Namsoon’s POV

I couldn’t remember when it happened, but after crying for a while, I just fell asleep. I dreamed of the past, how I went to the hospital and Heungsoo’s house, looking around the school area several times, trying to find him, hoping for him to appear, though I knew he had already moved. But no matter how many days had passed, I had never seen him again. I had locked myself in my room, not eating, not sleeping, not going to school, crying. I had spent my days like that. Back then, I really wanted to die. However, I told myself that I had to live to see him again, to apologize and beg for forgiveness. When I woke up on the next morning I felt this fear of Heungsoo leaving again as soon as I opened my eyes, but then I saw he still sat beside me. Oh, he’s still beside me…he really didn’t leave. It made me happy and sad at the same time. I was sure he didn’t get enough sleep because I made him sit uncomfortably…However, he didn’t seem to be mad. He must’ve stayed by my side the whole night, holding my hand…

“Morning…” he said suddenly.

“Morning…I’m sorry…you should’ve woken me up.”

I scratched my head and sat up, hesitantly glanced at him. He was just about to stand up.

“Where are you going?” I asked, immediately grabbing his wrist so he couldn’t leave.

“We have to go to school, Saekki-yah. I’m not going to leave you behind, so quickly wash up. I need to wash up, too.”

“Oh…school…I forgot” I smiled awkwardly and let him go, feeling a little embarrassed now. I stood up and went into the bathroom, got ready for school, thinking about yesterday again…I still felt his hand holding onto mine gently, lending me his warm shoulder…Who had ever thought that he would take care of me again? Happiness. The feeling I felt for the first time in 3 years. Anyway, I had to hurry a little, didn’t want to make Heungsoo wait so long. After he washed up, too, we hurried to school and luckily weren’t late. However, Teacher Kang headed us off in front of school.

“You two coming to school together, what a rare sight.”

Heungsoo quietly sighed, he seemed annoyed. I just knitted my brows, not really understanding what our homeroom teacher wanted.

“Well…I hate doing this, but teacher Jung told me to talk to you guys, so…don’t fight anymore, mh? …Aish, this homeroom teacher thing is really annoying.”

What the…?

“We already made up.” Heungsoo replied bluntly.

I was a little surprised about his reply. And teacher Kang seemed to be equally surprised. “Is that so?”

“Yep” I smiled happily and bowed before following Heungsoo, who already went ahead. I couldn’t help but grin, thinking about how naturally he had said we made up. It was a good feeling.

“Ah, so you can still smile” Heungsoo suddenly said, not turning around.

“Uh, now I can.”

“Saekki…” he mumbled and speeded up.

“Yah, let’s go together!” I chuckled, couldn’t hide my happiness even a bit.

Break came unusually fast today, I wonder why. However, I was glad and of course, I followed Heungsoo around all the time. We ended up in the canteen and he sat down at an empty table, began to eat without me. I hurried and sat down across from him, so I could glance and him now and then. He looked at me and gave me an artificial smile and I just smiled back happily.

“Eat.”

I started to eat, but after a few second Heungsoo sighed and dropped his spoon. I looked at him a little confused.

“Aish, sit over there.”

He pointed at a table where our classmates sat and observed us, chatting bewildered. I hadn’t noticed that before, but honestly I didn’t really care anyway. I turned back to Heungsoo, shook my head and pouted. “Don’t want to.”

“Because it’s awkward, Saekki-yah.”

“Bear it. You said we made up. Try and bear at least something like this.”

I smiled brightly and continued to eat. A sigh left Heungsoo’s lips before he ate again, suddenly reaching out and ruffling my hair. “You are still stubborn, Saekki-yah.”

My heart skipped a beat. He was touching me…like back then…My heart began to beat faster and I felt my cheeks burning. I bit my lower lip for a second, trying to hide all the feelings that suddenly made a mess of me.

Break was almost over and I had to use the bathroom for a minute. However, as soon as I stepped in, someone suddenly shoved me against the wall. I was startled for a second, even more when I saw that person was Jihoon. He looked at me with a serious expression and took a few steps back.

“Are you that happy about your reunion with Park Heungsoo? You can’t even stop smiling.”

“Yes, I am.” I answered honestly, but knitted my brows. What does he want?

Jihoon hissed and slightly shook his head. “Namsoon-ah, how do you think you’ll manage to stay by his side?”

“What do you mean?”

“Come on, you could have written “I want you to me” on your forehead earlier. He just touched you lightly and you were obviously enjoying it so much.”

“Yah, that’s not what I wanted! Why are you even observing us?!” I was angry and embarrassed at the same time.

“Because I like you, of course. And because I’m jealous, but that’s not the reason why I wanted to talk to you…sorry. Actually I’m worried about you.”

I decided to say nothing, was a little touched by his honesty towards his feelings.

“You see…Does Heungsoo know you like him? It’s going to be hard to pretend you don’t love him.”

A sigh left my lips. “Jihoon-ah…thank you for worrying, but I never expected anything from Heungsoo, and I’m alright with “just” being friends.”

“But what if he finds out? Will he just accept the fact you love him? It’s going to be weird.”

Don’t know…I really didn’t know. But I didn’t want to think about it either. Right now, I was finally happy again and I didn’t want to ruin it with my selfish feelings. I’d do everything to prevent Heungsoo from finding out.

“What do you expect me to do? Leaving him right after I got him back? Never.”

“No, but you should think about a way to prevent him from finding out. I don’t want to see you sad again…even though that bastard is the reason you smile.” He mumbled, seemed to be jealous again.

I sighed once again and rubbed my temples.

“Don’t you want to feel loved, Namsoon-ah?...” Jihoon suddenly asked.

“Mwo?”

“I mean…you love Heungsoo, but he doesn’t love you like that…did even have your first kiss yet?”

What the-? I hissed. “That’s none of your business.”

“Namsoon, at least try to love someone else, try to be loved. I’m not saying you should abandon Heungsoo…just try to fall in love with someone else. It would help your friendship, too...”

What he said wasn’t wrong…though Heungsoo said he didn’t mind me being gay…if he found out that I actually loved him, it was a whole different matter. Maybe he would feel disgusted…now I was worried. No matter what, I didn’t want to lose Heungsoo again…

“Why don’t we try it? …I love you and I wouldn’t force you to do anything you didn’t want.” Jihoon suddenly approached me slowly.

“W-what?” I stuttered.

“Just try it. If you don’t like it, we can stop it.” He moved up his hand and started to caress my cheek with his thumb, making me even more embarrassed and confused as before. I gulped heavily, not knowing what to do. On the one hand I didn’t want to do it, I wasn’t even close to Jihoon…but on the other hand maybe it would help…and if that meant to keep Heungsoo by my side, I should at least try it, shouldn’t I?

“Relax, Namsoon-ah” he whispered, slowly leaned in, tilted his head and pushed his lips softly against mine. I froze instantly. Jihoon gently moved his lips, still caressing my cheek equally gently. Hesitantly, I slowly closed my eyes, tried to get into the feeling. I lightly started to move and push my lips against his, slowly, slowly getting used to the feeling. Because I felt weird just standing there, I wrapped my arms around his neck. The kiss wasn’t bad. The feeling of being kissed itself was really nice. However, it felt like only my body approved the physical contact, but not my mind. I remembered the night when Heungsoo had kissed me to calm me down. Though it was just a small peck, it felt totally different. My lips burned, my legs trembled, my heart beat fast and I thought I’d pass out any second…well I did, but that wasn’t caused by the kiss though. However, right now my heartbeat didn’t change at all and I felt perfectly fine. I somehow even felt sad that my real first kiss wasn’t with Heungsoo, but that wasn’t going to happen anyway, so I shouldn’t regret now. We slightly deepened the kiss until suddenly the door was slammed. I was startled and backed off immediately. We looked around, but no one had come in…who was at the door? Did this person see us…? Oh my god, what to do? …

sooo let me know your opinion please! while writing i was like "omg they are going to hate me; what are ou writing; yah, namsoon seems so pathetic now x_x" ...though i tried to make it good i feel like it's not <_<...

anyway~~~ next chapter is going to be heungsoo's pov :D 


AAAND!!! thank you for all the votes and subs and comments omg ;____; so happy!!!!!! Happy Easter everyone!