CHAPTER 18

 

FALLING SLOWLY

 

“Unnie!!!!!”

 

She cheerfully yelled as she saw a beautiful young woman push a baby carrier through her room door.

 

“Shhhhhh, baby, be quiet, Yoo Geun is sleeping…” –The young lady put her finger on her lips, smiling back at her and kept pushing the baby carrier inside, her eyes landed on the baby who was sleeping soundly on Sulli’s arms.

 

Sulli smiled sheepishly, she looked down on her baby in her arms and started patting softly on the baby boy.

 

“Sorry, Yoo Geun…” – She whispered as she carefully caressing the baby cheek.

 

“He’s really lovely, rite? How is it to be a mother, Sulli?”

 

“I… I don’t know… A mother? I haven’t used to it… I just can’t imagine that Yoo Geun is my baby son and… I’m… I’m a mother… I… I love Yoo Geun… but, being his mother… I don’t know unnie… It’s just weird… And I still haven’t recover yet, I haven’t remember anything… Will I be a good mother? Can I be a mother to Yoo Geun?” – She asked, tears started to form at the corner of her eyes.

 

It was 1 month from the day Sulli became conscious again, her condition was better, much more better than the doctors’ prediction, and even on the day she was discharged from the hospital 3 days ago, they kept on telling her that she was a miracle, a miracle that they had never had a chance to witness in their lives. Although she hadn’t recover her memory yet, she hadn’t remember anything from her past yet, she was still tols that who she was, what her name was and who she was in this world.

 

She was Choi Jin Ri.

 

They called her Sulli.

 

She had family.

 

And the most important thing that made her confuse and feel uneasy was that she was married.

 

She was a mother. She gave birth to her baby while she was being in a comma.

 

And of course, being a mother, she even had a husband.

 

His name was Choi Min Ho.

 

She didn’t know him. Yeah, she didn’t know anyone, she just knew they were her family, they were her friends, but that was all they told her about.

 

Doctor Kwon, now she told her to call her Yuri unnie, was her psychologist consultant said that the was working on  the process of helping her and gave her the treatment on her condition of losing memory, but she also stated that, they couldn’t estimate the accurate time for her recovering process.

 

The treatment was going to be proceeded.

 

But they couldn’t tell when it would be ended and how long it would take.

 

 6 months?

 

1 years?

 

2 years?

 

Or forever?

 

They couldn’t tell.

 

Or she may never remember anything from the past.

 

Min Ho told her that it was alright if there was no ability for her to remember. At least she had come back and now, she had a new life, why shoudn’t she just live her live and carry on instead of longing and waiting for the past?

 

Min Ho.

 

Talking about him.

 

He was her husband, everybody told her the same. Was it the reason why her heart always beat like crazy whenever she saw him? Was it the reason why she sheepishly smiled at the scene of him taking care and holding Yoo Geun in his arms, but whenever he came closer to her, she always felt uneasy and wanted to escape from his graze?

 

She couldn’t explain her feeling towards him.

 

When they told her “I’m your mom, Sulli, I’m your mom…” – She believe them.

 

When they told her “I’m your sister, your closest friend…” – She believe them.

 

When this beautiful lady came and told her “I’m Seo Hyun unnie, your beloved and favorite unnie…” – She believed her.

 

But when it came to him, Choi Min Ho, she always felt something different. Something that kept b from her stomach, her heart, her mind and even the losing memory of her, something that unexplainable.

 

Was it because the feeling and the relationship between them was different from the other people? Husband and wife? Was it just too special that to a person who had just come back from the other side of life, she couldn’t understand it?

 

She had a baby, she could easily feel the love for him, she could easily felt her heart jump in joy as she saw Yoo Geun sleep, she knew, deep from her heart, she believe she was truly a mother. She knew the love she had for the baby. It was instinctive. That love was instinctive being a mother.

 

But for the love with Min Ho?

 

Did she love him?

 

Before she fell into comma, did she love him? She never had a chance to ask him how was her life as his life, but she was very curious, did she love him?

 

And what she was feeling now, was it called love?

 

Did she love him?

 

And what was the love, if it was?

 

“I know, Sulli, you need time, don’t push yourself too much about this, at least you are now in a good and healthy condition… Don’t worry, I know you will be a good mother to Yoo Geun, whenever you’re here and he is in your arms, he would stop crying right away and smile an angel… See? He even smiles in his dream?” – Seo Hyun smiled and gently patted on her shoulder, her took Sulli’s hand and caress it, she knew this girl was the most miraculous person in the world.

 

“How… how about your baby? She’s not like Yoo Geun, Yoo Geun cries when my mother feed him, but I have never seen your baby cries out loud as mine…” – Sulli asked, she lovingly looked at the baby in the carrier…

 

“She does, my Ssul baby, she does whenever her Dad feeds her… She loves to be in my arms and being fed by milk than those baby milk…” – Seo Hyun laugh softly, happiness was full in her eyes.

 

“Really? That… That means you feed her by your milk…?” – Sulli’s cheeks became pink, she knew it, but she never tried it, because they told her her condition was not allow her to feed the baby, so they feed him the baby powder milk, and they assured her that Yoo Geun was used to it, but she hadn’t told them, she was in trouble now.

 

“Of course, Ssul… Aigoo, don’t be shy at it…” – Seo Hyun smiled as she realized Sulli was blushing – “… just because you are not used to it doesn’t mean that you can’t do it, your health is recovering in a very good speed, it just takes time, and now maybe the condition doesn’t allow you to feed your own baby but one day, I think you will have the chance…”

 

Sulli just nodded and then, she breathed deeply to talk about her trouble that she hadn’t had the bravery to tell anybody else, even her mother, she didn’t know why, but she felt at easy with Seo Hyun, and she knew she could trust her.

 

“Unnie… I… I think… I’m in trouble…” – She said a lower tone, which made Seo Hyun worried.

 

“What’s up? Does it hurt you somewhere?”

 

“No, unnie… it’s just, just… my… my s…” – Sulli answered in a very shy voice…

 

“Your s?”

 

“Uhm, unnie… my s, they are weird these days, especially for the past 3 days… They are so weird, sometimes I can even feel it too hard that it hurt me… I don’t know why…”

 

“Did you tell your mother about this?”

 

“No, unnie…”

 

“How about Yuri? Have you tell her about the things” – Seo Hyun asked in concern…

 

“No, I think she is only my psychologist so I didn’t tell her… I mean, I think you can help…”

 

“Me?”

 

“Unnie, I… I think… I has just seen some white liquid coming from my two s, and… and you know, I even has to cover it by some tissue…” – Sulli shyly mumbled as her hands came under her blouse and get out some tissue that were all wet.

 

“Oh my God, Ssul, why didn’t you tell me earlier?” – Seo Hyun excitedly exclaimed while she furiously moved closer and started checking on those tissues.

 

“Unnie… is it…”

 

“Yeah, of course, this is milk… oh my gosh, Sulli, your body is coming back to its normal condition of a young mother who has just given birth… This is milk… And your body is coming to its normal track now, you’re recovering so fast, Ssul…”

 

“Really… But how about the state of my s, is it normal when I feel hurt sometimes?”

 

“Aigoo, you feel hurt because you cannot use it to feed your baby, so it becomes harder and makes you suffer, let me check on you…”

 

Sulli just nodded as Seo Hyun unbuttoedn her blouse and started checking on her both s.

 

Then she smiled playfully as she touched them and said “ Ssul, do you want to try it?”

 

“Try what unnie?”

 

“Try to feed your baby…”

 

“Can… can I…?”

 

“Of course, you can… give it a little try…” – Seo Hyun happily said as she exposed her two s by ing all the upper buttons and slowly guided Sulli to moved Yoo Geun higher, he’s now awake and opened his two big eyes looking at his nervous mother…

 

“Take it slow Ssul, you’ll get used to it soon…” – Seo Hyun gently helped her out and assured that it was alright being like this…

 

“What are you two doing?”

 

A deep warm voice raised up from behind of Seo Hyun making the two ladies startled at it… They were so busy with the feeding job to the baby that they even didn’t aware that someone had just come and moved so close to them.

 

Sulli froze at that familiar voice.

 

She was too stunned that her mind didn’t catch up with what had just happened and then she lost her reflection at this kind of event in which normally she should pull her blouse up or at least try to cover her exposing upper body.

 

She didn’t to anything.

 

And of course, the young daddy known as her husband could easily saw everything that her blouse didn’t have the chance to cover for her.

 

Seo Hyun got stunned too, but then her scare soon turned into a giddy mood and she just giggled turning around to get her now awakening crying baby out of the carrier.

 

“Ahh… Ji Min is awake, Ji Min is awake, are you hungry? Oopps, your diaper is wer already, let Mommy change it for you…” – And she went out of the room, leaving the two behind with a mischievous smile.

 

“Stopppppp starring at me….!!!!!” – Sulli was now fully aware of her situation and started to pull up her blouse to cover her s. She was blushing like hell.

 

She couldn’t even think straight.

 

Yoo Geun began to cry as he was pulled out from his feeding and squealed in angry.

 

Sulli didn’t know what to do, she was so embarrassed that she didn’t know how to comfort Yoo Geun, and her baby cried louder and louder.

 

Min Ho just smiled as he move closer and it made Sulli blushed more, he leaned down until his forehead landed on hers, as his hands took Yoo geun out into his arms, his eyes looked straight into her eyes and he whispered…

 

“Why didn’t you tell me about this? That your body is coming back to it track?”

 

“Don’t… don’t move closer… I just… just…” – Sulli mumbled as she felt his hot breath on her face… Her body was in burned.

“Why can’t I?”

 

“You shouldn’t see it… I mean… my… I mean… you…”

 

“Why shouldn’t I? Why can Seo Hyun, but not me?” – He asked in a husky voice, and it was burning her face.

 

“Because… because…”

 

“I’m your husband… remember that? We’re already married… Even Yoo Geun here gets used to the way I kiss you…”

 

Min Ho moved his face down a little bit as he planted a kiss on her lips and dropped his last teasing.

 

“And by the way, baby…” – He said as he kissed her wide opened eyes… “… I’ve seen them before… not only see… I even touch them…”

 

Her face turned red at his every single words and her heart started to beat fast when some images unidentified appeared in her mind…

 

The beers… the kisses… the touches… the hugs… Someone said  “I love you…”

 

But those one soon faded away as she was aware of Min Ho’s graze…

 

“What’s wrong Ssul?”

 

“Not… nothing…… just…. Don’t tease me… I… I…”

 

“Teasing you? When did I?”

 

Sulli didn’t answer and she just hopped out of the bed and planned to run into the restroom.

 

“Hey, I tell you the truth…” – Min Ho went after her, not minding of stopping his teasing on his blushing wife.

 

“Ya, I told you not to tease me!”

 

Sulli suddenly turned around at the same time when Min Ho reached out his one hand trying to touch her shoulder and hold her back.

 

And as we expected, his “bad hand” landed on the area that his baby son had just celebrate his feeding party ealier.

 

“Yaaaaaaaa….!”

 

Sulli shouted after one moment frozen at the sudden event and ran away from Min Ho.

 

Her husband was stunned at first, but then he started to laugh in amusement, he looked down on his now smiling baby boy and whispered ... “Hey, bad boy… did you close your eyes  when Daddy just touch Mommy’s treasure? Hey, only 4 month old, you’re not supposed to witness this kind on scene, kiss scene is enough, you know… I don’t want you to be a play boy too soon…”

 

…

 

Sulli was half asleep on her bed as she felt a warm arms s around a waist and pulled her closer for a hug.

 

She turned her head to look clearly as she saw Min Ho who was lying beside her and buried his face in her hair.

 

She blushed at that and tried to push him away but…

 

“I miss you, Ssul… Can you please saty still for a moment… I know you’re not used to me here by your side, but this time, I’m not teasing you, just… Can you stay still for a moment? I miss you so much… If it’s not you, I think I can’t think straight now…”

 

Sulli gave up on her pushing as she felt the sorrow and worrisome in his voice. She stayed still, her back pressed gently on his chest…

 

She could even felt his breath and his heart beat…

 

She closed her eyes and touched his hands softly…

 

Near their bed, Yoo Geun smiled in his dream…

 

Home…

 

*Flashback*

 

“Your son? Noona, you said your son?”

 

“YA, Choi Min Ho, you’re always the same as years ago… I’m your wife’s psychologist consultant, and I don’t advise you to shout like this in front of her, it’s not good for her, you know?” – Yuri snapped as she hurriedly grab her bag and went out of her office’s door.

 

“You never told me that you got married and had a baby boy, noona!!!”

 

“I didn’t…”

 

“What?”

 

“I didn’t get married, and it’s simple that I have a child, that’s all Min Ho…”

 

She stopped at the entrance of the door and softly said, her eyes just looked at him emotionlessly.

 

“3 years ago, I met his father, I fell in love with him and we spend a night together, but then I realized we were not meant to each other and, so… I have Min Seok, on my own, that’s all, Min Ho…”

 

“You…”

 

“By the way, don’t you think that single mom is now a hot trend, little brother? Now I have to go to Min Seok’s kindergarten to fetch him… Annyeong…”

 

Rushing out to the parking lot, a single tear fell form Yuri’s cheek, she opened her car door as she whispered to herself.

 

“Min Seok ah, Mommy sorry, I thought I could find him, and told him that he’s your father, but… I don’t know now, Min Seok ah, what should Mommy do?”

 

…

 

Three years ago, at the university party, they were all drunk up.

 

She got her own minding thing.

 

He had his own matter.

 

They were all drunk.

 

It was only one night.

 

And Min Seok was born after that, 9 months later in Jeju, far away from Seoul and from his father.