this was supposed to be a drabble. i repeat, supposed. but now get ready for 2700ish words i typed in such a messed up brain and mood.

thanks to kez for the inspiration and setlist but i'm sorryyyy this is probably not like what you wanted. this is just the next part of this. ;__;

“Everything is fine, Baek?” Junmyeon asks, hand slightly squeezing the left shoulder of a spacing out Baekhyun. Both of them are now standing in the hallway—being the first ones to finish the make-up and wardrobe matters—to get their microphones set for their second day’s show.

Yes, it’s the second day already—the second day of EXO Greeting Party in Japan. After two years of their debut under SM Entertainment label, EXO eventually has their first fan meeting in Japan. The event is held in Saitama Super Arena for three days with five shows in total, two shows per day but one show on the first day.

Baekhyun opens his mouth but no word comes out.

“You’re good to go, Baekhyun-sshi,” the assistant gives a small smile before taking his leave and taking care of the other members. Not long after that, Junmyeon is also told that he’s all set.

When it’s finally just the two of them, Junmyeon reaches out to fatherly embrace the younger. “It’s about him again, isn’t it?”

No name is being mentioned yet both of them definitely understand who Junmyeon is talking about. Baekhyun starts to find a hard time breathing as memories and feelings are eating him inside. He presses his forehead against his leader’s shoulder and bites his lower lip hard to prevent him from leaking any tears.

Don’t cry.

Baekhyun shuts his eyes tight because the deep voice he’s just heard in his head sounds so real—so Chanyeol.

“We’re on in less than an hour. We have no time to fix your make-up if you cry now,” even the chuckles Junmyeon offers are obviously forced. Being the leader makes him always prepared to keep the group’s emotion stable and good, but he won’t deny that when it comes to Baekhyun and his memories about Chanyeol, he feels like breaking down as well.

Chanyeol holds a special place in each of EXO’s members’ heart.

Baekhyun, please don’t cry.

The second show is started with an upbeat song from the album they released last year and Baekhyun feels the excitement to show the best for the fans start to ease his gloominess away. Once the opening songs are all performed and EXO gets to properly greet the fans and introduce themselves, Baekhyun is near to crying upon seeing that the lightstick ocean today isn’t any less bright than yesterday. He immediately lets his eyes wander in the darkness above the fans’ lightsticks, searching for something he knows will never be there.

Yeollie, are you watching?

When it’s his turn to introduce himself, Baekhyun has to cover up everything he’s feeling and be the happy-go-lucky member the fans know. The Baekhyun the fans know is the moodmaker of the group who likes to joke around; they barely know that the real Byun Baekhyun is far from being like that.

Because Baekhyun is the best in playing pretend—especially when it’s about happiness.

After the introduction part, EXO continues the show by performing their debut song. Having danced to this song over and over for the past two years gets their bodies fluent to every step and formation. What’s more, consisting of only eleven members makes it easier to make a formation where one is really in the center.

Baekhyun doesn’t like that because no one in EXO should get more attention than the others do—because everyone in EXO is equally special.

He also doesn’t like the fact that eleven is an odd number and if they have to be separated in two teams for a performance formation then one team has to have less members. But what he hates most is the fact that EXO only has eleven members because someone is missing, because someone was removed even before their debut.

Because there’s no Chanyeol in EXO.

Baekhyun likes to think no one fits to be labeled as EXO’s happy virus but Chanyeol whose smile could light up the whole world. Baekhyun likes to think no one fits to be labeled as EXO’s voice but Chanyeol—no one has a voice as ily deep as Chanyeol’s.

Baekhyun likes to think things about Chanyeol.

When the song is finished, all the members are told to take their seats and here comes the VCR session. A few unseen photos of the members are shown in a huge screen, making all the fans go crazy. Baekhyun’s breathe hitches when an old photo appears for everyone’s eyes to see.

“Sehun looks so cute there, tright?” the MC asks and the fans scream yes at the top of their lungs. “And who is the handsome boy next to you, Sehun?”

With a longing gaze, Baekhyun takes in every detail in the photo. His lips unknowingly form a small smile as he focuses on how flat Sehun’s expression is; he remembers how Sehun refused to take any photo at that moment because it was such a hot day and he was tired to the bones. However, the same problem didn’t happen to the boy standing next to him whose hand was on the magnae’s waist. The taller boy looked like he enjoyed being captured in the same frame with the younger.

Baekhyun’s chest tightens in an unpleasant way. He was the real happy virus afterall.

Sehun clears his throat and sits up straighter, secretly taking a glance at the vocalist before smiling up at the MC. “He’s Park Chanyeol. He was supposed to be here with us right now but something happened—“

The whole arena goes silent at Sehun’s sudden sobs.

Jongin, who is sitting on Sehun’s left, gives encouraging pats on the latter’s back before leaning in to whisper something in his ears. “You can stop.”

But Sehun just shakes his head no and continues with a forced smile and hot tears rolling down his cheeks. “Something happened before our debut so he couldn’t join EXO. Chanyeol hyung passed away on the day we had our debut showcase. We were supposed to have twelve members.”

I miss Chanyeol hyung.

The EXO-M’s members are tearing up but they all try to blink it away and K’s members aren’t in better state, though. Especially someone named Byun Baekhyun.

Baekhyun silently lets his tears fall, not caring about his make-up anymore. Even at the mention of Chanyeol’s name, his heart burns in sorrow.

Yeollie, look. Sehun is crying because of you.

The MC is taken aback at the sudden revelation of what can be considered as a secret but the show must go on. So with a heavy heart, he finally ends Sehun’s VCR session and moves on to other member’s.

During the game and ment session, the atmosphere is better because each of EXO’s members reminds themselves that they’re not here to mourn over Chanyeol—they’re here for the fans. Chanyeol isn’t forgotten, but they know they shouldn’t dwell on the past for far too long.

“You okay, hyung?” Kyungsoo asks Baekhyun when t