Instead of eating with the guys I take up dinner into my own apartment for once.  Making myself a sandwich I take a seat on my couch, eating quietly I wonder what Willis would really say about the state I’m in. I know he’d be unhappy purely on the basis that I am, but what his real thoughts would be are lost to me. Willis and I knew each other, we knew what one would say before they actually said it, but since he’s died it’s like I’ve forgotten. I feel like I’m slowly losing him, even though I’ve already lost him.

Getting up I place my plate on the counter, staring over at the picture Eli made me take with the guys, he got it framed and put in here for me.

“You know it wouldn’t kill you to be happy.” That familiar voice says, it brought chills to me to hear it again, it made my heart ache all over again, all the progress I thought I had made was suddenly gone and I’d gone back to square one.

Turing around I look out the window remembering how Willis and I even started out, how he asked me out and how I’d try to fight liking him at first. I hadn’t wanted to be the girl of the guy that did everything perfectly; I hadn’t wanted to live up to that because I feared I couldn’t. Now here I am doing the exact same thing to Kevin. Killing myself trying to fight it, killing myself over all the things I can’t change. Hearing a knock at my door, I jog over to answer it.

“Hello?” I ask before looking who was there, Hoon was standing there looking at me frowning. “Hoon?”

Stepping in he sighs. “Thanks to whatever you said to Kevin he and Xiao met up before he got back to the apartment and they’re together again apparently. Stronger than ever.”

Sighing I look down at my feet. “You know I wasn’t the one who ditched us with other plans.” I mumble looking up at him. “Besides I feel bad enough for how I treat him don’t you think?” I ask him. “I mean here we are acting.”

Walking over to me he the side of my face. “He’s getting over you this time.” He mumbles watching me carefully. “Paxton if you’re not careful you’ll lose him.”

Pulling my face away I turn away from him “I never had him to begin with.” I’m not wrong, I’d never accepted Kevin fully into my life, and I was always keeping him back a little to keep my space, to keep myself sane. “Besides when he gets back I’m sure he’ll have things to tell you.” I tell him walking into my bedroom. Laying on my bed I glare at the ceiling, getting back with Xiao, so I’ve missed haven’t I? Falling asleep I dream of my life before I even met Willis, I dreamt of all the good times I had with Fina back when we were in elementary school.

“Yah, what happened with you three?!” Eli yells at me, Hoon and Kevin, the three of us who broke out into an argument. “You and Kevin were getting along so well and you and your boyfriend!” He says watching me carefully.

I glance over at Hoon, who’s watching me. “Yeah come on fess up, you and Hoon are the perfect couple.” Kevin says bitterly. “Just get over this pretend crap.” He says bitterly standing up watching me now.

Glancing at Hoon again he shakes his head standing, taking my hand he leads me out of the room, walking behind him I’m not sure how Kevin, Hoon and I got into this. “Pax what was that?” He asks me stopping.

“Maybe I’m not going to ever be with Kevin, maybe he’s not who I want to be with.” I mumble looking away from him. “Everyone keeps saying to move on, and they all nudge me towards Kevin, but he has Xiao again.” Frowning I look up at him. “Besides are we really pretending anymore?” I ask him quietly.

Hoon runs a hand through his hair watching me unsurely. “Pax,” He starts sighing. “You and Kevin are good together.”

“Then why do you act like you do with me?” I ask him holding my breath for whatever reason I’m starting to really wonder if Hoon would be good for me, if I’d be good for him. If we’d be good together.

“I don’t know. I mean…” Hoon says looking up before looking me in the eyes. “You and Kevin got along so well, when did I get mixed up?” Hoon asks taking my hand gently. “It’s wrong you know that. Kevin will be hurt. The guys will be upset, well except Mr. Dense.” Hoon says sighing again.

“Would it hurt to try?” I ask him quietly. “With us playing the part, maybe it was bound to happen regardless of Kevin. Hoon it wouldn’t kill us to give it a shot.” I mumble blushing slightly.

Squeezing my hand Hoon forces me to look up at him a "Trying wouldn’t kill us, hell it might even make us happier.” He says smiling at me. “Come on let’s get back to the dorm before they said the brigade after us.”

Walking with Hoon I let out a deep breath, that shaky breath, I could be wrong with all this, but if Kevin doesn’t care anymore then why should I?

Don't get too upset at me for adding in Hoon, but I needed someone to play the part for some other stuff, and Hoon and Paxton mesh well together, he brings out her playfully-ness and her happiness in ways I couldn't let Kevin. And this is a little different from what I had planned originally, but I think this will go well, and if you'll notice the tags, I even added Hoon >< So don't hate please, and bear with me and we'll get to the ending eventually.