Kai’s POV

            I’ve been caught up in something lately. Wanna know what? Yeah, Sunhi. But one thing I didn’t notice? Sehun.

            I got close to Sunhi. I talked to her often. I never thought of the small fact that Sehun could’ve possibly found me talking privately with Sunhi during one of her depression waves.

            I didn’t notice how he started avoiding me until… two days ago really. When I asked him to be my lab partner, he said he’d partner with some . Really Sehun?

            He thought I was stealing “his” girl again. Damn. I’ve screwed myself over. Again. God, I was stupid to not realize he could’ve just assumed I was starting to make Sunhi fall for me.

            I don’t think it’ll be that easy to win him over. I’m pretty sure he’s lost all trust for me. During dance practices, he refuses to work with me. He won’t even glance at me. If my arm just hits his slightly, he shoots all the way across the room.

            “Hey, Kai!”

            “What’s up, Chen?”

            “I’ve got a vocal practice thing today. Wanna come?”

            “…Why?”

            “I just thought you might be interested in something other than dance and rap,” he said, a small smile on his face as he walked to class with me.

            “No thanks. I’ll stick with dance… and rap apparently.”

            “Hey, you’re good at rapping.” He paused for a second. “So what’s with Sehun? He’s been pissed at you lately.”

            “He thinks… I’m stealing his chance with a girl. At least that’s the only explanation I can think of.”

            Chen smirked. “You’re getting yourself into something like this again?”

            “Not purposely. I’m not trying to steal this girl from him. Hell, I’m not stealing her from him. But he thinks I am.”

            “And he told you himself?”

            I rolled my eyes. “Well, no. But why would he? Hey, I know, just go ask him for me,” I said sarcastically.

            He held his arms up in a “surrender” gesture. “You should at least try to talk to him. Convince him you’re not trying to take whoever this girl is.”

            “Doubt that’ll work.”

            “He’s your friend. He might not talk, but he’ll listen.”

Sunhi’s POV

            My mind was wandering today. I couldn’t focus. Something was gonna happen today. I had this weird feeling since this morning. I woke up and could sense… today was gonna be worse than most days.

            “Have you noticed how Sehun’s been hanging with us a lot more, recently?” asked Sulli, sitting down next to me in our math class.

            I nodded, snapping out of my thoughts.

            “That’s weird. He always hangs with EXO most of the time.”

            “Maybe he wants a change of pace. And he still hangs out with them.”

            “I guess you’re right.” She smiled simply before turning towards the front of the classroom.

            I looked across the room to see Sehun fidgeting with his fingers, seeming distracted. He must’ve noticed and looked to me, smiling. I could feel my cheeks burn from being caught and nodded, quickly looking away.

            “I’m going to the restroom. Tell the teacher when he gets here,” I said to Sulli, standing up and slowly walking out.

            I walked into the bathroom and quickly let the water flow over my hands, cooling them down. Despite it being cold December weather, my hands were hot, as well as my cheeks. Was I just nervous? That’s the most likely reason.

            But my thoughts were stopped way too soon by a quick shove and turn. I knew it. Something was gonna happen again. Maybe I should’ve asked Sulli to come with me.

            “You know, it was a nice trick, getting my friends expelled.” A girl with bleached blonde hair, too-pink lipstick, and narrowed eyes was sneering at me, along with one more girl who looked almost like a slightly heavier, shorter version.

            I only sighed, trying to walk around her. “It wasn’t my fault.”

            “Like hell it was.” She pulled my shoulder and flung me back at the sink, the ends of my hair sitting in the running water.

            “You’re gonna have to pay. And I can promise that if you even mutter a word about this to anyone, you’re more than just screwed.” The heavier of the two girls reached into her bag, pulling out a pair of small scissors.

            “What? Are you gonna stab me?”

            “Not really. But put those scissors away for a moment.” The taller girl turned to the shorter, who thus placed the pair of scissors on the sink counter.

            The taller one immediately, without hesitation, punched me square in the jaw. I felt blood well up inside of my mouth as I turned to spit it into the sink, turning off the water flow. At least she didn’t break a tooth.

            The shorter girl kicked the back of my knees, causing me to fall. I clenched my jaw to avoid any sounds.

            “What? Not hard enough for you?” The taller girl kicked my lower back with her heel while the shorter seemed to just brush her hand past my neck, missing.

            The two laughed.

            “Our work’s done… for now.” They continued to laugh as they walked out the door. I turned to see a large clump of long, dark hair on the floor.

            Quickly standing up, I realized that they’d cut the left side of my hair. My hair was originally long, so when all of it was brushed behind my back, it looked normal. But when I turned around, a fourth of my hair only reached just below my shoulder blade while the other three fourths still reached my lower back.

            Hair is hair. Did they think it would really bother me? But I could see the bruise forming on my jaw, and I knew a bruise would form on my lower back. The previous beating was worse. But for some reason, these girls thought my hair was oh so precious to me.

            Just knowing that people in this school wanted to beat me up till I was dead… the thought was frightening… yet so inviting.

            I know I shouldn’t be thinking like this anymore… but it just slipped into my mind. Purely accidental. It had such a huge effect on me though. It’s like… being a druggy and having that drug right in front of you, taunting you.

            For a moment, my mind told me to break off a piece of plastic from something in the bathroom to use as a knife.

            I clenched my hands, my fingernails digging into my palms. I squeezed my eyes shut, taking deep breaths. I can’t think about cutting. I have to wait for Kai.

            But I stopped. I can’t keep relying on Kai. Every time I talk to him, his eyes seem to darken, that calm expression changing to one of sadness as well. I can’t keep doing this. I need to learn to deal with this on my own… And if it means cutting just once more before I can figure out what to do, then so be it. And my fingernails cutting into my hand only made me miss the physical pain even more.

            I walked out of the bathroom, glad that class had already started. It’s only a little while before Sulli would come looking for me. I quickly ran to my locker, nearly ripping the door open and pulling out a metal nail file that Luna had given to me. I looked through a bunch of things before my eyes landed on a bandage, pulling that out as well as I quickly got back to the bathroom.

            Locking the door on a stall, I pushed up my shirt just a bit and pressed the metal to my skin, almost shuddering at the reassuring feeling of the coldness biting on my stomach. Before I could think, I dug it across my skin, causing a cut to form for the first time in a month. The blood began to well out just a bit, but I ripped a piece of toilet paper from the dispenser, staunching the blood.

            I heard the creak of the bathroom door opening.

            “Sunhi? Are you in here?”

            . “Ah… yeah. I just… don’t feel so well. Tell the teacher I’ll be back in a minute or two.”

            “Are you sure? I can call the nurse for you!”

            “No, I’ll be fine. Just get back to class before you miss anything.”

            My heart was racing, scared that she’d find out.

            “Okay… but if you’re not back in five minutes, I’ll go get the nurse.”

            “I’m fine. I’ll meet you back at class.”

            “Alright…”

            I sighed in relief as she walked out the door, quickly ripping the wrapper off the bandage and sticking it onto my stomach and rolling down my shirt. It felt… relieving. Relaxing.

            But it wasn’t right. What the hell did I just do? Oh my God.

            I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I wanted to run to Kai and beg for his forgiveness for cutting myself. But that wouldn’t help. I didn't owe an apology to him for hurting myself. Yet, more than anything, I needed to stop. I needed… to forgive myself. I needed to just give myself a break. To heal. Mentally and physically.

            It was too late for that though. I’d hurt myself. And I wasn’t even thinking straight. I never am when I cut myself. Why’d I think it’d be any different? 

            Why did I think I could change and stop? Was it because I’d finally made friends? I finally began to accept that things would be okay? Nothing’s ever gonna be okay. And I just proved that.

            I walked out of the stall, threw away the trash, washed my hands, and walked out, returning the file to my locker and getting back to class before Sulli came to look for me.

            “Are you okay now?” Sulli whispered, a look of concern in her eyes.

            I only nodded. I noticed that Sehun glanced at me a few times, but stopped when the teacher asked for him to stop being so distracted and focus.

            I’ve failed at the test for my strength. Failed at rejecting my “drug”.

            “Wait, what happened to your hair?” Sulli’s eyes widened. She quickly ran her fingers threw the severed hair. “Did someone get you in the bathroom?”

            “Ms. Choi, would you like to share to the class exactly what you were saying?”

            “N-No.” Sulli immediately averted her eyes from the teacher, but they kept darting to me.

            That’s why Sehun kept glancing at me. Not because he was worried, but because of my hair. I should’ve tied up my hair before getting back to the classroom. When did I become so absent minded?

            When the bell rang, I quickly picked up my things, escaping from the class. Sulli called my name, but I was quick to ignore her. It was nowhere near the end of the day, but before Sulli could catch up to me, I darted around a corner and hid, hoping that she wouldn’t see me.

            After a minute or two, I looked around the corner, only to see Sehun knowingly waiting for me. . Run or make up a lie? Er, lie.

            He walked up to me, reaching forward and brushing my short hair. “What happened?”

            I shook my head.

            “You know you can trust me, right?” He knelt down slightly. “Did someone do this when you walked out of the class earlier?”

            Sehun… maybe take some classes on how to ask the right questions. Obviously someone did this to me. But I can’t blame Sehun. Probably doesn’t know any better. “Yeah… but it’s nothing to worry about. An easy fix.”

            “Don’t you care that they did this?” He brushed away my hair on the right side of my face and noticed the light bruising that was bound to get darker. “And… this?”

            “What’s done is done. I’ll get a haircut… and medicine will help with the bruising.” I gently pushed his hand away from my face. “You should get to class.”

            “I’ll walk you to your next class. My teacher won’t really care if I’m late.”

            I shook my head. “I’ll be fine. I have to go to my locker anyways. It’ll take too long. I’ll see you later.”

            He hesitantly nodded. “If anyone tries to hurt you, just yell. Someone’s bound to help you. And if not, there are twelve guys in EXO. I’m pretty sure one of them will hear.” Sehun smiled at me, but there was a sense of worry to his expression. “See you at lunch.”

            When he walked away, I walked around the corner and slumped down to the ground, slightly wincing because my arm brushed against my cut.

            I was beat up slightly. My hair was cut. Those things didn’t matter to me. But I made a stupid mistake within seconds. And I already regretted it. I couldn’t… talk to Kai without feeling guilty. I had to keep my cut a secret for just a little while. And if not a little while, just for as long as I could.

            Standing up, I walked out the backdoor, going straight to the dance studio. Kai’s probably gonna find me once Sulli or one of my other friends notice I’m missing. But I hope I have enough time to collect myself before that happens. So that I can go hide somewhere else.

            I searched through my bag, pulling out a mini, pocket-sized sketchbook. Yes, I have a pocket-sized sketchbook. Do I sense judging? 

            Pulling out a pencil from my bag, I sketched the empty dance studio, trying to draw what I could in the dark. When my eyes adjusted, I winced at the sad attempt and flipped to a new page, restarting. It was calming me down. Soothing my nerves. Drawing my attention away from… what I’d done.

            I pulled out my phone, glancing at the time. I’ve missed a class already. But it won’t matter. I’m good at catching up… I’ve been doing it a lot since I got to this school, having ditched a bunch of classes.

            I’ll probably just end up ditching for the rest of the day. But obviously, we can’t have me do that, now can we? Because the gods of the universe hate me and pretty much send Kai to me right when the bell rings for the next class. Ever used the abbreviation “FML”? Well, I’m gonna use that right now. FML.

            “Sunhi.”

            I only nodded, acknowledging that I heard him.

            He sat down next to me, noticing my sketchbook. Kai paused for a moment before asking, “You draw?”

            “Yes.”

            “Since…?”

            “I stopped after my father passed. I’m starting again.”

            “Blunt today?”

            “Yes.”

            “Why?”

            “Don’t really want to talk,” I muttered, switching my pencil for a thinner one.

            I could see his nod as he relaxed himself, leaning his head against the wall and stretching out his legs.

            “Go to class.”

            He turned to face me, smirking. “Don’t want me here?”

            “Not really.”

            “Then I’m staying.”

            Since when did he become so stubborn? Is he trying some sort of new tactic now? Weird. But he was never normal, was he?

            For a while, the only sounds were of my sketching, a few casually placed lines here and there, some shading, etc. But then I noticed Kai’s careful gaze on me, watching me draw. It wasn’t uncomfortable. But like I said before, weird.

            “When are you going to explain your new hair cut?”

            I sighed. Why couldn’t he be blunt and just ask who did this? Or get to the question that he really asks? At least Sehun was blunt. And now, why am I thinking about him?

            “Explain?”

            “Sunhi… I know something other than the bullying is bothering you. Yeah, it’s not hard to tell that you’ve been bullied today when you came to school with even hair and a flawless face. But something else must've happened.”

            I nearly laughed at his subconsciously made compliment. “What else could’ve happened?”

            “Why don’t you tell me?”

            He knows me too well, now. After a month, he already knows me so well.

            I set aside my sketchbook and pencil. “You’ve never been bullied right?”

            He hesitated, but that was long enough for me to say, “No, you haven’t. Everybody loves you too much.”

            “I’ve been bullied.”

            My eyes shot towards him, though I kept my shock mostly hidden.

            “But it was a long time ago. And not as bad as yours. A few taunting words here and there. It stopped after my friend helped me out. That was when he used to be taller than me… and the majority of kids.” He smiled. “Wish you could’ve met him. He’s at college right now. I think… you two would’ve gotten along well.”

            I nodded. So he understands a small, miniscule bit. “But why were you bullied?”

            He shrugged. “Just like everyone else who’s bullied. Didn’t fit in. Where I went to school, not that many kids loved dancing. Hell, nobody did but Taemin and I.”

            Taemin?

            “Ah… Taemin’s my best friend I was just talking about.”

            I nodded.

            “Will you tell me what else happened?” His voice was soft. Almost convincing. But… sorry Kai, not today.

            “Maybe some other time.”

            “Alright… even if it’s the middle of the night, I’ll listen, okay?” Kai smiled playfully.

            “Okay…”

           He then stood up, offering me his hand. I hesitantly took it, allowing him to easily pull me up onto my feet. “Let’s go to class. Grab your things.”

            I quickly gathered my things and followed Kai out and in through the back entrance of the school. Why do I feel like I'm a puppy all of a sudden? 

            “We’ll be late, but it’s better than not being there at all, right? What’s your next class again?”

            “English.”

            “It’s in the opposite direction… but I’ll see you later.” He waved as I walked towards my class. I waved back and he smiled.

            I really dread when I have to tell him that I cut again.