"Key, Jonghyun has..." 

"Jonghyun has..?" 

"Jonghyun has brain tumor." 

Sitting on the bench from the rooftop, I watched the gloomy night of September sky. The lights brighten up the city but sadly it didn't amaze me. Words of Jonghyun's mom keeps on replaying on my mind and this seems bothering me. I can't sleep but I felt so sleepy. Worries always overpower me and this is all because of my bestfriend, Jonghyun. 

Eight long years of being with him, I never felt so lonely like this. He's always the one who keeps on making me happy, making me feel comfortable and making me feel protected wherever I go. Sometimes, he does hurts me but it's my fault anyway. Why? Simple, I don't have the guts on confessing my true feelings for him. I'm afraid. I'm a coward. I'm stupid and that's true. He's not aware that I'm hurting because he doesn't know. 

Now that I'm in a relationship with Onew, I suddenly felt guilty. Not for Jonghyun but for my boyfriend. I felt like I was cheating on him even though I wasn't. I tried to stop spending so much time alone with Jonghyun but I can't control myself. I feel like a magnet that was attached on Jonghyun wherever he goes. 

Now that Jonghyun needs me, I can't separate from him anymore. I felt like I wanted to be on his side always. But when I'm always with him, I felt something that I used to feel before. Am I falling in love with him again? Or could