Sunhi’s POV

            I was forever thankful that Kai’s parents never mentioned what happened to me. They didn’t talk of it again, and the dinner went well, with our parents talking happily. The mood became brighter and I managed a small smile here and there.

            My mom brought out the cookies for us to eat as dessert, and Kai’s parents at his own decorated cookies. They looked cute, kind of like the types of cookies ten and eleven year-olds decorate. The cookies weren’t decorated great, but they had that charm to it.

            “This was really one of the best Christmases we’ve had,” said Mrs. Kim. “I can’t thank you enough for having us over.”

            My mom smiled and hugged her. “It’s nice to have people over… Otherwise this Christmas would have been rather difficult to pass.”

            Mr. Kim patted her shoulder. “You know, he’s still with you. He’s watching over us now, and I’m sure that he’s glad to see you two getting on so well.”

            “Thank you.” My mom gave him a hug as well before hugging Kai afterwards. “You all take care, okay? And you’re welcome over any time.”

            Kai and his parents pulled on their coats and shoes, heading out.

            While my mother walked them out and said a few more words, Kai walked over and hugged me.

            “Thanks for today.” He smiled softly.

            “No problem… Thank you for coming.”

            When he pulled away, he leaned forward and kissed my cheek, causing me to blush. “Merry Christmas.” Kai smiled once more before walking towards his parents, who in turn said “Merry Christmas” before leaving.

            My mom walked over to me and pulled me inside, hugging my shoulders to keep me warm.

            “This has been such an eventful day, right Sunhi?”

            I nodded in reply. “It was better than I thought it would be.”

            She glanced at me with a teasing eye and said, “Because of Jongin, right?”

            “N-No!”

            My mom laughed at my denial. “I think you made his Christmas… and I’m glad that you smiled. If he can make you smile like you did today… I think he’s a pretty special boy.”

            I blushed again, embarrassed. My mom hugged me again before sending me up to my room for the night.

            Everything that’s happened in the past two days has been overwhelming. It’s hard to believe how much things have changed since I moved here. Only a few months, and basically my entire lifestyle is different. Honestly, I wish things could last like this forever. But everyone knows that time moves on, things constantly change, and nothing ever really stays the same.

. . .

~One Month Later~

Kai’s POV

            She was sketching again, but this time slightly faster. Maybe it was because of the music’s fast beat. Sunhi didn’t seem fazed by the speed that she was drawing. It still looked natural and easy to her. Every few dance moves, I’d pause for barely a beat just to look over at her before continuing with the fast paced steps.

            Suddenly, the door to the studio opened and Sehun walked in with Luhan, the two of them flinching back at the blasting of loud music.

            Luhan ran over to turn off the stereo.

            Sehun glanced at the mirror and saw Sunhi sitting down with her sketchbook, surprised at their sudden appearance.

            “Sunhi? What are you doing here?”

            “S-Sketching.”

            “You draw?”

            While he was asking questions, I quickly grabbed Luhan by the back of his jacket and dragged him into the changing room.

            “What was that for?” asked Luhan, glaring at me.

            “You have to help me.”

            “Why? What are you even talking about?”

            “You can’t let Sunhi know that I was dancing in front of her just now!”

            “Doesn’t she already know that?”

            “No! Just, please! I’ll explain more later! Don’t let her find out, and don’t let Sehun tell her!”

            “You owe me so much,” he muttered, running back out into the studio. “Hey, Sunhi. Busy sketching in the dance studio?”

            “Y-Yeah… I’ve been going around the school and sketching different places… I should probably go now.”

            I could hear a shuffle of things, probably Sunhi putting away her pencils and supplies.

            “Wait, but you were just sketching—“

            “With loud music! Does it help you concentrate?”

            “Yes… I guess I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” The door opened and she was gone.

            I breathed a sigh of relief and walked out of the changing room.

            “What was that all about?” Luhan walked towards me.

            “And since when did Sunhi start sketching you?  In the dance studio. I bet that’s why you’ve been coming so much,” muttered Sehun.

            “Look, I swear it’s not as weird as you think.”

            “I don’t think it’s weird. I’m just really confused. Never really knew Sunhi was an artist. And why would she come here after school when she can join the art club? She wouldn’t have chosen to draw a dancer without any reason. Dancers aren’t exactly the most still models you can get,” said Luhan.

            “She just… At the beginning of the year, she walked in and watched me dance. I didn’t tell her who I was and she thinks that I don’t know who she is… She looked interested in the dancing, so… I let her stay.”

            “And it just continued like that? It doesn’t explain her sketching.” Luhan lifted an eyebrow while Sehun just glared at me. “Why wouldn’t she tell us though? She can always come in and watch EXO dance if she’s interested.”

            “She just started sketching a little before winter break… I don’t know why she sketches me, and I don’t know why she doesn’t come to EXO’s group practices. But I know she wants to keep this a secret.”

            “Why aren’t you telling her it’s you, then?”

            “This has been going on since the beginning of the school year. I’ve gained her trust as Kai, not as the dancer. As a dancer, I’m just her model to draw. Telling her that I’ve been lying about who I was in the dance studio is gonna make her think I’ve just been playing around with her mind.”

            It was Sehun’s turn to lift an eyebrow. “And you think I’m gonna keep this from her?”

            “You can’t tell her.”

            “Why not?”

            There wasn’t a reason. There was no reason why Sehun shouldn’t go tell Sunhi and be in her favor.

            “Sehun, just drop it.” Luhan glanced at me. “This is somehow going to hurt her, even if it’s just a little. Or maybe it’ll confuse her beyond repair. You’ve put yourself in an interesting position, Kai.”

            She’s entrusted me with the one thing she couldn’t tell anyone else. She’s let me help her through so many dark moments. And I couldn’t even tell her that I’m the dancer she loves to draw and watch so often. She trusts me and I couldn’t even tell her something so simple. She’ll think I’ve been playing with her head this entire time.

            As a dancer, I was the first one she showed her sketching to since her father’s death. I was the first one to see her passion rekindle. As Kai, I caused her smiles, and I listened to her.

            Maybe she won’t feel hurt if I just tell her it was me this entire time. But it was hard enough for her to put her trust in me. If I couldn’t trust that she wouldn’t walk away, what would that make me?

            “I’ll tell her.”

            Sehun and Luhan’s eyes widened.

            “What? Just a second ago, you were too scared for Sunhi to find out it was you,” said Luhan.

            “I guess I like to change my mind a lot.” I quickly grabbed my bag, swinging it over my shoulder. “Let’s just see how it goes.”

            “Kai!” Before I could get out of the studio, Luhan grabbed my arm. “Are you sure? Like you said, you could lose her trust. And it was hard enough for you to be probably one of the first to gain it from her.”

            “If she trusts me enough, she won’t run away.”

            “But do you trust her enough to not leave you?”

            “Yeah.” I shrugged off his hand and walked out of the studio, running towards the front of the school.

Sunhi’s POV

            “How was your day?”

            “It was okay. Could you open the trunk for me?”

            My mom nodded, pushing a button to cause the trunk to slowly lift open. I dropped my bag heavily into the trunk, putting my sketchbook in as well before closing the trunk.

            “Sunhi!”

            I looked up and saw Kai running towards me. Normally, I’d wave and say hi. But something was off. He wasn’t wearing what he was today. He was wearing exactly what the dancer was wearing when I last saw him a few minutes ago.

            “Kai… what’s going on?” In the few seconds I saw him, it wasn’t too difficult to piece together what was going on. But what… how did this happen?

            “I can explain.”

            “Explain what?”

            “Sunhi… maybe I should go home first. Do you mind walking her back home, Jongin?” asked my mom, peering out the car window.

            “No problem, Mrs. Choi.” Kai smiled and waved as my mom waved back, driving away.

            “I’m not stupid, so I realize that you’re that dancer…”

            I understood that much. But my mind was spinning. Why hadn’t he told me? Was it that difficult? I know I asked for it to be a secret, but that was when I thought I never met him before.

            He sensed something was wrong, his eyebrows furrowing slightly. “Is there anything else wrong…? I mean, you pretty much just summed up what I was gonna tell you.”

            “Y-Yeah… “ I didn’t know how to explain what I was confused about. “Why didn’t you just tell me it was you?”

            “I… This is gonna sound really stupid… but when you first saw me dancing, your eyes kind of… they lit up, like they do when you draw. I thought it was interesting, seeing how when I first met you, your eyes hid everything. You know the saying how the eyes are the windows to the soul? Yours had… curtains?”

            The seriousness of the situation seemed to fade slightly because of his comical explanation. But the confused feelings remained. “Why didn’t you tell me it was you?”

            He hesitated, as if this was more frustrating that he wanted it to be. “My first impression to you… what was it?”

            I thought back to the first day. How Sehun seemed so much more welcoming. If either of them were to be my friend, I guess it would have most likely been Sehun at first. “You were… bored. Tired. Maybe a bit irritated.”

            “That’s what I thought you’d get from the first day.” He smiled slightly, but it dropped from his face when he saw no positive reaction from me. “I thought that if I told you who I was, you wouldn’t come back to watch. I’d never see that light in your eyes again.”

            “And then what? I started drawing… and I showed you my art that I haven’t shown anyone else in months.”

            “I was surprised you showed it to me in the dance studio. But I kept myself a secret because I thought you’d leave if you ever found out who I was.”

            “At the same time… you were listening to me talk about my past. So you basically learned of me as two different people… Is that why you started talking to me at first? You recognized me from the dance studio and were curious about me. You got close to me outside of the dance studio and learned more. So is your curiosity quenched?”

            “At first, I was curious about you. But you told me about what happened in the past.” His expression turned slightly worried. Worried that I wouldn’t listen to what else he had to say. “And I figured… if you talked to me and stopped cutting, I could lift at least some of the depression from your life… And when you came to watch me dance, the light in your eyes would brighten up more. It did, and you starting to draw again proved that… So I wanted to keep this up for a while more.”

            “Why didn’t you?”

            “Sehun… he would have told you. And I wanted to tell you myself.”

             Everything he said was overwhelming. I couldn’t believe he’d gone so long without telling me that he was the dancer that kept me going on…

            “But… if Sehun didn’t find out, would you have told me?”

            Kai nodded.

            I didn’t want to ask any more questions. But they kept on collecting up in my mind. Silence radiated around us for quite some time. I didn’t know what to say. Kai seemed afraid to speak.

            Did he just fool around with me? Trick me into trusting him so that he could find out more about a weird, depressed girl? He can’t be that cruel, right? Was this purely out of innocent curiosity? If I hadn’t walked into the dance studio, would he have even talked to me at all? Ever?

            I felt somewhat taken advantage of. He didn’t do anything wrong… Just… he learned so much about me. And he did it as two different people. I would have easily said it was okay. But it was unsettling. Who was he when he learned of my depression? Who was he when he learned of my drawing? They were both obviously him. He was Kai. And he was the dancer. The same person… but I had such different experiences with the two sides of him.

            “Sunhi?”

            His voice snapped me out of my thoughts, his eyes meeting mine.

            “Kai… I-I need some time… just to think about all of this.”

            His expression fell slightly but he pulled up a small smile and nodded. “I’ll walk you home.”

            I nodded, my eyes averting away from him. We started walking slowly, and I could feel Kai’s gaze on me every few minutes.

            The awkwardness level was much higher than it was when we even first met. Maybe it was because for the past several months, he would be what people consider a best friend to me. And now, he’s just told me something that’s confused me so much, I can barely even look at him.

            When we got to my house, he walked me all the way up to the door, his hand barely touching my shoulder.

            “Sunhi… I’m sorry I didn’t tell yo—“

            “Don’t worry about it… just give me some time to think. I want to ask you a question… It doesn’t make sense as to why I’m asking this, but it just feels necessary in a way.”

            He nodded, waiting.

            “Did you… use me?”

            His eyes widened slightly. “Never.” He didn’t seem angry, bit he was confused now.

            “Like I said, it doesn’t make sense why I asked… I’ll see you tomorrow.” I unlocked my door and quickly walked in, shutting the door as soon as I was inside.

            I walked towards the stairs, trying to go up before my mom saw me, but she did anyways.

            “Sunhi? I helped you take your things up into your room! How was your talk with Jongin?”

            “It was fine. Thanks.” I ran up the stairs before she could ask another question, closing my door behind me as I got into my room.

            I grabbed my sketchbook and flipped it to the page with my drawings of… Kai dancing. The height of the dancer, his stature, they were the same as Kai’s. But there wasn’t anything else to tip me off that it was him. I then flipped to the page of the sketch I had of Kai when he was over on Christmas. It was closer up and showed the details of his face.

            Closing the book and putting it on my desk, I lay down on my bed, shielding my eyes with my left arm.

            I wasn’t angry at him. But part of me felt like I couldn’t trust him as much as I wanted to anymore. It felt suffocating, not knowing what to do. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to truly believe that they’re the same person. I mean, of course I know that they are… but when I’m in the dance studio, it’s like he’s a completely different person, with a different air about him.

            I grabbed my pillow, covering my face with it and let out a scream. It was muffled enough so that my mom wouldn’t hear, but it helped release some of the confusion and frustration I was feeling.

            Maybe Kai was right in telling me. But there’s still a part of me that wishes he never told me.

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~DespisedSecret