Heungroo's POV

Okay, I managed to stop our little make out session for now...Namsoon actually thinks I fell asleep, right? Aish, this boy...what the hell was I thinking though? What's wrong with me? First getting all mad because of the issue with Jihoon, now even claiming he is mine, kissing him...Ah, why is this happening? All I wanted was to have my best friend back and now I was in a situation like that. Namsoon loved me? Namsoon...actually loved me? My heart was still racing, just thinking about his innocent confession made me all excited again...but it shouldn't. That wasn't the way it was supposed to be. No way...but still...

Of course I didn't sleep at all that night. Namsoon was still sleeping soundly beside me, so I decided to take this chance and leave for now. There was still a lot I had to think about. I left him a small note, remembering his habit of getting all worried when I left his side suddenly even if it was just for a few minutes. He usually worried a lot about being alone. I took a glance one last time at the sleeping beauty and left.

On my way to school I tried to figure out my feelings. Did I like Namsoon? Of course I did. Did I love him? Well, I did. As a man or as a brother? That was what I didn't know. I really grew fond of him back then, and even know, though all those bad things happened, I still wanted him to be by my side. Thinking about it now this was rather selfish. He loved me, he really loved me. It must've been hard for him all the time. But he still wouldn't let go of me. It was a nice feeling to be loved like that, though I didn't want to hurt him even more. I really made things worse. I kissed him...more than just once... he must have hope for us to become a couple....a couple...I sighed. I couldn't even tell if I would hate or love to be closer to him. My mind was a mess, so were my feelings.

I saw Namsoon and this noisy girl walking into the classroom. He was so distracted that I decided to make him flustered a little. I quietly approached him, gently patted his shoulder and whispered into his ear with a seductive voice “Good morning, Namsoon-ah.” His face turned red immediately and I couldn't help but smirk. Such a cutie.

During lesson I secretly watched Namsoon staring at me, trying to not to make it obvious ...cute.

As years before, we were eating lunch together, not talking about the incident yesterday. I was thankful for that. I honestly didn't know what to reply if he started to question my actions, so I was really glad he acted like nothing had happened...like nothing had happened. Hm, somehow, that was just as weird. Didn't he want to talk about it after his crush kissed him? Aish, what was I even thinking anyway.

We talked like that until Jungho suddenly dragged Namsoon out without saying anything. That weirdo. However, I could understand him. He just tried his best to help Jihoon, even though it hurt himself. It was so cruel to watch him suffer like this, unknown, unrequited love...Jihoon that fool was totally clueless........he was just like me, wasn't he? I didn't notice Namsoon's feelings either...even assumed he loved Jihoon. But who wouldn't when I found them making out in the restroom! ...right...they did make out...but why? Was Namsoon really that desperate? It bothered me.

Namsoon was feeling down, he felt like he was a bad person, but he wasn't. So I told him exactly that. I didn't expect him to hug me afterwards. No...I really didn't expect it at all. My whole body tensed as soon as I felt his arms around me and my heartbeat increased.

“Yah...what's wrong?...people are watching...” I tried to sound as calm as possible.

“Sorry...” he whispered softly.

“Don't apologize...just let go of me...” My face was slightly turning red.

“Sorry...”

“Saekki-yah, just let go...they are all watching.. what the hell is wrong?” I lowered my voice. People would notice as soon as they saw us that it wasn't just a hug between friends...

“No...I can't... I love you so much...I don't care if I'm a bastard, I can't let you go...”

Aish, he really was a bastard...this cute kitten. How could he say such embarrassing words so easily? What was he even talking about? He can't let me go? Of course he could! He just had to loosen his grip and step back...maybe he meant he couldn't stop loving me? …......... no way! ….maybe he actually did. Aish, what to do?

“Namsoon-ah.. let's talk somewhere people won't stare at us, okay? ...You don't have to let go.” I said these words without thinking about it. They just left my lips so easily that it felt right. He didn't have to let go.

Namsoon finally let go of me slowly and looked at me with this innocent eyes again. “Sorry..I overreacted.”

“It's alright. Let's skip classes. I don't want to see teacher Kang anyway.”

He nodded in agreement and we left school. Because my noona was at home, we had to go to Namsoon's, so we did. I hesitated to go on, remembering what happened the last time, but there was nothing to be afraid of. It wasn't like I hated it...well I initiated it in the first place.

The kitten went and made some ramyeon while I quietly sat down and waited. He put the pot on the table and we were quietly waiting for the noddles to be ready to be eaten. However, I hated this silence and I still had a lot of questions. It might have been a little rude to ask him directly, but before I thought too much about it the question had already left my lips.

“So, why did you make out with Jihoon in the first place?”

Namsoon was slightly taken aback at the sudden question.

“Uh...how should I say...I...uh...” he was avoiding eye contact and sighed. “Honestly, I thought it might help to forget you so our friendship wouldn't suffer because of my unrequited love. Jihoon told me he liked me and said I should at least try to forget you and that I can “use” him. I just wanted to save our friendship...but I didn't feel anything at all and I just felt like I betrayed myself..that's it.”

Again. He was saying he did something for me again. Like he always did. Always thinking about me first, no matter what. What to do? My heartbeat increased again. This boy was unbelievable. I didn't know if I should be touched or if I should for his stupid ideas.

“So...you felt different when you...made out with me?” This time I avoided eye contact. How could I ask such a thing?

“Of course!” He answered immediately, which made me blush a little. This kitten was way too straight forward today.

“But don't be bothered. I didn't want you to know in the first place. However, you know now, but I don't want you to behave differently because of it. I'm still your friend. I won't do anything weird to you so...please don't treat me weirdly now..”

Mwo? He suddenly sounded so worried again. I wasn't going to treat him differently nor would I leave him. Namsoon must have been worrying about it all the time. Even now. Always. I wanted to say something, but what? “I won't you treat you differently”, “I won't leave you”, “You don't have to let go of me”. And if he was going to ask “why”? What should I say?

Namsoon smiled slightly. “Let's eat before the noddles get all soggy.”

I nodded and we both ate quietly. I hated this situation and if I didn't reply anything, it would stay like this forever. I really had to think about it, I had to give him a proper answer. Namsoon deserved it. How many years has it been since I met him? 5? I couldn't even remember. I got so used to him being by my side that I never gave it to many thoughts. But if I thought about it know, because Namsoon was by my side, I felt at ease, I had fun, I wasn't alone. And even after that incident years ago, we are still back together again. Why? Because we need each other. Because we were both incomplete without the other. Having someone like Namsoon by my side, I could be glad, and I was. This person even fell for me. Was it weird? Somehow, I didn't mind it at all, except the fact that I might have hurt him even more all the time. Shouldn't I feel honored to be loved by someone like him? No matter how strange it was to suddenly know your best friend loved you, no matter how strange it was that we had the same gender...I didn't want to hurt him, I didn't want to lose him. I really cared for him. Right, I did. And I loved him..the kiss and all...it didn't feel that bad either...who was I trying to trick? I liked it. But was it this kind of love I felt? I still didn't know. But I finally made a decision.

“Namsoon-ah...”

He looked straight into my eyes. “Hm?”

I got up, went around the table and sat down beside him again. “Stop worrying so much, will you? Didn't I kiss you first? Why are you so scared?”

“I just don't want to lose you again. I don't need you as my lover, but I need you as my friend. Just because my body and mind are all confused I don't want to ru-”

I couldn't listen to his stupid jabbering anymore, so I sealed his mouth with my own. It worked. Namsoon was quiet immediately. I brought up my hand to gently caress his cheek with my thumb for a second before moving back off slowly and looking into his wide open eyes.

“Will you finally stop? Stop worrying, stop holding back. Just be my boyfriend, Saekki-yah.”

Namsoon was so surprised that he even dropped his chopsticks. His eyes were about pop out of his head, his mouth was slightly opened as if he wanted to say something, but no words were leaving his lips. Before he could start jabbering again, I gently placed my lips on his again.

I still wasn't sure whether I loved him as a man or not, but what I knew for sure was that I didn't want him to suffer anymore like Jungho, just because I couldn't figure out my feelings. I loved him, I didn't mind kissing him, so why not giving him...giving us a chance?



 

because i was really happy that everyone waited, I finished another chapter asap! so i hope you will like it :D ~