CHAPTER 7

FEAR

“Oppa… She’s back… Seo Hyun unnie is back…”

Min Ho starred at the yellow paper note in his hand. The headache was soon fading away leaving him with an obvious fear.

“How can she know this?” – He stunned, his mind became chaos.

Her handwriting was plump and soft like a butterfly’s flapping wings. All of a sudden he remembered about her letter written to him on his 16th birthday. Her handwriting didn’t change much since that day, 9 years passed, but now, he realized she wasn’t that Sulli anymore.

She had grown up.

And during those 9 years that pure Sulli was still there for him.

“Oppa,

Sulli’s here… Hehehe…

Happy birthday oppa <3

Today is your birthday, and I’m so so much happy for that.

I don’t have anything for you, you know, because I am still at the hospital, doctors said the treatment must be intense therefore I couldn’t leave this room to celebrate with you.

So, Jin Ri is here, close to your heart, Jin Ri is always be there for you, this is the only give I can give you this year.

Happy birthday, oppa <3

P/S: Mom told me not to tell you, but oppa… I’ve just had my first period… And Grandma said I’m not a baby girl any more, I’m grown up… Hehe… I just can’t help it, I just want to tell you… Jin Ri is grown up, now Jin Ri can be with you, rite?...”

He chuckled at that memory, how pure she was, even telling him about her first period. That event must be very important in a woman’s life. The day she truly becomes growing up, the day was marked as a new page in her life.

Last night.

Min Ho looked back at the bed.

Last night.

They spent the night together.

Their first night.

Sulli’s first night.

He sat down at the edge of the bed, the yellow paper note on his hand. Last night, he admitted that they were affected by the alcohol from those beer bottles, but he also had to admit that the feeling in his heart was for real. I wasn’t about the hormone and that mediocre passionate. He knew it was about something else.

Sulli had given everything to him.

Since she was a little girl who was on her very first time of becoming a woman.

And last night, she truly became a woman.

His woman.

His dizzy mind remembered how her tears flew down when she said “Oppa, take me, I’m yours…”

She avoided him.

She didn’t told him that she would give him up but she her silence inform him that she had let go of his hand for a long time ago.

He wanted to work their marriage out, but whenever to take a closer move, she would immediately step back. He had just had the thought that she was back, his Ssul was back when he saw that love in her eyes, when he felt her lips and her body, he thought she was back, he thought finally they could make it, they could begin again.

Now he realized the reason. He realized why in her eyes he could see that sorrow, why he could feel that she was struggling with kind pain when embracing her in his arms.

He didn’t know how hard it was for her, giving her everything to him while her heart was suffering.

“Ssul… She’s back… Seo Hyun is back… But what should I do?”

…

Both of them were aware of it, of what happened, of their first night, but Sulli’s attitude prevented Min Ho from taking his chance to sit down and have a talk with her.

She would never mention about it, her behavior was like there was nothing happened that night.

They were on their way back home after coming to his home to join a family dinner on his mother’s birthday. Today he could see her smile, but it didn’t last long. The noona who lived next to his house were invited and when the desserts were served, she happily declared that she was 2 months pregnant and because of her busy work, she didn’t even notice it. He glanced at Sulli and he saw her smile, but suddenly that smile faded away as Hee Sun noona and his mother talked about the performances would appear being pregnant.

“Did it remind her of that night? Did it hurt her?...”

…

She kept starring outside the car window, trying to avoid his glancing.

“Ssul, can we talk…? – He hesitated but decided to start first.

“I’m sleepy oppa, can we talk later?” – She closed her eyes and turn away her head, not wanting to make him upset. She knew she would never play this game forever, she couldn’t hide away from him forever, but she had no bravery to talk about that, talk about Seo Hyun unnie with him.

What would he say? What would he do?

Lately, he came home late, she could only hear his foot step when she was already on her bed, under her warm cover, trying to embrace his fading scent lingering here and there from that day. And it hurt her more than anything realizing that scent was fading away day by day without him in the room, on the bed, beside her.

Did he meet Seo Hyun unnie?

Did they meet?

Then when they arrived at the parking lot, Min Ho immediately went after his wife who was walking so fast towards theelevator like she wanted to run away from him.

“Ssul, we need to talk…” – He grabbed her arms

“Oppa, later…” – Ssul shrugged his hand, keeping on running

“No, Ssul… WE NEED TO TALK!” – Suddenly he yelled

She stopped, but violently shrugging his hands, still turned her back to him, her right hand raised up to cover , standing behind her, he could see how fragile she was, how desperate she was to face all of this.

Their marriage.

That night.

Seo Hyun’s comeback.

And him.

She was trembling, her shoulders shook.

“Ssul, that night…”

 No, Min Ho, not that, you can talk about that later, now you have to clear all the thing about Seo Hyun first.

“Ssul, I saw your paper note that morning…” – He said while came closer to her.

“…”

“Ssul… Seo Hyun… She… We…” – He came and placed his hands on her shoulders

“…”

“We…”

“Don’t touch me, oppa…”

“Ssul…”

Then suddenly she turned around to face him and yelled.

“I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH ME!”

“Ssul…”

He was stunned at her reaction, she didn’t cry as he thought, but her eyes all red.

She looked so pale.

Like she was suffering from something painful.

Truly painful.

Physically painful.

She was struggling.

And he remembered lately he woke up and saw her getting out of their bathroom with this pale face.

He remembered she refused her mother’s favorite foods preparing for her.

He remembered how she acted weirdly these days.

He remembered how her hands shook when she saw someone taking medicines.

He remember how she got pale in the day.

All those things.

Very familiar.

And he got scared by that thought.

Those things were really familiar, the same Sulli who was on her first days on the treatment at the hospital back in those years when she was 14.

Looking into her eyes he could only see that.

She started crying and shrugging his grip.

“Let me go, just let me go, don’t say anything, let me go… I just want to go up… Let me go…”

“Ssul… It … It… is it back? That sickness, is it back?” – He whispered, fear and puzzling filled up his voice.

Then.

Suddenly.

“Sulli? Is it you?”

“Min Ho?”

That voice.

Seo Hyun.

“Oppa, I have to go up, I have to go up now…” – And his wife, she ran away.