Chapter 22!

It’s been days. He had not visited me either here at the office or at home. I wanted us to talk. I even paid him a visit but only to find out that he left… to where, I had no clue.

This is our first major fight. I remembered Yuri saying that I just had to give him time, and everything will be fine. But how will we work something out if he doesn’t even want to talk to me? I was not even sure where we went? Did he go to his parents in Busan?

He took a temporary leave from work.  It didn’t surprise me though. Nickhun was kind enough to give me his address but should I go there even without a notice? Should I disturb him… I’m not even certain if he wanted to see me.

With rays of sunlight making itself known… as it goes right pass my window… I knew this is gonna be one heck of a boring afternoon.

I stood up, tread towards the kitchen and opened the cupboard.

I saw two personalized mugs… one for me and one for Junho.

“Did he eat breakfast already?”

I took one mug and poured some brewed coffee, I thought, “You want yours black. Plain yet strong.”

I slumped on the kitchen floor, resting my back on the counter. I felt down… really down. The silence was too deafening that the mere sounds coming from the street were the only inviting signs of life. From the sound of cars honking to the lazy afternoon breeze… and as I view the gentle flapping of my white curtains covering the terrace door… my footsteps led its way towards the veranda- I and Junho’s favorite nook.

I remembered that time when we were both here… kissing, hugging, making out. I smiled at the memory of it.

I looked to my side and saw a pot of pink plumerias… again, another gift from Junho.

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“What are these?” I asked,

“Plumerias.”

“Huh?”

“Because you only know rose, haha!”

Junho… he is sometimes odd but strangely cute when being one. I missed him… a lot.

Memories… these are the fragments of one’s soul that could never be taken away.

When you love and you created many memories together… it only seems like yesterday when it all happens.

Junho and I… we’ve been through so much together…

My space was no longer that unlit, boring haven when he came… if before, I was used to spending nights alone, Junho changed every routine and made every night memorable.

The first time he cooked dinner, our first movie date, the way he caresses my cheeks, how he softly kissed my hair and temple as I lay my head on his shoulder… every bit of memory that fills my mind now belonged to him and no one else.

The only problem is that, when you remember so much… you also have so much reason to be sad… To cry…

Just like now… I miss him terribly that it could break my heart.

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I was alone, sad and confused- the seemingly perfect formula to get wasted….

I was drinking, thinking of these monsters inside my head… why do you need to lie to me, Hyo? Why can’t I get angry at you for so long? Why is it so hard to believe you even though I know that you’re just being sincere?

So many questions popped up that I lost count of beer bottles. I was not familiar with the place either. And if there was one thing that I was certain about that is to spend the night drinking my insecurities away.

“Need some company?”

I looked at this figure beside me… she leaned close… I could smell her sweet breath… I sneered,

“I’m okay. Just leave.” I answered but the lady was persistent. She remained in her seat and stayed.

I could not figure if she drank nearly the same amount of alcohol like I did. Neither was I certain if something really happened.

All I know is- we left the bar and went to her place. I remembered her kissing me… but that was it. The next morning, I was dang …

“… I love you… but I don’t trust you… now. But it can’t be that way right? It can’t be that I love you but I don’t trust you.”

The home is where your heart is. I believe that. I left work temporarily to visit my family here in Busan.

I wanted to have some time to think. I could not face Hyoyeon knowing that I am feeling this way- hurt and mad.

“Hey, what are you doing here outside? Your sisters are looking for you.”

Mom… she’s the only woman who can understand me. When I almost quit school, she got my back. When I changed courses, she backed me up. When I failed my father for the nth time by residing in Seoul instead of Busan… she took time to understand… she’s the only one…what I know about life… I owe every bit from her.

“I’m cool, mom… you don’t have to worry.” I lied.

“Cool. Is that how you, guys these days, say- I don’t want you here now, so scoot?”

“Hahaha, Mom… it’s not…”

“It’s Hyoyeon, am I right?”

That name…even my mom knows it. In the last six months, I kept calling her to talk about Hyoyeon…  how wonderful she is… how perfect she looked… how she makes me really, really happy…

I kept mum.

“Junho, the last time we talked, you were obviously happy. You’ve been raving about her, being independent, smart and beautiful. How she tried making your favorite pesto, you said- Mom, it seems like there’s someone who can out win your cooking… do you still remember that?”

I held my tongue. Words, these days, seemed to be too hard to spit out.

She continued,

“Junho… if you feel that running away will solve your problem, then by all means indulge, enjoy as much space as you want. You are here so you can forget about your job, leave Seoul for good. Stay here with us, I want that, and you know that.”

I looked at my mom… confusion written all over my face… but at the same time, a part of me wanted the idea.

“But if having you here meant losing someone… someone that holds your heart…t hen I forbid you here son. It’s not every day that you’ll meet someone that could make you really really happy. It’s not every day that you’ll get the chance to plan your life with someone special. Of course, there will be so many girls out there, there are beautiful girls, smart  girls, but… not all of them are beautiful & smart all at once, just like Hyoyeon… Coz she’s the only beautiful & smart girl that your heart choose… and that is something that you should think about.”

“But what if my heart doesn’t want to choose her anymore? What if I could not trust her anymore, Mom?”

She sighed… looked straight ahead… and as I followed her line of vision, there I saw my father… my ever complex, strong-willed father.

“Hmmm… sometimes, if we are really down, sad, and even angry, our mind have this weird way of thinking, of making us believe that maybe we don’t really have trust for that person. We are ruled by anger. We tend to think of other people’s mistakes because that’s the only thing our eyes want to see when we are angry. But trust? Oh, please, trust is a huge word Son and it is for a reason- you trust someone who’s very important to you. That person is important to you coz you labeled him/ her as important. No one persuaded you to trust, no one force you to accept them. Other people say that… once you started losing trust, you should let go. But I don’t think that way, Junho.”

“What do you mean mom?”

“You loved her even before she loved you, you told me that. You said that, she experienced a very hard situation with her past relationship and it was through you that she finally tried. She trusted you with her heart. You loved her even though you’re not sure if she will loved you back, that was no one but yourself, Junho… that was you… trusting love.  And the reason you’re sad and confused is because you love her…the trust was tainted, maybe, but it was not entirely broken. How about trusting love the second time around?”

“Is that what you did, Mom?” I asked, while looking at my father, who was now playing with my nieces.

“Hahaha, you’re bad, Junho. Your dad made mistakes, you know that. I was on the brink of losing trust too… but you know what changed my mind?”

I focused my gaze back to mom, who was every inch a super woman.

She continued, “I did not just trust him when I loved him, I loved and trusted him… so when he threatened my trust, I banked on whatever’s left at the moment and that was love. Coz if you love… you are doing both… and it gave you no longer one but two reasons to hope. So, if ever the other reason disappears… why not use the other one?”

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Your mom is right Junho!!! Go back to HyoYeon now!!! haha😉

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