Namsoon's POV


My heart was beating fast, my mouth was dry, my body was trembling. Someone saw us...someone saw us...

"Hey..calm down..it's not that bad.." Jihoon tried to calm me down, but miserably failed.

"It's not that bad?! Michyeosseo?!"

"..Namsoon-ah.."

"It was a mistake. I should never have agreed to it." I said and hurried to get away from him. I felt horrible. Just the thought of someone seeing us was embarrassing and terrifying. The worst thing was that I hated myself for being weak, for betraying myself, indirectly betraying Heungsoo...Again, I wanted to throw myself away. Scared, I went into the classroom, noticing Heungsoo's bad mood right away. Was he the one seeing us...no...no.....please not.. I sat down, feeling my body trembling more every second. I had to talk to him, no matter what. So, I planned to walk him home and talk to him then, however, Jihoon interrupted as, saying he needed to talk to me. I was uneasy. Heungsoo's sharp gaze met mine and it made me feel even worse. I wanted to say something, but he already headed home, leaving me behind. 

"Namsoon..we need to talk about earlier..."

"Did you see how he looked at me?! ..You said it would help our friendship, but it obviously made things worse!.." I felt tears welling up. He had been smiling at me...he had been joking with me...he had been by my side again. And now? He seemed to be distant and angry again. I hated it. I hated me. 

"I really didn't know it would turn out like that...I don't want you to-"

I cut him off. "Forget it, it was a mistake. Sorry, but I can't - and don't want to- do that."

These were my last words. I dragged myself home, hating myself even more with every step I took. Somehow, Heungsoo was angry at me again..he might have seen us, or he might just be angry because I let him wait too long and such...I didn't know. I just knew it was my fault. And Jihoon. He was just trying to help me, maybe taking a little advantage of the situation, but who wouldn't? First I was weak, tried it out, made him hope and then just left him behind. I must've hurt him, too. I really didn't deserve any love at all. Finally I arrived at home. I slipped off my shoes, dropped my bag and went straight to bed. I wanted this day to end as soon as possible. The emptiness, the self-hate, the loneliness were killing me, but I couldn't give in now. No matter what, I had to talk to Heungsoo again. I finally had made up with him, I couldn't give up!... I'm alright...I'm alright...I'm alright.

The night was horrible. I didn't sleep at all. The sun hadn't rose yet, but I still got up, took a quick shower and prepared for school. Without eating anything I went to Heungsoo's place, I needed to talk to him. I couldn't bear it anymore. It was cold, I didn't mind. I waited for an hour until he finally came out and looked at me surprised. However, he just passed me without saying a word....my heart skipped a beat, my chest tightened. It hurt. it hurt like hell. My body moved on its own as it hurried to get a hold of Heungsoo before he was too far away.

“Heungsoo-yah…are you mad?...” I asked him, my voice was quiet and shaky.

“No.” Cold reply.

“Of course, you are. I can hear it…I’m sorry…I really wanted to walk home with you, but Jihoon needed to talk to me…” I tried my best to not stutter, to explain.

“None of my business. As you see, I still live though I went home alone.”

Tears were welling up in my eyes. I quickly grabbed his wrist. “Heungsoo! …I don’t know why you are that mad at me now…but please…don’t be like that, hm? I apologize…so…don’t be mad at me…please.”

I couldn't look at him, too scared to be told to get lost, too scared to be hated, too scared to lose him once again. A sigh left his lips. "Alright. sorry, I'm just mad in general."

He reached out and ruffled my hair like he used to do. My heartbeat increased and my lips immediately formed a smile of relief. So..he wasn't mad at me?...what a relief. I felt better, still feeling guilty though. We went to school together. Just as I thought things could go well today, Jihoon stood there, obviously waiting for me again. 

"Guess he needs to talk to you again." Heungsoo said sarcastically and went ahead, making me feel uneasy again. No..he was mad at me...and why did he say it like that? Did he knew...? 

"Namsoon..."

"What? .. I really don't want to talk about that anymore."

Jihoon looked sad and again, I felt worse. "I know...I -...let's talk about it in a more quiet place...everyone can listen."

I nodded and we went to the restroom. Usually the students didn't go to the restroom before break, so we would be alone. We went inside and there really was no one in there. However, we were still worried due to the accident yesterday and stood close to each other to speak quietly, so no one would hear.

Jihoon continued what he wanted to say earlier. "I just wanted to apologize...I should've never suggested something like that...it seemed to bother you even more now and...I'm really sorry..."

"..let's just never talk about it again, okay? ..I'm sorry for making you hope..."

"Ani..I wanted it, so it's alright. I just hope you and Heungsoo won't fight because of it..."

I couldn't reply and just tried my best to give him a small smile. 

"Don't worry too much...though I still don't understand why you love him so much..he's so cold to you and always looks like he wants to kill-"

"Don't say that." I cut him off with a biting tone. "Heungsoo really did a lot for me. He is a nice guy. He has every right to be angry or hate or even kill me. But he didn't do much. Though I feel sorry for you..if you dare to insult Heungsoo then you'll have me to contend with, Jihoon-ah."

He stood there, dumbfounded. He seemed like he wanted to say something, but there were no words leaving his lips.

"Whatever, let's go to class."

I went ahead, he followed me immediately though. I just hated this day. Heungsoo avoided me at break, but I REALLY needed to talk to him again. Teacher Jung noticed that something was wrong and told me she would talk to Heungsoo after the lesson and that I could wait for him. At least I was a bit lucky today. So I did as she said and waited in the classroom. However, my eyelids were heavy due to the lack of sleep and I decided to close them as long as I had to wait. After a while I heard him coming in, but I didn't want to open my eyes. 

"Go Namsoon..." he whispered my name. A shiver ran down my spine instantly as soon as I heard his soft, deep voice. I decided not to reply, I wanted to hear it again, and I did. My heartbeat increased just from listening to his voice calling me. A great feeling. Suddenly, my heart skipped more than just one beat. Heungsoo was caressing my cheek out of nowhere. Omo..what is he doing....

"I'm sorry.." he whispered again. 

My whole body was trembling, my heart was about to explode. Eotteokhae?...I want to hug him...I want to ki-......Blank. I could swear I heard a long bleep in my head, like when someone died and the machine was telling you that. Heungsoo..he had just...kissed me. Because I thought I might have died or slept I opened my eyes in an instant, just to see that he was really in front of me...it wasn't a dream. Somehow, all my bad feelings were melting away, leaving butterflies behind in my stomach. But I saw how confused Heungsoo looked at pretended that I was asleep. What to do, I was so happy. I didn't even care why he had kissed me...he kissed me!!! What else did I need to know?!

Things went well from then on. I took the chance and asked him to eat ramyeon with me together, and he agreed. We went there, meeting Jihoon, but more or less ignored him and finally had some time for us. I was really happy. We even took a photo together. I secretly made a few more of him. Because of all the fights we had, only now I noticed how much he had grown up and changed. Back in time, he was also really handsome and such...but now he was just...hot. Really manly. Now I felt like years ago I was just innocently in love with him. Though I wanted to kiss him, it wasn't the same feeling as now. Now I just wanted to.. well. I didn't even care what he did with me I just wanted him to touch me more and feel his lips more. After two pecks I was already so addicted, I didn't want to know what would happen if he kissed me for real...anyway, I was thinking too much about that. It was just an innocent peck, shared my friends. It wasn't that unusual. I was just hoping too much. 

We wanted to go home as we saw it was raining heavily. I didn't mind that though...a wet Heungsoo... I slightly blushed but shook my head immediately to get rid of these thoughts. I suggested him to go to my home since it was closer, he agreed. We ran through the rain and I enjoyed the feeling of it. However, it changed as soon as I saw that he was in pain - because of me, because I had hurt his leg. I felt bad in an instant and slowed down. Though he told me I shouldn't look that sad and guilty, it as hard not to when I felt horrible. Still, I wanted to try my best to fulfill his wish and we continued to walk home. We both froze suddenly as we saw Jihoon waiting in front of my house. Again? what the-??!

"Does that guy never leave you alone? Annoying, he's almost like a stalker!" Heungsoo suddenly burst out.

I was surprised, I could understand him though...but I also felt a little bad for Jihoon, who just tried to help me all the time. "It's not like it seems, I guess he's just worried and tries to-..."

"Are even protecting him now?!"

"...Heungsoo-yah..what's wrong with you?.." I began to feel nervous.

"I saw you making out with him a few days ago!..and since then the guy is following you like a stalker! That's not how a relationship should be!"

My eyes widened and I gulped. ...he really saw us...oh god..this is horrible...what to do...how should I explain that... I stuttered, tried to reply while my body began to tremble. "I-it's not like it seems.. I...he..."

"Do you love him?"

I froze. "W-what?.."

"I'm asking you whether you love him!?!"

No, I don't...but...I can't tell you the truth, Heungsoo-yah...don't be like that... please...

"Heungsoo-yah..what's wrong..? I don't know why you are so mad but..it's not like it seems..I don't love him and..I...don't be mad..please.." I stuttered and couldn't bring myself to look in his eyes. I was scared to be found out. My body felt so heavy, i thought I would collapse any second.

He whispered something, replying me. However, I didn't understand what she said. 

"M-mwo?..."

Again, my heart skipped a few beats. Heungsoo suddenly reached out and brushed my hair behind my ear, caressed my cheek gently. I looked in his eyes for a second, but like my body, my gaze was unsteady. How did he expect me to react to him being like that? Was he torturing me? I enjoyed his touch way too much. How was I supposed to hide my feelings like that? My body began to move on its own. I closed my eyes, leaned against his touch, getting lost in his touch. 

"Don't do that..."I managed to whisper. Don't stop...

And then, I felt his soft lips pushed against mine once again...

because of the great response i got for the last chapter, i felt like writing another one today! though i should prepare for my exams....

so this is the last chapter for the next days! xD don't make me write another one tmr! 

again, thank you all for reading, commenting, subscribing and even voting!!! i feel like crying when I see the great response to this story ;___; soo THANK YOU A LOT!!!

hope you like this chapter and continue to comment, subscribe and vote ^___^!