Sunhi’s POV

            He was going to find out. Someone was. I didn’t think it’d be so soon though. It’s only been a month or two since I got here. I’m just gonna turn another person away from me by admitting the truth. Am I able to just make up a quick lie? Nope. Always at lying. That’s weird isn’t it? You’d expect someone suicidal to be great at lying. Ha! I wish.

            “Sunhi.”

            He was still expecting an answer. An explanation.

            My eyes wandered around the hallway to find that everyone had gone to class, and without hesitation, I lifted my shirt up to my diaphragm, showing him my multiple scars, and the deep cut I had made last night that unfortunately opened while I was in my last class.

            For a second, he didn’t react. His eyes were glued to the cut and the blood that was welling up just a bit, hoping for my shirt to soak it up. Before it dripped over, Kai pulled down my shirt and grabbed my arm, dragging me towards the nurse’s office.

            I pulled my arm away harshly. “What the hell?”

            “What the hell? What the hell?! Sunhi, what are you doing to yourself? I have to take you to the nurse.” He was angry. More so than he should have since he didn’t know me very well.

            “I just showed you one of my darkest secrets and you’re going to tell someone about it?”

            “What else am I supposed to do?” he hissed. “Let you do this to yourself?”

            “Yes.”

            He only stared at me from my bluntness. “Why?”

            “That’s private.”

            He glanced at my shirt, the red splotches getting darker and larger. He walked back to my locker, picking up the dropped shirt, tossing it to me. “Go change. I’ll wait.”

            What now? He’s just simply letting it go like that? No, he’s definitely going to confront me after I change.

            I quickly walked to the bathroom and lifted up my shirt, getting a towel, soaking it with water, and wiping the cut clean, wincing in the process. I quickly reached into my bag and pulled out a large bandage, ripping off the wrapper and slapping it on before peeling off my shirt, sticking it in my bag, and slipping on the darker one. I’d finally managed to buy one when I went shopping with Amber.

            It felt good to wear dark colors again. But it brought back the emotions I felt and the misery. Maybe it was a good thing my mom changed my wardrobe color.

            I walked out and was immediately met by Kai.

            “Are you gonna explain?” His voice was low and quiet. This was the most he’s spoken to me.

            “You just found out one of my secrets and you need more?” I muttered, uncomfortable.

            “Usually, that’s what you owe someone.”

            I ran my fingers through my hair, frustrated, before I began to walk towards the back entrance of the school, gesturing for him to follow.

            I kept walking until I reached my safe haven: the dance studio.

            “Why are we here?”

            I walked in and dropped my bag, sitting where I usually sat. “Nobody comes here during regular class hours. Easier to talk.”

            He hesitantly followed, sitting down in front of me. “Gonna talk now?”

Kai’s POV

            She barely nodded, but I knew she’d be telling me something that she never felt comfortable talking about.

            “Have you ever felt the slightest depression ever?” she muttered, her voice quiet and soft, as if she was talking to a child.

            I shook my head. Never been depressed.

            “It …” She ruffled her hair slightly. “Dunno why I’m starting it like this.” Sunhi closed her eyes tight, leaning her head back against the wall.

            I kept silent, wondering if she’d continue. I swear five minutes passed before she spoke again. But it’s a touchy topic. No rush, I guess.

            “My dad died.”

            Blunt. I could feel my eyes widen just slightly.

            “He drowned himself in alcohol the night he found out he lost his job…” She clenched her fists. “What a bastard… so weak that he couldn’t pull himself back together to find another job… No, he had to drink himself to death the night he found out.”

            She paused again, maybe finding the right words to use. “We were wealthy… I guess he couldn’t take the fact that we’d just be well off after he lost the job… I thought he was better than that… What kinda person gives up after just figuring out he lost a job? And it wasn't as if we were gonna end up poor, either.”

            “Someone who wants to keep the environment in which his family lives in,” I said quietly. I didn’t really understand how she felt. Nothing like this happened to me before.

            Sunhi scoffed. “God… I thought he was the best. You know, I used to be able to say: out of both of my parents, I love my dad more. He’s just awesome. He doesn’t even seem like a dad. He’s like my best guy friend.” A tear escaped from her eye. “And that wasn’t an over exaggeration.”

            Tears began to fall a bit faster from her closed eyes. “But he died. And I found out how. I couldn’t believe it… I was in denial for ages.” There was no bitter smile. It was too painful for her. “I thought: my dad would never be stupid enough to do that. He wasn’t that weak. But I had to accept it. That my role model… the person that I loved the most in the entire world… let me down and left me.”

            I couldn’t really speak. I was literally speechless. Ever get that feeling before? Makes you feel pretty helpless. I wanted to comfort her. Just didn’t know how.

            “I shouldn’t have put so much faith and trust in him,” she muttered. “But I couldn’t get it out of my head… My father died. My best friend died. My role model died.” She clenched her teeth for a few moments. “It killed me.” She whispered the last part, her hand reaching for her stomach where the cut and scars were. There were so many, I couldn’t even count when she showed me.

            “So I slowly just grew depressed. Having a non-responding mother didn’t help. But she got out of it eventually. She got back into the groove of things. She just didn’t pay much attention to me. I have my dad’s eyes and lips… She didn't want a reminder. So I thought, if I did anything to help with the pain, she wouldn’t notice.” Her eyes moved to me, dark, sad, depressed. That veil was gone. And it swallowed me up in her sadness, grief, depression, everything. I was so overwhelmed, I felt like I could choke. This girl has been suffering so much pain.

            “It was the worst mistake I ever made. Believing that. I didn’t do drugs or smoke. I didn’t drink. I knew it would make me feel weak, like my dad was. So I did something that was better and that I could do a billion times over and over without passing out, getting high, etc.” She covered her face with her hands for a moment, as if trying to relax the tension in her face. “I was smart about it. I never cut my arms or legs. I only cut my stomach. It was easy. Easy to hide, easy to do. Nobody would ever know.”

            The entire time, I stayed silent. I don’t know. Maybe I should’ve said something. But I just couldn’t. It was almost too much for me. I suddenly felt all the burdens that she felt, all the hurt. The betrayal she must’ve felt and still feels.

            “But I got addicted to it just like anyone would to alcohol or drugs. Cigarettes or weed. I used to cut once a day, just to try and distract me from the emotional pain. It got so bad that I eventually cut near my shoulder to try and get more space for cuts.” She stopped, as if she thought she was getting too far.

Sunhi’s POV

            I had to stop. I was getting to the suicide. I couldn’t tell him that. “I started getting abandoned in school. Left because I was so depressed and just upsetting to be around… My mom eventually noticed.” Because I almost died. “She started paying more attention to me. Taking me to doctors. Even moved and transferred me to this school.”

            Kai just kept staring at me. He was really into this, in a pained sort of way. But I felt bad for dragging him into this now. Letting him feel my depression. I wish he hadn’t seen me bleeding.

            “She checks my scars once a month now… It’s getting better. But like a drug, I can’t completely pull away yet.” I spoke quietly. Didn’t feel like getting any louder. “Every once in a while… I need the emotional pain to go away.”

            I stopped talking. A few minutes went by. I think he knows I’m done. But he keeps sitting there, processing this all.

            He finally spoke. But it wasn’t what I expected. I almost ran out before he even spoke. Yet… I’m almost pleased that I didn’t.

            “Sunhi… I don’t understand how you feel.” His voice is gentle, and husky. “But… I’ll be here for you. Don’t cut yourself anymore.” His eyes were filled with sympathy. Sadness. “When you feel like cutting yourself,” he reached into his bag and pulled out a pen and small piece of white, regular line paper. He scribbled on a few numbers and handed it to me. “call, text, anything. If you see me in the hallways, just pull me to the side and drag me to the dance studio. I know we’re not close friends… but if you’re unwilling to tell the others, I’ll be here for you. And I promise I won’t tell anyone about this until you say it’s okay to.”

            I couldn’t control the flow of tears as they rained from my eyes. My mom never said that to me… she’s never been willing to talk about it. And here, some guy who I barely knew, was willing to let me talk through my depression to him. I couldn’t help but cry.

            I felt Kai envelope his arms around me as I sobbed.

            “Just let out all of the pent up pain,” he whispered. His voice was soothing. “Let it out.” He slowly my hair. It was the most comforting gesture I’ve ever gotten since my depression even began.

            I thought he’d walk away from me. I thought he’d neglect me. I thought he’d spill my secret. He surpassed all of my expectations.

Kai’s POV

            This was what she was talking about in her note. She was talking about this. But she didn’t know that the dancer was me. She didn’t know that Dancer was Kai. I could’t let her know.

            Kai would have to do the personal comforting. But Dancer could light up her spirit again. Kai could help lift the darkness. And Dancer could let the light in.

            As Kai, I’ll let her cry, sob, frown, glare, anything like that. Let out her grief and anger. As Dancer, I won’t let her think of those things. Dancer will make her smile.

I updated fast! I hope you guys like this chapter :)

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