CHAPTER 14

MY LIFE WOULD WITHOUT YOU

 

“You’re at your 4^th month of pregnancy, and we’re glad to inform you that the baby is very healthy, in the next few weeks, you can feel your baby’s moves, especially the feet… Here, you both can see the baby’s head here, and… Mr. Father – to – be, would you like to listen to your cutie pie’s heart beat?” – The female doctor smiled brightly at him, who was nervously listening to the tiny stethoscope used to receive the baby’s heartbeat professionally.

 

“How is that, oppa?” – Suli smiled, happiness and joy was full in her heart, feeling the moves of her baby and watching the expression on Min Ho’s face.

 

“I… I just can’t believe it… I can hear the baby…” – Min Ho mumbled, smiling like an idiot – “I can feel it, Ssul, this is amazing… I can even hear our baby’s voice…”

 

Sulli laughed, the father – to – be now became more dramatic because of his eagerness.

 

“Ok, so what did our cutie pie say?”

 

“The baby told me: Daddy, I’m sick of your warning and begging whenever you start to kiss Mommy… Daddy, I’m used to it, even your playing footsie under the table things when we come to visits grandparents at their house…” – Min Ho whispered back, his eyes rolled mischievously, then he smirked seeing Sulli’s cheeks blushed.

 

“Yaaaa….” – Sulli slaps his arms, her cheeks turned red hearing the doctor’s giggling towards them.

 

…

 

“How is your wife?”

 

“She hasn’t notice anything, but if you can control her blood pressure and the neural cellular as you said before, I think I can take care of her, not medically but physically, and as we can see every day, her memory is still good, except for those forgotten here and there as the others in daily life…”

 

“Min Ho ssi, I’m glad that her condition is not as bad as I predicted, but for your own good and for the mother’s and baby’s, too… You should be aware of the turning point. Pregnancy is a very good condition for the syndrome to come back, especially when the hormone becomes extra.

Your baby is such a good baby, as in my experience, at this stage of pregnancy, the miscarriage hazard will be at the alarm level, there’re a self – eliminate mechanism within the syndrome developing stage, actually it’s become more hectic because of the baby’s condition, and when all the factors reach its limit, that mechanism will start, but now, even your baby has been at the stage for over 6 weeks, the hormone and blood leucocyte concentration still remain normal.

 I’m glad that both of you decide to fight, and I don’t know if it’s proper or not to say this, but we feel like your baby is joining with us in this whole time, as your wife told us previously, she wanted to fight because she knew the baby would protect her…

But again, I have to remind you, please be careful, if there is anything wrong, contact me and bring her to the hospital right away…”

 

…

 

“Mommy… Princess Mommy?” – The little boy called for her mother, he was sitting on his mother’s lap, playing with his toy.

 

“What’s that, cutie pie…” – She smiled, pinching his cheeks

 

“Daddy really loves you, Princess Mommy…” – He said without looking up

 

“How can you know that, baby boy? Has he ever told you that…” – His mother asked, blinking her eyes…

 

“I know it, Princess Mommy… Even my little heart here beat faster whenever he touches your hands like this…” – He holds his mother’s hand – “… And when he does like this…” – He pouted, and closed his eyes, then made a pop – sound, like a bobo onto the air…

 

His mother laughed, plating butterflies kisses all over his face – “Ya, baby boy, Daddy taught you this, right? You guys, like father like son!”

 

“Princess Mommy, Daddy really loves you…”

 

“He loves you, too, cutie pie…” – She whispered sweetly, caressing the boy in her arms

 

“You must be very sad if you don’t see him, mustn’t you?”

 

“Just as I can’t see you, baby…”

 

“But Mommy, he really loves you… I know, he would never stand it if he can’t see you, if he can’t touch your hands like this…” – He holds his mother’s hand, again – “… And if he can’t do like this…” – He pouted, and closed his eyes, then made a pop – sound, like a bobo onto the air, again…

 

Then the baby boy looked up, his baby face became serious – “Mommy, I will protect you… I love you and Daddy…”

 

“I won’t let you go with me, I’ll let you stay with Daddy… Mommy, I don’t want to make Daddy sad…”

 

…

 

Sulli opened the old door on the rooftop floor, today Min Ho took her home to visit her grandmother, the two didn’t tell anybody about her condition and the hazard of Sulli being diagnosed with the syndrome again since her lastest treatment when she was 14.

 

Her grandmother was having a nap after lunch, and being pregnant, sometimes, Sulli didn’t feel the urge to sleep, that’s why she sneaked out of the room and went upstairs.

 

Her childhood flooded back in her mind…

 

Here came her toys, here came her old dolls… those music boxes and even her old mini piano…

 

Sulli sat down on the floor, started playing the Lullaby song, Min Ho’s favorite song when he was little…

 

And suddenly, her eyes landed on an old carton box at the corner of the rooftop room, her heart flustered a little bit as she left the mini piano and came closer to the box.

 

A smiled formed on her lips as she saw the note on top of the box – “Little Jinri’s treasure”, those handwriting was from her beloved grandmother, Sulli’s had the same feature of handwriting as her.

 

Sulli slowly opened the box, and she found a lot of thing that grew up together with her. Her tiny little pinky angel ring, her old first English photo dictionary… and her hand touched a purple envelope, which was written outside “To Grandma…”

 

Her hand shook a bit as she opened the envelope and unfolded the letter inside…

 

“March 30th…

 

Grandma, I'm so sorry about yesterday, my two eyes were so puffed up. I locked my door and didn't take a step outside.

 

What do I do? Tears keep falling down… I guess there is no one whose first love lasted in this world. I guess everyone has to squat and spill tears. And forget as they live on. Grandma, my first love hurts like my first wisdom tooth.

 

I don't know Grandma, I don't know - this bug-like love, to a young me, it's too cruel. What should I do? My heart is already burnt, my first love - this love is going to kill me, what should I do?

 

Grandma... has Grandpa ever made you upset like this? I guess men don't know this easy girl's hearts. That jerk - he's not even calling. My first love hurts more than my first wisdom tooth.

 

 

Grandma, I’m so sorry…

 

 

Your Jin Ri.”

 

 

It was her letter written to grandmother a day after her 15th birthday.

 

 

She still remembered how she locked herself inside the room and wouldn’t show up although her parents and grandmother try their every way to comfort her. Her Dad even lost his patience and yelled at her door, at that time, they hadn’t been aware of what made their daughter be stubborn and cry all day like that.

 

 

Only her grandma put in a small letter under her door, saying everything was alright.

 

 

She thought that grandmother would call Min Ho and told him to come, but no, he would never come.

 

 

“Baby ah, ever since I was just a 15 years old girl, has Mommy loved Daddy that much, huh? What do you think, baby? Am I that silly girl? …Too childish, right? But, you know, Daddy was a bad guy back then, he ignored me for a whole week and months after, he even introduced me another guy… You know Uncle Tae Min, right?” – Sulli whispered to her baby, she sweetly caressed her belly, it was now bigger and rounder, people could easily recognized that “Little Miss Sunshine” was now preparing to be a young mother soon.

 

 

And suddenly a thought ran through her mind, Sulli ran down stairs and grabbed an umbrella.

 

 

She rushed out to the nearby park, the park in their neighborhood, the park where she and Min Ho always came every afternoon after school when they were young.

 

 

Her eyes flashed a joyful glint as she saw the tree, the familiar tree… Their wishing tree…

 

*Flashback*

 

“Oppa, is it true that, if I lost my memory again, I can use this to recover everything?” – The girl curiously asked the boys who was putting those papers into a box and buried it underground.

 

“Sure, if you forget me or the others again, or anything that you cannot pick up in your mind, come here and open this, it will help you…”

 

“Aish, oppa, you’re now 17 years old, how can you think this will be better than the neural treatment those doctors gave me?”

 

“I’m even better than the doctor, I bet you’ll be surprised, once you came… But, you know, I don’t think this will be used, cuz I know that you’re fine now, nothing nor that syndrome will no longer affect your brain again… This is just in case…” – The boy smiled brightly, patting the girl head.

 

“Really?”

 

“Of course, who am I to tell you this? Oppa know best, Princess…”

 

“I promise, oppa!”

 

“Promise what?”

 

“I won’t ever never forget you ever again… never ever…”

 

*End of flashback*

 

 

Sulli carefully took out the box, she wondered why after those long years, she could still easily took it from the place they buried it 8 years ago.

 

But that wonder had no time to request for explaination as she opened the box and found a lot of envelopes inside.

 

Some of them looked so old, but also some of them looked really new.

 

And her eyes became teary as she started opening one by one.

 

 

The first one.

 

“ March 29…

 

SSul,

 

Today is your 14^th birthday, oppa is sorry for not preparing a proper present for you. But you know, I’m really happy seeing you recover like this. You can remember my name now and seems like you can eventually remember something between us.

 

Please be safe and sound, don’t make me scared like the last time. I thought I would die for thinking of losing you. My mom cried so hard, but I can’t even cry, you know?

 

My life would without you…”

 

 

Then another letter.

 

 

“Ssul, what should I do?

 

I know that you’re now fine, and you’ll never have to use this box to remember anything, that’s why I keep this as my own heaven post office… For my own good…

 

What should oppa do? Ssul…

 

I’m too confused, I’ve asked grandma, but you know, this is driving me crazy…

 

Do I love you? And if I really love you… What if I hurt you and lose you? Oppa scared of that feeling Ssul , the feeling of losing you…”

 

 

Then another one.

 

 

“Ssul, yesterday I held Seo Hyun hands for the first time, we’re now a couple…

 

How are you, oppa was too busy with my senior year…

 

But Ssul, am I wrong? This feeling, is it love? Do I love Seo Hyun?”

 

 

 Then another one.

 

 

“Ssul,

 

Today you looked so pretty, my little miss sunshine is now grown up…

 

What do you think about Seo Hyun, she’s sweet, right?

 

But again, Ssul… Do I love her?”

 

 

 Then another one.

 

 

“Ssul, my dad called me to go to talk to you…

 

He said you’re crying all day… but ssul, can you please be strong? My baby Ssul is now grown up, you must be strong right? Oppa want you to be strong…”

 

 

Then another one.

 

 

“Ssul,

 

It’s been a while I didn’t write anything for you…

 

But seeing you ran out of the party tonight made my heart sink… What should oppa do with you, Ssul?”

 

 

Then another one.

 

 

“Sulli ah,

 

Oppa is so mad… I didn’t know why… But I’m so mad… Seeing you with Hee Chul oppa, the way he looks at you, the ways you smiles at him…

 

Sulli ah, why am I being like this? What should oppa do?”

 

 

Then another one.

 

 

“Ssul, they told us to break up… What should I do?”

 

 

…

 

 

Then another one.

 

 

“Today is her wedding day, Ssul…”

 

 

Then another one.

 

 

“Ssul,

 

I’m a bad guy, I’m hurting you… I left you behind and you still wait for me? Why do you have to wait for a jerk like me in that heavy rain? It hurt me like hell seeing you cry like this, Ssul… please don’t cry…”

 

 

Then another one.

 

 

Then another one.

 

 

Then another one.

 

 

Then another one.

 

Then another one.

 

 

“Ssul, you touch the mask, can you realize that guy was me?

 

I handed you the apple, can you read my mind? Can you understand what I said?”

 

 

Then another one.

 

 

Then another one.

 

 

“I’m proposing to you, Ssul… It’s not for Grandma’s last wish, but I’m really proposing to you…”

 

 

Then another one.

 

 

“Ssul, today is our wedding day…”

 

 

Then another one.

 

 

Then another one.

 

 

Then another one.

 

 

Then another one.

 

 

“Ssul, last night was our first night… I love you…”

 

 

Then another one.

 

 

“Ssul, please don’t scared me, don’t tell me that your sickness is back… I’m scared, Ssul…”

 

 

Then another one.

 

 

“Ssul, why can’t I realize that you’re now having my own baby? Why am I that stupid? How can I face you and out baby?”

 

 

Then another one.

 

 

“Ssul, you’re mine, now…”

 

 

Then another one.

 

 

“Ssul, please be safe, my life would without you…”

 

 

Holding the box on her both two hands, Sulli cried her heart out, she didn’t know that he loved her that much…

 

She didn’t know everything.

 

And she just sat there on the ground, crying… Letting her tears fall down…

 

So long…

 

For so long…

 

Until…

 

She looked up and got panicked…

 

She swept out her tears and looked around…

 

She got scared…

 

“Oppa, where am I?... I don’t know this place… Oppa? Where are you? Where is this place? Why am I being here? I don’t know why I’m here? Where am I?

 

Oppa… I’m scared… Where is this place? Where am I? How can I go home?...

 

Where am I?

 

Oppa…”

 

…

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

My dear,

 

Awwww, finally I can update the new chapter, I'm too busy these days...

 

Hope that you love this chapter, please comment and upvote if you love WH...

 

Aww, how I miss you guys,,, heeeeeeeeeee <3

 

From Ceroro with love <3