I am down. I've lost both of my boyfriend and my bestfriend. I'm stupid. Right? I know this is karma and I deserved it. Way to go, Kim Jonghyun. 

I went to the bathroom and pulled out a blade. I tried to kill myself but I couldn't. There's some force that is telling me to stop and I don't know what. I buried my head on my arms and  cried. Reminiscing the past between me and Taemin, I cried more. I love him so much, why does he have to do this to me? 

After a few hours of crying, I stood up and faced the mirror. I looked so miserable and devastated. Do I deserve this? Yes, I do. I'm stupid. I know, I already told myself. I'm a cheater too, right? I kissed Key. It's my fault too. 

I walked out of the room and picked up my phone. Taemin needs to know that I kissed Key. My conscience is also killing me that's why I did that. If he cheated, I also did. We both cheated on each other. I shouldn't blame him. I should blame myself. I also texted Key. I told him that I will tell Taemin for him to be aware. Taemin might confront him. I'm afraid that he'll blame Key all alone. 

I threw the phone on the floor and plopped down on my bed. I stared at the ceiling and think of something, no.. someone... Key. Life is so unfair to him, right? He's always in the middle of this situation. I used him as our bridge and now, he's suffering because of me. Why do I have to kiss him? Why am I feel