It’s never easy.

Junhyung knows it’s never easy because everything ends—everything ends and everyone leaves but the memories are here to stay. They’ll be here forever whether he wants it or not so it’s never easy to forget them especially if they are happy ones—especially if they are the ones that is so strongly etched in his mind that almost everything he does reminds him of it.

But he tries to push it all away to the back of his mind far far away where he can't find it because even though they are filled with happiness (happy, happy and it's been so long since he's felt happiness like that), it reminds him of now and it forces him to make a comparision and what ends up usually involves a lot of regrets and guilt on his part and emotional suffering on the others because an unhappy (sad) Junhyung happens to be a naggy one as well.

He pushes it away and builds up a protective shield (carries the bricks and piles them up one by one before cementing them together) so they'll never reach him again.

He supposes that being busy is the best way because if he works—if he pushes himself just that much harder to write more lyrics and produce more songs—he wouldn't have time to think of things he doesn't want to think of and the wall would become that much stronger and he would be safer.

But it won’t always work. It doesn't always go the way he want to because he's not a builder—he doesn't know how to fit the bricks in the pattern that makes them the strongest or which brand of cement to use so when the weather isn't good and the wind gets faster and rougher than usual—

The memories would be strong enough to break down the wall.





The first push happens right after he opens his eyes.

He opens his eyes and the walls tremble because thunderstorms are cruel—they come in the form of Yang Yoseob screaming and jumping in circles and popping the party poppers because he thinks today is worth celebrating.

“Oh my god.” He jumps onto the bed (onto him) and holds the rapper’s head between his hands and shakes them left and right. “Yong Junhyung—oh my god—why are you still asleep?”

Except Junhyung thinks birthdays aren’t worth celebrating.

Especially when it's his own.





He looks into his schedule and sees dance studio being scribbled in the evening slot.

He walks to the living room and smacks Kikwang in the head.

“What—” The younger turns around and stares.

"Our new song is still in the middle of production." Junhyung raises his eyebrows. "Why would we have a new chereography to learn?"

The younger instinctively speed walks to the kitchen and pushes Yoseob who was sharing a bag of chips with Dongwoon.

“I told you he won’t believe it.” He pushes him one more time before pulling the bag of chips away from Dongwoon’s hand because the maknae is not supposed to eat unhealthy food.

Doojoon walks out the toilet just in time to see a mountain of chips on the ground with a ripped bag beside it and Dongwoon screaming in agony because now no one gets to eat and Yoseob is trying to convince Junhyung that the schedule is true and that scribbling is definitely not Kikwang’s handwriting because Kikwang’s one is uglier than that and he assures that there isn’t a surprise party being planned while Junhyung is ignoring him and trying to wear his shoes and opening the dorm’s door and Kikwang pushes Yoseob again because his handwriting is not ugly.

Hyunseung walks pass the commotion and crosses over the pile of chips on the floor to the refrigerator before taking a bottle of water out and crossing the pile back and walking into the bedroom.

Doojoon wonders why CEO thinks he’s capable for the leader position because he obviously can’t handle it.





Junhyung spends the first half of the day in the studio writing and being disturbed by a phone that never stops vibrating with notifications because apparently, everyone else is spending too much time with Yoseob and got influenced into thinking that birthdays are actually worth celebrating over.

It’s a little harder today. It’s harder and the bin gets filled with crushed paper balls even faster because the strong winds kept tearing the wall down layer by layer—faster than he can build them back—and the memories slips pass the slits, reminding him of what his birthdays used to be—what it could've been if he weren't so stupid back then.

They are all good flashbacks—it’s all about happiness and surprises and his close friends and his love ones (and the person he would've been able to spend forever with if he wasn't so stupid)—except he doesn’t want to remember them.

Why would he want to if it’s something that won’t ever happen again?

The door opens just in time and his manager comes in and tells him that Doojoon called and he’s now supposed to chase Junhyung out the building because what the hell is he doing here when it’s his birthday?

Junhyung thinks he should probably catch Yoseob and put him somewhere far away from everyone else.





He decides to go back to the dorm and sleep the day away because that’s obviously the best way to celebrate his birthday (it’s not worth celebrating).

Except when he opens the door—

The second last layer of the wall peels off and crushes onto the ground.





The light flicks on and there was the same screaming—the same people with the same table full of presents and a cake—and everyone is happy for him and with him.

It’s not something he wants to celebrate—there’s nothing to celebrate because birthdays happen every year and his birthday is especially nothing important because it’s not like his birth saved the world or anything.

Yoseob apologizes that it would’ve been a better surprise if this was held in the dance studio where he spent an entire 6 hours last night decorating with balloons and banners except Kikwang’s ugly handwriting spoilt the whole plan and—

“My handwriting is prettier than yours.” Kikwang protests.

“No it’s not prettier than mine.” Yoseob takes the empty party popper from Sohyun’s hand and throws at him. “Remember the girl you had a crush on from the class beside ours during high school?”

“And the love letter you asked me to give to her?” Yoseob adds. “She looked at me and asked me what the content was.”

Kikwang widens his eyes.





Junhyung hears a tiny laughter and looks to his right and finds Nicole standing next to Hyuna.





“I—what—no I didn’t—she—yah.”

“I think—” Yoseob stuck his tongue out and points his finger towards Kikwang face. “Your handwriting was too stupid, that’s why you didn’t succeed.”





He sees her holding her stomach and laughing and Hyuna is pushing her because she needs to calm down and she tries to stand up straight and takes a few deep breathes and she tries to look away from Kikwang and Yoseob and—

She meets eyes with him.





Kikwang stutters even more and pushes Yoseob and the vocalist hits the table and he shouts and scoops the cream from the cake with his finger and smears it onto Kikwang’s face.

Doojoon sees Hyunseung throwing his empty party popper into the bin (and walks pass the cake fight into the kitchen and picking up his bowl of salad) and spots Dongwoon in the far corner ripping open a bag of chips and grinning to himself and he wonders what kind of heinous crime he committed in his past life to deserve all of this.





Nicole stops laughing and looks down to the floor.

Junhyung sees her reaching into her bag and taking a wrapped box before placing it on the table together with the other presents and runs out the dorm.





He doesn’t know why—because this isn't what he's supposed to do—but he runs out after her.





He grabs her hand and turns her around.

Junhyung doesn't understand why Nicole's eyes are watery.

“Sorry.” She whispers. “I know you don’t want me here. I already told Yoseob that I shouldn’t because—”

And it gets confusing and ridiculous because—

“Why are you apologizing?”

He sees the other staring back in the same confusion and he breaks out into laugher.

It's not funny—it's not supposed to be funny—he doesn't know why he's laughing but he knows it has nothing to do with Nicole. It obviously has nothing to do with her or her (cute) confused face.

It's obviously not because of Nicole, right?





“Look—” Junhyung stops laughing and smiles and doesn’t understand why this is happening—doesn’t understand why he forgives so easily (he never was angry in the first place) but he’s too tired to think—too tired to wonder or understand.

Today is his birthday and there's nothing to celebrate but at the very least, he’s allowed to do what he wants right?

And what he wants to do now is just, really—

“—everything that happened, it’s all in the past. Just forget it okay?”

He doesn’t want to think why—doesn’t want to wonder.

“What? You mean—like—” Nicole blinks a few times.

Because it’s not like he can find the answer even if he tries.

“Yeah.”

He’s sure there isn’t an answer anyway.





When he comes back to the dorm, only his bandmates were left.

"Oh, you're back." Doojoon says and smiles before turning back towards two-fifths of the group who was cleaning the cream off the floor.

One-fiftth is eating his salad in the kitchen.

The last one-fifth is throwing an empty bag into the bin and his fingers in happiness.

He walks straight to the table full of presents and rips open a certain box.





He laughs and takes her hands into his and rubs them together.

"I'll buy you gloves." He smiles and looks at her.

"But for now—" he removed his own gloves. "Wear these."





Junhyung slips his hands into the knitted gloves and feels the wall receiving one last shake before cumbling down into pieces.





Forgetting the past is difficult—it’s even more so if it's something good and something that can never happen again.

But it’s still a good memory after all.

It’s still a good memory and honestly, Junhyung never wanted to get rid of them.

He can't anyway.

A/N: Just a note, if you want to read the part where I wrote about Junhyung's birthday a year ago, you can go to chapter 20 of the first story. The small flashback close to the end of this chapter was taken from the story too, that is if you have super memory and remembers that T^T

Enjoy ^-^

@dnakaram oh my god I miss you too T^T

@SHieMa I'm glad I don't have final projects because I hate doing them T^T. Are you serious about the screaming part omg o_____o I'll probably share them with only you because no one else would be interested anyway.. ^-^

@iamapetite I'm sorry T^T

@shineekey Yes yes so go on guessing ^-^ I miss you too! And thank you!

@SeaTurtle Thank you! It wasn't actually that awesome for me because I didn't know much of their songs so I agree with staying loyal to Junhyung ^-^ (Taecyeon stripped as well oh god #ignoremetoo)

@ChickenLover I don't mean it literally, just a metaphor. Ohmagod I know right, I enjoy reading too. And update your story! I know many people is waiting for it ^-^

@Hequella He's so pretty I can never stop wondering why.. T^T

@JLover1822 I'm glad too! ^-^ Yeah I agree with you, so thank you for waiting! Omg really? But I'm not good at writing more than one couple in a single fic.. we'll see :)

@f_mama I heard your prayers.. we'll see about that ^-^

Thank you everyone! Have a nice weekend.. ^-^