So! I have come bearing a non-request scenario that is kind of based on the songs "Human" and "Sad Song", both by Christina Perri. It's very feels-filled and has an ending I will probably be murdered for, but please read it and tell me how dead I am xD

*Caution* It's kinda long, just so you guys know :P

~Admin Bunny

(7/7/17 tumblr catch-up)

Warning: cancer?

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"______-ah?”

Startled, you look up from your lap to find Sam staring at you. His head is cocked to the side as if he had asked you a question. Maybe you missed it. “I’m sorry, did you say something?”

“Yeah, I was wondering if you wanted to come to a movie with Minah and me tomorrow. Are you okay? You keep spacing out.” He looks into your eyes, like he’s searching for something. You look to wall and act as though you’re gazing at the painting hanging there and pull the scarf around your neck a little tighter. That was the good thing about this restaurant, lots of things to look at.

“Sorry, I didn't get much sleep late night.” It wasn't a complete lie, you really didn't get much sleep the previous night, but that wasn't why you were spacing, so really you were lying to him and you found it scary easy to do so. It shouldn't have been, but with everything going on lately, lying was one of the easiest things to do. And the best way to avoid actually telling him the truth.

“Oh,” Sam grins, his questioning look completely gone now. “So, what do you say? I haven’t asked Minah yet, but I’m sure she won’t mind.”

Your hands clench in your lap as you uphold your expression “I don’t know, shouldn't you guys go on your own date for once? I know you don’t want me to be left out, but you two are the couple.”

You choke on those last words, your heart seizing in your chest. Sam is oblivious as he continues on. “Oh no, Minah loves you!”

“I know she does, but really, maybe I should just sit this one out.”

“______-ah!” He whines, practically jumping over the table just to grab your hands. This time your heart skips a beat. “Please?” Damn it. Why does he do this to me? With a final sigh, you bite your tongue and nod. “Really?! Oh, you are so gonna thank me later!” He pulls you up from your and gives you a hug.

This is what you live for. Well, more like the reason you put up with Minah. You wrap your arms around his waist and rest your head on his chest, taking in his glorious sent. Spring rain and lavender. Standing there together like that is what gives you the hope that someday Sam will be your man. He’s so warm, his embrace even more comfortable than any of your pillows. If only things were-

And just like that Sam lets you go, taking a step back and breaking the moment. You blink up at him, not sure of why he let go. Then you hear his phone vibrating on the table. You don’t even have to ask to know who it is. Sam leans over and answers it, taking off towards the hallway. “Hey Minah, so I was wondering if you were doing anything tonight…”

You watch as he disappears around the corner, his voice trailing off.  With a sigh, you wrap your arms around yourself and move to to go sit back down, what little appetite you had before is gone now. You tug at your scarf, unlooping it and just letting it hang over your shoulders. Before you make it to you seat, a sick feeling fills your stomach, stopping you completely in your tracks. You feel like you’re going to throw up, but as soon as it came on, the feeling was gone, leaving behind a terrible dizzy spell.

Black dots swarm before your eyes, leaving you in darkness. You lose feeling in all of your extremities. It doesn’t take long for your knees to weaken, threatening to give out from under you. You reach for something to hold on to, anything that will keep you upright, but as your hand searches, all you find is the air around you. Just as you start going down, you feel a pair of arms go around your waist, pulling you in and keeping you steady.

“Are you alright miss?” A deep voice asks. Your vision starts to clear enough for you to see a half apron and uniform top. Blinking a few times, you can finally see again and look up to meet your waiter’s eyes. He looks both concerned and confused. His eyes are fixed on your neck. You look down and see that your scarf has fallen to the ground, leaving your neck bare and the black and blue spots shining like beacons on your ghostly skin.

You pull away quickly, picking up your scarf and wrapping it around your neck again. Clearing your throat, you say, “Sorry. I was just a little dizzy.”

“But you’re bleeding.” His eyes widen, and he leans forward to get a better look.

“What?” You bring your hand up to your nose. Your fingers brush against something warm and wet. Sure enough, there was a dark red smear of blood covering the tips. “Oh.”

“Hang on, let me get something for that-”

“Oh, no, please, don’t worry about it.” You reach over to the table and snatch your purse, pulling out an already red-stained wad of kleenex to hold under your nose.

The waiter looks like he wants to say something, but instead shakes his head. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I will be, thank you for catching me,” You say, your voice muffled by the kleenex. “Can you do me a favor though?”

“Sure, what do you need?”

You pull out your wallet and hand him a few twenties. “Can you pay our bill? I need to go, but my friend is still here. Just tell him something came up and I had to leave, but whatever you do please don’t tell him what happened.”

He didn’t look like he really wanted to lie, but he nods anyway. “Hope you feel better.”

“Thank you.”

With a simple goodbye you rush out of the restaurant and make sure you’re far enough away from the building just in case Sam came back sooner than you were expecting and decided to come after you before stopping and all but collapsing on a bench somewhere a few blocks away.

That was way too close, you think, pulling the tissue away from you nose to inspect the damage. It had already stopped bleeding, thank gosh, and you didn’t seem to lose all that much blood. Good. Last time it bled on forever. You stuff the tissues back into your purse and lean back, looking up at the sky.

_________-ah, what are you doing? You’re letting a guy completely take over your life. He has you wrapped around his finger and he doesn’t even know it. Maybe you should just give up, before your body gives up.

No, you can’t do that. Things will change, you just know they will.

What in the world have you gotten yourself into?

----------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s been almost three months since you were diagnosed with acute myelogenous leukemia.

This whole thing started off as just a horrible case of the stomach flu. You woke up one morning and sprinted to the bathroom, emptying the previous night’s lasagna and garlic bread into the white porcelain bowl. After brushing your teeth and taking a long, hot shower you called Sam and asked him what you should do. He told you not to worry too much, that the flu bug was running rampant this time of year and it would be gone in about a week. He would know, he had it the week before.

Well, the week turned into two weeks, then into a month. By the 6 week marker, you were getting sick of not having an appetite and when you did, losing the meal only an hour later. Water was the only thing that stayed down, and that was only if you hadn’t eaten anything before drinking it. Even though a month wasn’t that that much time, you had already lost well over 40 pounds from the lack of food intake. So, you broke down and went to the doctor.

Everything seemed fine in the beginning. The doctor took your temperature, checked your reflexes and took some blood. She told you not to worry, that sometimes people just take longer to get over some things like this and to take this medication for the next week and come back if you still don’t feel better. And that was that.

Or so you thought.

A couple days later the doctor called and told you to stop taking the medication she perscribed you and asked for you to come back in for a follow-up exam later that afternoon. There was something off about her voice, like she wasn’t telling you everything. You weren’t all that worried about it. You were probably lacking certain vitamins and whatnot since you haven’t been eating right.

You go in and meet with the doctor. She sits you down in a chair across from her desk and takes of her glasses. “_______-ah.”

“Yes?”

“We found something strange in your blood work. It seems your white blood cell count is abnormally high. It would make sense if they were up a bit, seeing as how you have flu, but it’s a little too high. If you could come back the day after tomorrow, we’d like to run a few more tests.”

You look at her, feeling confused. “Um, alright, sure. Do you have any idea what could be causing that?”  

“We have a couple ideas, but we’re going to run more tests before we come to any conclusions. Now, how does 9am Thursday morning sound?”

“That’s fine. I guess I’ll see you then.”

You stand up, shaking hands with her before heading out to the lobby area. The receptionist hands you a sizable stack of papers that hold direction on how to get ready for the tests. They worry you a little, but the longer you think about it, the more silly you realizing you’re being. The day of the tests fly by and you spend the following day out with Sam and Minah at the mall.

“Ooo, ______-ah, let’s go get our nails done!” Minah yells when you pass the nail shop. Sam just laughs and says they if the two of you want to go, he’ll go to the store across the hall and wait. Minah grins and takes your hand, forcing you inside. The two of you are seated and waiting to start when your phone rings in your pocket.

“Hang on, I’ll be back in a minute.” You step out into the main part of the mall and stand in the middle sections with couches to sit on. “Hello?”

“Is this Ms. ______?”

“Yes, can I help you?”

“This is Dr. HanJoo from the Seoul General Clinic. I have the results of your tests. Are you free to talk?”

“Go ahead.”

“We have come to the conclusion that you don’t have the stomach flu. You never did.”

“_____-ah!” Sam calls from somewhere, but you can’t see him. You ignore him and keep talking.

“Then what’s wrong with me?”

“______-ah?” He calls again.

There’s a pause before she speaks again. “I’m sorry, but you have leukemia.”

The world around you stops. Your heartbeat echos in your ears. “W-what?”

“We’ll start your treatment as soon as we run a few more tests, then-”

“Wait,” You whisper. “I….I have...I’m sick.”

“I am so sorry dear.” The doctor’s voice is dripping with sympathy. “I promise we’ll do everything we can. At least we caught it very early.”

Your eyes blur and knees crumble underneath you. A low rumble rings in your ears and something touches your shoulders, shaking them, but you need to talk to Dr. HanJoo, you need more answers. “How long?”

“6 months at the least, but we will do everything in our power to make sure you have years left.”

“But, but that’s…” Rivers of tears fall down your cheeks.

“Don’t worry _______-ah, you will live for a long time. We will make sure of it.”

She rattled off some more information, but it all went in one ear and out the other. Finally after she said goodbye, another voice creeped in your ear, and you realized there are hands sitting on your shoulders.

“______-ah! What’s wrong, please, tell me!” You look up and see Sam on his knees in front of you, his own eyes looking very scared and worried.

“S-sam,” You choke out before flinging yourself into his arms and sobbing into his shirt. Minah was there too and ran a hand down your back, trying to get you to stop crying. Sam holds you tight and keeps talking into your ear, hoping you’ll calm down enough and tell him what’s going on.

But you never do. That’s the moment the lies started.

You convinced Sam that it was nothing and went on with the rest of the day. Even after the treatments started, you told him your mom wanted you at home, or that you had an appointment for work, which you had stopped going to weeks ago already.

The radiation was taking it’s toll on you. After dinner that night with Sam you are exhausted by the time you get back to your apartment and that had been the only thing you had done today. The room is dark and you don’t even reach to turn on the lights. Shoes kicked off and jacket dropped on the floor, your eyes travel to the ever-growing stack of medical bills on the small kitchenette table. You sigh and lie down on the couch, cuddling up with the giant pillow of plush blankets. The TV remains off as you stare into its blank screen, just thinking. A chill runs over you, and you reach over to cover yourself with the blankets. Between losing massive amounts of weight and not eating like you should normally, your body can’t seem to hold in any sort of heat anymore.

The phones rings, but you don’t want to get up, so you let the answering machine get it with the other 1000 messages on there already. “Hey ______-ah, it’s Sam. I’m sorry you had to leave, I hope you’re still up to going with Minah and me to the movies tomorrow. We’ll come pick you. Please _____-ah, just...please.” The line clicked off. No goodbye, no hope you feel better. For a second your heart burns with anger, but it only lasts that long before dissipating.

The phone rings again, but this time it’s the doctor’s office. “Ms. _______, this is the cancer center at Seoul Hospital. Your bone marrow transplant has been scheduled for this Thursday. If you could call back and confirm this date with us, that would be great. Have a nice rest of your evening.” Click.

Tears fill your eyes, but you push them back. Not today, you need to be strong. You need to fight this.

You end up falling asleep on the couch and waking up the next morning to soft knocks at your door. The sun creeps in from the little window over the kitchen sink, and the clock over the tv tells you it’s already 10am. You get up, stretch a bit and go open the door.

Standing there is Sam and Minah, holding food and a stack of movies. You blink up at them, looking around your apartment, which is a total pigsty. “Um, I thought we were going to a movie?”

“Well, we were going to, but Minah convinced me that we should have a movie marathon here instead.” Sam smiles, holding up the bag of movies.

“But, wait-” You try to stop them, but they push their way in anyway. You rush in after them, tidying up the living room. Minah goes into the kitchen to put the food on the table and you try to stop her, but it’s too late. She glances at the letters, and looks at them for a moment with sad eyes before pushing them aside and setting the food down. You’re confused then looking into the living room where Sam is. There, on the coffee table is the array of nausea medication bottles, all 5 of them sitting there like bright orange beacons screaming, Look at me! He pushes them to the end and sets the movies out like they were just books. You stand there, utterly confused.

“What’s going on? Do you...Sam,” You go into the living room and sit down next to him. He just looks and you, then pulls you in a warm, tight hug. He holds you, not saying anything. The room is completely silent except for the rustling of plastic bags from in the kitchen.

“We know,” He whispers in your ear.

“K-know what?” You ask, but you know what he’s talking about.  

“We know about the leukemia. Your mom told me.”

“Sam, I really didn’t-”

“Shhh,” He coos, pulling you closer. “Minah and I aren’t dating either, just so you know.”

“What?” You gasp, detangling yourself from his arms. “Wait, but then how come you guys have gone on dates before?”

“Those weren’t dates. I just told you they were. Minah actually has a girlfriend.”

“Oh!” You gasp, looking back at her as she works in the kitchen. You weren’t all that surprised really. Actually, it was pretty cool. “But then, does that mean…”

“______-ah,” Sam takes your face in his delicate hands, forcing you to look at him. There’s sadness lingering in his eyes, but there was something else there, something you couldn’t quite figure out what it was. “I’ve been in love with you since the first day I met you all those years ago.”

Your heart stops in your chest. “You...you love me?”

He nods, leaning forward and pressing his lips to yours. You’re so surprised you don’t even close your eyes right away. His lips are so soft on yours, and after the initial shock you find yourself melting into him. The kiss is so sweet and so blissful, you don’t want it to end.

Then it happens.  

You feel it in your chest before it actually comes. You find yourself breaking the kiss, gasping for air. Sam’s eyes widen and he lets you go. He asks you what’s wrong, but you can’t answer. Then the coughing starts. When it starts, it never ends. You lean back, trying to control the raging hacking, but nothing will curb it. Minah runs over and asks what to do, but you shake your head, knowing there’s nothing they can do. This time is different.

After a few minutes, it doesn't seem to be getting better. You’re hunch over, your throat scratching more with each cough. Minah hands you a glass of water, but you can’t breathe, let alone drink something. They keep coming, getting worse every minute. Finally, you catch a break for a moment to notice the red strain on your sleeve. You look up at Sam, who looks like a deer in the headlights.

“______-ah, what do we do?”

Something really weird happened after that. You try to stand up, but the world swims under you, and you’re falling, falling right into Sam’s arms. The lights are dimming and Sams talking, screaming at you, but all you can focus on are his eyes. His eyes are so beautiful, you can’t look away. The darkness tunnels in, trying to take them away from you. You fight and fight, trying to keep them with you, but you’re losing the battle hard and fast.

The lights fade to black and you're falling into a deep, dark black hole.

-------------------------------------------------------

**One Year Later**

It’s raining. Sam sighs, lifting up the bouquet of flowers to smell them once more before setting them ahead of the sparkling white marble headstone. The cemetery itself is quiet today, Sam being the only one climbing the hill and visiting. He gives a sad smile to the other flowers that were there when he had gotten there. They were white daisies, her favorite.

He opens his umbrella and starts back towards the path when he hears a voice call out behind him. “Daddy!” Sam turns to see his five-year-old adopted son, Amiel, running after him. He grins and kneels down, opening his arms fo Amiel can run into them. “Daddy, mommy was being slow so I ran to you. She told me it was okay.”

“Alright, I don’t mind. Did you want to say hi?” Sam points to the gravestone with sad eyes.

“Of course I do!” Amiel gives Sam a kiss on the cheek and runs over to the grave, kneeling down just like Sam had taught him before they arrived.

There’s a figure appearing down the hill. Sam grins and runs towards it, embracing it when he reaches it.

“Yah, Sam what are you doing?”

“Can’t I hug you?” He smiles, looking into those beautiful eyes he thought he lost that fateful day one year ago.

You smiles, slapping him on the shoulder. “You hugged me before we left the house silly!”

“Well, maybe I want another one.”

“Sam, stop!” You giggle, pretending to fight against him.

“Mommy! Daddy! Come say hi to Grandma!” Amiel calls, waving the two of you over.

Sam takes you hand and together the three of you greet Sam’s mother and spend the rest of the afternoon wrapped in the bliss of being a family.

All thanks to these little things called miracles.