I'm so sad right now... Even though it passed already, I still feel sad... There are news about SeungRi being in the ICU for his first few days/first week in the hospital... So I rushed out this chapter...

I just wanna make it clear that it's not like I can still focus on writing a fanfic when Riri is in pain, it's just that I am not the type to say how I feel in a first person sort of blog or anything, at least not for fandom stuff, and writing a fic is how I get my feelings out. My fics are basically what information I heard/read from the internet or friends and how I feel and what I wish for. What I made the characters say in the fic, especially Ji, is exactly what I want to say (well it has to go with the whole plot but mostly yes, that's what I wanna say.)

One more thing, I am a Christian, and I actually researched on K-sites and found out that all of BigBang are Christians (Protestants. some sources say Ri is a Catholic but since he go to church and bible study with the "sure Christians" Dae and Bae, I believe he's a Christian too.), so I put in an actual Christian prayer in this chapter, said by Ji, if you believe in another religion, I'm totally fine with that, just skip the sensitive part and look at it as a regular "hope he gets better" prayer. 

The two BigBang members, with their masks and hats as disguises, rush out of their van and into the hospital door quickly with their managers, not wanting any fans to see them and corner them in, throwing them questions that they can't even answer.

With the help of a nurse sent by the hospital, they took the elevator that went straight up to the floor where SeungRi is. They knock on the door and were met by SeungRi's mother. They walk in one by one, JiYong mouthing his "eomeoni" and the others their "ahjumeoni" while passing by Mrs. Lee, and settles on the benches quietly.

After looking at SeungRi's "sleeping" form through the glass window in silence for some time, Mrs. Lee decides to go back to AND.here. The doctor comes in a few minutes after she left, and he offers them to go in to the intense care unit, but only one at a time.

"JiYong-ie hyung, we can just look at him from here, you can take as long as you need to talk to him." DaeSung smiles bitterly, totally losing his usual angelic vibe.

JiYong nods and mutters a low "thank you" before putting on the gown and walks in the inner room.

"Hey, sleepyhead, are you feeling any better?" He sat down next to SeungRi's bed and combs through SeungRi's hair with his hand, "Hyunie… We were just talking and laughing the other day, how did you end up like this in such a short time? Were you already feeling bad when we were talking? Why didn't you let me know? Didn't I tell you to tell me everything, baby? Why do you always have to be like this? Why?!"

SeungRi stirs a little when JiYong raises his voice unintentionally, but didn't wake up. JiYong grabs SeungRi's hand and brings it up, kissing it gently.

He breaks down and starts crying, the very first time after he landed in Korea.

When he, DaeSung and their managers arrived in Incheon Airport, BoKyung was there waiting for them. They were told that SeungRi’s condition had an acute deterioration the night right after they had their FaceTime session, the bleeding in his liver that was stop at first started again. Even though he undergo emergency surgery immediately, he went into a semi-coma state where he responds to tests and words said to him, but doesn’t seem to be able to fully awaken after the surgery.

When JiYong first got the news, he was just shocked. No emotions, no questions, no nothing. And now, actually seeing SeungRi in this state with his own eyes, he can’t help but to cry his heart out. Two, three days ago they were told that he’s okay, and throughout the whole weekend no further news, just a bunch of okay’s, alright’s, and doing-better’s, and then this being the first thing after they got off the plane.

“I jinx you, didn’t I? I cause you pain, didn’t I? I am the one who made you end up like this, ain’t I?!” JiYong cries, “It’s all because of me! It has to be me! Doctors finding something wrong, your pain, your coma, I thought about all of that! Even though never in a second of my life had I want them to come true but it still did! Why does this have to happen? God, why did You do this to him?”

After the word “God” came out from his muffled crying, he suddenly thought of the most important thing he should be doing now. He got off the chair and kneels on the floor, folding his hands with SeungRi’s limp hand between them. “Gracious Heavenly Father, I haven’t pray in such a long time, and I know it’s wrong, but please forgive me and answer my prayer this time, as who I am praying for today is one of the most important people in my life. SeungHyun-ie has always been the ‘good kid’, he treats everyone so well that I could never imagine myself doing the same, he obeys You and goes to bible study and all that every chance of free time he gets. Can You, can You be good to him and lead him out of this? Can You give wisdom to his doctors? Can You give him strength to wake up and get better?” He pauses to think if there is anything else to add, but he’s too overwhelmed to think again, “I pray in the name of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.”

He stays in the kneeling position and cries for a good ten minutes, until he feels SeungRi’s hand moved. He leans in and pecks SeungRi’s cheek since the oxygen mask is in the way. SeungRi wasn’t having trouble breathing; it’s just to make sure he gets enough oxygen in every breath because of his state.

“Hyung…”  JiYong hears SeungRi let out an almost inaudible groan behind the mask.

“Baby, I’m here, hyung’s here, do you want to wake up now?” He whispers eagerly into SeungRi’s ear.

“It hurts…” SeungRi mumbles again, making JiYong surprise and happy, and getting up immediately to get the doctor. But his legs are numb from the long kneeling which makes him fall back down to the floor.

The doctor that was just out there walks in and helps JiYong up and sits back into the chair. Before JiYong can yell happily about SeungRi’s responses, the doctor broke his dream, “Patient Lee is not really waking up. He’s been swaying in and out of consciousness for the past two days, but hasn’t fully wakened up at all yet, most likely because of exhaustion from the whole thing. Experiencing that strange and sudden second bleeding, even though it wasn't massive blood loss, it still made him very weak. And since he’s not that healthy to begin with, he’ll be recovering a lot slower than most of regular patients. But don’t be too worry, he is stable and doesn’t have any head injuries so waking up is not a problem, it actually helps him recover a little better than if he’s awake right now, we don't want him to move around too much to cause something worse again. Right now we just need to be monitoring him carefully so nothing goes wrong.”

JiYong lowers his head and sighs, “Okay, I understand, thank you doctor.” He caresses SeungRi’s face before he asks again, “May I stay here with him for the night? You said he’s still half conscious, so he must feel lonely in this big empty room when he’s alone at night.”

“Unfortunately, no you cannot. We have a policy here; no visitor can stay after 10:00 p.m. and not even in the waiting room outside after 10:30 p.m. I understand that you guys are much attached, but we just can’t bend the rules for you. And you should get yourself some rest too; our hospital is too small to admit two world famous K-pop stars at the same time.”

"Was that supposed to be a joke, doctor?" JiYong tries to pull a smile but it turned out uglier than his face of a crying mess. "But thank you, I think I should take care of myself too, so Hyunie won't get worry when he does wake up." He pecks the back of SeungRi's palm. The doctor left again so they can talk some more.

"Aegy-yah... I know you can hear me, but you can't be like this anymore. You need to wake up, you need to get better, you need to stay healthy and not be sick all the time, and you need to tell me next time you get hurt even if it's as small as a paper cut. You trying to hide everything don’t help me feel better and certainly doesn't help you get better." He pauses to sob, "And our fans are worried too. We kept telling them that you are doing well, but now I feel guilty. On my way back I was on Twitter, and the whole thing was flooded by 'get well soon's' for you, and they don't even know the truth. I know HyunSuk hyung and BoKyung kept it away from us for the sake of the concert, but that's all over now. As soon as YoungBae and SeungHyun-ie hyung gets back, I'll just tell them and everyone else so they can all pray for you."

Then what happens next breaks JiYong's heart more.

"Don't le... fan... know..." Now JiYong is sure that SeungRi can really hear and understand him, but what he picked up from JiYong's long monologue as most important is not to let the fans know. JiYong understands why as he's also in the industry, but he can't agree.

"I'll discuss this with HyunSuk hyung, MinSuk hyung and the others before we actually decide to release the news or not, okay? Stay strong baby, I'll come again tomorrow." He ruffles SeungRi's hair before getting up to leave.

JiYong took off his gown and disposes it as soon as he's outside before walking towards DaeSung, "DaeSung-ah, you go in now, I'm sure Hyunie wants to hear from his other hyungs too. You know the doctors said that he's half-conscious so..."

"Yeah, he told us that too. And hyung, you wanna call SeungHyun-ie hyung and YoungBae hyung? They didn't know about this yet. They should come back for SeungRi too; we should all be here for him..." DaeSung says.

Sitting back down on the bench, JiYong replies, "I'll call SeungHyun-ie hyung, it's morning in Italy right? I just don't know if he's up yet. And I don't think we should tell YoungBae just yet, he's on a schedule, letting him know right now will just mess things up. He'll be back tomorrow anyway, we'll just tell him then. Hyunie didn't want us to tell the fans either, but I don't think he should be deciding this." He buries his face in his palms for a few seconds before turning to the managers. "TaeHee, call HyunSuk hyung and tell him to schedule a meeting an hour later to discuss this matter, we'll get going as soon as you're done with the call. JaeWoo, you go get each of us a cup coffee from the vending machine, thanks."

DaeSung came out rather quickly, he only stay in there for around twenty minutes. He and SeungRi have been like this since the first day they knew each other. When only two of them are alone, it's always hard to find topics to talk about; they are more like the "one eye contact says it all" type of friendship. He walks out and only sees JiYong because TaeHee and JaeWoo are out doing what they are told to do, so he sits down next to him, hugs him tightly and starts crying in his shoulder.

"Hyung, SeungHyun-ie is suffering in there and we can't help him at all… I feel so bad seeing him like this. What can we do hyung? We can't just sit here." He cries in a low voice.

JiYong who is also crying again pats DaeSung's back and comforts, "He'll be alright, the doctor said he's stable, right? He just need some time to heal, and I'm sure he'll be smiling to us like he always is in no time. Go home and get some rest, DaeSung, we need to stay strong for Hyunie too. Stop crying, BigBang's strong baby is fighting for himself in there, so our smiling angel shouldn't be all upset." He says wiping his own tears too.

TaeHee and JaeWoo come back shortly after they stopped crying, each holding two cups of coffee and a plastic bag.

"Hyungs," TaeHee hands over the coffee and the bags with sandwiches in them, "drinking coffee without eating hurts your stomach, and if you can't eat proper meals right now at least take a bite. It's not just my responsibility, SeungRi hyung needs you too."

"Thanks TaeHee. We should get going now, let's eat in the van." JiYong says.

After they got in the van, JiYong tells the driver to take DaeSung home first and JaeWoo to accompany him, while he and TaeHee go attend the meeting at the main YG building. 

To be continued...

I hope I can make something happier and sweet in the next chapter. 

All the best to our Riri. Get well soon.