Everyone tells Nicole that she’s too gullible.

She’s heard it countless of times. She’s heard people telling her that it’s easy to fool her in the past and it’s even easier to do it now so she should trust less and question more.

Everyone says that but they don’t know how it feels. A person without memories is like a new sponge. People will start to pour water and tell her things and they go on and on and on because they are anxious and she needs to know because how can she forget?

But a sponge can only do what it does best—to absorb everything it can because it doesn’t know how to differentiate between the good water molecules and the bad water molecules.

Nicole doesn't know how to.





It’s a surprise.

It’s a surprise and it’s not something she anticipates because they already came the day before to visit. Yoseob and Doojoon and Dongwoon and Kikwang and Hyunseung and Junhyung were here yesterday and it’s already more than what she asked for—more than what she deserves anyway because she’s a horrible person—so she doesn’t expect that kind of undeserving treatment to extend any longer than a day so it’s a surprise when she wakes up to find someone asleep on the chair next to her bed.

In all honestly, out of the six of them, Nicole probably feels most apologetic to Yoseob. He was the one that makes her feel that coming here was worthwhile. All of them makes her feel that way, but Yoseob does it best. He does it best and he does it the right way so hurting him is like discarding the umbrella that shields her from thunderstorms.

She doesn’t deserve it. She doesn’t deserve all of this because she’s terrible and—

“Deep in thought?” Yoseob looks at her and smiles.

Smart umbrellas would move on and find better people to protect from the storms and sun.

Nicole hopes Yoseob will stay stupid forever.





“The doctor says that you have to finish the antibiotics.” Yoseob walks in with the discharge papers and medicine while she stuffs her clothes into the bag. “He says you need plenty of rest and more regular meals so we’re going for lunch right now.”

“Lunch?” Nicole looks at him confused because Yoseob is an idol and idols are supposed to be busy so why is he—

Except her bag had been picked up and she was pulled out the ward at the same time.





“You don’t?” Yoseob widens his eyes in surprise and sweeps the snow to the side of the pavement with his feet.

“Yeah, I don’t.” Nicole kicks even more snow into the pavement.

“Yah—you.” He pushes her and kicks it back to the side. “Why not?”

“They don't look nice.”

“What—no—they look nice. And you used to really like them.” Yoseob gives up on the snow and hooks their hand together.

“No I don’t.”

“Yeah you do.” He laughs and spins them around. “You like the snow so much, you even made Junhyung like—” Yoseob pauses and chews on his lips.

Nicole stares.

“I mean—you used to throw snowballs at Junhyung.”





Nicole knows that it's not Yoseob's real intention. She knows it's not so even though she wants to continue being treated this way (the way she never will be good enough to deserve it)—even if she wants to continue being cared for—if Yoseob is forced to do it just because he feels sorry, then it's wrong. 

“You don’t.” She stares and stabs the rice with the chopsticks repeatedly. “I mean—Just because I’m sick—You don’t have to be guilty or anything.”

Silence.

Followed by a series of laughter.

“Yah—yah.” Yoseob stuffs another spoonful of meat into his bowl. “The rice may look ugly, but it did nothing wrong, don’t abuse it like that.”

“Yoseob-ah.”

“I heard you.” He places a few pieces of meat into her bowl. “I don’t feel sorry, so it's not out of guilt.”

It's wrong and she doesn't understand why because Yoseob's too kind-hearted for his own good but she's selfish so until then—until he realizes that she isn't worth it—

“You know.” Nicole wrinkles her nose in disgust. “Now that you mention, the rice do look kind of ugly.”

Yoseob laughs again.





“You?” He sits on the other swing. “You like to take pictures, like to jump around with me, like to slap Doojoon in the shoulders, like to giggle with Dongwoon, like to compare heights with Kikwang, like to tell Hyunseung that he's pretty, like to get piggybacks from Junhyung.”

“Piggyback?” She raises her eyebrows.

Yoseob retreats and pushes himself forward. “He always says that you are heavy, but whenever you jump onto his back, he doesn’t really let go.”

“He hates me, doesn't he.”

The vocalist swings even higher and laughs. “He would probably kill me for letting you stay out here in the cold for so long.”

“I'm scared—” Nicole pauses. “—that I'm never going to remember.”

He stops and looks at her. “You eat ice-cream even when it’s winter, but you like hot chocolate with marshmallows too. I can tell you everything that you want to know, and past memories are nice. But we can always create new ones—we can create even better ones.”

“Yoseob-ah."

“Come on—” He pulls her up and drags her off. “—we should probably buy Junhyung some presents.”

“Presents?”

“It’s his birthday tomorrow.”

“Wait—what—really?”

“Yes. And you’ll be coming along.”

“No—the doctor wants me to rest well and—” Nicole widens her eyes. “Wait—wait so I’m not alone? The past me thinks that Hyunseung is pretty too?”

Yoseob stops. “How is that not alone?”





Nicole is gullible and she doesn't deny it.

But even so, she wouldn't want to ever change because bad water molecules might be bad, but it's still something.

She would rather believe everything—even if some of them might not be true—because it's always better than having nothing to believe at all.

I'M SORRY T^T. I had an unplanned hiatus for two months because I was having my finals and I honestly thought that I would be able to at least update a few chapters but it turns out I overestimated myself OTL. But finals have ended, which means that I've graduated from high school (sobbing hard because I'll miss it) and I have almost a year worth of break from now to wait for my results + apply for universities.

I miss everyone oh my god. I miss reading fics, I miss writing, I miss reading comments and replying them so please keep them coming because comments make me happy. They always make me happy ^-^

(This is totally irrelevant but I went to 2PM's hands up concert and MAMA and omg Hyunseung and Hyuna's kiss or whatever the hell it looks like asdjghghakakdjdj anyone who went and wants to spazz with me, feel free to do it OTL)

I'm also flying off overseas in 4 hours time so I won't be able to sign in for the next 9 days (unless the hotels have wifi) but I promise I'll write.. since I have 2 international and 2 domestic flights to take altogether so I have all the time in the world to do so T^T

I didn't proofread this chapter and it's short I know so I'll probably edit it when I come back but I don't want to delay any longer so there you go, do comment!

Shoutout to @SHieMa because bb, your last comment made my day ^-^

@Hequella I know right OTL I love Hyunseung so much (and even more after Touble Maker)

@ChickenLover I guess I read too much these days that's why OTL. Goo Hara is nice, but Junhyung deserves someone better in my opinion "/ I'LL READ YOUR SEQUEL WHEN I COME BACK BB PLEASE WAIT FOR ME.

@Yannna Thank you for commenting! Your name looks new to me ^-^

@SeaTurtle There'll only be one ending, but I'm still deciding which one it is. OMG I want to write more Hyunseung especially now since Trouble Maker is making a lot of trouble to my bias list T^T

@Protagonist  ME TOO ^-^

@yume9111 THANK YOU OMG SO UNDESERVING ^-^

@JLover1822 OMG your comment. Thank you so much, I'm already receiving really a lot of nice comments so it's more than what I deserves. I can't write Hyuna as a bad girl, it's just. I don't see her that way at all. THANK YOU REALLY ^-^

@shineekey I need to plan even more surprises. You smart person. I love you too <3

@f_mama I'm torn too bb I know how it feels T^T

@SHieMa I love you times a trillion gazillion omfgah (did you read the shoutout I gave you on top). I promise I'll write more diligently from now on ^-^

Thank you everyone! See you in 9 days OTL I hate planes.