanDi convinced him to alternate the others so they are only open late twice a week.  JunPyo put his foot down and didn't concede.  He wanted his wife home, especially since he didn't want InHei to grow up never seeing her parents."  Ilana thought of Jihoo and her.  They both grew up without parents because they were no longer here.  But how sad for JunPyo whose parents were alive and well, never to see them.  Jihoo noticed how pensive his companion had gotten.  A delayed reaction?  He wondered. "Yah."

Ilana smiled at him, coming back to the present.

 - "That's better," Jihoo was satisfied.  "I'll be giving Dr. Jaejoong your lab results.  Don't let him harass you."

 - "Chincha?  He's going to know we traveled together!"

 - "He can't say anything.  Does Ilana want to re-take her labs?"

 - "Anieyo!"  Jihoo laughed at her panicked face.

 - "Gwenchana, I'll take care of Jaejoong."  Arriving at the hospital Ilana and Jihoo were at a crossroad.  Ilana had to go through the hospital doors and Jihoo across the way.  They were suddenly awkward.   What to do after their shared intimacy of the last few days.  A 'see you later' just didn't seem adequate.  "Jeun haru jweseyo," Jihoo reached out and disheveled Ilana's hair.

 - "Yah Pabo!" Ilana smiled, shaking her head at the retreating Jihoo.

Ilana arrived upstairs still smiling to herself.  "Someone had a good vacation, look at that smile," one of the nurses teased.  Ilana's cheeks colored for some reason beyond her control.  Soon, she was surrounded by many of the others, welcoming her back.

 - "My world traveler has returned.  How was your trip, dear?"  SeungRyung hugged her staff member.  She had her suspicions about Ilana and Jihoo disappearing at the same time but she kept them to herself and of course in her prayers for the two.

 - "It was...daeback."  Despite everything, having learned of Jihoo's parents and YoungSaeng, it was amazing.

 - "Hmm, look at that face.  Don't get any ideas about leaving me and going to live in Seoul.  Of course if you find a nice Korean man to settle down with, that's different."

 - "Unnie!"  Ilana felt her face heat up.  Even worse, she couldn't shake the feeling that she would be back in Seoul soon.

 - "Who's settling down in Seoul with a nice Korean man?"  ShiYoon came onto the scene.  "Annyeong hasseyo," he bowed to Ilana.  "Ilana-ssi, did you finally put that namja chingu of yours out of his misery."

Ilana was caught off guard by her jokester co-worker.  "A-anieyo, ShiYoon-ssi."  He noticed her smile fade and hoped he hadn't said anything wrong.  Perhaps Dr. Jaejoong was right and her love was elsewhere.  "We're just chingu, nothing more and never have been."

SeungRyung also noticed the change in Ilana.  "The Lord will bring you the right man when it's time.  Don't worry about it and don't let others bother you."  SeungRyung gave a pointed look to ShiYoon who grinned sheepishly at his boss.

 - "Hey!  Who's that?"  Abigail said as she walked in with Uee.

 - "Annyeong Ilana-ssi!"  Uee said.  "I saw your pictures of Lotte World; someone looked to be having a good time."

 - "Deh, Uee-ssi," Ilana back.  Her co-workers didn't usually speak to her in Korean and when they did it was much less formal.

 - "What did you bring me?"  Abigaíl said playfully.

 - "Impatient are we?  No one is letting me put my things away, so I guess I'll just go back home."

Abigaíl grabbed her arm, "chica, you're not going anywhere.  It'll be my turn to be gone two weeks when I go to Mexico this summer."

 - "That's fair, was it really busy?"

 - "Only the first few days, because of Unnie's report."

 - "I jumped in as soon as I was done with my report.  Everything went smoothly.  Which reminds me, did you get someone to log you in remotely this weekend?  Your task list and Abigail’s aren't as long as I remember them when I left Friday night."

 - "Unnie!  How would I do that?"  Ilana didn't think her boss would check the task lists this morning.

 - "Hmm, I imagine a certain Doctor friend, logged you in."  SeungRyung whispered in her ear but loud enough for her immediate co-workers to hear.

 - "Unnie, na chingu, KyuJong Uissa is in Korea, he wouldn't have our passwords," Ilana giggled.

 - "Cheeky, now get to work and don't do it again.  You're supposed to enjoy your days off, not work."

 - "Deh sangsanim," Ilana felt like being silly for some reason.  She was the most relaxed ever from a vacation and she felt light and carefree.  Like everything was right with her world for a change.  It had to be Jihoo's effect on her; he always made her feel calm and worry-free.

 - "Paboya," SeungRyung said before heading to her office.  Once there she smiled widely to herself.  Something had transpired on this vacation.  Perhaps it was time for their caterpillar to become a butterfly.  "Lord, thank you for bringing Ilana back to us safely.  Help me to continue to be a witness to her of your love and understanding.  I think you've put Ilana and Jihoo in my path for a reason, may your work be done in their lives.  Perhaps you've already begun.  Thank you Lord for all your promises, I will continue to pray for them and all my charges.  In Jesus name, I pray."  SeungRyung offered her silent prayer for the people God had put in her care.   For how long, she didn't know.  She sensed things changing and could see the Lord working things for His glory.  She suddenly had a vision of a large traditional style Korean home; She didn't know what it meant.  If He was showing her this picture, it meant she needed to focus her prayers on the occupant’s future occupants, she sensed, of that home.

Jihoo waited for Jaejoong to arrive, before walking into his office unannounced as so often Jaejoong did to him.

 - "Wau!  Look who's back, have a good week?"  Jaejoong said, entirely too sweetly for a Monday morning.  Especially after Jihoo had been gone an entire week.

Jihoo remained stone-faced as usual; it wouldn't surprise him if he already knew.  Jaejoong's parents had heavy investments in Incheon.  "Not a word," he warned, handing Jaejoong the envelope with Ilana's lab results.  "The record was already updated."  It was one of the tasks he had given Ilana over the weekend.  "I don't believe Dr. Jaejoong needs any explanation."  Jihoo turned to leave.

 - "Yah!  Jihoo-ah!  Chingu, you can't leave me hanging!"  Jaejoong shouted but Jihoo had already rounded the corner into the hall and into the safety of his office.  He closed his door and prepared for his first patient, with a secret smile on his face.  "Aish!  That guy, always so secretive, perhaps nae anae will have better luck."  He began to read Ilana's lab results and notes from the cardiologist in Seoul, wondering what kind of stress could've given her an attack like that.  The good news was her blood work came back with favorable results.  He had promised her she could resume some of her pastimes.  He would have HyoJoo schedule an appointment for her.

Lunchtime arrived too quickly; Ilana felt that she had just sat down to work.  Not only was she extremely busy but everyone came by to ask her about her trip and her favorite sights.  "Buckchon village and Banpo Bridge fountain, Sunset from the 63 building, and sunrise on the Han."  Each time her answer was different, she loved every minute of her trip.  Well, not every minute.  YoungSaeng didn't seem to hate her but he didn’t want anything to do with her during his military service.  What if he decided he hated her after all?

 - "Chica...chica...Ilana Contreras, are you listening to me?"  Abigaíl had been calling Ilana for about a minute with no luck.

 - "Mianhae, I was thinking of something."

 - "Something in Korean, what did you just say?"

 - "Mianhae, I mean sorry.  It's a habit now."

 - "I can see that, so did you get to meet with Dr. Jihoo's Grandfather?"  Abigaíl was fishing for answers.

 - "Mmm, and some of his friends too.  They are all very nice."  Ilana was all smiles thinking of Harabeoji and the F4 family.

 - "Did your friend enjoy himself too?  I didn't see any pictures of him?"

Ilana tried to remember if she ever said her friend was male but decided to just go with it, she must have mentioned her friend was a 'he'.  "Oh, yeah, I think so," she couldn't help but smile at the memories of her and Jihoo.  "He was a great support for me on the flight and just a great companion.  He challenged me to try new things and shared with me in things that I also really enjoy."

Abigaíl was enjoying her interview with Ilana.  Her friend didn't realize the soft smile and far off gaze, she wore on her face, as she remembered her trip.  "Sooo what did you and this friend do together?"

Ilana shrugged her shoulders, "a lot in only two days.  We saw fountains and listened to an orchestra and rode a motorcycle and a horse."  She laughed at Abigail’s reaction to the motorcycle.

 - "Chica, who are you?  You turned into a different person on this trip."

 - "Abigaíl, no exageres (don't exaggerate).  The motorcycle was really scary but kind of fun too.  I don't know if I'd have the nerve to try it again."

 - "I didn't know you rode horses?  I like to ride when I go to Mexico, we should go riding.  Isabel and I have gone to the stables at Central Park a few times."

 - "Someone back home told me about the stables there.  At the time I thought I'd have no desire to ride here but maybe we can go sometime."

 - "That would be fun; maybe your friend can join us.  Does Dr. Jihoo ride?"

 - "Why do you ask?"  Ilana panicked slightly, no one was supposed to know; could Jaejoong already have told Abigaíl?  She was going to kill him, what happened to patient confidentiality?

 - "Well, if he does maybe he would like to come.  You two seem to be pretty close."

Ilana couldn't deny that.  "I guess he's like my other male best friend."  Ilana thought it was time to turn the tables on her friend.  "Dr. Jaejoong and you are pretty close; did you get closer while I was gone?"  Ilana could see Abigaíl wore the ring he gave her.

 - "He-he's nice enough, I guess."  Abigaíl blushed.  "Once you get to know him better."

Ilana grinned, "and have you...gotten to know him better?"

 - "Better how?"  Abigaíl asked on the defensive.

 - "Isabel is expecting him to be her Appa, don't disappoint her."

Abigaíl decided this conversation had gone too far.  "Oh, it's almost time; we'd better get back."

In the afternoon, Abigail’s phone announced a message.

Jaejoong:  Did you find out anything?

Smiling, Abigaíl responded.

Abigaíl:  Not really but she's different.  She's talking so much more and you should see the smile on her face when she talks about her 'friend' that went with her.  She didn't deny it was a male friend.  BTW – does Jihoo ride a motorcycle?

Jaejoong:  Chincha?  Nice!  Jihoo has been caught smiling several times today and occasionally humming to himself.  Phantom of the Opera tunes of all things.  The girls don't dare tell him anything but they come tell me everything. And yes, Jihoo used to ride in High School, don’t tell me he let Ilana ride his bike?

As far as he knew, the only one that ever rode on Jihoo’s bike was Guam JanDi.  This was huge!

Jaejoong:  I’m having my contact at the airport trying to locate them on the CCTV again.  Ke Ke Ke

Abigaíl:  Yes, she did ride and they went horseback riding too.  You'd better share when you get the pictures!

Jaejoong smiled at the idea of his friend falling for someone, finally after all this time.

Jaejoong:  I'll lay the world at the feet of nae anae.

Abigaíl:  Whatever.

Jaejoong:  Saranghae.

Abigaíl:  Stop!

Jaejoong:  I can't help it if it's the truth.

Abigaíl:  I'm not talking to you anymore.

Jaejoong:  You just did.

 - "Ugh!"  Abigaíl threw her phone in her purse frustrated.

 - "Um, everything okay?"  Ilana couldn't help hear the commotion next to her.

 - "Yes."  Abigail’s face was red. 

 - "If you say so," Ilana wondered if it had something to do with Dr. Jaejoong.

 - "Is Dr. Jihoo giving you a ride home today?"

 - "I assume so, I haven't heard otherwise."

 - "Text him and tell him you'll meet downstairs, I want to hear more about the trip."

 - "Okay."

Abigaíl and Ilana walked slowly down the stairs as they talked.  "So what's your friend’s name?"  Abigaíl asked.

 - "J-Joseph!"  Ilana almost said Jihoo.

 - "Did you almost forget his name?"

 - "Actually, yes, I was calling him Ajussi while we were in Seoul, so I forgot."  Ilana covered well.

 - "Isn't that what Isabel calls Dr. Jihoo?"

 - "Mmm, it just means Mister or uncle if you are younger."

 - "So, was Joseph with you the entire time?"

 - "Mainly the last two days.  The other days I spent time just with the gang and he did other things."

 - "Did he go to the wedding?"

 - "Yes, he did."  At least Ilana wasn't telling a complete lie, she thought.

 - "You didn't think to take any pictures together?"

 - "Chica, why do I feel like you're interrogating me?"

 - "Why, are you hiding something?" Abigaíl grinned.  Jihoo was approaching with Dr. Jaejoong.  "Here comes Dr. Jihoo, I'll let you two get going."

 - "Jagiya, I was hoping I'd run into you.  I'll give you a ride to pick up jeogum jagi."

Ilana decided to do a little interrogating herself.  "Dr. Jaejoong, have you been picking up Isabel a lot while we were gone?"

 - "Every day, wae?  And are you and Dr. Jihoo a 'we' now?"  Jaejoong quickly turned the conversation back to her.

Abigaíl was glaring at him, for making it sound as if accepting rides from him was a given.  "If you're going to give me a ride, let's go.  I can walk faster.  See you tomorrow, chica," Abigaíl hurried off.

 - "I'll see you both tomorrow morning," Jaejoong said, before running after Abigaíl.

Ilana laughed, "those two are so cute!  Na think, Abigaíl is falling for him but doesn't want to admit it."

 - "Mmm, is Ilana tired?"

 - "Anieyo, wae?"

 - "We need to go somewhere."  They began to walk to the car.

 - "Who's we?"  Ilana smirked.  Jihoo chose to ignore her and walked faster.  "Yah!  Ajussi, don't ignore me."  He made her practically run after him.  He stayed just ahead of her until they got to the car.  "Pabo!  I'm not going anywhere with you."

It was Jihoo's turn to smirk.  Before Ilana could walk off, he grabbed her by the hand.  "Ilana should see her face when she's angry, na choah."  Ilana glared at him.  "Get in the car, juseyo. Naega picking up something."

 - "Mwo?"

 - "Ilana will find out when we get there."

 - "Again, you're not telling me?"

 - "Have na ever let Ilana down?"

 - "Anieyo...," she pouted.

 - "Then trust me."

 - "Deh Ajussi..."

Jihoo smiled at her.  How was it that she had so fully taken him over in such a short time?  If he was captivated by that sweet smile before the trip, he was completely enthralled by it now without her even trying.  They entered one of the shopping areas on eighth street and parked.  "Agassi, stay here, I'll be right back."

 - "Aside from wandering around eighth street by myself, what choice do I have?"

 - "Majayo," Jihoo smiled and walked off.

Ilana distracted herself by logging on to Twitter to see if her friends had posted anything.  She smiled seeing a new picture of JungMin and Suzy.  They'd been posting a different picture of themselves together each day of their honeymoon.  They will be back in Seoul on Tuesday.  She wondered how they will react when they learn that YoungSaeng had left without saying goodbye.  Ilana decided to post something about her first day back.  Still typing, she was surprised by Jihoo's return.  A sky blue and black bag was slung on His shoulder as he opened her door.  Without a word, he placed the bag which seemed to be moving on her lap.

 - "Jihoo-yah?  What is this?"  She felt the bag tilt on her lap and a staccato 'meow' was heard before Ilana realized the black was all see-through mesh.  "Wwwhhyyy is the bag meowing?"

Her reaction was priceless, Jihoo thought.  Her face was shocked, worried, unbelieving, happy, and excited all continuously changing from one to the other.  Jihoo went around and got back into the car.  The cat meowed again, this time a little longer.

Ilana placed her hand over the mesh to feel the furry little head that was begging for attention.  "Who does it belong to?"  Ilana asked curious, not wanting to assume anything.

Jihoo chuckled and the cat meowed again.  "Open the bag; she's been waiting two weeks to meet you."

 - "Chincha?"  Ilana was already ping the bag.  A fuzzy black kitten wearing a small red bow popped out and was shamelessly begged for attention.  "Hi, there!  Nice to meet you too."  Ilana couldn't resist kissing the kitten's head.  "Gomawo, Jihoo-yah, she's adorable but why?"  Ilana's grin was from ear to ear as she hugged the kitten.

 - "Anieyo, she's a late birthday present."

 - "Hajiman Jihoo already gave me the coat and the bracelet."

 - "And Ilana also gave me several gifts."

 - "Anieyo!  Just the handkerchiefs and the shirts."

 - "And the tie bar and convincing na chingu-deul to throw a party."

 - "The tie bar was nothing and the party wasn't difficult at all, you know."  Ilana laughed.  "That's very kind of you but really, you do so much for me already.  What can I do for you?"  Her eyes were already getting moist.

 - "Ilana already is a chingu, continue to be, and smile for me whenever I ask, even if you don't want to."  Ilana couldn't help but smile.  "Talk to me always, share your thoughts with me; trust in me for anything and everything.  That's what Ilana can do for me."

 - "Jihoo-yah asks for a lot," Ilana said after a while of smiling and petting the kitten.

 - "Deh," Jihoo gave her his blank, politely bored look.  "If Ilana-yah cannot pay the price, I'll keep goyangi and you'll have to come visit her at my place."

 - "Anieyo!  She's mine now, see?"  Still sitting in the parking lot, the kitten had made itself at home on Ilana's side underneath her coat.

 - "Mmm, perhaps you have a point.  Kaja, let's get dinner to go and get goyangi settled in her new home."

 - "Jihoo-yah, We don't have food or anything for her," Ilana said a little worried about taking the kitten home without food and a litterbox.

 - "Gwenchana, it's all at my place."

 - "Jeongmal?"  Jihoo smiled at her surprised face and started the car.

Thirty minutes later, they were back in Ilana's apartment.  Jihoo began to bring over the kittens things, one by one:  a giant cat tree, a litter box that looked like a potted tree with matching terracotta colored food bowl, a pet water fountain for drinking, a bag of food, and a blanket in the same color blue as her carrier.  Ilana looked at all the new things in her apartment and laughed.  "Jihoo-yah, all this for a tiny kitten?"

He shrugged.  "Na didn't think it was too much.  I passed on the cat sofa."  Ilana just shook her head.

They had finally sat down to eat their own dinner while letting the kitten explore her new home.  "Jihoo-yah, na don't like being indebted to people," Ilana said quietly.  This was all too much for her.  What if she did something to disappoint Jihoo later, just like YoungSaeng, than would he feel his kindness was in vain?

 - "Na gave Ilana my price."

 - "It's not enough, na feel like I can't do anything for you.  What can money buy that you don't already have?"

 - "Ilana-yah can't repay a gift, then it's no longer a gift.  Ilana asked what I would like and I told you.  Not because I want repayment but those things are what friendship is about."

 - "Ara, hajiman, I can't explain it.  I didn't have an F4 to grow up with.  I guess I'm still a little cynical when it comes to kindness, mianhae."

 - "Anieyo.  Let me put it this way.  Ilana took gifts to her friends; did you expect them to pay you back?  Did Ilana have some ulterior motive for those gifts?"

 - "Anieyo!  I just wanted to do something nice for my friends."

 - "Deh, chingu is someone you trust, jeongmal; there are no hidden motives between chingu-deul.  That's why I asked you to trust me.  Chingu is someone with whom you have a history with.  Your chingu and you share a four-month cruise.  Chingu can generally do no wrong. When they do wrong, they’re still your friend. You feel connected to them.  You think of them often and make a point to let them know that you’re thinking of them. They require upkeep, saying 'annyeong' on twitter or a text, sharing a meal, or a phone call. They take care of each other, no matter what.  So you see, it's not paying back kindness, it's just showing care for your chingu."  Ilana began to think of YoungSaeng.  He didn't want contact with her, but Jihoo said a friend can do no wrong, no matter what.

 - "I guess our history is the hospital and now Seoul.  Gomawo chingu, I never want to let you down."

 - "Nae don't think that will happen, and if for some reason it does, na can forgive you."

Once they finished eating, Ilana cleaned the dishes and they played with the kitten for the rest of the evening until Ilana and the kitten were exhausted.  Jihoo stood to go, "kansamnida again," Ilana said, still seated.

 - "Anieyo, I'll show myself out, sit a little longer."  Ilana stood anyway.  Jihoo hugged her and kissed her cheek goodnight.  "Jalja," he said as he released the hug.

She quickly stood on her toes and pecked his cheek, "Jalja nae chingu," Ilana said a little embarrassed.

 - "See you a little earlier tomorrow, Jaejoong wants to talk to you." Jihoo tried to cover his surprise.

 - "Shiro," Ilana was glad Jihoo didn't comment on her impulsive action.

 - "Gwenchana," he waved and ducked out the door, grinning widely all the way to his apartment.

Ilana didn't quite understand why she did that.  It's just with Jihoo there was no pressure, just friendship, and companionship.  He was always kissing her cheek, too.  It just felt right, like she was making her point that he was a special friend and glad of his presence in her life.  Similar to YoungSaeng, yet different somehow.  She wasn't trying to pay him back, just creating more history and a little upkeep.  Ilana smiled at the kitten that was asleep on one of her perches.  "Goyangi, I'll think of what to name you tomorrow, I'm too tired to think tonight."  She covered the kitten with her blanket and kissed its head.  "Jalja."  Ilana went to bed with a smile on her face.

Arraso, what can I say about this chapter?  I struggled with it because I had to be sad and following last chapter which was so happy.  I just couldn't get sad enough.  Ilana’s relationship is the same but different with both guys.  She cares for them both but her heart shares a deeper connection with Jihoo.  The virtual baton has not only been passed but accepted by him.  

Thank you, Loy, for typing the author's note (including this line), while I made your sandwich.  And for giving Ilana a cat, even though I took a long time to put it in the story.  Now you can eat your sandwich. - A/N edited by Seamusmommy