Kai’s POV

            I stayed overnight at the hospital. Dunno if that was allowed, but I wasn’t kicked out, so I guess that’s the best news of the day/night.

            Mrs. Choi had arrived in tears and thanked me several times for coming. She ended up staying as well, but slept in a chair in the corner. Before going to sleep, she told me the secret Sunhi had been keeping from me.

            Sunhi had attempted to commit suicide once before, but was saved and kept alive. They had moved in order to try and start a new life for Sunhi, but Mrs. Choi now realized how much that had failed, because Sunhi had almost killed herself again. Mrs. Choi kept saying how I was a blessing from God. I told her she was over exaggerating. She said that nobody is lucky enough to escape death twice. But Sunhi was able to because of me. Mrs. Choi said she’d forever be in my debt. I said that she shouldn’t be saying this because it was just by chance. But she kept thanking me regardless.

            I didn’t know what else to say about Sunhi having tried to kill herself once before. But it explained the other scar I’d found on her other wrist. It was so dark and very noticeable. How had I never seen it before? The thought that her life was so awful that she wanted to kill herself again made me realize just how much I had never understood about her. How much I wasn’t able to help her. I felt useless. Had I been able to better see what she was going through, maybe she wouldn’t have tried to kill herself again.

            The doctor that came in a bit after Mrs. Choi told me asked whether he could speak to Mrs. Choi about Sunhi. He recommended admitting her into a sort of therapeutic ward. Mrs. Choi refused the therapy. She knew that Sunhi would be even more miserable in it. The doctor tried to insist on it, but Mrs. Choi said she wouldn’t allow it. Then he tried to pull the “I know your daughter tried this once before. Not putting her through therapy will give the same result.” And Mrs. Choi basically threw him out of the room, nearly slapping him if I hadn’t persuaded her not to.

            Sunhi was unconscious or asleep for quite a while, even when I woke up, completely disoriented the next morning. She was still pale, but her complexion was slightly improved, looking more like her normal skin color. Her wrist was still bandaged with thick bandages, and the nurses had washed away all of the blood.

            Slowly, I reached forward to brush away a strand of hair from her face. As soon as I barely brushed against her cheek, her eyelids fluttered twice before she crinkled her nose cutely, eyes opening very slowly.

            Her eyes widened just a bit, though she looked exhausted. “K-Kai… I’m dreaming, right?” she muttered. But when she tried to lift her arm, she noticed the IV in her arm, the bandages around her wrist. “W-What? I shouldn’t even be breathing!”

            Mrs. Choi rushed over and tried to calm her down. “Sunhi, it’s okay! I’m right here!” But Sunhi shoved her away, surprising us.

            “Sunhi! Calm down, please. You’re just in the hospital.” I tried to hold her hand.

            “No! I should be dead!” She began to sit up, and I could tell she felt dizzy by the simple action, but she still insisted on sitting up, trying to get the IV out. Tears started to form in her eyes as she pushed my hand away. “I can’t be alive! This can’t be happening! No!”

            A few nurses quickly rushed into the room. One of them asked what happened.

            “She just woke up and started to panic,” I said quietly, being pushed to the side as they tried to calm Sunhi down.

            “Please, don’t sedate her!” yelled Mrs. Choi, but the nurses ignored her, sedating Sunhi anyways.

            “I’m sorry, Mrs. Choi. But if she kept panicking, she would’ve passed out anyways.” The nurse seemed to hold no real sympathy as she walked out with the other nurses that came with her.

            Mrs. Choi nearly crashed down to the floor sobbing. I quickly helped her up and into a chair.

            I glanced at Sunhi, passed out in an awkward position that the nurses didn’t even bother to fix. I walked over and tried to reposition her into a more comfortable position, wincing at the slightly reddened parts of her arms that the nurses had created while trying to hold her down.

            There was nothing I could do. I’d never experienced something like this. No matter how much I wanted to help Mrs. Choi, I knew that I couldn’t, because on the inside, I felt exactly like she did. And that made me feel even more helpless.

            Pulling over the chair back to Sunhi’s bedside, I sat down, hesitant to even touch her hand gently. What would happen when she woke up again? I couldn’t just let them sedate her again. She’d be bruised all over, with another needle puncture in her arm.

            I was completely clueless as to what the next step was. She’d recover from the blood loss and be taken home. Then what? She couldn’t go to school after this, could she? She was completely depressed again, and she probably never wanted death more than she does now. How would I tell the guys? Or all of her friends for that matter? With no idea what to do next, how was I supposed to help Sunhi?

            And then… the thought occurred to me: why was I responsible for what happened next to Sunhi? Oh, that’s right. I’m not. But I wanted to be. I wanted to help, despite not having a clue of what to do.

            “Jongin… maybe you should go home to rest. It couldn’t have been comfortable sleeping while sitting.” Mrs. Choi came up behind me and placed her hand on my shoulder. I could tell she still wanted to cry, but she tried to smile comfortingly to me. She wanted time alone with her daughter.

            “Yeah… Is it okay if I come back later?” My voice was almost a whisper.

            “Of course… I really can’t thank you enough.” When I stood up, she hugged me before sending me on my way. “Please do come back to see her… I think she could use one of her friends.”

            Except… I don’t know if I was her friend anymore. But I nodded anyways, walking out the door.

            As I drove home, all of the images of last night kept flying into my mind. Seeing her dying in her own tub of blood. The realization of what was happening. The dread I felt as I tried to staunch the blood flow. The cluelessness and helplessness of the situation was unbearable. The fear of what was actually going on. Everything was flooding back and it was so overwhelming that the tears of last night came back, rushing out of my eyes so much that I had to pull over to wipe them away.

            Crying was uncharacteristic of me. Completely. If you asked me to count the number of times I cried, excluding when I was a baby, then I could probably just use my two hands to count them up.

            My cell phone rang and I quickly answered.

            “Hello?”

            “Jongin? Where are you? You’ve been gone all night! Do you know how worried your father and I have been? You didn’t explain anything last night! Why is Sunhi in the hospital? What’s going on?!”

            “Look… mom, Sunhi… she did what she did more than half a year again.”

            It was silent for a while. My mom only muttered an “Oh God.” And said that she was telling my dad.

            “Jongin, did you… you found her…”

            “Yeah, I saw her in the bathtub…”

            “Oh my… is she okay? Are you okay? How’s her mother?”

            “She’s… I think she’s fine right now. I’m fine, too… Her mom had a small break down, but I’m sure she’ll be okay in a little while…”

            “Okay… Well… why don’t you come home and maybe take a quick rest…”

            “Alright. See you in a few minutes…”

            “Drive safely.”

            “Okay.” I hung up and started driving again, trying to sort out my thoughts. Everything was a mess right now.

            Right when I got home, my parents ran out of the house and my mom enveloped me in a hug as soon as I got out of the car.

            “Why don’t you go rest? I’ll go with your father to see how the two of them are doing,” said my mom quietly, kissing my forehead lightly.

            I nodded, slightly dazed still. “I’ll meet you there in an hour or two…”

            My dad hugged me next, saying, “Don’t worry. We’ll get her right back on track again.”

            How could he know? Didn’t he think that last time? And look at what happened…

            Regardless, I nodded once more and handed my dad the keys to the car, walking back into the house without another word.

Sunhi’s POV

            When I opened my eyes again, realization hit once more and I sprang out, my head spinning, but I didn’t care. What was I doing still alive?

            “Sunhi, you’re awake!” My mom rushed over to my side and grabbed my hand, rubbing it soothingly.

            I could feel tears rush to my eyes as I felt the familiar, sharp pain in my wrist. I pulled my hand out of my mom’s. “What’s going on?!”

            “Honey, please stay calm. Otherwise, they’ll have to sedate you again.” My mom’s eyes were filled with pain and grief, and I could see the look of desperation on her face.

            But how could I still be alive? All I remembered was passing out in the bathtub but that was from blood loss! I should’ve died! And I know that my lock was working! I know, it’s something stupid to be thinking about, but how could they have kept me alive?! I was going to do what everyone would have wanted. If not wanted, then it was for the better of them!

            Angry tears flowed from my eyes. I ripped the IV out of my arm, swung the blankets off my legs and quickly tried to make my way out. But my wrist’s pain immediately multiplied several times, and I knew I’d torn the stitches.

            “Someone, help! Her stitches ripped!” My mom grabbed my around the waist and pulled me back into the room, which was easy since she was taller and stronger than me.

            The blood dripping from my wrist nearly made me throw up. I’d mentioned how I feared pain? Well, did I mention how I hated blood as well? Now you’re wondering, then how’d she soak in her own bloody water? The desire to die is very strong.

            A doctor rushed into the room, pulling a cart with her. “Please get her onto the bed.”

            My mother nodded, lifting me easily into the bed quickly.

            “I need a few nurses in here!” The doctor immediately made a move towards me, but I didn’t resist. The blood. I couldn’t concentrate. It was flowing, and the pain was familiar, but unbelievable.

            A few nurses held down my legs and arms, one of them giving me something to bite on so I wouldn’t bite my own tongue off.

            Soon after, two people rushed into the room.

            “Oh my God.” Mrs. Kim was standing there with a hand over .

            A nurse went over and told them that they had to wait outside, taking my mom with them.

            “Sunhi, just hang on. I’ll do this as fast as possible,” said the doctor, quickly stitching my wrist back.

            I felt like screaming, or chewing my own arm off. Every stitch she made was torture, only making me wish I’d died.

            “All done. I’ll get some pain medication for you, okay Sunhi? And I’ll let your mom and guests back in,” said the doctor, giving a fake smile with fake kindness and all combined. She walked out, followed by the nurses.

            My mom rushed back in and immediately hugged me. It was then that I stupidly noticed: she was still in her clothes from her business dinner.

            “Go home, rest and change, mom,” I muttered, pulling away.

            She shook her head. “I… No, I’ll stay here with you.”

            “Mom, go home,” I said firmly. She looked beyond tired, and her make up was all gone from crying.

            “We’ll stay here and accompany her. You should go rest, and Jongin will be back within the hour,” said Mr. Kim, patting my mom’s back.

            “I-I can’t! I can’t leave you, Sunhi.” My mom held my hand tight.

            I pulled her hand off mine. “You need to rest, otherwise you’ll end up in a hospital bed, too.”

            She seemed hurt, but she tried to pull on a smile anyways. “Alright… I’ll be back as soon as I can.” My mom thanked Mr. and Mrs. Kim before leaving.

            I leaned my head back, trying to ignore the stares that the two were giving me. Why couldn’t I have just succeeded this time? How does someone avoid death twice?

            Mrs. Kim sat down in the chair by my bed and held my hand carefully. “Sunhi… how are you feeling?”

            I took one look at her, and I probably had a very blunt expression on my face, for she immediately apologized.

            The rest of the time was spent in silence, with the three of us having nothing to say to each other. Mrs. Kim rubbed my hand comfortingly, which was probably the best she could think of to do.

            A nurse came to check up on me once, but left us again in the awkward silence.

            Both of them knew that it would be quite inappropriate in the moment to ask why I had done it again. But they were curious. Everyone’s curious.

            The silence was almost unbearable, and I wanted to just fall asleep again. Or die. Both work. I’d rather the latter. But the first would be inconceivably rude, and the latter was impossible to do in a hospital where doctors and nurses surrounded you everywhere. Unless, of course, I died of some heart attack or something. That might not be as preventable. But trying to give myself a heart attack was pretty much impossible.

            After the long and agonizing hour, Kai came back, his expression sullen. I couldn’t read his eyes, which was a first. And seeing him like this was a first as well. There was no smile, but of course, I didn’t deserve one. There was no happy spark in his eyes. Everything familiar to me that I saw in him was gone.

            He only stayed distant, standing by the closed door of my hospital room.

            It was no less awkward with him there. In fact, it was probably even more awkward. But then the thought occurred to me. Who saved me? My mom left for her dinner, didn’t she? Nobody else was at my house. I was alone. That’s why it was supposed to work out!

            I knew that my thoughts seemed very childish. They were very childish. But what else was I supposed to think?

            Who was with me when I first woke up? Kai and my mom were both in the room… but my mom was at her dinner, like I’d said. Kai?!

            “You saved me,” I muttered, unintentionally out loud while facing Kai.

            His head snapped up, eyes meeting mine fiercely. He seemed to clench his teeth before nodding once.

            He freaking saved me?! My mind was screaming with anger and rage, knowing that he’d been the one to drag me out. I didn’t care that he now knew I was suicidal. I didn’t care that he’d probably found out I tried this once before. All I cared was that he stopped me from achieving what I wanted most. I wanted all of the problems to end, for me and everyone else.

            “Get out.” The words were out of my mouth before I could think. I felt almost guilty. But not guilty enough to not say it again when Kai only looked at me. “Get out. Now.”

            Hurt flashed through his eyes as he walked out of the room, slowly closing the door.

            I know I shouldn’t have said that. But I was furious. I was seething. I needed him gone. I couldn’t… I just couldn’t deal with this right now! How could he… Why did he do that?!

            “Sunhi… maybe you should calm down just a bit,” said Mrs. Kim, trying to pet my hair.

            “I am calm!” It came out harsher than I intended, but it was too late to take back the words, and her hand retracted back quickly.

            A few minutes later, my mom came back, but my doctor followed close behind.

            “Well, I think it should be okay to take her home now. I’ve already told Mrs. Choi all of the details on what to do… Are you sure you won’t consider taking Sunhi to thera—“

            “No. It’s fine. Sunhi, I brought you some clothes to change into. Come on, I’ll help you to the bathroom to change.” My mom smiled as she lifted up a small bag to show me and walked over, helping me out of the bed. I felt light headed, but refused to stay in the hospital, so I pulled the IV from my arm, took the bag from my mom, and walked into the restroom myself.

            “Would you like a nurse to go in with her?” asked the doctor.

            My mom shook her head. “I’ll go. Thank you, doctor.”

            The doctor only nodded and left.

            Following me in, she locked the bathroom door and turned away to let me change. I grabbed a paper towel to stop the trickle of blood coming from where the IV was pulled out. I flinched but kept it pressed there as I tried to change into my clothes as best and fast as I could with one hand.

            I winced whenever my wrist brushed against something. It didn’t hurt because I was on pain meds, but it was like a reflex.

            “You alright, Sunhi?” asked my mom.

            “I’m done.” I walked out of the bathroom, quickly followed by my mom. Mr. and Mrs. Kim were still in the room, waiting for us.

            “Thank you so much for being here with Sunhi,” said my mom, bowing to them.

            “It’s fine. It was no problem at all,” said Mrs. Kim. She seemed unfazed from earlier.

            “And we’re just a few houses down if any trouble arises again,” said Mr. Kim. “Like her stitches coming undone and such…”

            “Of course. Thank you so much.” My mom smiled, wrapping her arm around my shoulders.

            When we walked out, Kai was still waiting, and I was surprised when he looked up at me with no anger or hostility. He looked at me… with confusion and sadness swarming through his eyes.

            He got up and followed us out, but made his way to his own car.

            I heard Mrs. Kim say to Mr. Kim that she was going to join Kai in his car before quickly running to her son’s car and sliding into the passenger’s seat.

            Kai didn’t start the car, and seemed relieved when his mom got in. She said a few words to him and he talked back. It seemed as if she was trying to see how he was doing. Who wouldn’t be traumatized after seeing a girl dying in a tub of water and her own blood?

            I felt sympathy for him, though most would think he should feel sympathy for me. I didn’t want anyone’s sympathy.

            All of the troubles that I tried to escape, returned. I knew there was no way out again. I’d never be let out of my mom’s sight again. I had to solve all of the problems I had if I even wanted to somehow survive life. Life was a game I didn’t want to play. But I guess I was forced to, and I’ve been pushed back several places to where I started just a bit over half a year ago. 

Very fast update O_O because my dongsaeng (cough Krispy_EXO cough) wanted me to update so fast ^^""

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~DespisedSecret